The Distance In Between
by sunflowersongs
Summary: Edward Cullen, a Union cavalry officer during the Civil War, is found wounded and healed back to health by Bella Swan. Perhaps something even more precious is found in the process.
1. Prologue

**Something new dears. I know I said was going to give up writing, but then this story came to me and I had to write it down. It's set during the American Civil War. This story will cover the years 1863-1866. Thank you to Rhi for taking on this new fic, and helping me name it. You're awesome and I love you. Thank you to V for pre-reading, love you, too. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

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**The Distance In Between **

**Prologue**

**August, 1865**

I'd been walking for near two weeks, sometimes catching a ride on a wagon if I was fortunate, ever south, ever towards my goal.

I hadn't heard from my family, my mother, father or sister in a year. Perhaps they were dead. I hadn't heard from _her_ either, but then I hadn't expected to.

I glanced up at the almost noon day sun. It was hot and blinding, burning my face and neck. Not for the last time did I wish I still had my cavalry officers hat. Its brim would have afforded me some protection from the relentless August sun.

I, too, missed my horse, Nightshade, fallen at the Battle of Kelly's Ford here in Virginia. I still remembered the look of terror on her face when she'd taken that Confederate bullet and fallen. Even in the midst of battle, I had whispered her good-bye and God speed and quickly slit her throat. Bullets were precious. They were saved for killing men. The un-named cavalry horse I'd been given after I returned to the fighting was just a horse. I'd left him at Fort Mifflin for some other fool that had decided to stay in the army and not return home.

The Battle at Kelly's Ford and my wounding there was what had brought me to her. Perhaps it had been fate. I wasn't sure, but now that the war was over, I was headed to the one place on earth I longed to be.

The war, that wretched blight on mankind was finally done. The North had won- _we_ had won- but so much had been lost. So many lives, so much goodness in the world, so much innocence. For a whole generation of people, it was forever gone. Even good Mr. Lincoln, our President, the binding force that had held our union together by sheer force of will, was gone, taken by an assassin's bullet.

Perhaps all was lost. Perhaps the past, including my life before and my family, is lost to me as well. Perhaps even her. But then, she'd never really been mine.

My grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in two days. I shook my canteen, but found it barely made a noise. I was going to need fresh water, if nothing else. I paused and listened closely, hoping to hear the sound of rushing water. There, off to my right. I prayed it wasn't far.

It was hard going off the road and onto uneven ground with my crutch under my left arm. Nothing for it, I was thirsty. Water was at least something in my belly.

As I worked my way through the trees and underbrush, I constantly swept my eyes back and forth for any signs of potential nourishment. A squirrel, a rabbit, a berry bush, anything, but the woods were quiet, as if sensing my approach, all the creatures had hidden away. I made it to the small stream and awkwardly sat down beside it, laying my crude crutch on the ground. My leg injury was paining me something awful, I was certain that my left leg would never be right again. My feet were a hopeless lost cause of blisters, calluses and pain from my boots that were nearly worn through from long wear and the endless miles I had trekked in them.

I shrugged. I had survived much worse. Blisters and calluses and an empty stomach were minor inconveniences after you'd lived through battle, bloodshed, been shot twice, and suffered another near mortal wounding. I had known pain and survived it. It would take more than blisters to finish me off.

It was tempting to pull my boots off and soak my feet in the cool water to ease my blisters, but I was afraid that if I took my boots off, I'd never manage to get them back on, especially not on my bad leg. I contented myself with dipping my hands in the water and splashing my face and neck. The soothing water ran down my neck and under my shirt and jacket cooling me a bit. I wetted my hair as well, enjoying the feel of the rivulets of cool water running down my scalp and into my face. I was filthy and should have tried to bathe myself, but the boot situation was too much for me to handle alone.

I grabbed my canteen and filled it with water, drinking gratefully, and then laid back in the grass, resting for a few moments before I got started back on my journey. I was no more than twenty miles from her, an untold number from home. The tug of both of those- the first more than the second- was a powerful pull.

I heard a noise to my right and quickly turned my head to see a rabbit chewing on some vegetation. I was hungry. I wanted that rabbit. Stealthily, I sat up, sliding my knife out of my boot; I aimed at the hare and threw. My aim was true; I hardly ever missed.

Happy to have a meal in my near future, I built myself a small fire and skinned the rabbit, setting it to roast on a spit. As it cooked, I spied a bush of blackberries and hobbled over to it, greedily shoving some in my mouth, closing my eyes at the burst of flavor on my tongue. I ate three handfuls and then decided not to be a fool and to save the rest for my trip. I opened my satchel and pulled out a kerchief. I picked every last ripe berry, carefully tying up my treasure and tucking it in a pocket of my satchel. I then hobbled back to the fire to check on my dinner. Finding it done, half burnt on one side, barely cooked on the other, I found I didn't care. I ate part of it and left the rest to cool to take with me.

Grateful that I had found food and water, I collected my things and headed back out to the road. The journey harder this time for my body wanted to rest there in that idyllic spot I'd just found. I shook my head. I only rested when it was too dark to see anymore and then was back up at the crack of dawn.

Now that I was free, all I longed for was there to the southwest, almost calling my name. Her with a beloved freckled face, a prickly nature, a dry sense of humor. Her with a look of disapproval on her face. Her with her quick mind and sharp tongue. I grinned at the memories. She was a woman who knew her own mind. As I walked, I dwelt on her eyes. Surely the biggest brown eyes ever seen on a woman. I could just picture her now: she'd see me, cross her arms, and say, "You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

My steps after those thoughts were quicker and lighter. The next day, I came upon a farmer coming the other direction with a decrepit old wagon and even more decrepit looking old nag. He struck up a short conversation with me and offered me some apples, which I took gratefully. Apples. They'd forever remind me of her. I had a small amount of cash on me and offered him payment which he refused.

I thanked him and then told him I was headed to the Swan farm. He sent me an odd look.

"You family?" he asked me.

"No."

"Well, old Farmer Swan don't allow no visitors, Yankee. You best just change your plans."

"I can't." I had to see her face one more time. Nothing on earth was more important than that.

"Well, don't blame me, soldier, if he runs you off with a shotgun. I did warn ya," the farmer said and snapped the reins, barely rousing the nag, but apparently she chose to go and lumbered forward.

"And Miss Swan?" I called out as he drove away.

He snorted. "What you be wantin' with her? Like I said, best just mosey on home, son."

I stood there and watched him drive away, wondering what had happened in the time I'd been gone. Two years could change a lot of things. Charles Swan hadn't exactly been the most social person when I had stayed there being nursed back from my battle wounds, but he hadn't been chasing folks off with a shotgun either. At least the farmer had just given me a gift. Bella was there. She still lived with her father, so she must have still been unattached. Foolish hope bloomed inside of me. Did she still wait for me? Did I deserve that?

Another two days of walking, my rabbit and berries gone, I was down to six apples. At least it was food. I doled them out sparingly and hoped for another rabbit to catch. That evening I spied a campfire in the distance and warily approached it.

"Private Walker? Johnny Walker?" I asked in amazement as the freckly face youth leapt up in surprise.

I remembered him. I had dismissed him a silly youth first time I had laid eyes on him. He had done much to disabuse me of that notion, but still, his eagerness and youth had been annoying to me at the start. I was only six years older than him, but felt a lifetime more aged.

"Colonel Cullen? It's good to see you, sir!" He snapped to attention and saluted.

I saluted him back with a grin. "At ease, Private. The war is over. I'm not your commanding officer anymore. Mind if I share your fire tonight?"

He relaxed and rapidly nodded his head. "Sir. Yes, sir. I mean, yes," he said with a grin.

"Thanks." I worked my way down, sitting with a happy groan to be off my feet.

"Those boots are all but gone, sir."

"I know. And you don't have to call me 'sir' anymore, Johnny. Call me Edward or just Cullen."

"But, sir…"

I shot him a look that had been making Privates quake in their boots for years.

"Sorry, sir- Ed-Cullen!" he said quickly with wide, frightened eyes.

I chuckled and pulled out my canteen. "Anything to eat?"

"I caught two squirrels. You're welcome to both, s-, uh, Cullen."

"One will be sufficient. Thank you for sharing, Johnny. I have an apple for each of us as well." I dug one out of my bag and handed it to him. "So, tell me where you're headed. What are you doing in Virginia?"

"Well, I'm from here, over near the West Virginia border."

"But Virginia seceded from the Union. Why didn't you fight for the Confederacy?"

"I don't hold with no slavery. No man should own another. God created all men equal in my eyes. Once Mr. Lincoln issued his proclamation, I felt it only right I go off and support it. A man has to make a stand at some point in his life. Too bad I signed up so late. I just missed Gettysburg," he said in regret.

I was quiet for some time. How foolish of me to dismiss his youth. This young man had character and strength of conviction most full grown men could only wish to obtain. Thank God he missed the horror that was Gettysburg. I was sure if he had been there, we wouldn't now have been having this conversation.

"How did your family take it?"

He shrugged. "Ma and Pa weren't too happy with me, and my brother and I ended up in fisticuffs over it. He took off in anger to fight for the South, and I headed north. At least Hannah understood me and supported me fully."

"Who's Hannah?"

"She was my sweetheart. Hope she still is when I get back home. She has strawberry blonde hair and freckles on her nose and the sweetest voice, like angels singing. She let me kiss her before I left," he said with a grin and a furious blush.

"Good for her. I wish you well there."

"Thank you, sir."

"So tell me about home," I urged him, glad to hear another's voice. I leaned back against a tree and nibbled on my apple, making it last as long as I could as he talked. He offered me my cooked squirrel, and I gratefully tore into the stringy meat. After we finished our squirrels, with my encouragement, he started telling his story again.

He spoke of his hometown and of his ma and pa and his sweetheart named Hannah. He talked of his plans to start a newspaper and be a publisher, get married and raise a family. I watched him talking, his hope for the future and his youth a balm to the soul of my battered, older, and wiser self.

He had come in at the end of the war. He never saw and lived through the horrors that I had. Gettysburg alone had been enough to irrevocably change a man. I wished I still had his optimism and dreams, but that had been crushed out of me under the weight of command and the carnage of war. All I had left in me was the hope that I woke up each morning and got through that day.

"Am I boring you, sir?"

I sighed, but didn't correct him this time. "No, not at all."

"If you don't mind me asking, sir, what are your plans? Where are you headed?"

I picked a tall weed of some sort with a round stem and stuck it in the side of my mouth, slightly chewing it as I pondered. What _were_ my plans?

"I don't rightly know my plans, Johnny. Maybe farm a bit and raise me some cows and chickens. I'm ready for a peaceful life."

"I understand, sir. Did you leave a sweetheart back home?"

I slightly chuckled as I shook my head. "Back home? Naw. Lucky you to have your Hannah to return home to."

"Yeah," he said with a smile and a far-off look in his eyes, clearly thinking about the girl back home.

"So where is home? You never said where you're headed, sir."

That was a very good question.

"Well, my family lives in southern Pennsylvania, that's where I grew up, but as to where I'm headed…" I pointed my finger south. "That way, right here in Culpeper County, only about five miles now."

"And what's that way, sir?" he asked, his voice full of curiosity.

I thought of a pair of big brown eyes, a beloved freckled face, and felt the smile upon my lips. "My heart."

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**Thanks and let me know in the review box please.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	2. What is found

**Thank a million to Rhi for her beta work and thank you all for showing support for my new story. As always, I'm quite simply blown away by your kindness.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

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**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 1: What is found**

**Dawn, March 17, 1863  
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I raised my head and surveyed my men. I saw the nervousness and fear on some of the younger privates' faces. Scared was okay. Scared was good. Only a fool didn't feel fear. It was the only thing that kept a man alive sometimes.

I kicked my horse and rode along the line inspecting my men. I shot a couple of them who appeared bored a look, and they snapped up straight in their saddle. I nodded and rode on. I met Col. McIntosh's eyes and saw his right jaw tic. We knew what was at stake here today.

The Confederates had outperformed and outmaneuvered us at every turn. Now that the Union cavalry had been reorganized and retrained under our new commander Maj. Gen. Joseph Hooker, it was time to see if we could hold our own for once.

Maj. Gen. Hooker had assigned our second division to the command of Brig. Gen. William Averell who was spoiling for a victory. Today would be the first test against the Confederate Maj. Gen. Stuart's cavalry that had been trouncing us left and right due to our lack of training and experience. The embarrassment of constant trounces and retreats had worn us all down. We needed a victory. No, we required a victory. It was a must.

I pulled my horse Nightshade up beside Col. McIntosh's and Col. Duffie's. McIntosh and Duffie were the commanding officers, along with me, over this rag-tag band of volunteers.

I glanced over at them. "I've got some real green ones."

"They'll do," Duffie replied as he turned and spat out some tobacco he'd been chewing.

I nodded. I settled into my saddle and began to dwell over in my mind my orders and considered the Confederates we'd be facing commanded by Brig. Gen. Fitzhugh Lee. Perhaps 800 to our 2,100. I liked those numbers; the odds were in our favor.

It would be an interesting match-up. Lee and Averell had been close friends when they attended West Point, and this had become personal. I had to grudgingly admire Lee's gall at leaving the taunting note for his old friend. "_I wish you would put up your sword, leave my state, and go home. You ride a good horse, I ride a better. If you won't go home, return my visit, and bring me a sack of coffee_."Averell had been both amused and rightly ready to throttle his old 'friend.'

I shot my eyes to Averell, sitting on his horse, a pensive look on his face. He was not happy with the way this Virginia campaign had been going. Not only had he been unable to stop Lee's cavalry raids, he'd managed to lose 150 prisoners to Lee. Maj. Gen Hooker was furious with him and threatened him to either put a stop to the Confederate cavalry's raids or he'd relieve him of his command. Much was at stake here.

I shivered and pulled my coat closer, as a chill March wind blew over us in the early morning hours. The order was given for us to move forward, and I kicked Nightshade, beginning our advance. Not much went right for us once we reached Kelly's Ford on the Rappahannock River. Three times we tried to cross, but were repulsed under Confederate sharpshooters. Finally, Averell sent out 20 men of the First Rhode Island Cavalry and forced our crossing. It took near an hour and a half to get the rest of us across that swift moving river under sharpshooter fire, but with minor casualties, we rode on.

Lee got word of our surprise crossing and sent 800 men forward to meet us at about two miles northwest of Kelly's Ford. Averell positioned us with Duffie's brigade to the left in a woodlot, McIntosh's to the middle, and my two regiments of regulars behind a stone wall to the right.

I was told to maintain my position, hold the right, and that's what I would do. The fighting started, and I felt myself go into my space in my head where all my focus was on the scene before me. The 3rd and 5th Virginia Cavalry hit us hard, but we held, the Confederates unable to find a weak spot. The battle raged on, and we actually were repulsing the advance mostly from our carbine fire and shelling and much more favorable position.

Knowing Averell's fighting style, I figured we would pull back soon and awaited new orders so I was shocked to see Duffie's men charging forward. We had not gotten such orders to charge. I looked to McIntosh's brigade to find him and managed to locate him by his hat. We met glances across the distance, his just as shocked as surely was my own.

McIntosh shrugged and held up a hand, saying he was staying put. I nodded and bit my lip._ What should I do? _My orders were to hold as had been Duffie's. I watched as Duffie's men pushed back the Confederates and realized we could take the day if I put my force of men behind him. But to do so would cause me to directly disobey my superior. I closed my eyes for a moment and got my head on straight. I wasn't in charge here; Averell was. I decided to obey my orders and stay put.

I told my men to maintain position as I kept my eye on Duffie. I shook my head in grudging admiration. That damned fool. Either he was the bravest man alive or the most foolish to take on Lee's cavalry with just one brigade and incur Averell's wrath for disobeying in the process.

Lee's men tried to push back against us, but had to fall back in the face of superior numbers and artillery fire. It was getting up in the afternoon, and we and our horses were wearing out. I had felt the battle, if not a victory for us, then surely an impasse. We were holding for the first time against Confederate Cavalry. That was a turning of the tide.

A private yelled me a question, and I turned to answer when I heard the zinging sound and felt a strange pinching in my shoulder blade. Another zing and Nightshade stumbled hard and fell, tossing me to the ground. I laid there, bewildered. What was this? I blinked and tried to focus on what just happened.

My eyes fell upon Nightshade rolling back in forth and knew she was in terrible pain. I crawled to her and realized when she'd fallen from the gunshot wound, she'd broken her leg. She was done for. I placed my hand on her neck and painfully told her goodbye before pulling out my knife and, with tears in my eyes, gave her mercy so she wouldn't suffer anymore.

I began to feel strange. I looked around at my men still fighting; one looked at me with wide eyes and pointed. I glanced down to see my coat being soaked by blood. I looked at my red fingers. _I've been shot. I'll be damned_. I reached up and felt the hole in my coat. I prayed the bullet had gone on through.

I managed to stand, looking for a free horse since mine was lost to me and grabbed one that had belonged to Private Anderson. I looked over at him lying in the dirt, his eyes staring sightlessly to the sky, and knew he wouldn't need it anymore. I grabbed the reins and somehow managed to pull myself back into the saddle, tucking my left arm against my side. I ignored my wound and rode along the line, checking for casualties besides Anderson.

I never saw the Confederate sharp shooter that sent a bullet through my left thigh and into the horse's flank causing it to rear up and take off in a mad run through my men, past them, away from the fighting. I felt myself slumping over in the saddle from the blazing pain. I heard several men shout my name, and one tried to stop the horse, but he was not to be stopped. He madly ran forward like the wind, his frightened neighs never ceasing. I just tried to hold onto my consciousness and the saddle as he flew over the ground, his long strides eating up the earth below us.

He ran and ran as my world became dimmer, and it was all I could do to stay my seat in the saddle. I was losing a lot of blood and didn't have the strength or the will to try to stop this horse. He tore through the woods, on and on until finally a low branch knocked me clean from the saddle and onto the ground. I rolled in agony until I came against the trunk of large tree that stopped me.

I just lay there gasping for air, the pain near unbearable, and realized I was probably going to die. This was it. Oddly, I wasn't afraid. I did have some regrets. I wished I had loved a woman. One that would have also held my heart until I could have returned home to her. I wish I had married such a woman and had children. Simple things, but now at the end, they seemed the world to me. I stared up at the sky through the bare branches of the tree, made my peace with God, and then closed my eyes. It was time to let go.

I felt a shaking and opened my eyes to an angel hovering over me. She looked like a cross angel. It figured I'd get a mean one. But those eyes. I just gazed up at large, smoky brown eyes with gold flicking out from the pupils, streaking the iris', almost making her eyes glitter. Wondrous eyes. Eyes to pierce a man's soul. Had this angel come to judge me? That frightened me, for I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my sins from such eyes that looked at me so directly and seemed to see all.

"Forgiveness?" I rasped out.

I saw a line appear between her eyes and her lips purse in disapproval. "As if I can be giving you redemption, Yankee. That's between you and our Savior. But you do have a choice; you can die here or come with me. Make your choice."

"I'm not dead?"

"Not yet."

"Who are you?" I asked in bewilderment and confusion. I wasn't dead?

"I'm no concern of yours. You want help or not? Choose, Yankee. I can walk away from here and let you rot against this tree, but if you choose to live, I'll help."

"Why?"

I studied her plain face. Other than her eyes, this woman hadn't much to recommend her. She looked as if she had permanent disapproval stamped on her features. Ah, a shrew most likely, but a shrew that was willing to help if I was willing to ask.

She looked down and placed her hand over my wound on my shoulder and then inspected my leg. I just watched her. Her brunette hair was pulled back almost painfully tight from her face into a neat bun. Her body was very thin, her dress old and worn looking, but she looked clean. Everything about this woman screamed neat, orderly, and clean. I slid my eyes up to her face. Her profile was quite pleasing, actually. Too bad she was so plain from the front.

I suddenly knew I wanted to live. Just seeing a woman, even one such as her, made me realize I wanted to live.

She looked back to my face and shrugged. "It's the right thing to do. Yes or no? I've got chores to do."

"Yes. Please."

She nodded and whistled. That God forsaken horse that had run with me and knocked me off the saddle came trotting over to her.

"You'll have to help me get you on the saddle. There's no way you can walk with that leg."

I nodded in agreement and tried to sit up, but the stars swam before my eyes. I heard her swear, and then she was behind me, pushing on my back, helping me sit. I closed my eyes for a moment, surrounded by the scent of apples. What was that? Was that her?

"Apples," I rasped out as I gasped for breath from the pain.

"What?"

"Apples," I repeated.

She didn't answer, merely got up and began to rip long strips from her petticoat and tie up my leg wound and then best she could around my shoulder, under my arm.

"Ready?" she asked.

I girded myself for the pain and curtly nodded.

She tugged on me to pull me up. She wasn't gentle, but it worked. Between the two of us we got me standing and leaning against the tree, which I grasped and held onto lest I fall and we have to start all over again. She grabbed the horse's reins and pulled it next to me. I tried to mount, but the agony from my leg made me pass out, and I slid to the ground.

Next thing I knew, I had come to with the world upside down. The lazy plodding of the horse I was draped over was still agony to my wounds, and I nearly moaned with every step. The horse halted, and she appeared in front of me. All I could see was the bottom of her dress and her scuffed boots.

"You awake? We're almost there. You weigh more than you look, Yankee," she muttered.

I couldn't manage speech at the moment and closed my eyes, thankfully falling back into unconsciousness. The next time I awoke I was in a bed, an actual bed, and arguing was going on somewhere close to me, a male and female in heated debate.

"He ain't stayin' here!" the man bellowed.

"Yes, he is. He's wounded and will die if I don't tend to him soon."

"Good. One less Yankee in the world."

"We're Christians, Father, and it's our duty to help him."

"Bah. Duty. Take him back to the woods and let God or the Devil sort him out."

"You would expect the same kindness for Emmett, would you not?" she asked softly.

There was silence and then a mighty exhale. "Fix him up and get him out of here. We'll be in a world of trouble if Confederate scouts come by here and find we're nursing a Yankee."

"He'll only stay until I'm sure he's healed," I heard her reply primly and then heard her boots walking into the room.

"So you're awake. You best go back to sleep. I'm going to tend to your wounds, and it won't be pleasant."

She spoke so formally. As if she was a school mistress or something. She was so proper, so prim, so contained. Add that to her plainness and unpleasant nature, and I was positive this woman was an old maid. Well, that would explain her permanent grim look.

She got rags and bowls of water ready and began to undress me. That was unpleasant to put it mildly. I was in and out of consciousness as she tried. She finally, in frustration, just took the scissors and cut me out of my clothes, all the way down to my short drawers that covered my privates and down to my knees. I should have felt embarrassment, but I was in too much pain. She just gazed at my drawers for a moment and then carefully began to cut the left leg off, up near my privates. Too near. I closed my eyes and thought of anything on this earth other than a woman close to me there where one hadn't been in so very long.

She finished quickly, thankfully, and turned her attention to my shoulder. She inspected my wound, then shot me a look. "I'm going to clean that now, Yankee. The bullet went straight through, but the wound will fester. Now, the one on your thigh, I think it's still there. I'm going to have to take that out. At least I don't think it shattered the bone. If so, there's no hope for you, Yankee."

I nodded. She was correct. I may still die yet, but if a man must die, I'd say in a feather bed being tended by a woman would be the way to go. Even one as plain as her.

"Edward. Edward Cullen."

"What?"

"My name. I'm Captain Edward Cullen."

"Well, Edward Cullen, best prepare yourself for what's to come. You won't enjoy it," she said matter-of-factly, and then hell began.

I felt her fingers pressing around my shoulder wound and winced at the pain. She dabbed at it, washing away the blood, and then directly met my eyes. "I have some of Father's whiskey here to clean the wound." She handed me a stick. "Here, something to bite down on for the pain." I nodded and took the stick from her, placing it across my mouth. I set my teeth on it and prepared myself. Well, I thought I had. The roar of fire that just ran through my shoulder caused me to moan and jerk my body, wrenching my leg wound. I fell back and gasped.

She lightly pushed on my shoulder, turning me, and repeated the process on my back. It was just as terrible the second time. She kept me slightly turned as she applied some sort of salve and bandaged my shoulder up. She laid me back down and patted my arm.

"Now, that wasn't so terrible, was it?"

I just shot her a look as I spat the stick out onto my chest.

She merely met my look and then got up and got the items ready for my leg. I prayed I passed out for this. I did not want to embarrass myself in front of this woman by screaming like an infant.

As I lay there, she went to the basin and threw the bloody water out the window and then added a small amount of fresh water in the basin and washed her hands. She threw that out as well and then poured more fresh water and brought the basin over by the bed.

"What were you doing?"

She looked at me as if I had grown two heads. "Cleaning. Fresh water, clean hands, those will make a body healthy."

"Our surgeons never wash their hands or use fresh water."

Her lips pursed again, and she shook her head. "That is why so many of you die."

"People don't die from not washing their hands," I scoffed.

She crossed her arms and frowned at me. "You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

I just stared at her, so certain in her statement. The force of her declaration had me indeed believing maybe I didn't know as much as I thought.

"Can't hurt, I guess," I said dismissively.

She nodded and inspected my thigh that was beginning to swell and ache something fierce. She pushed me to roll over to my side and looked at the back of my thigh. "Still in there. It has to come out. My fingers are small, so I'm going to reach in and see if I can find it." She handed me the stick again. "You're going to want this for sure this time."

I swallowed hard and nodded, then chomped down on the stick again, preparing myself for torture. But nothing could have prepared me for her finger digging inside my skin, rooting around for a stray bullet. Horrible sounds were coming from my mouth, but I didn't care. She just continued on as if I was silent.

"Ah. I found it. Still intact as well. That's good. I'll have to work it along your skin until I can get it to the opening and pop it out." I rapidly nodded my head and closed my eyes as she worked the bullet up my leg. By the time she was done, sweat was beaded on my body, and I was trembling and holding back screams.

She made a pleased sound and held the bullet up between her bloody fingers to show me. "Such a little thing to cause so much distress. Now that I've got that out, let me clean you up and bandage you, and then you can rest." She went and washed her hands again and then grabbed a clean cloth and the whiskey.

"You ready?"

_No_, my body screamed. "Yes," I replied around the stick.

She poured the alcohol over my leg, and I came up off the bed, howling. She placed a hand on my chest and shoved me back down. "The worst is over. Salve and bandaging. You can handle that, Edward Cullen."

I nodded and spat the stick out to the floor, then lay there gasping for breath.

"Who are you?" I panted out.

"What does it matter?"

"I like to know the name of the woman who's trying to save my life." I grimaced in pain as she bound my thigh tight, then tied the bandage off.

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Father will be in to help you use the chamber pot, unless you don't mind me helping," she said with her direct gaze and absolutely no embarrassment.

"Your father, please. A lady shouldn't have to deal with that."

"Whoever said I'm a lady? You see a fine dress on me?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, unconsciousness calling me, but I wanted her name first.

"A dress does not make a lady. Good manners and breeding do, and you appear to have both. Your name?"

"I told you it doesn't matter."

"And I'm saying it does." I felt myself drift a bit and shook my head back to wake myself back up. I felt her cover my body with the blankets and nearly sighed in contentment when I realized they smelled like apples. This was her bed I was lying in.

"Apples," I sighed.

"What?"

"The bed. It smells like you. It smells like apples."

"Those wounds must have addled your brain as well, Edward Cullen."

"Tell me, please," I asked softly as I closed my eyes again and sleep tugged at my body.

"Not today," was her reply, and then she blew out the candles, and I heard her boots walk across the floor and out the door.

I drifted into a fitful unconsciousness, dreaming of Nightshade and the terror in her eyes as she lay dying. I dreamed of Private Anderson lying there with sightless eyes and the shock of the bullets that hit me. But then I dreamed of apples, the smell of apples, like a fresh apple pie, warm from the oven and knew peace. My dreams after that were untroubled.

"You gotta piss, Yankee?" an unfamiliar voice close to my ear said, making me jump.

My eyes popped open to find it was daylight, and a man that looked a whole lot like the woman who'd been tending me was scowling down at me.

"Where am I?"

"Oh, I'd say you're some ten miles from where you started."

"The battle?"

"Dunno, but you can't stay here."

"I know that. I need to get back to my division." I tried to sit up and fell back in agony. My entire left side felt as if it was on fire.

"How? You ain't got no horse, no clothes and two bullet wounds. I just meant you can't stay at my house."

"Yes, he can," the woman said as she came into the bedroom. "He's my patient, and I'm tending to him, Father."

"Well, it's my house, and I say he ain't stayin'!"

"Fine. Go find that horse I let loose, and I'll go pack my bags. Get him a set of your clothes, and we'll be gone."

"You ain't leavin' here!"

"And neither is he. Not in this state. Not right now." She crossed her arms as she held her father's eyes.

"Damn it, Bella! You're the most stubborn woman I've ever met, even more so than your dear dead mother. Fine. You keep your patient, but if the Confederates come searching, he's out of here." He stood up and stomped out the door, slamming it behind him.

Bella slid her eyes to mine, arms still crossed and lips pursed.

"Thank you for that. It was good of you to care so much for your patient that you'd defy your own father." I paused to roll her name around my mouth and gather it to my lips. "Bella."

She frowned. "Actually, it's Isabella Swan if you must know. That was my father Charles Swan, and I still don't see where it's any of your business."

"I told you, I wanted to know the name of my benefactress, my nurse, my savior."

She sent me a fierce frown. "Jesus should be your savior, heathen."

I nearly laughed. Was she trying to be funny, or was she really that prim? I suddenly was dying to find out.

"I promise you, ma'am, that Jesus and I are well acquainted, just like any soldier. We keep God close and talk to him daily for we know that each day may be our last."

She nodded and then strode over to me. The woman never walked; she pounded across the floor as if it offended her by being there and was in her way. She pulled back the covers, and I blushed slightly at being almost naked in broad daylight in front of her.

She ignored my body, though, except to unwrap my shoulder wound, apply more salve, and apply fresh dressings. She then inspected my thigh, but it apparently displeased her. She stared down at my puffy pink flesh surrounding the wound and shook her head. She then thoroughly cleaned it again- bitter agony- and then coated it with salve and bandaged it back tight. By the time she was done, I wasn't feeling so well.

"I really need" -I bit my lip and felt mortally embarrassed- "to relieve myself." I looked to the window so didn't have to meet her eyes.

"I can help," she said matter-of-factly.

There was no way I was getting completely naked in front of her. No possible way could I urinate in front of her.

"It's just… please get your father."

She just spun on her heel and was out the door, marching down the stairs, for surely they were in her way.

Charles soon appeared back in the room and, without a word, lifted me sitting to the side of the bed and held me up as I swayed and nearly passed out in agony. When it looked like I wasn't going to fall over, he grabbed the chamber pot and sat it on the floor at my feet. He turned his head away, and I gratefully freed myself and released a blessed stream of urine from my aching bladder. When I was finished, he tossed it out the window and none to gently sat me back down on the bed propped up against the headboard. As soon as he did, he was out the door, not one word spoken to me.

Bella came back with a tray. "I have food and some tea. Not much tea left. No coffee at all." She placed the tray over my lap, careful of my left thigh.

"Water would have sufficed. You can keep the tea for yourself."

"Drink the tea and eat the biscuits I made this morning," she ordered me with a firm look. "There's blackberry jam as well." With that, she turned and marched out the door.

I just stared at where she had left for a moment and then shook my head. A woman like that would give Maj. Gen. Hooker a run for his money. She'd have the U.S. Army whipped into shape in no time.

I sipped my tea and then coated a biscuit in the blackberry jam and bit into it with a groan. The light, fluffy biscuit nearly melted in my mouth. Isabella Swan may have been a lot of things, but a poor cook wasn't one of them.

I finished my meal, and she then appeared as if she'd been waiting for me. She snatched up the tray and left. I found myself drifting back to sleep. I awoke to shivers and the feeling of freezing to death. I had dreamed of fires and heavy snow fall. Hot and cold. Fire and Ice. I blinked my eyes open and tried to figure out where I was.

"You've got a fever, Edward Cullen. That leg wound, it's starting to fester. I was afraid of that." She cupped the back of my head and held a cup to my lips. "Drink this." I gulped at the cool water, soothing my throat as my body was wracked with the shakes. She lay my head back down and just stared at my face for a moment.

"Your hair is too long and you need a shave."

"My apologies, Miss Swan," I stuttered out through chattering teeth.

"If I can pull you through this fever, if you live, Edward Cullen, I'll cut your hair and shave you."

"Thank you kindly, ma'am," I replied brokenly as I closed my eyes. I felt a cool cloth being placed on my forehead, the scent of apples following it.

"You smell good," I mumbled out as sleep was taking me.

"Better than you, Yankee. You need a bath as well."

The question, the _wrong_ question, just sprung out of my mouth. "You going to bathe me, too?"

She was silent for a moment. "If I must," she replied.

I closed my eyes and felt a tremor of lust slide down my body from her words and the image in my mind's eye of her running her hands over me. That made no sense for her to arouse me. This prim, plain, unsmiling woman would probably lay there like a board with a frown on her face the entire time she was under a man. I realized it didn't matter. I would still be hard and ready for her. It would be my mission to get a reaction out of her.

I slightly grinned, my eyes still closed as I replied to her. "Now that's something to live for." I was still grinning as I fell back into sleep.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **

**I'll try not to bog you down with too in-depth history, but some has to be there to keep the story in context of the war and the times they lived in. The battle of Kelly's Ford was a real battle and what is included in this chapter is fact mixed with fiction.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	3. Whispers in the darkness

**Thanks a million to my beta Rhi. Good luck this fall. I know you'll do great! Thank you to V my pre-reader. You both liked the same thing about this chapter and that makes me smile. Love to you both.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. The contents of this chapter belong to me.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 2: Whispers in the darkness**

"…he needs help."

My eyes fluttered open, and I heard distant voices arguing.

"No."

"….but we need the doctor. I don't know how to stop this."

"No."

The voices moved closer to me.

"Fine. I'll walk to town myself and find him."

"You will not. I forbid it."

"_I refuse to let him die_," I heard Bella declare vehemently.

"What does it matter?" I heard Charles reply.

"It just matters."

There was silence for a moment. "What is this, Bella? You care for him? Have you lost your mind? A _Yankee_?"

He said Yankee as if he was spitting out the devil's name, but my attention was completely focused on Bella's answer. _Surely not_, I thought, _surely not_.

She scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Father."

"What is this then?"

"I can't sit back and watch a man die, not if I can save him."

I heard Charles sigh and knew Bella had won her argument. "Fine. I'll go find the doc. Make sure there's nothing here that would show he's a Yankee."

"I already burned his things."

My eyes widened at that. _My things? She burnt my uniform? What of my boots? I have no clothes now? And what about my sword, where was that? What of my personal items in my coat?_ I closed my eyes, regretting the loss of the necklace and book of Psalms that my mother had given me before I went off to war. I regretted that more than the thought of possibly dying.

"Good. I'll be back as soon as I can. Keep the doors locked and the gun close," Charles ordered her in a rough voice.

"Of course," Bella replied.

I heard footsteps go down the stairs and Bella's pounding footsteps enter the bedroom.

"Awake, are we?" she asked as she placed her hand on my forehead. I nearly jumped as something seemed to flow from her hand across my skin. "Still burning up. I sent Father off for the doctor. I'm worried about that leg."

"Please, don't bring trouble here on my account."

She shot her eyes to mine. "You want to die?" She seemed merely mildly curious for my answer.

"Not especially, no, but I do not wish you any harm."

"I can take care of myself, Edward Cullen."

"Yes, I can see that. A more formidable woman I've never met."

She merely held my gaze with her lips pursed.

"That was a compliment."

"_Hrmp_. I have no use for compliments. I have some broth. You think you can eat?"

"I can try."

She nodded and was quickly gone and back with a bowl. She pulled the straight-backed wooden chair next to the bed and sat down, placing the bowl on a bedside table.

"Water?"

I nodded. "Please."

She ran her hand under the back of my head and arranged the pillows to prop my head up. Again, that touch. It was impersonal, but it affected me in the oddest way.

She offered me a cup and I sipped the water, its coolness easing my rough throat. She then spooned soup out and held it to my lips. I managed to get some down before I became exhausted and my eyes started to flutter closed. I felt her hand on forehead again; this time, it lingered before she replaced it with a cool wetted cloth.

"Sleep, Edward Cullen," she ordered me quietly in my ear. I slid into unconscious to the sound of her humming "Lilly Dale_._"

I awoke again to muffled voices, Bella's sounding angry, almost pleading with an unfamiliar man's voice.

"…I refuse."

I heard Bella stomp into the bedroom. "At least tell me what to do!"she hissed as she wrenched the blankets off of me. She unbound the bandage, and the doctor looked down at my leg dispassionately.

"Best I can tell you without someone cutting off his leg is to heat a knife and cut the flesh away around the wound."

"Then what?"

"Clean it the best you can and bandage it up."

"But the leg should come off?" I heard Bella ask.

"No!" I rasped out.

"What?" I heard Bella say as she leaned over me.

"No. I'd rather die than lose my leg."

"But if it would save your life-"

"No!"

"Then I'll do the best I can." She left my side. "What if after I cut off the bad flesh, I cauterized the wound?"

"That would be best," the doctor admitted.

"Then that's what I will do. Thank you for coming, Doctor."

"Miss Swan. Good luck. Here, you'll need these," he said and handed her two bottles before he turned, and I heard his footsteps go down the stairs.

Bella came back over to the bed and absentmindedly placed her palm on my stomach as she stared down at my thigh. I felt her curl her fingers into her palm as if making a fist.

"I _refuse _to let you die."

I closed my eyes from her touch on my bare skin and from the determination in her words. I slowly slit open my eyes and drug my right hand over, placing it over hers, lightly cupping it. She stared down at our hands, no expression whatsoever on her face. I just kept my eyes on her face as I felt her slowly slide her hand out from under mine and step back from the bed.

"I'll get Father to help you use the chamber pot, and then I'll tend to your leg," she said without looking at me, before marching out the door. I just stared at where she had been.

Charles soon appeared and painfully helped me to use the chamber pot and then practically threw me back down on the bed before leaving. I laid there gasping for breath from the near unbearable pain shooting up the left side of my body.

Bella came in and looked down at me with a frown. She adjusted my body to make me more comfortable, and I thrilled to every touch of hers on my skin. I had to get my head back on straight. One woman comes into my life, and my body and mind starts to act the fool.

"I've got the morphine the doctor gave me. He left me iodine to clean your wounds. You ready?"

"Yes."

"Here, swallow this. Let's get the morphine in you first before I start." She put the tablet in my mouth and held a cup of water to my lips. I dutifully swallowed the tablet, but wanted that one to be my last. I had heard the stories and seen the men who'd become addicted to morphine, and I wasn't about to become one of them.

She got fresh water and bandages ready, retrieved a meat carving knife from the kitchen, and built a small fire in the fireplace as she waited for the pill to work. It didn't take long before I began to feel very strange, but good as if floating through the air, and also very sleepy.

"Is it working?" She eyed me in curiosity.

I gazed up at her, her outline soft and wavy, an almost halo around her body. She really was an angel. Had I been calling this creature plain? She was far from plain. I still wouldn't call her pretty, but she was interesting with those eyes of hers and clear, pale skin over a long, thin face. Her nose was actually quite pleasing for a woman, and her lips were forever tinted a dark pink. No, not plain at all.

"Yes, my blazing-eyed angel."

She blinked. "Told you I don't hold with compliments. Nothing more than meaningless words," she said with a frown.

"I shall pay you compliments nonetheless…Isabella Swan," I murmured as I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to a dark room, but still no pain. The world seemed strange. Everything was furtively darting about. The shadows moving and changing shape. It frightened me for some reason.

"Bella?" I whispered into the dark, my voice quivering, betraying my fear of the unknown darkness that seemed to be in motion.

I heard a match strike, and then a candle was lit near me. Bella appeared above me, her face still heavy with sleep, her dark hair in one long, thick braid over her right shoulder.

"In pain, Edward Cullen?" she asked softly.

"No. I awoke to a world that was strange and terrifying. I needed to know for a moment that I wasn't alone on this earth."

She looked away from my face. "All bodies are alone on this earth."

I heard something in her voice that betrayed her coolness.

"Only by choice. We have love of our fellow man, families, friends, lovers to keep us if we are lucky."

"Love is for fools," Bella said with pursed lips.

"Some would say it's foolish not to love. After all, wasn't God's purpose for us on this earth to love others?"

She ignored my words and laid the back of her hand on my forehead.

"Better."

I allowed her to change the subject, though I was most interested in her thoughts on my question.

"The leg wound?"

"I cleaned it and sterilized it. I think you'll live, Edward Cullen, but you'll have a horrendous scar."

"Scars do not matter. Thank you for saving my life again, ma'am."

"I told you I refuse to let you die."

"And I don't think God nor the devil is willing to take you on, Miss Swan. May I have a drink of water?"

I heard her do something, the sound of water being poured, and then she held the cup to my lips. I drank thirstily, trying not to dribble water down my neck. The water tasted funny, though. Bitter and strange.

I laid my head back and just watched her face. Without her hair pulled back so severely and in her nightclothes, she was almost attractive. She turned to set the cup back on the nightstand, showing me her profile in the candlelight, and I realized she _was_ attractive. How odd of me to have thought her plain before. She was so far from plain.

She sat the cup down and turned, just staring at me. I started to get sleepy and realized she had slipped more morphine into my water. I'd have to tell her I did not want any more. Next time I was awake I would.

I began to drift, as if I was floating on a cloud; she was there beside me though, a grave look on her face. Always so serious. I wondered what it would take to make Isabella Swan smile. A formidable mission, one only a very brave man would undertake.

In my dream, I felt the back of her hand stroke down my cheek and her fingertips glide across my lips.

"Apples…soft skin…Isabella…"

In my dreams, it was so dark, but she was there, stroking her fingertips over my chest as if memorizing my features. A line was between her eyes as she followed the movements of her hand, as if she was in deep concentration. In my dream, I closed my eyes and reveled in her touch. I felt her long braid fall across my neck as her soft lips met mine in a fleeting kiss.

In my dream, I slid my right hand up and held her shoulder, trying to keep her close to me, wanting her femininity and familiar scent near. I realized that scent of apples I always smelled around her came from her hair as it tickled my jaw. I sighed and held onto this dream, never wishing to leave it as her lips briefly met mine again.

As quickly as that, she was gone, and I fell back into the darkness, alone this time but content to know she would find me again in the midnight of my dreams.

I awoke to blinding pain. Pain radiated from my shoulder and my leg wound to the point I felt I would not survive. I moaned as I tried to shift my body into a more comfortable position. The fire. The burning. The pain. Surely this was hell on earth.

"You need more morphine," Bella said as she walked into the bedroom with a breakfast tray.

"No," I gasped out as I tried to shift my left leg a bit. "No more morphine."

"But the pain-"

"I do not wish to become addicted." I fell back on my pillow, wondering how I was ever going to get through this. The pain was just too much.

"You need the morphine. Look how much pain you're in. Just a small amount won't hurt. I'll be careful. Please, take some for me, Edward Cullen." She steadily held my gaze.

I looked away from her. Had she not said please and asked me to do it for her, I would have told her no again, but I found myself unable to deny her request.

"A small amount. Only when I'm in extreme pain like now. For you, I will do this."

I watched her carefully put a tiny amount into my cup of water, and then she held it to my lips. I drank the bitter brew down, all the while remembering my dreams from last night.

I looked at her with new eyes this morning. Sometime over the past ten or so hours, I had begun to see Isabella Swan differently. I no longer saw her as prim, shrewish, and prudish; I saw her now as neat, decisive, and contained. Traits to be admired. She was a woman not easily flustered nor prone to silliness. A woman to stand by a man's side, one that he knew he could utterly depend on, even with his life. Isabella Swan would never let a person down.

I looked over her appearance this morning and noticed that though her hair was pulled back severely, she had made the bun on the back of her head into an intricate arrangement. Add that to her scent that mingled of good things like apples, vanilla, and cinnamon, proved she was a woman with at least some vanity.

I skimmed my eyes over her dress this morning, a nicer dress than I'd ever seen her in, a pattern of different shades of blue plaid on white with light blue lace trim. She looked good in those colors. Like a real lady of the manor. Like she was ready for a man to promenade her around town to show her off proudly as his own.

"You look most fine this morning, Bella."

She shot her eyes to mine and frowned.

"I told you I would compliment you as I wished and I will. That dress suits you. Those colors suit you, your hair looks nice, and you smell good."

"Bah. Pretty words. Trivial and meaningless. Are you hungry?"

"For your food, yes. You're a fine cook, Miss Swan."

She shot me a look, clearly displeased with all my compliments. I almost grinned. I wondered what she would do if I did. Probably turn and march out the door. I refrained, but someday soon I would smile my best at Isabella Swan.

I was feeling slightly drowsy from the morphine, and that floating sensation started again. If she hadn't fed me, I would have never have managed it by myself. She offered me some more tea and then bade me rest as she checked my bandages.

"I dreamed of you last night," I murmured as she unwrapped my thigh. She paused for a second and then continued on.

"Your dreams do not concern me, Edward Cullen," she replied curtly, never meeting my eyes.

"Even if they were of you?"

She turned and directly met my gaze. "Especially if they were of me."

"Are you not even the least bit curious?" I asked.

"No."

She turned and grabbed the iodine and clean bandages. She made busy with my leg and then turned to my shoulder. She was all business as she cleaned and re-bandaged me. She then almost roughly grabbed the covers and yanked them over my body as if my being mostly naked offended her.

"I'll bring Father in for you to use the chamber pot, and then you will sleep, Edward Cullen."

"Yes, ma'am. Hopefully I'll dream again of you." I couldn't help the faint grin I felt upon my lips.

I closed my eyes, awaiting a reply from her, but not really expecting one. After some time she finally answered.

"I'm no man's dream," she said quietly, and then I heard her footsteps marching out the door and down the stairs.

_Ah, but there's where you'd be wrong, Isabella Swan_, I thought. _You've worked your way into my head so firmly that even as I sleep I think of you and dream of your touch and hear your voice._

Much later, I awoke in the dark, the burning pain in my leg near unbearable again. I shifted my body, trying to ease the pain some, but just made it worse. I gasped as the tendrils of pain shot up and down my leg, as if every nerve was on fire.

"Here. Drink this," Bella's voice spoke from the darkness.

"More morphine?"

"You need it. Only until the pain lessens up. I'm giving you very little. Just enough to help you rest easy."

I liked these whispered conversations in the dark with her. It was as if she and I were the only two souls here on this earth.

"Only a couple more days," I agreed and drank the contents from the cup she held to my lips.

"Are you hungry? You slept through lunch and supper."

"No. Just sleepy. Tell me a story, Isabella Swan."

"A story?" she asked, sounding startled by my request.

"Yes. I like the sound of your voice. Tell me a story your mother used to tell you before you fell asleep at night."

I heard the scrape of the wooden chair as she pulled it up beside the bed. "All right, if you wish," she agreed, her voice close to me.

"Thank you, Bella."

She was quiet for some time, and I wondered if she had changed her mind, but as soon as I gave up her ever granting my request, she began to speak.

"Once upon a time, there was a young woman. She was an ordinary girl, nothing particularly outstanding about her looks except for two things. She had clear, pale skin like snowflakes, and she had large eyes that her mother said would ensnare any man who looked upon her, but that wasn't true. Her hair was long and thick, but the color an ordinary deep brown. She was slight of stature and quick of foot. She loved to run barefoot through the woods. She was safe there among God's creatures, the hare, the squirrel, the endless wildlife, and the protective trees."

I closed my eyes, enjoying her voice and her words. Clearly this was a story her mother had made up about Bella herself. That made me love it.

"She didn't speak much this girl, but when no one was around, she sang. She loved to sing. She would find a tree stump and stand on it, singing any tune that came to her mind, but especially "Reynardine," her favorite song. The other's her age found her odd and strange and avoided her. The boys found her to be unremarkable and the other girls found her to be too cold for their liking, unwilling to join in on their hateful gossip. She didn't mind. She ran with the deer, she sloshed barefoot through the stream with the fish, she climbed the trees with the squirrels and observed the world."

I began to become uncomfortable. This wasn't a story from her childhood. This was her life she was telling me about.

"Years went on. Her mother, a bonny lass, was lost to her. Her father was a hard man who loved her, but was strict. He didn't care for the running, the traipsing through the woods, the tomboyish behavior and put a stop to it. Her life after that was one of drudgery. Cooking, cleaning, washing, helping with the farm, it became her life, every day exactly like the one before until she thought she might go mad. One day, she rebelled: she slipped out and headed to her beloved woods. She was happy again. She watched the birds, the animals at play, and even sang a long forgotten song."

I was fascinated, hanging on every word.

"But then, he was there, soiling her precious woods, a blight on the landscape. She felt anger toward him. How dare he ruin her day of freedom? How dare he be there? That day of all days."

My heart thumped hard now that she had gotten to me.

"He mistook her for an angel, but that was absurd. No man who'd ever looked upon her face had ever uttered such words. She felt compassion for this man, and she did not know why. She should hate him for ruining her day. She should leave him there to die and be a feast for the crows, but she could not."

She went silent, and I just had to ask the question.

"Why?" I whispered out.

I felt her hand slide into mine that was lying on the bed beside me. I lightly gripped her fingers, amazed that she had willingly touched me, taken my hand.

In that moment, the whole world changed. Life changed. I changed.

"Because of Reynardine. Because maybe you were he come to life, and we met just like he and the farmer's daughter had in the song. Because, Edward Cullen, I thought you a gift my precious woods had given back to me for all the love I had given it. Because, Edward Cullen…you were mine."

With that, she let go of my hand, stood up, and strode out the door.

I laid there in the darkness, the morphine pulling me under, but a soft smile was upon my face. I knew that song well. One of my mother's favorites, an Irish folk song brought from her homeland. She did love "Reynardine," but she also called it by its other name, "_The Soldier and His Fair Maid_."

Fate and a damned crazed horse had brought me to Isabella Swan, and she had just claimed me as her own. The question was, how would fate have this play out? As soon as I was healed, I was headed back to war, leaving her behind. I had no choice there. Duty called me, and even Isabella Swan could not keep me from doing my duty.

The next morning I awoke brimming with good cheer. Even the pain in my body didn't affect me, nor the thought of a future parting from her. On that I would not think, not for the time being. Not when Isabella Swan had claimed me for her own. I eagerly awaited her morning visit with my breakfast tray, but she was later than usual. Finally, she appeared, but did not look my way.

"Pain?" she asked me as she sat the tray down.

"Nothing I can't live with. Good morning, Bella," I said with a slight grin.

"You don't want the morphine today?" she asked, making busy rearranging the items on the tray.

"No. Not right now."

I just observed her, awaiting some sign from her that we were more than mere nurse and patient anymore. I should have known better with this woman.

She came over to the bed and helped me to sit up, her touches impersonal and all business. When she finished, I reached out and foolishly tried to take her hand, but she snatched it back and quickly stepped back from the bed. She met my surprised gaze steadily and unblinking.

"No? I know you enjoy my touching you," I replied quietly.

"You know _nothing_, Edward Cullen," she hissed, her mouth a hard line. She marched over and grabbed the tray, then plopped it down on my lap. "Eat." With that, she turned and marched back out the door.

I just stared at the doorway and slowly began to grin. I must have hit pretty close to the mark to get her that worked up. I was downright cheerful as I dug into my breakfast. Pain and discomfort be damned. I was in Isabella Swan's bed, eating the delicious breakfast she had prepared, and soon would see her face again and be chastised or berated by the words from her mouth. How could I be anything other than in good humor?

I glanced toward the window and saw the very early spring sun shining down upon the floorboards and sighed. What an absolutely perfect day. I took a deep breath and felt peace within me. I was supremely glad to be alive, now that I had something- _someone_- to live for.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Things get interesting next chapter when Bella decides Edward need some grooming and a bath. Until next time.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**

**A link to Reynardine lyrics is on my profile if you're curious.**


	4. The lies we tell ourselves

**A big thank you to my beta Rhi. Good luck this week! Thanks as well to my pre-reader V.  
**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. **

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 3: The lies we tell ourselves**

She silently took the breakfast tray from my lap and turned and left. She'd been standoffish and distant since her admission two days ago. Perhaps she regretted sharing so much of herself. Perhaps I had made a fatal mistake in trying to touch her the next morning. I had no clue. She was a complete mystery to me. A closed book in a language I couldn't even read even if I could pry it open.

I laid my head back and stared at the ceiling. It was grove and plank and held 56 boards. I knew this. I had counted them endlessly in my boredom. I was itching for movement. I was not a man to sit idle, having spent most of my life active either on my father's farm on in the saddle as a soldier.

Bella came back in and just stood beside the bed frowning down at me. I slid my eyes to her face, briefly touching on the sprinkling of freckles she had across the bridge of her nose. I loved freckles on a woman.

"Good morning, Freckles," I said with a quick wink.

She blinked at me, but other than that, she had no reaction.

"Time to change that filthy bed and time to clean you up a bit."

Thank the Lord. Even getting the bed changed was better than lying there keeping my own counsel.

I nodded. "Help me to the chair and you can change the bed."

"That beard is getting thick. Do you wish me to shave you?"

I thought about Bella standing in front of me with a razor, her body close to mine, her fingers holding my face steady. "Yes," was my immediate answer.

She pulled the covers back and held out her hand. "Well, up then. A body can't change this bed and make you presentable while you're lying on your backside."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied with a faint grin.

I gasped as I sat up. My shoulder wasn't as painful anymore, but my leg still felt as if it was on fire. She huffed out in annoyance and slid behind me on the bed, pushing on my back so that I was in a sitting position. I closed my eyes and got my bearings, and then she was in front of me, taking my hands in hers and pulling me up. I nearly fell when I put pressure on my left leg, but her swift arm around me saved my fall. We stood there for a moment, her making sure I was more sure-footed, me enjoying entirely too much her body pressed against mine.

I slid my arm around her waist, and she looked down at my hand lightly gripping her hip. She then turned her face up to mine, her lips pursed in displeasure.

I gave her an innocent look. "I was afraid I would fall."

I couldn't help my thumb that seemed on its own violation to stroke her hipbone. She ignored my touch as she turned us and helped me down into the wooden chair. She then stepped back and eyed me sitting there.

"You need clothes, but it would be hard for me to change your dressings in clothing. I guess a nightshirt of Father's would do. Those drawers have to go. They're ruined," she said while looking at my crotch. I had to turn my head away. Did this woman not have any idea what she did to me? How she affected me?

"You all right in that chair? You can lean against the wall if you get weary. I'm going to change your sheets first and then clean you up."

"Yes. I'm fine," I lied as the throbbing set up in my thigh. I leaned against the wall on the right and observed her changing the bed. As in all things, Isabella Swan was neat and efficient in remaking the bed quickly. She tossed the dirty linens in a pile on the floor and then went out the door. She was quickly back with what I assumed was Charles' razor.

She put a towel in the hot water she had heated in a cast iron pot hanging over the small fire in the fireplace. She pulled it out with a stick and put it in a bowl and carried it over to me.

"Ready?"

I nodded.

She placed the almost burning hot towel around my lower face and let it set for a moment. As that cooled on my face, she mixed some soap with hot water in a cup and stirred it around with the badger brush. She pulled the towel off of my face and then wet my face and liberally applied the soap. She picked up the razor and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry if I cut you. I admit I haven't done this much." I blinked. That was the first time ever that Isabella Swan had admitted to me she wasn't capable. "I have done this for my cousin Emmett and a few times for my father. They said I had some skill at it. Well, Emmett said I didn't cut his head off, but he wouldn't be asking me to shave him anytime again soon. I didn't enjoy it anyway and nicked him just to be sure he wouldn't be asking again," she finished with a slight gleam in her eyes.

I nearly roared out a laugh. Isabella Swan had a sense of humor under that uptight façade. It made me deeply curious as to what else she had hidden behind that mask she wore.

"I trust you."

She nodded and tilted my head back, holding it firmly in her left hand as she focused all her concentration on the razor. I could have done with a mirror and her help, but then, I wouldn't have Bella nearly pressed against my chest, straddling my right leg. As she worked scraping the hair off my throat, I just watched her face. She was concentrating so hard her tongue was out between her lips. For some reason I found that to be amusing. Though she might not find it so funny if I chuckled, and I surely didn't want to have my throat cut with the straight razor so I kept my amusement to myself.

She finished with my neck and wiped it with the wet towel. "Not bad. Lower your head and let me work on your face."

I slowly lowered my face and found my eyes right even with her breasts. I had tried mightily over the past almost week I'd been here not to stare at her breasts, but there they were practically in my face at the moment. I was a man, and she a warm bodied woman with small, firm breasts right in front of me, and I couldn't help but wonder what they looked and felt like. I could feel my body reacting and knew soon this would become mortifying, so I grabbed a folded up towel and laid it over my crotch. Better this than her see the evidence of my desire.

She had just gone to start on my left cheek and glanced down at my lap, then back to my face. She said not one word as she went back to work scraping my cheek. We didn't speak at all as she worked. My eyes never left her, from studying her face to the slope of her neck, to the swell of her breasts, to the curve of her hip under her worn calico dress. I would, every so often, nonchalantly press my leg against hers, but she a pretended to ignore it.

When she tugged my lip down with her fingers to shave under my nose, I let out a breath, the remembered feel of her fingers from my dream matching the reality of this moment. My eyes shot to her face. _Had_ those been dreams? Or had she really been touching me? Curiosity was burning up inside of me. Had Isabella Swan been forward enough to touch me as she thought I was sleeping? My heart thumped hard and my head swam from just the possibility.

I sat there staring at her breasts and deep in thought as she finished shaving me. She then wiped my face with a cool wet towel to clean off any remaining hair or soap. When she turned to place the towel on the table she had set beside us with the shaving items on it, she forgot she was straddling my knee and almost fell. My right arm shot out and slid around her waist, pulling her against me.

She ended up with her hands on my chest, the towel forgotten as it fell to my lap, her face mere inches from my own. She let out a breath as we just stared at each other. I lightly stroked her back with my thumb, and something passed over her face. I felt her slowly curl her hands into fists on my chest, ready to push off and flee from me.

I shook my head and tugged her closer.

She got an angry look on her face and shook her head, pushing back from me. Our gazes locked, and I realized much was at stake here. She either would bend to me in this moment, or she never would. It was a battle of wills between us as I kept trying to bring her closer and she kept trying to pull away. I finally, ignoring the pain in my left shoulder, raised my left arm and slid it around her, pulling her flush against my chest. Her look was startled as I tilted my head and placed a soft kiss upon her lips.

"Now you may go," I said quietly as I released her. She flung herself back and shot me a look so full of anger I thought she might actually explode.

"_Damn you_, Edward Cullen," she spat at me.

I merely held her eyes and kept my peace. I had won this round, but she wasn't going to make it quite so easy next time. She spun around and wrapped her arms around herself. She stood that way for a moment, and then she turned back to me, wearing her usual serious expression. She grabbed the wet towel in my lap, gathered up all the shaving items, and was out the door. I just dropped my hands loosely in my lap and leaned against the wall and grinned to myself. I ignored my throbbing shoulder and leg. I had stolen a kiss from Isabella Swan; the pain was worth it.

She came back in with a pair of long drawers that she had cut the legs off of and a nightshirt.

She checked the water on the fire and then stood up and marched over in front of me with her arms crossed and lips pursed. "I'm going to wash you off now and wash that filthy hair of yours. You need a tub bath, but I don't think it would be good for your wounds. You _will_ behave, Edward Cullen," she said firmly.

I looked up at her, almost shooting off sparks in her fierceness. Ah, so perhaps passion was flowing underneath that cool demeanor as well.

"Well, I'll try," I said with a grin.

She blinked and turned her head. "Next time you try to steal a kiss; I'll knock that head clean off your shoulders, Edward Cullen."

I loved how she always betrayed herself. She had liked that kiss. She was all bluster and fake threats. Next time I kissed her, I'd do my damndest to break through her tough shell and get a response.

"Now that would be a real shame, wouldn't it? How could I ever kiss you again? And such a waste after all the effort you put into saving my life just to turn around and take it over something as simple as a kiss."

She shot her eyes to mine. "You _will_ keep your hands and mouth to yourself."

"Not much fun in that," I said with a lopsided grin.

"I'm not looking for fun!" she said in almost shouting frustration as she turned and went to fetch the water.

_Ah, but I think you may be searching for tenderness, for someone to touch you and mean it, Isabella Swan. I think you may be looking for someone to love you._

I just gazed at her back, slightly shifting in my seat, a sudden uncomfortable truth hitting me. _Perhaps that is what I'm searching for as well._

She came back carrying the pot by a towel wrapped around the hot handle. She sat it on the floor beside me and grabbed the table, dragging it behind the chair. On that, she placed a pan to catch water.

"Tilt your head back."

I leaned my head back as far as I could, preparing myself for the enjoyment of having my hair scrubbed when she poured cold water over me, and I yelped. She just stared down at me, a look of satisfaction on her face. I chuckled. She had enjoyed paying me back a little too much.

"Mine was much better," I said with a grin.

She narrowed her eyes at me, but kept her silence.

She went to work soaping up my hair, a little roughly in her annoyance, but I didn't mind. I closed my eyes as her fingers massaged my scalp. My hair had grown long lately, down almost past my shoulders. I usually wore it slightly long to a point below my ears, but this length now was annoying.

"Would you mind trimming some of my hair?" I asked as she rinsed the soap out, this time with warm water.

She didn't reply. Just finished rinsing my hair out and then rubbed my head briskly with a towel.

"Need scissors," she said and marched out of the room.

I was becoming exhausted and desired nothing more than to crawl back into her bed, but I was enjoying this entirely too much- "this" being Bella tending to me and touching me. Plus, I still had her bathing me to come. I'd walk through hell fire to have her wash me. I could endure this pain a while longer.

She came back in with her sewing scissors in her hand and wordlessly trimmed my hair. She then stepped in front of me with a lathered cloth.

"Close your eyes," she ordered me.

I did, blowing out a breath at her quiet command, trying to prepare myself for this experience. I felt her washing the contours of my face, her touch surprisingly gentle on my skin. She wiped the soap off with another wet cloth and then patted my face dry. She moved down to my ears, my neck, lightly scrubbing the front, around to the back and then lightly across my left shoulder, careful of my wound, and then across to my right. These weren't hurried scrubs to get the job done; these were almost caresses.

My eyes opened, watching her face. All of her was focused on my body where her hands traveled over me. She seemed almost in a trance, and I admit, I wasn't far from one myself. If I'd had a better experience in my life so far, I wasn't sure what it would be.

Finished with my neck and shoulders, she then took my right hand, holding my arm out. I lightly squeezed her fingers, slipping a couple in between hers. I was rewarded with a warning look. I figured, _why is she getting to have all the fun here?_ My mind slid to showing Isabella Swan the same attention she was granting me this moment, and I had to curl my toes into the floorboards and quietly blow out a breath.

She gave me an odd look, but continued on washing my arm and underarm. As she rinsed off my arm, her fingertips slid all the way down its length. I slid my eyes to those fingers and then to her face. Isabella Swan was giving far too much away with her expressions and actions. She would not be pleased to have me in possession of such intimate information regarding her person.

She finished with my right arm and carefully did my left. She then stroked the cloth across my chest. She got this grave expression on her face, and a little line appeared between her eyes as her now bare hands slid through my hair and over my nipples. I gasped as it all came crashing down: all my dreams hadn't been dreams at all. They'd been real. _Real_.

I gripped her left wrist in my hand.

"Dreams."

"What?" she asked me looking as if she just awoken from one.

"Dreams. Of you. Of me. Those weren't dreams."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Edward Cullen," she declared, but wouldn't meet my eyes, and I noticed when she turned to rinse out the cloth that her hands were trembling.

I swallowed and took a deep breath, trying for calm as she turned back to me, so very close. Wonderfully close.

What to make of Isabella Swan kissing and touching me? And what to do about it? Lord knows I wanted her- and not just because she was a warm-bodied female and I happened to be in her presence. It was _her_. Her scent, her eyes, and the way my body wanted to leap every time her skin met mine, the way she made my heart beat fast and stimulated not only body but my mind.

What to do? I pondered this as she continued on washing me. I could only come to one conclusion and that was nothing. She was a lady, and as a gentleman, I had to behave properly. In another time and place, I would have courted this woman, using my dubious charms to try to best persuade her to become my wife. In another time.

But here we were in this time and place. In the middle of a horrible, bloody war that was tearing our nation apart and no one was sure of the outcome. I was from the North, she the South. Worlds apart. I had to leave her as soon as I was able to join back in with the Army. I was a Union officer. I had pledged my word and I could not break it, even for her.

Besides that, her father hated me. There's no way on God's green earth that he'd allow me to wed his daughter even if I was able to convince her otherwise.

I felt an almost overwhelming sadness settle over me. This thing between she and I had nowhere to go. Nowhere at all. I closed my eyes as I felt her drag the cloth over my stomach. I understood what Isabella Swan wanted even if she didn't. I couldn't give her that, though, and not lose my heart to her as well. I couldn't disrespect her like that and then leave her, either.

_Fate, you're a cruel mistress. Why show me this woman and not allow me to have her, to keep her? Why?_

"Can you lean forward?" she asked quietly.

I nodded and leaned as far forward in the chair as I could. She began to stroke the cloth over my back, her left hand gripping my shoulder to hold me steady. She rinsed off the soap, and then she was patting my back dry. I nearly gasped to feel her fingertips lightly sliding down my shoulder blade.

"Sit back," she said, her voice almost husky, and I had to let out a breath as she stepped in front of me and knelt at my feet. She just gazed up at me with those big, brown, blazing eyes for a moment, and then she picked up my left foot and gingerly washed my wounded leg, taking care not to wet the bandages.

She finished with that leg and turned to my right. She took the scissors and cut the leg off my drawers as she had for the left to reach my wound, and then she placed my foot on her thigh as she washed up my shin and then up to my thigh. The desire she was arousing in me was tempered with bitter sweetness. How much I wished to know about her and show her. How much I wanted to share with her and give her. Isabella.

I realized her fingertips were at the top of my thigh. Any higher or even just slightly left under the towel and she'd be touching the throbbing center of me.

"_Bella_," I rasped out, and that seemed to snap her out of the almost trance she was in. She quickly rinsed and dried me off and then stood up and stepped back.

She wouldn't meet my eyes as she spoke. "We need to get those drawers off of you and you need to be washed…there."

"I'll manage," I said, my voice strained, my body taut and yearning from her touches.

She nodded and placed the clean drawers beside me and then quickly turned and was out the door, shutting it behind her.

Before I stood, I took the edge of a clean towel and with some cold water tried to clean my teeth best I could. Feeling my mouth cleaner, I braced myself for the coming ordeal.

With much effort and gasps of pain, I managed to stand, grasping the back of the chair; I leaned against the wall and tried to take off my drawers. That proved next to impossible, so I grabbed hold of the scissors she had left and cut down the side of them until they fell to the floor. I then picked up the cloth on the table and washed myself best I could between my legs, ignoring my jutting erection. I tried several times to get the clean drawers on, but I could not.

I finally gave up and limped over to the bed and grabbed the nightshirt, pulling it down over my head. I was nearly ready to pass out, but I wanted to get rid of my old drawers, too embarrassed to have Bella touch them. I hobbled over to them and painfully managed to pick them up and make it to the fireplace with them where I threw them on the fire. Completely exhausted and more than a bit lightheaded by this point, I limped to the bed and slumped down onto it.

There was a knock, and then Bella strode in, and her eyes met mine.

"I couldn't manage to put on the new drawers." At least the nightshirt was long, coming down to almost my knees, so I was decent.

She nodded and briefly darted her eyes to my nightshirt. She then came over to the bed, pulling the covers back. "You need to rest now, and I have washing to do."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"It's the least a body could do," she said with a shrug as she just stood in front of me between my knees, staring into my face.

"The least you could have done was let me die. The best you could do was save my life and give me such supremely fine care. You're a hell of a woman, Isabella Swan." I tentatively reached out my right hand and lightly held her hip.

She just continued to stare down at me, and then suddenly she gripped my cheeks with her hands. "This changes _nothing_," she said forcefully, right before she placed her lips to mine.

There are kisses, and then there are _kisses_. I felt pulled under by the weight of my feelings and the sensations coursing through my body. I closed my eyes and cupped the back of her head to hold her to me as I kissed her back with everything this woman was stirring up within me.

I felt her yield to the kiss, her hands sliding back through my hair and her body leaning into mine. I ran my hand up her back pressing slightly, trying to keep her against me where she always should be. She abruptly pulled back, gasping for breath, and her face flushed. She held her eyes down, looking away from me, but her hands were still in my hair, holding on tightly.

She then shook her head, gripped my face almost painfully, and her eyes met mine directly as she reiterated, "_Nothing_."

I just blinked at her, knowing it for the lie that it was. She not only was lying to me, she was lying to herself.

"Lie down," she ordered me as she let go of my face.

I turned my body and managed to get prone with my head on the pillow. Bella eyed me lying there for a moment, and I tried not to blush over my tenting nightshirt. She just looked at it, curiosity clear on her face. She reached out a hand and looked at if she would touch me. I sucked in a breath, and that snapped her out of whatever she had been planning to do. She pulled the covers up over me, tucking them under my underarms.

She laid a hand on my chest as if in thought; then she stepped back. "I've got a world of chores to finish before Father has my hide. I'll be in later with your supper and to change your bandages. Meanwhile, _you sleep_."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied softly.

She turned and quickly cleaned all the mess from grooming and bathing me. I just lay there, never taking my eyes off of her. Every second I was in her presence had become precious, for I knew it would end.

She was on her knees on the floor with towels mopping up the water when she looked up and met my eyes. I gave her a faint grin, but she merely looked at me gravely and finished her work. She then banked the fire, and after two trips to carry out everything, she did not return.

I laid there and contemplated the enigma that was Isabella Swan. She was much more than she appeared to be. She was admirable; a woman a man could only hope to find for his own. I thought about her, how she was good, strong, curious and passionate. The last two were a problem for me, for I had no idea how I was going to be able to keep my hands and lips off of her after this most enlightening morning.

I couldn't stop dwelling on everything that had transpired this day. I thought about lies that betrayed the truth. I thought about how our bodies betrayed us both. And I worried a bit for my heart. I blinked and then blinked again. Well, Isabella Swan could have my heart. I could think of no other person I'd ever entrust it to their safekeeping, except her.

I closed my eyes and let the pain wash over me. Not from my wounds, but from my breaking heart. How can I ever walk away from here? From her? I'm not sure how I'll endure it. It was some time before sleep finally took me, and then my dreams were fraught with loss and darkness, no angel there to lead me back out again.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	5. What we reveal

**Thanks a million to my beta Rhi and my pre-reader V. Love you both very much.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I own the contents of this story.**

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**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 4: What we reveal**

I sat in the chair and watched the bird hopping from branch to branch of the huge oak tree outside the window. His happy song calling for a mate a pleasant reminder that life goes on; even in the midst of war, life goes on.

I was glad to be out of that bed. It was driving me a bit mad, and I was becoming an irritable patient. Being a man of action, this boredom and inactivity were almost insufferable, like a sort of prison…except for I had Isabella Swan as my jailor. Thinking of it that way, perhaps captivity was desirable.

I turned my head at the sound of her pounding footsteps entering the bedroom. My eyes traveled over her familiar form. She was dressed today in what used to be a pink calico dress, but the colors were muted to almost beige from much wear and washings.

I would have liked to take Isabella Swan and marry her and buy her fine dresses and beautiful things. I'd give her everything a fine lady should have and then parade her around proudly as surely my better half on my arm. She'd find such things ridiculous, but I'd enjoy the hell out of trying to spoil this woman. If only she could be my woman.

"Up on your own," she commented, seemingly displeased with me.

"It was time. I can mange some things on my own now. I even managed to get my drawers on," I said with a grin. "Good morning."

She ignored everything I said and especially my grin as she walked over and placed the breakfast tray on the table beside me. "Eggs, biscuits, and honey this morning."

"Thank you. It looks delicious."

She just nodded at me and turned to go. I couldn't allow that. I needed her presence for at least a few more moments. "Bella, may I inquire about some things?"

She sighed and turned around with her arms crossed. "What?"

"Are you spoken for?"

That seemed to startle her greatly. Her mouth slowly fell open as she stared at me. "Spoken for? By whom, for goodness sake? The rooster out in the barnyard?"

I grinned at her humorous reply and at the fact that she was indeed unattached. "That would certainly make an odd pairing. He strutting around crowing all the time and you fussing at him to stop showing off and to cease all that racket."

I swear the woman almost laughed, but she was good and kept her face impassive.

"Is this what you wanted to ask me about? Roosters?" She said with a frown and a roll of her eyes.

I chuckled and shook my head. She was wonderful. "No. Certainly not. There was something I did wish to know. My things. Where are my personal things, Bella?"

"Personal things?" she asked uncertainly.

"My clothes. My boots. My sword. My hat. The things I had in my coat, a locket necklace and book of Psalms my mother gave to me. Where are those things, Bella? Gone?"

She walked to the bed and sat down on the quilt. She was looking at the floor as she was picking at a hole in the skirt of her dress as if she was nervous about something.

"Bella?"

She lifted her head and met my gaze directly. "I had…I had to burn most of your uniform. It was ruined anyway, and if Confederate soldiers came by here…I couldn't let them find you, know you're a Yankee. I just thought it best."

I nodded. "But my other things?"

"I saved them. Your boots are hidden in the secret cellar along with your sword and your necklace and prayer book."

I let out a breath of relief. "Thank you," I said in gratitude.

"For saving your boots?"

"No. For saving and keeping safe the things my dear mother gave me, the necklace and book of Psalms, before I enlisted in the Army. I'll be forever grateful to you that you did."

"I thought perhaps the necklace was from a sweetheart," she said as she looked down, picking at the hole in her skirt again.

"I have no sweetheart back home," I answered, but left that open for her to interpret as she would.

She kept her head down and seemed to be in thought. This was a different Bella. A timid and unsure Bella. This Bella made me want to hug her to me and protect her from the world. Oh, if only.

"Where is home?"

Home? That was a good question. "Southern Pennsylvania was where I was raised."

She nodded. "You're healing awful fast," she said quickly with a point to my leg. I could have sworn I heard disappointment in her voice. Perhaps that was just wishful thinking.

"Faster than I thought I might. I still won't be up and ready to fight for at least another month."

"You're leaving here," she stated quietly, her eyes cast down at her lap.

I kept my silence for so long that she finally was compelled to raise her head and study my face.

I looked over her face, once thought so plain to me, but I was looking at Isabella Swan with new eyes. My Freckles could never be anything other than in the possession of the most pleasing countenance this man had ever been fortunate to gaze upon.

I thought hard on my answer, but I had no option to give her other than the truth. "I have no choice, Isabella Swan. I gave my oath, my solemn word. I cannot sit back and let others fight the battle. I must return. It's my duty."

She turned her head to the side, her hands folded in her lap, so still it didn't look as if she was even breathing.

"I guess a body must do what a body must do." I could hear the resignation in that solemn statement.

Perhaps it was time to lay some things open between us. "Is there a reason you wished me to stay?" I asked with my heart thumping hard in my chest.

She shot her eyes to mine with a frown. "Now why on earth would you be thinking that, Yankee?" She shot up off the bed and went to leave the room but stopped in front of the fireplace. She was very still, her hands gripped into fists at her sides.

She turned back around and met my gaze steadily. I had to suck in a breath from the emotion behind her brown eyes. "But… what if you had a reason, Edward Cullen? _Would_ you stay?"

In that moment I cursed the entire universe. I cursed this war, I cursed fate, I almost cursed God himself. I did not want to say these words to her. I did not.

"You know I cannot," I whispered out in almost agony.

She just stood there, so much emotion flickering across her face that I nearly wept. She then nodded, and with tears in her eyes, she turned and was gone.

I sat there, my appetite gone, my joy in the birds singing and a beautiful spring day gone, my joy in living gone as well. I stared out the window at nothing as I cursed fate and my unchangeable nature. I could not forfeit my word. Not for her. Not for anything. Not even for love.

We fell into a pattern after that morning. We barely spoke, we never touched, and what speech we had was kept formal between us. I felt like part of me had died, but it was better this way. It had to have been nipped in the bud before it ever begun. It was the only thing to do and hopefully it would save her future pain if I tried to keep her from caring for me, from loving me.

She sat a book down beside me on the bed and then tended to the fire. "I thought perhaps you might like something to read."

I picked up the book and saw it was Ralph Waldo Emerson's _Essays: First Series_. I was absolutely delighted. "This is wonderful. Thank you!"

She nodded. "I have the _Second Series_ as well. They were my mother's. She loved them."

"My mother has these books as well. This is delightful. Do you have a moment? I could read to you."

She paused at picking up my lunch tray and met my eyes. "I have chores to do."

"Oh. Well, I thought it just might be pleasant to share this with you."

"I do not have the time, Edward Cullen." She went to leave, but paused in the doorway. "But perhaps, after supper I might have a minute," she replied quietly.

"Then I shall look forward most eagerly to your company this evening, Miss Swan."

She nodded and was quickly gone, but I was smiling as she walked out the door. Perhaps we could be friends, acquaintances that could converse and share ideas. Perhaps.

After supper, she cleared away my dishes and went to clean the kitchen. She was soon back, however, and with a basket of clothes to mend. She pulled the chair up beside the bed, lighting the extra candle she had brought with her for her better to see her sewing. She nodded at me as she began to sew.

I opened the book to _Essay V: Love_ and began to read. She did not look at me as I read through this delightful chapter, many times, though, I saw her pause before she went back to her work. I loved this moment with her. I tried to hold it firm in my mind, how peaceful, how pleasant it was for a man to sit with a woman as if they were a couple quietly wrapping up their day together. I had to pause in my reading and close my eyes for a moment at the ease in which I saw her and myself in this happy domestic scene as that couple.

"Weary, Edward Cullen?"

I opened my eyes and turned to her. "No, just thinking, Freckles."

"Don't call me that," she said sounding cross, but it had no bite to it.

"Why? I love freckles on a woman, you happen to have freckles on your nose and I like it."

"My freckles? Why ever would you like my freckles?" she asked in confusion.

"Because they're _your_ freckles on _your_ nose, Isabella Swan," I stated as if obvious.

She blinked at me and lowered her head back to her sewing. "Foolish pretty words. They mean nothing."

"Or they could mean everything," I shot back.

She dropped her hands to her lap and shot me a fierce frown. "You going to read to me, Edward Cullen, or waste my time with flowery words?"

"I'd like you in flowers. I bet you'd be lovely with bluebells and buttercups tucked in your hair."

Her mouth slowly fell open, and I wondered what that was about. Why would flowers get such a reaction out of her?

"How did you know?"

"Know?"

"About my favorite flowers?" she asked in amazement.

"I didn't. I just imagined you as I'd like to see you in a fine blue dress and flowers in your hair. Bluebells and buttercups were the obvious choice to me. They seem like…you."

She lowered her head and fiddled with her sewing. She remained silent so I continued on with my reading.

"_Thou art not gone being gone, where'er thou art,_

_Thou leav'st in him thy watchful eyes, in him thy loving heart."_

Bella shot up out of the chair, her mending falling to the floor. She strode out the door and closed it behind her.

I stared at the doorway, longing for her to come back to me, to come to my arms and let me hold her and tell her…well, not that things would work out as God planned, but that…there was nothing I could tell her that wouldn't hurt her more, I realized.

My eyes skimmed over the passage again. I traced my fingertip over those revealing words. I thought of Bella and me somewhere far away from here, just the two of us, free, together and happy. _Why am I torturing myself like this?_ I held the book to my chest with a deep sigh, wishing, hoping, longing for things that could never be.

I closed the book and sat it on the bedside table. I managed to crawl out of bed and pick up Bella's mending, placing it back in the basket neatly as she would have had it. My fingers skimmed over the needle she had been holding; then I tucked it into the spool of thread and sat the basket down. I blew out the candles and, with a groan, got myself back into bed. My leg was throbbing something fierce tonight, as if all the pain in my heart had traveled there to my wound.

Sleep was a long time coming that night.

"Edward Cullen, wake up!" Bella whispered fiercely as she shook my right arm and then tugged on it.

"What's going on?" I asked, instantly alert and battle ready. I immediately sat up on the side of the bed, sucking in a breath at the fire in my leg.

"Soldiers. Come. _Hurry_," she commanded me in the darkness.

She grabbed my hand and yanked me standing. I swayed at the pain, but she was relentlessly tugging me to the door so I ignored the pain and followed her. The stairs were an awkward hell for me, but I managed them without falling thank God. At the foot of the stairs, she pushed me into the front parlor to the right. There was a full moon out, so the room was partially lit enough that I could make out some things- furniture, a piano, an open hidden door in the floor. A rug had been rolled back, and a chair was in an odd position out of the way. I noted this before Bella almost shoved me down the hole.

"Down there. Hurry."

"You too, daughter," Charles said as he loaded the shotgun in his hand.

"Why?"

"Just do it and be quiet. Now!" he hissed.

I grabbed Bella's hand, and we made our way down into what I presumed was a cellar. The door above us slammed closed, and I heard the sound of the rug and then the chair being put back. I could smell the fruits and vegetables around us as Bella led me to the back and helped me to sit down. She sat beside me, both of us with our backs to barrels.

"We'll be safe here," she whispered.

"The cellar?"

"The second cellar, this the hidden one. Father keeps two. He's always been paranoid that someone is going to come and steal our food. Looks like he was wise in that."

There was a thump above us, and then Charles muffled voice yelling, "Quiet!"

We ceased speaking after that, but a chill soon sat in. It was cold down here on the dirt floor. I was just in my nightshirt, my feet bare as were Bella's. She was only clothed in her thin night rail. I tried not to think too hard on that.

She was sitting close to me. I could feel her long braid against my shoulder, her warm arm against mine, and then she shivered. We should have thought to grab a blanket. Well, I could at least attempt to keep her warm. Luckily, she had sat to my right. I slid my good arm around her back and pulled her against me to try to give her warmth. She resisted at first, but soon lowered her head to my shoulder.

Eventually, we heard the muffled sound of Charles's voice, soon joined by other male voices. I was longing to know what was going on, but I was supremely glad Bella was down here and not up there. A young, attractive woman in her nightclothes was pure temptation to lonely soldiers.

I slid my left hand over and reached in the darkness for hers. She hesitated and then slid her fingers between mine. I now had Isabella Swan in my embrace, holding her close. The world could have ended right at that moment, and I go a happy man.

She shifted, and I felt her nipple, hard from the cold cellar, brush my arm. I nearly moaned. I let out a breath and willed my body to behave itself, but that proved impossible. I felt Bella squeeze my fingers hard, and then she shifted again against my side. This time I couldn't hold back a soft moan. I heard her gasp, and things changed suddenly, almost as a change in the very molecules of our bodies.

The air became charged. My skin became hyper-aware of the woman next to me. I could feel her beside me, almost see the shimmer of her form. I caught the scent of her desire in my nostrils and wanted. I found myself turning my head to her, longing to taste her lips. My heart started thumping hard, and I heard Bella let out a soft sound as her hand slid across my chest.

There are moments in time where things just happen. Where things come together perfectly. Perhaps it's fate, perhaps it's God's hand at work, but whatever it is, this was one of those times.

"Isabella," I whispered out, soft as the wind, and then her lips were pressed to mine. All my life, all my years on this earth had led up to this moment. I felt myself fall and had no desire to catch myself. All that was contained within me was in her sole possession, whether she wished it or not.

I reached for her, desperate to have her body against mine. I pulled her into my lap, despite the pain of my leg. I did not care. My mouth devoured her delicate lips, her small, darting tongue. I could literally eat this woman up she was so delicious. She seemed surprised at our tongues touching, but never a shy woman nor an uncurious one, she was kissing me back with gusto, that passion she had locked up inside her now unleashed upon my fortunate self.

I bit back a delighted moan as my hand slid up her ribcage and found her breast. I heard her make a tiny sound of surprise when my fingers lightly pinched her nipple, but then she adjusted her hip, rubbing along my hardness pressed against her thigh, and I was a lost man.

I kissed her, she kissed me, our hands found each other in the darkness and searched, gripped, caressed. I was nearly crazed with lust for her by this point. I wanted nothing on this earth more than to claim her and make her mine.

Isabella Swan was my woman, and I wanted her beyond sanity, but reason and my honor finally reared its head. I couldn't do this to her, no matter how much we both wanted it. I would not be the ruin of Isabella Swan. I wrenched my mouth from hers and slid my hand from her perfect breast. Stopping was literally hell on earth, but I had to stop.

"No more," I whispered against her ear.

"_Yes_," she whispered back fiercely and slammed her lips back to mine. I allowed that kiss to go on too long again, but reason finally made itself known again, and I pulled back.

"No, Freckles. No. We have to stop." My hands that were holding her face were trembling. I could almost see her frown in the darkness, but then she sighed, and I felt her nod her head.

I leaned over and found her hair, placing a kiss on the top of her head, and then simply wrapped my arms about her and held her to me, unable to give her more in this moment.

She tucked her head under my chin and curled her legs into my lap as she clutched my nightshirt in her fist as if to keep me there. I tried to make her as warm as possible, holding her body close to mine.

I pondered what had just happened between us. No matter how this night ended, I was forever altered. My denial of my feelings for her seemed foolish at this point. They were there; I could acknowledge them even with knowing that they did neither one of us any good. But to deny what this woman had come to mean to me seemed preposterous at this point.

Bella slept, curled into my lap like a sleeping kitten soaking up my warmth, content in my embrace, but I did not. Too worried for her safety, too wrapped up in my emotions for her, too content to be holding her body next to mine for sleep to find me. Who would have thought that a night spent hiding out in a freezing cold cellar would turn out to be the best night of my life?

It was hours later and, I assumed, daylight before I heard the sound of the chair being moved. I patted Bella to wake her, and her head shot up from my chest. Hearing the sounds, she quickly slid off my lap and sat down beside me. I awaited whatever was to come, wishing I had a weapon of some sort to protect Bella. At least I had my body and still use of my uninjured right hand. I squinted my eyes at the sudden light, but was relieved to see only Charles's face peeking down at us when the cellar door flew open.

"They're gone. You two can come out now," he said, sounding exhausted. I heard his footsteps across the parlor floor, moving away from the cellar door.

Bella stood and then helped me to my feet. We just stared at each other for a moment, knowing that everything that had occurred between us last night had changed us mightily. I reached up and skimmed my knuckles across her cheek, then tucked my fingers into her hair.

"Good morning, Freckles," I whispered as I leaned in to give her a light kiss.

"Edward Cullen. Good morning," she said with that grave look of hers, but she slid her hand into mine and then led me to the stairs. She went up first, and I'm still not sure of how I managed to climb those steps with Bella's bare feet and legs above me. She helped pull me out into the parlor, and then she and I stood there awkwardly in our nightclothes in front of Charles who was sprawled out in a padded arm chair.

"Confederates. Lookin' for food and wantin' to know if we'd seen or heard anything about a missin' Yankee officer." His eyes shot to mine. "I fed 'em and sent 'em off with some provisions. Told 'em I didn't know nothin' about no stinkin' Yankee."

"I understand. I'll leave as soon as possible."

"No!" Bella exclaimed from beside me. Charles and I turned to her, looks of surprise on our faces.

"No?" her father asked her.

"No. He's not…he's not healed yet. He _must _stay a while longer," Bella said firmly.

Charles glanced from his daughter to me and then back to her. "Bella, you know he can't stay here forever."

"A while longer yet. He was shot twice. He needs more time to heal."

I could see the transparency of her argument, and her father surely wasn't dense. He twisted his lips and scratched his head and then sighed. "All right. You get what you want, Bella. You always do in the end, but I'm tellin' you and I'm tellin' him, this ain't gonna end well."

"That remains to be seen," she replied primly and turned and headed toward the stairs. "Come, Edward Cullen. You need to be back in bed."

I met Charles's eyes, and he gave me warning look which I acknowledged with a curt nod before I turned and followed Bella upstairs. Again, following her bare feet and legs. My dreams would be good ones tonight. She hustled me into bed and tucked me in; then she just stood over me. I tried not to stare at the outline of her body in her thin white night rail, her form clear in the sunlight shining in from the window behind her. She turned for a moment, her small breasts with their dark nipples clear to me, and I wondered if I could ever sleep again with such images in my mind.

She turned back to me, gazing down at me with a frown, my serious, so serious Freckles.

"You're _not_ leaving here until _I _say you're healed."

"But Bella-"

"_Not_ until I say!" she hissed and then turned to leave, but then came back to the bed and gripped my face as she placed her lips to mine.

I slid my arm around her, pulling her down to me as I kissed her in earnest. She finally had more sanity than me and pulled her lips from mine. She gave me that grave look of hers that I had come to love.

She touched my face, then nearly pounded my chest with her fist. "_Mine_," she said fiercely, and then she was gone.

My head was spinning. I literally felt as if my world had been turned upside down in the past day.

I thought to Bella, my fierce, possessive Freckles, and couldn't help the pleased grin that spread across my face. Hers indeed. Never another's. What woman could I ever meet that could compare to her?

_Well, it seems I am here for a while, that I serve at Isabella Swan's pleasure_. A formidable woman indeed. Who was I or anyone to naysay her?

I went to grin again, but then remembered her father's words, that this wasn't going to end well. I felt uneasiness and a tinge of sadness settle in me, for I knew, no matter how good this was right at this moment, it could not last. I knew he would turn out to be right.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	6. One thousand kisses

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews I've been getting for this story! My readers are the best, the absolute best. xxoo**

**Thank you to my awesome beta Rhi and to my equally awesome pre-reader V. Two of the best girls in the whole world.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. The contents of this story belong to me.**

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**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 5: One thousand kisses**

I stared down at my thigh, well, what was left of it. I skimmed my fingertip over the new skin that was a pale, thin pink. There was one spot that hadn't knitted back yet around the entrance wound. It may have been a huge scar on my leg and still rather hideous, but it was neat, carefully cut and tended. Bella's hand at work there. Neat and efficient in all she did, even tending to a bloody wound.

I'd never met a person, not even a man, that didn't blanch at such injuries, but then, I'd never met Isabella Swan before. That she was able to shut off her emotions and deal with what was at hand, even blood and gore, made me more than admire her, it almost made me fear her a little. Imagine if all Union soldiers had such fortitude as her; the war would have been won long ago.

She kept her composure at all times. In fact, the only time her composure was shaken was when she was in the throes of deep emotion or deep desire. I turned my head and closed my eyes. I must not dwell on such things. They got me nowhere and did her no good for me to be pining for her.

I heard pounding footsteps and then felt fingertips on my face. I slid my eyes open to find my Freckles gazing down at me.

"Edward Cullen," she whispered out as her eyes held mine.

"Isabella Swan," I replied with a faint grin.

"Father has gone to town. I thought perhaps you might like to come downstairs and share a meal with me."

I reached my hand out and wrapped my fingers around her waist, pulling her close to me between my spread legs. I tugged her down onto my right thigh, surprised that she so willingly allowed me to do so. She just sat there primly, except for her hand on my chest.

"I would enjoy that very much. Do you think we might take a turn outside? I'm sore tired of this room. Your visits are the only lift to my spirits."

"As if a body would be cheered by my person," she said with a roll of her eyes, the disbelief clear in her voice.

"Well, this body is always supremely glad to see your person. I do believe I'm going to kiss you now, Freckles."

"_Why_ do you persist in calling me _Freckles_?" she asked in exasperation, ignoring the rest of what I had said.

I did the same and simply pulled her face to mine and captured her lips. She acted offended at first, but her body always betrayed her. She soon had her hand in my hair and was leaning into my chest.

I ended that sweet kiss and dotted several on her nose over her freckles. "Because you are."

"Are what?" she murmured as her eyes fluttered closed under my kissing.

"My Freckles."

"Foolishness," she said sounding cross, but there was no force behind it. She liked me saying that, but would never in a million years admit it.

"I like very much kissing you, Isabella Swan. Such a lovely, kissable woman," I said with a grin.

She snapped her eyes open and made an annoyed sound, then shot up out of my lap. "You could give me one thousand kisses and just skip the flowery words. Why must you persist in meaningless flattery?"

"One thousand kisses? That there is a worthy goal. One any man worth his salt would attempt to achieve. How many times have we kissed so far? Or do I get to start over with my count?" I asked with a devilish grin.

She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and looked away, but I had seen the laughter in her eyes. She turned back to me, wearing her usual serious expression. "No need to start over. It's fourteen if you must know," she replied primly as if we were talking about how many eggs she had gathered from the chickens this morning instead of how many times my lips had been pressed against hers.

"How absolutely adorable that you've counted, Freckles, but only fourteen? A body must do better than that. I'm letting down my fellow sex. Come, Isabella Swan, we can surely get ten more in this morning." I wiggled my brows at her.

"Fool," she declared with a roll of her eyes. "I'll go find you some clothes of Father's to wear. Can't have you at my kitchen table in your drawers. Wrap that wound back up!" she ordered me with a frown as she turned and marched out the door.

I was chuckling to myself as I re-wrapped my thigh and tugged down my nightshirt back over my thighs. There went my Freckles shooting off sparks again. My very kissable Freckles that had just laid down a challenge at my feet, one I would be taking up.

I thought to our upcoming lunch together, and I admit, it would be pleasant to wear clothing again and to sit at a table enjoying a meal with her. I carefully wrapped back up my leg the way she'd had it- at least, I tried. I knew she'd still be displeased that I didn't wrap it to her standards.

She marched back in and tossed items of clothing on the bed. "You need help getting dressed, Edward Cullen?"

Now, I admit, I was a gentleman and lived by honor, but I was also no fool. That was an offer that I in no way could refuse.

"I could use your assistance, if you do not mind," I replied, my expression serious in an attempt to hide my motives.

She narrowed her eyes at me and crossed her arms. "Well, up then. A body can't get changed while sitting on their backside." She held out her hand for me, and I gratefully took it as she almost roughly tugged me standing. Too roughly- I stumbled and had to grip her arms to keep from falling.

"Oh. Forgive me. I did not mean to make you almost fall."

I stared down into her eyes, smelled her sweet apple scent, and enjoyed her body so very close to mine.

"Nothing to forgive. As long as you're always there to catch me, I'll be fine, Freckles."

She blinked at me. "I shall always try, Edward Cullen," she said solemnly and then stepped back out of my hands.

"Then I shall always be safe."

She blinked several times and turned her head away. "But who will keep me safe?" she whispered.

It was like a crack of lightning hitting me, the pain from her words. I yanked her to me and held her in my crushing embrace.

I heard her quiet sob and closed my eyes to the pain. Oh, my Isabella.

"Me while I am here," I replied as kissed the top of her head. "Your father when I'm gone."

I heard her make a little sound and nearly wept myself. Why did we keep doing this to each other?

"You cannot come with me. I will not put you in such danger. I just couldn't bear to have you so close to the fighting. You will be safer here with your father."

She didn't speak, just twisted my nightshirt in her fist in a fierce grip, as if to hold me there. She suddenly stepped back, holding her head down, avoiding my gaze.

"You can get dressed on your own. I'll go prepare us a meal," she said in a dead voice, and then she was gone.

We sat at the rustic kitchen table, the wood long worn smooth from many washings and much use. I sipped my water as I watched Bella fiddle with her spoon in her stew.

"This was very good. You're a-"

"Do _not _compliment me," she said with a fierce look.

"I will find that very difficult to not do so. Besides, I know that you actually like when I admire you. As is your right and you should."

She tossed her spoon into her bowl and pounded her fists down onto the table beside her bowl. "You! You make me… you make me…Oh!" She let out a frustrated groan and slammed her chair back. She shot up, walked over to the sink, and stood there holding onto the edge with her back to me.

"I make you what, Isabella Swan? Crazy? Mad? Frustrated?" I slowly got up and limped over to her. I carefully placed my hand on her shoulder blade and felt her stiffen. "Or, perhaps...happy?"

She let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and sob as she shook her head. "Yes. All of those things. Yes." She stared out the window and let out a mighty sigh. I wrapped my arms about her and pulled her back against my chest. She resisted at first, but soon relaxed into me.

"Good. Then we're even."

I felt her shaking and knew she wasn't crying. "Did you just laugh?" I asked in amazement.

"No. Certainly not," she replied quickly. Too quickly.

"I amused my Freckles. My life may now be complete," I said happily.

"You're a fool, Edward Cullen," she answered me, and I just knew she had rolled her eyes. I could still sense her amusement, though, and was almost stupidly happy from bringing her even a small amount of joy.

"Hmm, I may be a fool, but I'm your-"

"I need to clean up this kitchen," she said, abruptly cutting me off. I allowed her that. She did not wish such declarations from me, so I would not make them. She knew, though, that I was hers, well, as much of me as I could give her.

"Allow me to help you." I stepped back, releasing her, and she spun around and gave me an incredulous look.

"That's women's work."

"Work is work. In the army, on the march, you learn to do all things for yourself. Cooking, dishes, washing clothes, mending…it's a necessity. I don't see those things as women things, just things that civilized humans need to know and do to survive."

"My father would not agree."

"Your father would not make a very good soldier then," I replied.

"No, I know he would not. A regimented life would not be for him."

"It's not for all, that's for sure."

I hobbled over to the table and grabbed our cups and utensils. Bella soon joined me and grabbed our bowls. She went to scrape out her remaining stew she did not eat, but I stopped her with a hand over the bowl. I shook my head and took the bowl from her, eating the last remaining bites.

"A body does not waste precious food, especially food as good as this."

She just watched me lick the spoon and then turned and began to pump water into a large pan in the sink.

"That water should be hot by now," she indicated with her head to the small cast iron stove. I limped over and stuck my fingertip in both pans.

"Both are hot."

"Good. I'll use a little for the dishes, and the rest is for you to bathe."

I turned and looked around the kitchen, then to Bella at the sink and felt that tug again, that need for domesticity and a quiet life with her. How pleasant these things were, like sharing meals and chores, these quiet little things that made up daily life. Precious little things that made life worth living.

"What are you thinking about, Edward Cullen?" she asked as she eyed me in curiosity.

"Washing dishes." I gave her a small smile.

"Dishes?" she asked in surprise. "Well, at least it's better than roosters."

I laughed in charmed amusement. I loved her dry sense of humor. "But not near better than you."

She shot me a frown with a warning look, but I merely gave her a grin in return. She shook her head and made busy getting hot water and then washing our small bit of dirty dishes.

I grabbed a cloth and began to dry what she sat on a draining board beside the sink. Again, she looked surprised, but then shrugged and went back to washing. We completed our tasks, and she put the clean dishes away.

"I'll be right back with clean drawers, a towel, and washing cloth. Sit," she ordered me as she pointed to a chair at the table.

"Yes, ma'am."

She nodded in approval as I carefully sat down and was soon flying up the stairs to get the items she mentioned.

She was quickly back and ordering me around. I just stood by the stove and listened to her instructions.

"I'll be back when you've finished…unless you require my assistance," she said with a glance down to the floor. That had been a clear question. I thought about it, how much I loved her touching my body, how much I loved her close to me, how much it…

"I know that would be most unwise, Freckles."

She slowly raised her chin and gave me a very direct look. "You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

The words, the _wrong_ words flew out of my mouth. "I know I like it when you touch me."

She slightly tilted her head, and her tongue darted out between her pink lips. "I know I like that as well."

I sucked in a breath and felt desire shimmer down my spine. "_Bella_."

A sound outside made us both jump. Soon, Charles's boots were clomping up the stairs on the back porch. He stomped into the kitchen, slamming open the door so hard it thumped against the wall.

He stopped and eyed us both standing here, then sucked in his jaw as if displeased. "Up, Yankee? Must be feelin' better."

"He's about to bathe. It's easier on me if he does so in the kitchen," Bella said primly.

Charles nodded. "Anything to eat?" He sat down a crate on a small table by the door, which Bella eyed in interest.

"There's stew made. The pot is still warming on the stove. You wash up, and I'll get you a bowl. Were you able to get any coffee?" Bella asked him hopefully.

"Thanks, daughter." He washed up and then slumped down into the chair I had sat in earlier. "Yep, managed to get my hands on some coffee beans and this." He reached into his pocket and handed her a small square of wrapped up paper. She almost timidly took it then carefully untied it. She just stared down at the open package in her hand.

"_Vanilla beans_," she said in wonder. "Thank you, Father," she declared gravely, sounding quite touched.

"Yep," Charles said almost in embarrassment.

I suddenly began to see Charles Swan differently. I hadn't been sure up until this point that he did indeed love his daughter, but then I knew. He loved her very much. With one gesture, he had proved to Bella, and me, that he loved her. All that keeping her here, keeping her close that he did, that was to protect her.

Bella turned and opened the cabinet, pulling out a small glass jar with a stopper. She placed the long vanilla beans in the jar carefully and then replaced the lid, setting it back on the shelf almost reverently. I understood. Such things were hard to come by during the war and rare gifts when you were fortunate enough to receive them.

She suddenly met my eyes, and I gave her a small smile. She blinked and then pointed to a chair close by the stove. I nodded and sat down, watching her serve her father.

She sat his bowl of stew down and then looked from him to me. "I need to change the beds. You eat," she said to her father with a look, and then she turned to me. "And you bathe. I'll be back in a bit."

Charles scowled at me and then tucked into his stew. After the third bite, he sighed and tossed his spoon down in the bowl. "Don't much care for the company 'round here," he muttered and then stood. He grabbed his bowl and strode out toward the front parlor. He paused at the doorway, however, and turned back to face me.

"I don't think I have to say what needs to be said here."

I curtly nodded.

"You leave here as soon as you can."

"Yes."

"Try not to break her heart when you do, Yankee," he said with that grave look his daughter was always bestowing upon me.

"I would never wish to harm, Isabella. Never."

"Well, folks wishin' and doin' are two totally different things. I see how you two look at each other, and I'm tellin' you now to nip it in the bud."

"But what if I wished to wed her and her me?" I held my breath as I awaited his reply.

"I would say, that ain't happenin'. What you gonna do, Yankee? Drag her all over creation to God knows where? Put her in harm's way in the midst of battle? Or marry her and leave her here pining for you? Who the hell could we find to marry you two anyway? No, you leave here as soon as you can. Do all of us a favor and forget all about her and never come back."

"I will leave, but I will never forget her. That will prove to be impossible."

We heard Bella moving around the bedroom above us, and Charles gave me one last look and then clomped out of the kitchen. I sat there for a moment in contemplation. I had been expecting worse from him and had prepared myself for harshness, but instead I got gruffness and true worry for his daughter. That would make one thing about the leaving here easier, knowing how much her father cared for her and wanted to keep her safe.

I realized I had better get to cleaning myself up before Bella returned. I quickly washed off and then grabbed the pan from the stove and the soap and hobbled out to the back porch where I proceeded to scrub my hair and rinse it. The spring day was chilly, and I was just in the short drawers, so I made quick work of it. I was covered in goose bumps and shivering when I re-entered the kitchen to find Bella standing there, her arms full of sheets.

She slid her eyes down my body, and I realized that these wet white drawers surely showed everything. I moved my hand over, draping the wet towel in front of my lower body, and she frowned. Whatever was I to do with this curious woman?

"Bella."

She shot her head up and met my amused eyes.

"No, Freckles," I said softly with a shake of my head.

"Well, get dressed if you don't want a body to look," she hissed out in a fierce whisper as she shoved past me to go out the back door.

I nearly laughed, but kept it in, not wanting to garner the attention of her father a room away. I limped over to the table and took off the wet drawers and slid on the new. Bella had laid me out a clean nightshirt, so I pulled that down over my head. After that, I neatly folded up Charles's too big clothes that she had gotten for me to wear before I slumped down into a chair, my leg hurting almost beyond bearing.

She strode in the back door and eyed me sitting there. "Weary, Edward Cullen?"

"Yes. Help me up the stairs to bed?"

She nodded and reached out a hand for me. Foolish me did the incorrect thing and pulled it to my mouth, kissing the back of it. She snatched that hand back and quickly turned her head toward the parlor where her father was. Yes, that had been a grave error.

She offered her hand again, this time with a warning look. I nodded and then took it, and she tugged me standing. She helped me up the stairs and then tucked me into the clean sheets. I fell into a light nap with her blazing eyes and cute freckles on my mind. A better dream I couldn't recall.

Another week went by. Time was moving too swiftly, my healing also apace. I had often caught Bella gazing at my shoulder and leg, and then she would chew on her bottom lip in worry. She knew as well as I did that as soon as I could walk well, I was leaving here. Therefore, she did all she could to try to keep me in bed and not using and rehabilitating my leg. I let her get her way at times, but when I knew she was outdoors, I would get up and began to pace, working my leg and left arm, trying to get back my strength.

Today was a bright, sunny day with both of us in a favorable mood, though she'd never admit that. She had been willing to be pulled down into my lap and be kissed, so the day was a very good one for me.

I went to kiss her again, but she gave me a look and tried to pull back.

I shook my head at her.

She pulled harder, and I grinned.

She darted her eyes to window, looking surprised, and when I turned to see what she was looking at she slid out of my arms.

I laughed at falling for the oldest trick in the book. She looked smug and proud of herself.

"Come back here," I ordered as I tried to grip her arms. She was quicker than me, though, and slid like an eel out of my embrace.

"A body has work to do, Edward Cullen," she said with crossed arms and a severe look, but her eyes were playful.

"All you ever do is work. A body needs pleasure as well."

My meaning was not lost on her, and I saw her eyes darken. I shouldn't have said those words. This woman was a simmering pot of passion. All it took was a little stirring by me, and she was near boiling over in desire. Not that I should be attempting to stir her up. It had nowhere to go. I refused to take this past a certain point.

She had begun to push, but I pushed back. I did allow us certain liberties, though. Kissing was definitely on the table, as was carefully placed hands. I never touched her inappropriately again, not after my mauling of her in the cellar. That had been ungentlemanly of me and completely inappropriate. She was a lady- what the hell had I been thinking? I guessed that was the problem; I hadn't been thinking, at least not with my head.

I just observed her. I could study her cherished face and form forever. In the short time I had come to know her, she had become to me the reason God had placed me on this earth, whether she knew it or not or even cared. She had become my every waking thought, my every sleeping dream, my daily torment. I admit to my obsession.

"I think my Freckles needs kissing."

"I think your Freckles needs to get the wash done."

I grinned at her calling herself my Freckles. "I think I should help you."

"I think you should stay in bed."

"I'm sick of this bed. Unless-"

"You can help with the wash," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Good. I know you like me near."

She let out huff and rolled her eyes. "You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

"Oh, I think I know a few things, Isabella Swan."

"Yes, like how to torment a body with ceaseless inane banter. You're worse than the cock crowing in the barnyard."

I flat out grinned at her. "I do so love to-"

"Enough of this foolishness! You need a bath today. You smell."

I laughed. "You going to bathe me as well?" I asked eagerly. What was wrong with me? I knew better than to ask her such things.

The tip of her tongue darted out and wetted her lips before sliding back into her mouth. I felt the muscles in the pit of my stomach contract and my breath catch. For an innocent, she sure knew how to drive me mad. Perhaps it was her very innocence that was so enticing. That naïveté, curiosity, and eagerness to learn and explore. It aroused in me a desire to be her guide, her teacher, and to give her body my undivided attention. And oh, the attention I would lavish on Isabella Swan's person.

Fool. _Stop._

"If you wish."

My eyes shot up from her body to meet her curious gaze. Her voice had been low and husky, and that did something to this man. I just held her eyes. We were like two dancers circling around each other, unable to stop prancing around, but unwilling to actually proceeding to waltzing.

"Perhaps I should bathe myself from now on," I said regretfully.

"Perhaps," she replied, her mouth in a displeased frown. She really needed to stop that.

"You should smile for me."

"Why ever should I do that?"

"Because it would please me, Freckles."

"As if…" She looked away for a moment and then directly met my watchful gaze. "Why does it bother you that I do not smile?"

"Because I know you wish to, but you do not. You do not show happiness and joy and that sense of humor you hold because you do not wish others to see who you really are."

I slowly got up from bed and limped over to in front of her. She just gazed up at me, her face blank of expression. I traced my thumb along her cheekbone before speaking. "You're afraid others will use those things against you and will find you weak and bendable to their will. Above all else, you chafe against restraint, against conformity, against control. You have an independent nature and rebellious spirit inside of you. Freedom rules you, but it's also made you its prisoner."

"You speak nonsense," she said and lowered her eyes.

"Do I? Tell me, Isabella Swan, what keeps you here?"

"Here?"

"Here. In your father's home."

She raised her eyes, and I saw they were troubled. She did not want to answer this question.

"I've had no choice."

"How old are you?"

"What does that matter?" she asked in annoyance.

"How old?" I persisted.

"I've had twenty-four birthdays," she finally replied.

"So, you're telling me that in twenty-four years on this earth, not one man has come to court you? Not one man has offered for your hand? You'd make any man a fine wife, so I don't believe no man has never seen what I see and tried to make you his own."

She stepped back and crossed her arms protectively. She looked displeased with me. I did not care. I wanted this answer.

"No one?"

She sighed and with a frown finally gave me a reply. "Of course I've had offers. My father's farm and I being his only child has had men offer for me."

"I don't think it was just your father's farm they were after. Tell me, why did you turn them down?" I pretty much knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her say it.

"Why does that matter?"

"It matters to me. Tell me, Freckles. Why?"

She sighed and turned her head, gazing out of the window. "Because, those men did not understand me. They did not see me as me, they merely saw a woman to wed and bed and give them children to raise. They never cared what I felt or thought or dreamed. I wasn't real to them. They didn't _see_ me. To give myself to such a man would be to lose my spirit."

"And me? Am I such the same as the others?" I asked as I reached out for her hand. She resisted at first and then allowed me to slide my fingers between hers and tug her a bit closer.

She held my eyes for a very long time before she answered me.

"No. You're Edward Cullen. You're mine. It wasn't you choosing me; it was me choosing you. It's the only way it could be with me."

"_Bella._"

I breathed out her name and then breathed in her essence as I pulled her against my chest. She tucked her arms between us and snuggled her head under my chin as I stroked her back lightly, giving her what I could of myself.

We just stood that way for a very long time, as if the world had stopped, and we were the only two living souls on it, and perhaps, for just that moment in time, we were.

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**Thanks for reading my dears.**

**Much love,**

**Sunny**


	7. In which we sin

**Hello dears. Another thank you for reading this story. I know period fics are a hard sell, but from the reviews, you seem to be enjoying it. As with historical stories (this is my second one) I do tons of research, but I will still get some things wrong. Some terms of the time period and what they called things are hard to find.**

**As to farm life, that's easy. I grew up doing everything from working in the fields to helping kill chickens for dinner (I know, gross) on my grandparent's tobacco farm. Kind of still miss those simple days. There's much to be said for the slower paced, rural life. **

**Thank you to my beta Rhi. Love you lots and lots.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**As you can see from the title of the chapter, Edward and Bella get a little…handsy.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 6: In which we sin**

"Hand me that," she ordered me, and I readily complied, handing off to her the empty milk pail.

"Thank you for getting me clothes to wear and letting me assist you in your chores," I said quietly as she milked the cow.

She glanced up at me and shrugged. "I thought I better get you out of that bedroom before you started talking to me about roosters on dishes or some other bothersome silly thing."

I laughed out heartily. "Now it's roosters _on _dishes? Methinks my Freckles is becoming obsessed with my teasing."

She snorted, actually s_norted,_ and I looked at her in astonishment.

"As if a body could be amused by your foolishness," she said as she worked the udders of the docile cow.

"Oh, I think I amuse you plenty, Isabella."

She shot her eyes to mine. "My name is Bella."

"Or Freckles."

She held my eyes and then turned from me with a shrug of her shoulder. "As you wish," she said as she went back to milking.

"I wish a lot of things."

"None of which I'm sure I should be concerned with."

"They all concern you, so perhaps you should be."

She paused, and then gave me that direct look of hers. "Perhaps you should tell me them then, Edward Cullen, since you think I'd be so interested."

I blinked and then slowly grinned at her. "I'd rather show you."

She held my eyes for one long moment, and then her tongue darted out and licked her lips. "I think I would…enjoy that."

I sucked in a breath and felt my heart began to pound. "I've got to stop this. Forgive me for such inappropriate teasing of you all the time. I enjoy it too much, way beyond what is proper. I will not be the ruin of you."

"You worry too much about such things," Bella said with a frown and stood and grabbed the milk bucket.

"And you do not worry enough," I replied in frustration.

"Oh, you and your foolish honor!" she said angrily and almost shoved the milk pail against my chest. I managed not to drop it and spill the precious milk as I watched her stomp away.

"It's all I have," I replied as I limped after her.

She spun around and crossed her arms. "And does that keep you warm at night, Edward Cullen? Does it make you happy? Does it bring you joy?"

I looked away from her, unable to hold her blazing eyes. "No, of course not."

"What would make you happy? What would keep you warm? What would bring you joy?"

I slowly lifted my eyes and met hers. "I think you know the answer to that."

"Say it," she demanded.

"That is unfair."

"Is it? You make me answer you when I do not wish to. What's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander."

I sighed and gave her a faint grin. "Yes, of course. That is only fair, you're correct."

"Well?"

"You. The answer to everything with me is always you."

She nodded curtly, and a look of satisfaction settled upon her beloved face. "Good. Then we're even."

I chuckled and started to limp toward her with the milk. "You're kind of amazing, Freckles."

"I told you…"

"I know, I know, but I will compliment the finest woman I've ever met, nonetheless."

"Hrmp." She grabbed the milk from me, careful not to spill it, and then headed toward the back of the house.

I limped after her with a grin. Charles was off for a couple of days, trying to sell some livestock, and Bella and I were alone here in the house. Charles had made sure to stop by the bedroom before dawn this morning, handing me a loaded pistol, warning me to protect Bella at all costs, and to behave like a gentleman. He shot me a warning look before he left. _I will behave myself_, I repeated over and over in my head.

I followed her into the kitchen, and she washed her hands and then began to prepare us breakfast. I sat down at the table and just observed her. I soaked her up, her and the little things she did that made life worth living.

She turned to me and gave me an odd look. "Sleepy?"

"No. Just watching you, Freckles."

"Whatever for?"

"When a man sees the best thing he's ever laid eyes upon, he's sure to linger a while," I replied with a faint grin.

"Me?" she scoffed as she turned and flipped the eggs she had frying in the skillet.

"You. Most definitely."

"Foolish-"

"Not foolishness. Let me compliment you a bit, Freckles. It's the least I can do."

She turned and gave me a look with a roll of her eyes before she went back to cooking. She pulled the fresh biscuits from the oven, and my mouth watered. She was the best cook I'd ever had the pleasure of eating their meals. She soon placed a plate in front of me with three fried eggs and two biscuits. She placed the honey jar and a jar of what looked like strawberry jam in front of me and then a cup of precious coffee. I eyed this feast with gladness.

"Thank you. It all looks and smells wonderful."

She just nodded and slid into her seat with her own cup of coffee. We ate silently, me in heaven from such good cooking. I used my biscuit to mop up the egg yolk off my plate, chewing in bliss at the fluffy biscuit nearly melting in my mouth.

"I don't know when…"

"I need to muck out the stalls in the barn," she said shortly and stood up with her plate and cup in her hand.

"I'll assist you," I replied evenly, aware that she did not wish me to compliment her.

"Why?"

"Why not?" I asked, and she seemed to have no answer for that. So she shrugged and went and began to wash the breakfast dishes.

I gathered my own and slowly made my way to the sink. She took my dishes without a word and began to wash them. As the other day, I took a cloth and began to dry the clean dishes she put on the draining board. She paused when I started, and then she quickly resumed her work. The kitchen clean, she turned to me and crossed her arms.

"You should be in bed."

"I think I should help you."

"I think you should rest, Edward Cullen."

"I think I'd rather spend my time with you, Isabella Cul-Swan," I quickly sputtered out. I stood there in disbelief at what I had almost said.

She merely held my eyes and then looked down, sadness clear on her features.

"Forgive me. That was…oh, Bella, please forgive me."

She curtly nodded her head and kept her eyes on the floor.

"Surely you know how it is for me. Surely you know."

"And what way is that?" she whispered.

"That you have become the sole reason for my existence."

She slowly raised her head and met my eyes, and I actually swayed from the emotion on her face. "If you could…if you could make me your…" She looked back down and let out a deep breath. "If you could…would you?"

"In a heartbeat."

She nodded curtly and then walked to the kitchen door. "If you wish to assist me, it would not be remiss."

"Thank you," I replied as I haltingly made my way to the back door.

I followed her back to the barn, and as best I could, helped her muck out the stalls. We worked silently, letting the busyness of our bodies keep our attention. I couldn't help my eyes darting to her frequently, but she did not look my way. She merely kept her expression grave and her body in motion as she worked harder than any man.

Once we were finished, we washed our hands in a bucket of water and dried them on a cloth that was hanging above it on a nail. She then turned to me and stood there with her hands clasped as if she was waiting for something.

I tilted my head and returned her gaze, wondering what she was thinking about. "Freckles?"

She held out a hand for me, and with confusion surely clear on my face, I slid my fingers between hers. She tugged on my hand and led me to the back of the barn and into an empty stall full of fresh straw.

I looked around the stall and then back to her, still not understanding what she was about.

"You may kiss me now, Edward Cullen."

I hadn't expected that at all. "Here?"

"Here."

I slowly grinned at her as I wrapped my hand around her small waist and pulled her close to me. "What am I to do with you?"

"Well, you could stop talking and kiss me, you fool," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

I let out a laugh, and then my hand was holding her face and my lips firm against hers. I felt swept away as passion flared between us. Bella's hands were all over me, making me more than a little insane. I kissed her hard, coaxing her lips open and searching for her tongue. She eagerly answered my request, and we were soon lost in something bigger than the two of us.

I felt her tug on me, pulling me down, and fool that I was, I did not, _could not_, resist. Damn my shoulder, my leg, whether it was sin, damn what was right or wrong…I was lying with the woman that I loved madly under my body, and the whole rest of the world could go to hell in this moment.

I had lost it, and I knew I had lost it, but I didn't care. I slid my hand down, cupping her breast, my fingertips stroking her nipple. She made a little sound and gripped the back of my shirt in her fist. She pushed up on me, her face flushed and eyes blazing. I leaned back from her pushes, and she was soon sitting up and unbuttoning her dress.

I shook my head, but she continued, and I had no voice in the moment to tell her to stop. She held my eyes as she slid her sleeves down and then pushed her thin, white chemise down. I gazed. I was enraptured looking at her small, beautiful breasts. Then I was insane again, my mouth on her right nipple, licking and sucking her in bliss. She was writhing under me, making the most erotic sounds I'd ever heard.

I was beyond anything at this point. Six weeks in her presence, loving her, admiring her, wanting her…I had to have some outlet before I lost my mind. I found my hand sliding up her thigh, pushing her dress out of the way as I went. It registered for only a second that she had nothing on under this dress before my fingertips were brushing the heart of her.

I nearly wept to feel her soft, warm, welcoming folds, coated with her desire. I met her eyes, and she was staring up at me, a look of surprised awe on her face as I gently slid my fingertip over and over her special spot. It didn't take long before she was shuddering in release under me, her head thrown back, her eyes closed. I just stared at her; no words could do justice to the beauty of her in her orgasm.

As she calmed back down, I rained kisses over her neck, chest, and breasts, wishing I could spend my entire life just doing this. I kissed back up to her mouth and gave her a slow, deep kiss, beyond happy in this moment to have given her such a gift and not have ruined her.

"Now we can have some calm between us, for that's what you've been wanting, Freckles."

She gave me that direct gaze of hers, and then she roughly shoved me off of her. I thought perhaps she was angry at me at the liberties I had taken, but she shocked me again beyond words as she flung me down on my back and was soon over me.

I shook my head in desperation to stop her.

"That wasn't what I had been wanting, Edward Cullen. What I want is _you_," she said fiercely as she madly tugged at the buttons on my shirt.

"Bella, please, stop," I begged.

"No," she said dismissively and shoved the shirt open, her hands soon traveling over my chest. I closed my eyes as I felt her lean down, her nipples brushing my stomach and her lips trailing over my skin.

I let out a moan and gripped her shoulders. "Freckles, stop," I ordered her, my voice harsh.

"No," she merely replied as her hand cupped my hard, throbbing member. My back arched, and I couldn't hold back the grunting moan.

"You need release. I do not know how it's done, but I want to give it to you," she said, her face suddenly hovering over mine.

"I…can take care of that. Just give me a moment. We have to stop now. I cannot join with you. I will not ruin you," I said through my hard breathing.

She frowned, but nodded and slid off of me. I looked at her sitting there almost casually, her breasts there for me to look my fill, and I knew I had to take care of myself before I released in my pants. I awkwardly got up and limped to the back of the stall.

"Turn around, please," I begged her. She nodded and spun her body facing forward away from me.

I quickly had my member out and was stroking it, my eyes closed, the vision of Bella's breasts and her face when she released firm in my mind. I felt my release almost upon me, when I felt Bella wrap her arms around my back. I just stood there in shock.

"Please. Let me help," she said quietly and reached around placing her hand over mine on my member.

There was nothing I could do but stand there, still surprised beyond movement. I heard her make a sound, and then she shoved my hand aside and wrapped her hand around me. I grunted and closed my eyes. She slowly stroked her hand over me, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I released.

"Like this?" she asked, her voice husky against my neck.

"_Yes_," I hissed out as she sped up her movements.

I felt my orgasm upon me suddenly, her breasts against my back, her breathing on my neck, her hand stroking my member a deadly combination. I spurted in relief as my seed seemed to endlessly come from my body. I grabbed her hand to stop her stroking, because it was more than I could handle anymore. I tucked myself in my pants and literally fell to the floor, dragging her with me.

I just held her against my chest as I tried to find reason again. Finally, my body calmed back down to the point I could speak again.

"Freckles…you should have not…that's not for a lady…you shouldn't have…"

"Why not? I like to touch you, and you like to touch me. Why is that wrong?"

I shook my head. Why was it wrong? Because it was not what society said men and women should do? Why did it matter what two people that cared about each other did in the privacy of their bedchamber…or a barn stall as would have it?

"I don't suppose it is wrong. Just that…it's not wrong. I just did not expect you to do that for me."

I felt her shrug. "You enjoyed it." She reached over and trailed her finger through my seed in the straw. I just stared at her, wondering what she was doing. She held up her index finger and stared at it. "This? This is what makes a child?"

I quickly took her hand and wiped my seed off her finger. "Yes. That is why I cannot join with you. I cannot take the chance."

"But…how does that work?"

"Uh, hmm. I join with you and release inside of you. If you're fertile, then my seed meets up with your egg and a baby is formed."

"Ah. And it feels good? You joining with me? As good as what we just did?"

"The questions you ask me, Freckles," I said with a laugh. "Yes. Better. So much better."

"Oh."

She was silent for a time. "Am I too forward? Did I displease you?"

"No. I find you remarkable. You could never displease me."

"Might we do that again?"

I shook my head. My passionate Freckles. "I don't think that's something we should do again. We were dancing very close to the edge there."

"Will you still kiss me?"

"Always."

She slid her hand over and cupped my soft member. "And this, it only gets firm when we are to join?"

I let out a breath and pulled her hand off of me. "You must not do that."

"Why?"

"Because, to answer your question, no, it gets firm just thinking about touching you, just at me seeing you at times. It's a man's burden to have no way to hide his want of his woman."

"So you get firm often?"

"Bella. These questions!" I said with another laugh. "But, yes. Of course, to answer you."

"Because you see me and want me?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Oh. Women are not the same."

"No. Your bodies react differently, of course."

"You mean, that's why I get that funny feeling between my legs and there's this dampness?"

"_Bella_." I sucked in a breath and felt myself growing hard again. She had to stop this. "Yes," I hissed out and moved her hand again that had creeped over to just beside my member.

"And that's why I want to throw you down and do wicked things with you?"

"Freckles!" I let out a curse, and she made a reproving sound. "Is there anything else you want to nearly kill me with today? Best to get it out of the way," I said with a frustrated laugh.

I felt her body shake and knew she had laughed. "Such a brave strong soldier, an officer no less, and is scared of a few questions from a puny little woman?"

"Trust me, your questions are scarier than any battle I've ever faced."

She got up from beside me and straddled my lap, being very careful of my left thigh. I just gazed at her, not sure where to place my eyes, but found them pulled to her still bare breasts.

"Poor Edward Cullen. It seems I have some power over him," she said mockingly with laughter in her eyes.

"Yes. Do not doubt it, Freckles." I reached out and skimmed my finger down her arm, loving the feel of her soft skin, loving everything about this moment. "You should put your top back on."

She shrugged. "When I'm ready. You should keep your shirt off."

I let out a surprised laugh. "You...you're a little vixen in the making. You're pretty much perfect, Freckles."

She shot me a cocky look. "Good that you finally realized that, Edward Cullen."

Then I was laughing and hugging her to me. "Oh, you. You bring me joy."

She pulled back and cupped my face in her hands. "Good. Then we're even," she replied quietly.

I gazed over at her doing her mending as I was reading aloud. She would pause at times, as if thinking about what I had read, before she resumed her work. I cherished this time with her. I was happy her father was gone and giving us this precious time alone.

I suddenly stopped and yawned.

She glanced up at me. "Weary?"

"Yes. It's been an…interesting day," I said with a smirk.

"Yes, it has," she replied with that grave look of hers. She put her sewing aside and aided me up the stairs. I still had trouble bending my left leg, and stairs were an interesting trail every time.

She left me at the door of the bedroom with a lit candle and told me goodnight.

"Goodnight, Freckles."

She was quickly gone, and I closed the door and got myself undressed. I didn't bother with a night shirt, simply sliding into bed in my short drawers. I blew out the candle and was soon asleep.

I awakened later to find Bella lying beside me in the bed, her body snuggled close to mine, her breathing even as she slept nestled against me. I laid there and debated what to do, and then I thought, _it's just sleeping_. I turned to her and gathered her into my arms, tucking her head under my chin. I drifted back into sleep, a quiet joy in my heart to be holding the best woman God had ever created.

When I awoke the next time, it was to find Bella lying in my arms, her brown eyes gazing steadily at me.

"Good morning," she said, sounding unsure. She probably thought I was going to be angry with her for her slipping into bed with me last night.

"Freckles," I replied with a faint grin, and then I pulled her to me for a morning kiss.

"I thought you'd have words for me, Edward Cullen."

"Only that last night was the best night of my existence."

She blinked, and I saw the tears forming in her eyes. She suddenly gripped me in her arms, hugging me against her. "Mine," she choked out. "Mine."

"Yes. Yours. Always," I replied in kind, my voice rough with emotion.

She held me for a moment and then shoved me back. "I need to gather the eggs, milk the cow, and cook breakfast. A body has work to do." She slid out of bed was gone out the door before I could even respond.

I knew Charles would most likely be back today so I wouldn't waste any precious time with just her and me. I slid out of bed and used the bedpan. I washed my hands as Bella always insisted and then did a quick wash off of my body before I dressed. I stood at the top of the stairs eying those eighteen steps and frowned. I'd never done this without Bella's help before. I tentatively took my good leg and stepped down, then my bad one on the same step. I found this to be working as I slowly descended the steps.

All went well until the fifth step from the bottom when my left leg just gave out, and I felt myself falling, unable to stop myself. I ended up lying in the floor at the bottom of the stairs, my head pounding from hitting it on the banister and my left leg on fire from a horrible twisting.

I heard pounding footsteps, and then Bella was there looking down at me with wide eyes and fear on her face. "Are you injured?" she asked almost frantically.

"I'm not sure right this moment. Will you help me up, Freckles?"

She flung herself down beside me, her hand traveling over me to see if I was injured. She briefly touched my temple, and I winced in pain. "Fool. You should have waited on me to assist you. You've split your head open. Don't move."

She was up and into the kitchen and quickly back with a cloth in her hands. She dabbed my head, wiping up blood, and then she just held it against me. "Hold this as I help you up. Let's get you into the parlor and you can rest on the divan."

She got down on the floor with me and wrapped an arm around my back, physically lifting me up. Once again, I found myself at the mercy of Isabella Swan, but I did not mind. Of all bodies on this earth, hers was the one I was at the disposal entirely.

She helped me to the divan, and I slumped down, almost embarrassed to be needing her aid again. "Thank you. It seems you're always coming to my rescue, Freckles. I'm sorry to be such an imposition."

She shot me a look. "Foolishness. I do not mind, Edward Cullen. I actually…" she trailed off and pretended she was concentrating on dabbing the blood from my head wound.

"You actually like taking care of me. I know that's what you were about to say," I said with a faint grin.

She stepped back and frowned. "You know nothing."

"I know enough to see your chiding me is a clear yes."

She gave me this side-eyed look that was both amusing and erotic, and I just gazed at her and licked my lips.

"Oh, Edward Cullen thinks he knows me."

"Perhaps it's just that I see you clearly, Isabella Swan."

She turned her face from me. "Perhaps that is why I choose you," she replied quietly. "I need to clean and stitch up that cut. I'll return shortly."

I watched her walk away into the kitchen to gather what she needed. I sat there for a moment, resting in her words and felt the grin upon my lips.

"Hell fire!" I cursed out as I felt the needle sliding through my skin.

"Do not curse," she reprimanded me.

"Forgive me. Are you almost finished?"

"Well, a body could work much faster if her clumsy patient would just hold still."

I eyed her breasts just inches from my eyes and realized I was being an idiot. "On second thought, it's fine. Take your time, Freckles."

I slid my hand up over her hip, my fingers lightly pressing into her, and she paused for a moment. She started again, but moved her body even closer to mine. I curled my fingers and slid my knuckles up her side, just barely skimming the swell of her breast. I really needed to stop, but ever since yesterday, her body was all I could think about. Those breasts, oh how I longed to touch and kiss them again. I blew out a breath and curled my toes into my boots.

"Finished. I need to clean it with some alcohol. Ready?"

I nodded and didn't even flinch when she dabbed my stitches with the whiskey. I was used to pain by this point, and my mind was focused somewhere else anyway.

She sat the towel down on the table beside the chair, and then she was gripping my face and looking down at me gravely. All I could do was stare up at her like the love-sick fool I was.

"Hungry, Edward Cullen?"

"Yes. Come here," I nearly growled out as I pulled her down onto my right leg and gripped her in my firm embrace.

She looked at me in surprise for a moment, and then she placed her lips to mine, and we were kissing as if we couldn't get enough of each other. I let out a moan and took the back of her neck, tilting her head back. My mouth was then on her neck, kissing it madly.

She whimpered and gripped my hair. I found my hand on her breast despite my best effort to not touch her there. She was making a sound so sweet I nearly could have died from the beauty of it. Good sense finally reared its head. I stopped my mauling of her and simply closed my eyes and rested my forehead on her shoulder.

"That was uncalled for. I'm sorry."

"Why? I'm not. I'm the one that kissed you. But you're right. It was time to stop. I'll go prepare us a meal."

I nodded as she slipped off my lap. "I shall keep you company. Thank you for taking care of my latest injury."

"You're welcome, Edward Cullen." She started toward the kitchen and then paused. She turned to me, curiosity clear on her face. "Answer me something. What happens between us when we touch, when we kiss…is that normal between men and women?"

"Kissing and touching is normal between...couples. Yes."

"No, that is not what I meant. I mean, the way I feel as if nothing exists but you. The way I feel as if time stops and it's only you and me alone on this earth and that I'm glad for it."

I slowly stood and limped over to her. I reached out for her hand. She gave me hers, and I squeezed her fingers in mine, happy to just be touching any part of her.

"No. That isn't normal. That's rare and precious. The most folks can hope for is to find someone compatible that you can pleasantly live a life with. To find someone who understands you and is the other half of your soul… No, that's a gift from God himself."

"Do you…do you feel that, too?" she asked shyly.

"Every time, Freckles. Every time."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	8. A price above rubies

**Hello, dear readers! Finally an update for you. **

**Thanks a million to my dear beta Rhi. You're the best.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 7: A price above rubies**

"Don't do anything today, except spend time with me."

She spun around and shot me a confused look. "What?"

"Spend the day with me. Please," I entreated her.

"Whatever shall we do?"

"Oh, I can think of thing or two," I said with a grin, and I saw that spark in her eyes.

"As can I, Edward Cullen."

I held her eyes for a moment before I looked away. The pull of her, almost more than I could resist. I must_, I_ _must, _stop teasing her so_._

"You could take me to your woods."

"My woods?" She sat down in the kitchen chair beside me. "I don't think you'll make it with that leg. Didn't you injure it when you fell this morning?"

I shrugged. "A little. It's nothing. I want you to show me your woods, and then…I wish for you to sing for me."

"I do not sing for a body other than my own," Bella said and looked away.

"But, Freckles, I think you'll sing for me. What if I sing with you? Will that suffice?"

"No," she replied firmly.

I reached over and took her hand, tugging on it. "Come here, Freckles."

She frowned down at our hands, but arose from her chair and stood in front of me. I slowly stood up and then placed my lips to hers. She grabbed my shirt and kissed me back with enthusiasm. Too much enthusiasm. I could feel us sliding into our special place where only the other existed. I had to stop this kiss before it went further. I pulled back and skimmed my fingers over her lips.

"I love the way you kiss me." I traced my fingertips over the freckles across the bridge of her nose and then placed several chaste kisses over her face. "Please? For me?"

"What?" she asked, looking a bit dazed.

"Sing for me, my fiery, fierce Freckles. Sing for me, my dearest."

"You shouldn't, oh, you shouldn't _say_ such things," she replied as a whisper.

"The complimenting you or calling you 'my dearest'?"

"Both," she answered as she kept her eyes averted from me.

"I only speak truth."

"Truth is painful sometimes," was her faint reply.

"_Bella._" Her name rushed out of me like a torrent of emotion.

I pulled her into my embrace, and she folded herself into my arms as if I was protecting her from the world. I felt the painful tug on my heart and knew we needed to get out of this house for a while, or her sadness and need of me and my own of her was going to have me making love to her.

I kissed her hair and then released her. "Let's take a walk."

She nodded and grabbed a shawl from a hook, wrapping it around her shoulders. I slid the gun into the back of my pants and grabbed the crude cane she had given me made from a sturdy tree branch.

"I need a knife."

She gave me a perplexed look. "A knife?"

I nodded. "I had one in my boot."

"Ah, yes. I put it with your sword. Give me a moment, and I shall retrieve it." Bella was quickly in the front parlor moving the chair and rug and descending into the cellar. She was back up in a heartbeat. An efficient flick of the rug and shove of the chair and she was back in front of me handing me my sheathed knife.

"Thank you," I said and tucked in back into my right boot where I kept it. I offered her my right arm. "Shall we?"

She nodded and slipped her arm through mine. We made our way out the door and down the back porch, Bella guiding me toward the west. We didn't speak as we strolled, but we did not have to. The clear, crisp, slightly cool Spring day with its shining sun and sprinkling of bird song was a joy to us both, and we simply enjoyed being together and reveling in it.

We entered the dense woods, and I looked around in pleasure, always being a man who loved being outdoors and had a great love of trees, majestic creations of God that they were.

"Look." Bella pointed to a squirrel scampering up a tree and then to an opossum hanging upside down from a branch. It opened one eye and hissed at us as we passed, making me chuckle.

"His tree. He does not share," I said in amusement.

"Indeed. Let me show you the stream that flows through this wood."

My leg was aching, and I was having trouble walking, but this excursion was a blessing, and I refused to cut it short just because I was in discomfort. So I ignored my body and leaned on Bella for support, who gave it instinctively to me without my asking, so in tune were we with each other.

"This is a beautiful place. No wonder you love it so."

"Yes. When it's all you have, it becomes dear to your heart." She swept her eyes over the landscape.

"I understand. I'm sorry that you had such a lonely childhood."

She paused and turned to me. "But it wasn't lonely. I had this, and for a time I had my mother."

Of course she would see it that way. She was complete within herself, happy in her own company. "And now that you're an adult? Do you feel loneliness?"

She held my eyes for a long moment before she replied. "I did, for a time, but now I have you."

This was another moment in time where things changed. It was time for me to make things clear for her and her me.

"And I you. Let me say this now, Isabella Swan, and we don't have to speak of it again, if we do not wish. I cannot offer you my hand, or even my heart, for that is cruel when I must leave you, but know this, you are the finest woman I've ever met. There is no other woman on this earth for me than you. I may physically leave your presence soon, but I will never truly leave you. You're correct. I am yours, I will always be yours. If I live through this war, if I can come back to you, I swear I will. But always remember this: to me, you are perfect. To me, you are the reason God placed me on this earth. To me" -I stroked my fingers over her beloved face- "you are joy personified."

She blinked the tears out of her eyes and then reached up and touched my face as I had hers.

"And let me say this, Edward Cullen. You, to me, are a gift from God. You are mine, never forget that. Never. Live. Come back to me. I'll be waiting."

I blinked the tears out of my own eyes and then swept her up in my arms.

"Sing for me," I implored her against her sweet smelling hair.

She didn't respond at first, and then she quietly began to sing _Lilly Dale_. I held her to me and closed my eyes. She didn't have a fine singing voice, but that did not matter. Bella sang from her soul, so her singing moved me to the very core. She revealed herself in song, my dearest Freckles. On the second chorus, I joined in, our voices mingling perfectly, my tenor to her soprano. As in all things with the two of us, we fitted perfectly, complimented each other just so. God had made us for each other and found a way to throw us together. I would never stop thanking him for this miracle, not until my dying breath.

We ended the song, and she tilted her head back and gave me that grave look of hers. "You have a fine voice, Edward Cullen."

"I had the best accompaniment. Thank you, Freckles. I will cherish that always."

She scoffed. "It was just a song."

"No, it was you sharing yourself with me. It was a gift, and I will hold it tight in my heart."

She blinked several times, as if avoiding crying, and looked away from me. "Come, let us continue, Edward Cullen." She stepped back and slid her arm though mine again.

"Yes, let's. I hear running water. We must be close."

We sat down beside the stream, and I watched the water bubbling over the rocks. A bird hopped down from a branch; it eyed us in suspicion for a moment before hopping to a rock and taking a drink. I reached over and took Bella's hand, giving it a light squeeze. She gripped my hand firmly back and pulled it into her lap. The bird flew away, and she turned her attention to our joined hands. She flipped them over so mine was on top and with her other hand began to trace her finger over the contours and small scars on my hand.

"So many scars. You've been injured much in life," she said as her finger trailed down a jagged scar on my thumb.

I shrugged. "Farming and then my life as a soldier. A body takes a beating. They're nothing."

She looked up and met my eyes. "But some injuries go deep. Some cannot be healed."

I was unsure of where she was going with this. Was it my safety she feared for when I returned to war or was she talking about different kinds of injuries altogether?

"Yes, that is true. Not every body on this earth has the amazing Isabella Swan to heal them."

Then she was the one to shrug. "I only did what had to be done."

"You did more than that, and you know it, Freckles. Do not discount yourself like that. Do not underestimate your own worth."

"And what worth is that, Edward Cullen?" she asked me with that direct look of hers.

I slid my hand out of hers and reached up, holding her face. "You're a good woman. A virtuous woman whose price is far above rubies."

She frowned. "You quote scripture to me, Edward Cullen?"

"I found that Proverbs passage to be an apt fit for you, Freckles."

"You do not seem a Godly man to me."

I slightly grinned and shook my head. "No, I'm sure I do not, but as I told you the first day, I'm well acquainted with Jesus, but perhaps I find Heaven a bit closer and more tangible than it used to be."

She scoffed and crossed her arms. "You speak in nonsensical riddles."

I leaned back on my elbows and stretched my legs out. "I would think my meaning obvious, Freckles."

She granted me with a fierce frown. "Do not be sacrilegious, Edward Cullen!"

"Yes, ma'am," I replied with a wide grin. "Perhaps I should have said, to me, you're my new heaven."

"Why for heaven's sake do you persist-?"

"My dearest Freckles, please calm yourself. I'll try to behave. Well, at least for a short while."

"Oh. You…you!" she threw up her hands and let out a frustrated groan. "You are the most frustrating man I've ever met!"

I was grinning like a fool at her theatrics. I loved to rile her up. "I know. I get under your skin, don't I?"

"Yes, just like a bothersome painful splinter that can't be ignored," she said with a heavy sigh.

"Excellent," I replied happily as I laid my head back on my hands behind my head.

I heard a sound that sounded like a laugh and shot my eyes to her. She had her hand over her mouth and her head turned away, but I knew I had amused her, and I laughed out loud at the joy of it.

"Tell me, Isabella Swan, why is it you do not wear a corset and layers of petticoats like most women?"

She shot her face toward mine with a shocked look.

"You wish…you wish to now discuss my _undergarments_, Edward Cullen?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Sure. I've seen them, or lack of them, Freckles. It's got me curious."

I thought she might blush, but not my Bella. She gave me that direct look of hers and shrugged.

"I hate corsets and refuse to wear one. I do not like being hampered by layers of petticoats. I prefer simple clothing, simple undergarments-"

"Or none," I added.

She curtly nodded. "Or none," she agreed.

I swallowed and looked away. This line of conversation had been a very bad idea. I sat up to try to hide my reaction to the thought of her without bloomers on and only a thin chemise under that dress. That was not helping me. I needed to just stop thinking about her. I laid my arm over my lap and stared at the water, trying to think of fish, swimming, cold water, anything but Bella naked.

I cursed to myself. Fool. _Stop it_.

"Have you known women before?"

I whipped around. "What?"

"Women. Have you been intimate with many women?"

I just held her eyes, shocked, but not at her question. This was Bella, and she would ask the most intimate of questions without flinching. How to even answer that, though.

"Is it important to you to know?"

"I'm just curious. You seem to know what men and women are about in the bedroom, Edward Cullen."

I sighed. Her and her questions. Well, if she could ask, then I could do my best to answer. "I've only been with one woman besides you."

"Did you…did you join with her?"

"Freckles." I scrubbed a hand through my getting too long hair. "Yes. Yes I did." I couldn't look at her.

"Did you love her?"

I let out a huge sigh and faced her. "No."

"Why?"

"She wasn't you."

We held each other's gaze, the question and answer passing between us until she blinked and strong emotion crossed her face. She reached for me, and I grasped her hand in mine, not able to say the words, but my love surely showing plain on my face.

She pulled my hand back into her lap and began to trace the scars again on my skin.

"How old are you, Edward Cullen?"

"Twenty-five."

"When is your birth date?"

"June twentieth. When's yours, Freckles?"

"September thirteenth. Tell me about your family, Edward Cullen."

I let myself drift in memories of my childhood for a time before I began to speak.

"I had a pleasant childhood. My folks were good people, my father Carlisle and my mother Esme. They adopted me and Alice. My birth parents died in a fire when I was a babe, and I had no other living relatives so the Cullen's took me in. Alice they got from an orphanage when she was three. Esme couldn't have children of her own, and after me, she desperately wanted a daughter as well. They were good folks and hard working. My father was strict, but kind. My mother, a beautiful Irish lass that had my father's adoration. She loved to sing as you do, Freckles."

I shot her a grin, and she nodded.

"As did my own mother. Are they still living?"

"Last I heard from them all was well. My sister recently wed before her husband went off to war."

"Your father is a farmer like my own?"

I nodded. "I worked hard growing up. We had one thousand acres of land and tilled one hundred of it, mostly wheat and barley and potatoes. And then my mother's huge vegetable garden."

"I, too, grow a large vegetable garden each year. Your mother is of good sense. She cans much?"

"Yes, and they also sell much of it at market. They're good with money, but they also work hard for it."

"You grew up in wealth then, Edward Cullen?"

"Some, yes. Does that matter to you, Isabella Swan?"

"No. I'm just curious about you and your life. What made you who you are."

"Love, kindness, and being raised by God-fearing folk formed me. I only have one sin in my life that I wish I could undo, but other than that, I've tried to live as to make them proud."

"You speak of that woman you were with."

"Yes."

"Is what you and I do together sin?"

I just gazed at her. "No. I refuse to believe that this between us, surely ordained by God himself, is sin. What is between us is beautiful, powerful, perfection. _You_ are perfection, Freckles."

"I am flawed as are all bodies, but I agree with you. I refuse to see what is between you and I as wrong. I would not call you perfect, Edward Cullen- your hair is too long and you use too many flowery words." She shot me a look, and I could see the smile behind those beautiful eyes of her. "But you have something better. You _are _something better; you're mine."

"So possessive, my Freckles. I love it."

"Good, because you have no choice, Edward Cullen."

I chuckled and pulled her to me for a swift kiss. "You. What am I do with you?"

"Kiss me again?"

"Gladly. Always."

I placed my lips to hers, and we got a bit carried away in our kissing as we were known to do. I was not sure how or when, but I ended on my back with Bella lying mostly over me. She really needed to quit doing that, for my restraint only stretched so far. After that, thought was lost, because her thigh was up over mine, and my hand was on her bottom pulling her closer. With a groan, I wrenched my mouth from hers.

"Freckles, stop."

"No." Her lips trailed down my neck, and I closed my eyes in bliss for a moment before pushing back on her shoulders.

"My dearest, stop. We must have limits."

She pulled her face up and gave me a mighty frown. "You're the one who told me I needed fun in my life and then you deny me my fun?"

I couldn't help my laugh. "Kissing me is fun?" I asked with a grin.

She rolled her eyes. "Do not be fishing for compliments, Edward Cullen. You know you kiss well."

"I do?" My grin surely was as wide as my entire face by this time. "Perhaps it's whom I'm kissing that counts for my skill and enthusiasm. I do so wish to please you, Freckles."

"Then stop blathering so much and kiss me, you fool," she said in a huff.

I sat up with a sigh. "You, you're incorrigible. I do so adore you." I had just placed my lips back to hers when I heard distant sounds.

I whipped my head to the left. "Horses," I whispered. "We need to hide," I urged her, unsure if they were friend or foe, but being this was war, neither would be good right this moment.

She didn't speak, merely shot up and offered me her hand, yanking me standing. She gave me my cane and tugged on my hand, urging me silently to follow her. She knew these woods well, so I trusted her lead. She brought us to a large, old dead tree and began to part the brush in the front of it, exposing a hollowed out trunk. I pushed her ahead of me as I pulled the gun out of the back of my pants. We hunkered down, me shielding her body behind mine as I pulled the brush back over the entrance. Then we waited in still silence for the riders to pass by.

I kept my left hand on her arm behind me, holding her there. I ignored the pain it was causing my shoulder; her safety was all that mattered in this moment.

I heard the horses come closer and pause very near us.

"I'm tellin' ya, Hank, I didn't heard nothin'."

"Yer deafer than a corpse, Ren. I'm tellin' ya I heard somethin'."

"It was probably that dang bern rabbit over yonder. You should shoot it so we can have somethin' decent to eat for a change."

"A rabbit? You want me to shoot a rabbit with a shot-gun? There'd been nothin' left, you witless fool."

"Now who you callin' witless? I got me plenty of wits!"

"Not what ma said. She always said she must've dropped you on your danged head or somethin' when you was a babe to be that stupid."

"She didn't! You take that back, Hank!"

"Won't. Only speaking the truth. Come on. It's getting up in the day, and we need to be headin' back toward camp."

"I want to find that Yankee first. I just know he's close. I can smell 'em."

"You can't smell your own farts. We're supposed to be scouting. Why I was cursed to ride with my own brother, I'll never know."

"One of these days, Hank, I'm gonna pay you back for all your insults. See if I don't."

"Shut your toothless mouth, Ren. You know you ain't never gonna do nothin'. That Yankee officer is either dead or long gone from here by now. No fool would hang 'round with this many Confederates surroundin' 'em."

"You're the oldest, and Pa told me ta listen to ya, but you're the fool. I'm tellin' ya, he's still 'round here."

"Let's get ridin' before I drag you off that saddle and whip yer hide."

I heard him spur his horse and waited for the sound of his brother to follow. I heard the sound of a horse slowly clomping near us, and then it paused. "I can smell ya, damned Yankee. _I can smell ya_," he hissed out, and then he turned his horse and was gone.

I kept us there waiting for quite some time, my gun ready to defend us, but no sounds were heard, other than the stream and the wind blowing the leaves on the trees.

"I think it's safe now." I tucked the gun in my pants and tried to crawl out and stand, but my left leg was in terrible pain from being in such an awkward position for so long. I stumbled and found myself sprawled on the ground, staring up at the branches of a sapling just sprouting tiny green leaves.

"Always having to rescue you from under trees, Edward Cullen."

"Forgive me, Miss Swan. I find myself at your disposal again. Will you assist me up?"

"For a price."

"A price? Is it bargains you now be making with me, Freckles?" I asked with a grin.

"Fair trade, it would seem."

"Well, tell me what it is you want. I assure you, it will be given freely."

"A kiss will suffice, Edward Cullen."

"But then I gain as well. You really should learn to bargain better, Freckles."

"A kiss and you allow me to sleep with you at nights."

"Your father would not allow that."

"My father sleeps like the dead and would never know. Just sleeping, Edward Cullen."

"That is a very bad idea, Isabella Swan."

"That was not a no."

"It wasn't. I cannot make it back to the house without your aide, so I guess I must give in to your demands. It may be the death of me, though."

"I will not allow my father to harm you, Edward Cullen."

"I wasn't talking about your father, Freckles." I lifted up onto my elbows and then pushed myself up sitting. "Come here, my dearest, and let me pay you what is due."

She gripped my neck and slammed her mouth to mine, kissing me with abandon, and I heard the moan escape me. "God help me," I muttered out, and then she was in my lap, my hand clutching her side and hers in my hair, twisting it in her hand. With great effort, I pulled my lips from hers. "That is why it will be the death of me, Isabella Swan. How can I hold you every night and not make love to you?"

"I have the answer to that," she replied primly, and I couldn't help my laugh.

"I'm quite sure you do, and it's not one I want to hear. This was a bad idea. Let's get back to the house where I know you're safe. Your father might even be back home by now."

She nodded and slid off my lap, standing beside me. She held out her hands and tugged me up. I swayed from the pain that shot down my leg. She simply held me until I was in control and then handed me my crutch and placed her arm through my right arm. We began a slow and halting journey back to the house, the woods seeming not lovely like earlier, but slightly sinister as if things were watching and waiting to pounce.

I was ever so glad to see the barn and back of the farm house. Once we reached the back porch, she helped me up the steps and into the kitchen. I went to sit down in a chair, but she shook her head.

"Up to bed with you. That leg needs to stretch out and rest."

I really just wanted to rest here a while, but her feather bed sounded like heaven. The stairs were hell, and I was so glad to reach the top of them. I limped into the bedroom and turned to her.

"Thank you, Freckles."

"Thank you, Edward Cullen."

"For?" I asked, perplexed.

"For protecting me."

"It was nothing," I replied, but she shook her head.

"No, it was everything. I know you would have killed those men to save me."

"I would have and not thought twice about it. I've killed men before. Does that bother you?"

"No. You're a soldier. Of course you've killed men; it was your duty, you or them. But to protect me, that is different."

"You're right. It's much more important. These clothes are now dirty, and I do not wish to soil your clean bedding. Can you hand me that nightshirt?" I asked her as I pulled the gun out of my pants and laid it on the table by the bed. I tugged my shirt over my head and found myself being looked over by Bella.

"Sit down and I'll get those boots off."

I nodded and then limped over to the wooden chair sitting down. She knelt at my feet and pulled out my knife handing it to me before tugging off my right boot. That finished, she turned my left and began to tug, and I hissed out in pain. She paused and shot her eyes to mine. "One more tug and it'll be off. I'll be quick."

I curtly nodded, and she yanked my boot off. I closed my eyes to the pain and waited for it to subside before trying to stand.

"I can assist you taking off your trousers, Edward Cullen."

I simply shot her a look and shook my head. "Vixen," I said with a chuckle. "I can manage the rest, Freckles."

She stepped up to me and skimmed her fingertips across my chest.

"Behave, please."

She lifted her eyes looking up at me through her lashes, and I could have sworn this woman was smirking. "Not much fun in that, now is there, Edward Cullen?" I nearly trembled from the lust that shot through me.

"God help me," I rasped out.

"Am I that dangerous that you need God's assistance?" she asked innocently with wide eyes, but I saw the spark in them and wasn't fooled.

"Yes, dear Lord, yes," I gasped out as I grabbed her hand about to travel down over the front of my pants. "Freckles, go find something to occupy your time and leave me some time alone. I can't handle any more right this moment."

She gave me a mighty frown. "Fine," she huffed and stepped back. "I'll go prepare us a meal. You rest, Edward Cullen." One last lingering glance at my chest and my surely tenting trousers and then she was out the door and down the stairs. I, quickly as I was able, slid out of my trousers and socks and pulled the nightshirt over my head. I flopped back into bed and stared up at the ceiling.

That woman was trying to kill me, but, oh, what a blessed, sweet death it would be. She wanted me to make love to her, and God help me, I was starting to have trouble telling her no. I was afraid she'd catch me at some vulnerable point, and I wouldn't be able to deny her request, deny what both our bodies craved. Yes, I was afraid, but not of her, of myself. I was weak when it came to her, because I loved that woman with every single fiber of my being.

That combined with what I had overhead earlier from the Confederate scouts just confirmed to me that I needed to leave here soon before it was too late.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I really hope the next update doesn't take so long. Thanks for being patient with me.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	9. You brought me joy

**Thank you to Rhi, the world's best beta.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 8: You brought me joy**

"Hello, Father. Welcome home," Bella said as she took his coat from him.

"Daughter. You look well. Any trouble while I was gone?" Charlie asked as his eyes and frown settled upon me.

"No, no trouble," Bella quickly replied.

I didn't look at her and gave nothing away, but the thought did cross my mind that Charles should know about the Confederates scouting the area. How to tell him that without getting him angry, for I knew he'd be greatly displeased that I put Bella in such danger.

I remained quiet, deciding to follow Bella's lead and keep silent over the incident this afternoon. I felt her eyes upon me, though, and I knew if I met her eyes, she'd be giving me that grave look of hers, a silent order to keep my peace.

"Hello, Mr. Swan."

"Bah. Mr. Swan was my father. I'm Charles or Charlie. Gun?" he asked me with an outstretched hand.

I leaned forward in my chair and pulled the gun out that I had tucked into the belt of my pants. I handed it to him with a nod.

"Supper almost ready, daughter?"

"Soon. Give me another fifteen minutes."

"Good. Come with me, Yankee. Let's talk," Charles ordered me. At that command I did meet Bella's eyes. Her mouth was a tight line, and she looked almost angry. I returned that look with a warm one to calm her down. I saw her blink, and then she turned from me to the stove.

I stood up to find Charles darting his eyes between his daughter's back and me. He was frowning exactly like Bella had been.

He indicated with his head toward the front sitting room. I silently limped after him. He continued on out the front door, and I followed him out to the front porch, closing the door behind me. He leaned back against the railing and crossed his arms. His steady gaze, his almost black colored eyes waited for me to sit down in a rocking chair.

He went to speak and seemed to change his mind. He looked off to the right over the fields, obviously deep in thought.

"Tell me about this war. Who's winnin' it?"

I had no idea why he'd brought me out here to talk, but I was surprised at his question. He'd, up until this moment, never shown any interest in the war, as if it had nothing to do with him at all.

I shrugged. "It's war. Good men die on both sides. Some boys barely with peach fuzz on their top lip. As to who's winning, that's hard to say. I'd like to think my side was."

"You think this country will fall apart forever?"

"I really don't know. I do know Mr. Lincoln will do anything he can to prevent that. I'd like to think that someday the States can all come together again, united as one. I think if we ever can do that, we'll become a country like this earth has never seen."

"So, you're an optimist," Charles stated.

"Not really."

"So, tell me, Yankee, who's gonna win this war."

I held his eyes as I replied. "The North is and I'm not just saying that because that's the side I'm on. We have more wealth, factories, infrastructure; our soldiers, our army is better supplied; we have better Generals…we're just better equipped. I've seen the Confederate soldiers up close. The regulars don't have half of what they need. Hell, a good portion of them don't even have shoes. This may drag on a while, years perhaps more, but in the end, we will prevail."

"Yeah. I figured as much. I never thought the South had a fightin' chance to begin with. That trip I just took, it was eye opening. The wild optimism the South had when goin' into this war is gone. Deaths of fathers, sons and brothers, and lack of the ability to even get basic supplies is wearin' 'em down."

"You had no desire to fight?"I asked in curiosity.

"Nah. I'm no solider. That's not for me. I don't like meddlin' in business that ain't my own neither. No, this ain't my fight, and there's no way I was leavin' my daughter unprotected."

"I understand. I'm glad you made that decision, for her sake."

I knew I had given much away with that. I stared out over the fields as he had, my mind lost in Bella. I thought of her fussing at me for arising out of the bed this evening and getting dressed to come downstairs. She was one bossy woman. I felt the smile upon my lips at the thought of her sassiness. I knew that she would always bring a smile to my lips when I thought about her.

"You love her."

I refused to look at him and kept my eyes staring out in the distance toward the trees far away. "Yes. Of course. How could I not?"

"Because she nursed you back to health and you pity her stuck here with a cranky ol' man like myself?"

What? I pulled my eyebrows together, not understanding his reply. I met his eyes and shook my head.

"No. What a foolish notion. Pity her? I _admire_ her. She's the finest woman I've ever met. A woman whose price is far above rubies. I'd give my life for that woman. Pity? No. I love her because she's Bella and she's perfect. No other reason."

Charles was silent as he held my eyes, then he let out a mighty sigh and looked away. "But yet you'll leave her."

"I have no choice. I gave my word, my solemn oath. I am an officer, and I must return. I will do my duty. I could not look at myself in the mirror without disgust and self-loathing otherwise."

He picked at the nail on his thumb and seemed to be thinking deeply again.

"Perhaps I have misjudged you. You seem to be a man almost worthy of my daughter. Will you come back?"

"Will I be allowed to?"

Charles shrugged. "Won't bother me none. You know farmin'?"

"I was raised on my father's thousand acre farm. I grew up working hard as a farm hand, so yes, I know quite well farming."

"Okay, then. If you make it back here after the war, I won't turn you away. Now, that one there" -he pointed to the house- "she may feel a might different. It'll be up to my stubborn daughter whether you get to stay."

I grinned. "A worthy challenge. Whatever my penance shall be, I will do it gladly."

"You may regret sayin' that," Charles replied with a faint grin as Bella opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. She glanced between us with a frown and crossed her arms.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothin', daughter. Nothin'," Charles replied quickly.

"Not a thing," I chimed in, and then her lips were pursed and her eyes blazing.

"If you witless menfolk are done blathering, you might want to set your bottoms down in the kitchen before the food I prepared gets cold."

"Headin' that way, daughter," Charles said and offered me a hand up. I took it, and he pulled me standing, walking away from me after a pat on my shoulder. I didn't even mind it was my bad shoulder and hurt a bit. It was approval from Bella's father, and that was everything.

Bella stared at her father's retreating back as he went inside the house before turning back to me with a bemused expression.

"You two talked, Edward Cullen?"

"Yes."

"And what about?"

"Now, that is between us witless menfolk. Soup for supper, Freckles?"

"Perhaps I won't be allowing you supper, Edward Cullen," she said with a challenging look.

"Perhaps I may kiss you into allowing me to partake in your delicious meal," I replied with a smirk.

She grabbed my shirt, twisting it in her fist, and yanked me against her. "Or perhaps I'll just kiss _you_, Edward Cullen, and stop your mouth from blathering nonsense."

"That, Freckles, is without a doubt the best idea you've ever had." I shot her my best smile.

"Fool," she said, sounding cross, but her eyes were blazing and full of mischief as she placed her lips to mine.

After a delicious meal of vegetable soup and cornbread, Bella served us an apple pie that nearly made me weep it was so delicious.

"You're one fine cook, Bella. That pie was better than what my dear mother makes, and she sells hers at market. Yours would fetch a fortune and be in high demand."

"Bah. Go on into the parlor with you. You can read to Father and me when I'm finished cleaning the kitchen."

Charles had already shuffled off to the front room, a pipe in hand. I shook my head at her and stood. "No. I'll assist you and you can join us all the sooner."

"As you will," she said with a shrug and went to bank the fire in the iron stove. The cast iron soup pot on top of it she covered and moved to a back burner. _We'd be enjoying that soup again for our noon day meal tomorrow,_ I thought in anticipation. She then wrapped the remnants of the apple pie and cornbread up in cloths and put them on a shelf in the cupboard.

I carried bowls, spoons, and cups to the sink as Bella poured hot water into the dish pan. We worked together, her washing and rinsing, me drying to finish that chore. I was even able to aide her in putting the dishes away, for I was slowly learning her kitchen by being here with her as she cooked and got the table ready.

She wiped down the table and the stove and sides of the sink, then hung up the towel and dumped the water down the drain, rinsing it with clean water from the pump. I was grateful to Charles for making Bella's life so much easier. She did not have to go out to a well to fetch water making endless trips in the cold or rain or snow, nor drag heavy pots out the door to dump, nor do all her cooking over a wood fire in a fireplace. He'd tried to make this kitchen as accessible and comfortable for her as possible. More evidence of his love for her.

She wiped her hands on her apron, then untied it and hung it on a peg on the wall. She then ran her palms back over the sides of her head, smoothing down her hair. She straightened her dress, flattening out invisible wrinkles. After all that, she finally turned her attention to me.

I had just been observing her carefully, making firm memories of such small, but important things. I wanted to remember everything about her I could when I was gone. Some days in the future, the memories of her might be the only thing that would get me through them.

She titled her head, studying me with that line between her eyebrows. "Thoughts, Edward Cullen?"

"All of them of you, Isabella Swan. Come, let me read to you." I took her hand in mine and raised it to my lips for a soft kiss upon her palm.

"You shouldn't…" she whispered.

"I should and I will. Come, my dearest. I have another idea."

"What is that?" she asked as we walked into the front room.

"That I would play piano for you both. That is, if the piano works and you wish it."

"It works. Bella can play it, but she won't. I bought it for Renee. She loved music. Play for us, Yankee. I'd like to hear some music in this house again."

"Bella?" I asked, unsure if this would upset her being that the piano had been her mother's.

She nodded. "Please."

Bella pulled the bench out and folded back the cover over the keys. She pulled music out of the bench, closed it again, and then placed it on the music stand for me.

"I didn't know if you'd want music sheets, but I thought I'd get them out anyway."

"Thank you, but all the music is in my head. I've played piano since I was a small child. Took right to it. My mother loves music and would always have me play for her, all her favorite Irish folk songs from her youth."

"Oh, please share some of those. I would enjoy that, Edward Cullen."

"Then I shall endeavor to remember all that I can," I replied to her with a smile.

She blinked and seemed to be drawn to me for a moment, then realized where she was and who was in the room with us. She pulled back, primly sitting herself down on the settee and grabbing her sewing basket sitting on the floor.

I slid onto the bench and grinned to have a piano in front of me again. It had been a couple of years since I'd had the pleasure of playing music. I tried out the keys and found it to be a little out of tune, but surprisingly not as bad as I thought it might be.

I began to play, thinking of my dear mother and how she would sing along and even at times dance as I played. Alice sometimes would come in and join her and, even on very rare occasions, my father. I saw their faces sharply in my mind and realized I sorely missed my family. Their laughter, their closeness, their smiles. I thought to Bella and knew they'd all love her very much. She was the type of person they could understand and admire. Hard-working and efficient, yet also full of spirit and life. I knew my mother would see a kindred spirit in Isabella Swan.

I switched to a slower tune, but found it did not suit my mood. I was feeling Bella's strong, feisty spirit and knew I needed music to match it. I switched to the first movement of Beethoven's _5__th__ Symphony. _Ah, this was better. This was passion. This was fire. This was deep and powerful. _This_ was Isabella Swan.

I poured my soul into that piece, letting my love and passion for Bella flow from me. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the beauty of the music as I pictured her blazing brown eyes, set in her beloved freckled face. I played on, almost enraptured in this moment at the combination of the music mingling with my love for Bella.

I hit the last key and slid my hands down to my thighs, my breathing fast and my heart racing from the thrill of the music that had just flowed from my fingers. Finally, I spun around on the bench, facing Charles and Bella. Charles was gaping at me as if I'd grown a second head, his pipe in his hand seemingly forgotten. I turned then and met Bella's eyes and found hers were full of tears.

_I've upset her_, I thought in dismay. I must have brought her memories of her mother after all. I cursed myself in that moment.

"Bella? Did you not enjoy that? I brought you grief? Please, forgive me. I did not mean to," I said quietly.

She rapidly shook her head. "No. You brought me _joy_, Edward Cullen. You brought me joy."

My eyes flew open as I heard Bella attempting to walk quietly across my bedroom floor. I must have made a noise, for she stopped, candle in hand and turned to face me. She sat the candle down on the dresser behind her and stood there with her hands clasped. I just gaped. Did she not realize that her night shift was see-through with the light behind her? I studied her form and swallowed hard.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"Coming to bed," she replied, her tone denoting she found my question foolish.

"My bed?"

"Well, it actually is _my_ bed, but yes, in bed with you. You made a bargain with me."

"I know that was a foolish bargain to make."

"You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

"I know…fine. Get in bed," I whispered in annoyance from being already hard and aching for her.

She nodded and carried the candle to the bedside table. She slid in, lying on her side facing me. I just stared at her, trying not to touch her nor let her feel my erection. Curious woman that she was, she'd soon be touching it, and that would lead nowhere good. Well, nowhere, we should go.

"Can I not lie against you?"

I sighed. "Yes." I pulled her into my arms, but kept my lower body back as far as I could from her.

She didn't care for that and began to shift closer and closer to me, her legs sliding against mine.

"Please stop moving."

She completely ignored my harshly whispered words as she adjusted her thigh, hooking it over mine. My erection brushed between her legs, and I bit my tongue to try to stop my moan.

"Freckles," I rasped out as I grasped her leg firmly. "Please. Stop."

As if I hadn't even spoken, she captured my lips with her own and began to kiss me as her hand traveled over my chest. I felt myself began to be lost in her and cursed.

I pulled my head back and grabbed her wandering hand. "My dearest, I told you this was a very bad idea. The first night and all ready I'm insane to possess you. You're not helping me in the least to resist your obvious charms."

"Then stop resisting, Edward Cullen," she replied against my lips.

"Whatever am I to do with you, you forward vixen?" I asked in amusement.

She let out a soft, sensuous, knowing chuckle. "Hmm. I'm sure a soldier like yourself has some thoughts on the subject."

"None of which I will be acting on tonight."

"You're always stealing my fun," she replied, sounding as if she was pouting.

I wrapped my arms around her, clasping her to my chest. "Just lie with me, Freckles, and let me hold your body next to mine. Let me feel your steady heartbeat and your breath against me as you slumber. Let me have this for I will not give you more."

"Ever?"

"I'm not saying that. Who knows what the future may bring, but for now, we will behave."

"I do not like this 'behaving' thing. I want to touch you and kiss you, and I want you to do the same with me. I want to feel every part of your body against mine. I want you to join with me and make me wholly yours. I want…"

God help me. I pushed back from her and slid out of bed, my breathing hard and my body taut and aching. I gripped my hands into fists, my body quaking from her words.

"Go back to your own bed now, Freckles," I ground out as a frustrated whisper through gritted teeth.

"No. I want to stay."

"I said go. How much more can one man endure? Your body, your words…it's torment. Please. Go back to your own bed."

"No. I will behave, but I will not leave you. I'm not wasting one night in your arms. I refuse."

It was a battle of wills as I held her eyes, and then I finally relented. She could stay, but she was going to behave.

I scrubbed my hands through my hair and sighed. I looked at her and shook my head. "You're impossible. You know that? You make me crazed."

"Excellent," she replied, and I had to cover my mouth and cough to cover my rumbling laugh.

"Come back to bed, Edward Cullen," she ordered me with a double pat to the mattress beside her.

"Yes, ma'am." I blew out the candle and dutifully lay back down beside her. Mindful of her wandering hands, I grasped her wrists and tucked her hands firmly against my chest between us. "Now, behave. Sleep, Freckles."

"I do not like being told what to do, Edward Cullen," she said, sounding cross as she tucked her head against my chest.

"I noticed. Tell me, what do you like?"

"You," was her rapid reply. I grinned.

"Hmm. I like you, too. But tell me what else do you like, my dearest?"

She was silent for a moment before replying. "I like seeing the dew on the morning grass. I like the full moon shining down big and bright. I like the satisfaction of finishing a task to the best of my abilities. I like standing with my face tilted back and arms outstretched as snowflakes dance down from the sky. I like a warm cup of tea with honey on a cold winter night. I like the first early peas from the garden, hard and green. I like the first bite of a crisp fall apple." She lifted her head, and I could feel her eyes on my face in the darkness.

"I like when you read aloud to me, your voice deep and soothing. I like how your piano playing brings me to tears. I like how protective you are of me. I like how you see me and understand me like no other. I like how you call me endearments and hold me close. You, Edward Cullen. What I like most is you."

It took me a moment to recover from that. I reached up in the darkness and touched her face, stroking my fingers across her cheek and into her soft hair. "Freckles," I whispered soft as the wind as I brushed my lips fleetingly across hers.

"What do you like, Edward Cullen?"

I tucked her head against me as I cradled it with my hand, my fingers buried in her hair, lightly stroking her scalp. I loved this whispered conversation in the darkness, and I loved her. I loved.

"I like being in the saddle, a powerful horse under me as we fly across the earth. I like books, the written word. They always seemed to hold magic to me as a child. I like peach cobbler, hot from the oven, sweet and tangy. I like a thunderstorm, Mother Nature letting loose her fury. There's something exciting and stimulating about that. I like the sound and smell of a crackling wood fire, especially on a cold winter's night." I pulled her head back and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"I like a pair of large brown eyes that look at me and seem to see my very soul. I like the freckles across your face, adding to your perfection. I like when you and I tangle with words, like a sparring match. It's invigorating and exciting, and I feel truly alive in those moments. I like when you say I'm yours. I like that too much. But to answer you, it's you. What I like most on this earth is you, Freckles."

"Good. Then we're even."

"Well matched in every way, yes. Goodnight, my dearest." I placed a chaste kiss on her lips and then tucked her head back under my chin, beyond content in this moment. She sighed and quickly drifted off to sleep.

I smiled into the darkness, then fell into my own peaceful slumber with my dearest beloved safe in my embrace.

_I drifted in a dream. Bella was there. It was warm, hot even, so it must have been summer time. She and I were walking hand-in-hand down an old dirt road following a fence line. Cows would lift their head and moo at us, then go back to eating their grass. _

"_I have something to tell you, Edward." I marveled at her calling me Edward and the almost smile upon her lips._

"_Yes, dearest?"_

"_I will tell you, but I'm going to kiss you first."_

_I pulled her into my arms, sliding my hands up her back, loving the feel of her firm, small body against mine. Loving the press of her breasts against my chest. "I find that to be an excellent idea, wife."_

_She looked up at me with a gleam in her eyes, then she placed her lips to mine. Stars appeared, the earth moved, I lost my damned mind, as I always did when we kissed. The kissing suddenly took on an urgent, demanding, unstoppable quality. Somehow, she and I were lying in the grass, Bella wrapped around me like moss clinging to a rock. I moaned and slid my hand down, cupping her bottom, tugging her pelvis against mine. _

_I felt her kissing my neck, down my throat to my chest_…My eyes flew open.

Bella's hands were all over me, her mouth as well leaving a trail of burning kisses on my chest.

"No," I ground out harshly. "I told you to behave."

"I. Don't. Listen," she whisper answered with taps to my chest with her fingertip emphasizing every word.

"Dammit, woman." I grabbed her thigh pushing it back off of mine. "You're like those octopuses I've read about with arms everywhere wrapping around a body."

"I like being wrapped around your body."

"God, help me. Will you just behave?"

"No."

I'd had enough. I held her and rolled us so she was under me. I grabbed her arms by the wrists and held them over her head. I then lowered myself to her, my face just inches from hers.

"You have no idea what you're playing with here, Isabella Swan."

"Then show me, Edward Cullen," she challenged me.

I cursed and then rocked my pelvis into hers, closing my eyes in bliss at the friction. She made a tiny noise and bent her legs back, spreading them wide.

"I'm going to give you something to help you sleep, but you must be quiet, Freckles."

She didn't reply as I worked my way down her body and then shoved her night rail up to her stomach. She was bare, of course, and I was thankful she wasn't on her monthly courses. It was dark, but touch would be enough. I slid my fingers along her wet slit, and she made a sound.

"You must be silent."

"Yes. I'll try."

I touched her little nub with finger, working it until I heard her panting; then I slid two fingers inside of her. A soft moan escaped her lips. I felt myself go lightheaded and knew my erection was about to release in my drawers, but I held myself back. I had a gift for her first.

I leaned down and darted my tongue over her slit and then had to pause and roll the taste of her around my mouth before I swallowed. Bella. Nothing tasted better than Bella. I felt the soft growl escape me as I nearly turned into an animal in want of more of her taste. I eagerly had my mouth back on her, licking and sucking, and Bella was going a little wild, bucking her hips and doing her best to smother her gasps and moans. I felt her body tighten and then let go, her rippling shudders a wonder to behold. I gently licked her until she stilled, and then I wiped my face and fingers and was up over her body grinning down at her.

"You'll sleep better now, Freckles."

"W-what?" she asked, sounding dazed and confused.

"Excellent," I said with a soft chuckle.

"Want you to have that," she mumbled as I pulled her into my embrace and threw the blankets back over us.

"I'm fine. I'll live."

"No," she said and reached down, wrapping her hand around my erection. I grunted and tried to pull her hand off, but she held me firmly through my drawers. Feisty Bella emerged. "I said, I want you to have that." She quickly had her hand inside my drawers and was re-wrapping her fingers around my member. "Like this?" she asked as she began to stroke me.

I didn't even try to stop her. I was too far gone. I simply rasped out a "_Yes_" and rested my forehead against hers.

"Mine," she whispered against my lips. At that, I felt my body tighten and then gratefully release.

It took me a few moments to recover from my orgasm. I grinned at her in the darkness and gave her a soft kiss.

"Ah, Bella. Vixen, you." I reached down and pulled her hand out of my drawers, careful to wipe off my semen from her hand. "Now we may both sleep peacefully."

"You're all…messy. Much is released from you when that happens. Do you wish to change?"

"Yes."

I placed a kiss on her forehead and then slid out of bed and searched in the dark for the clean nightshirt I had thrown off earlier. I found it on the floor, chilly from the cool floorboards. I slid my wet drawers off, wiping the excess semen from me and then rolling them up and placing them on the floor in front of the dresser. I hated for Bella to have to wash those. I slid on the nightshirt and limped back to bed, crawling in beside her.

I lay on my back, and she nestled herself against my side, her arm flung across my chest.

"You know, I enjoy that."

"What?" I asked with a chuckle, knowing the answer already.

"Whatever it's called. Sex. Making love. Being intimate. I enjoy it. No barriers, no shame, no holding back. I never knew physical relations between men and women would feel so good."

"A little present from God, I do believe. Not only did he make us that way for procreation, he made it fun, and it feels good, as well."

"Nothing feels better than when I'm with you like that."

"For me either, and nothing ever will, Freckles. For the final time this night, goodnight and sweet dreams."

"Goodnight, Edward Cullen."

This time we slept peacefully and did not awaken until the crowing of cock in the barnyard awoke us. Bella slid out of my bed and padded quietly back to the spare bedroom she was using while I was here. I grinned and rolled over, snuggling my face into her pillow, inhaling her sweet apple scent as I drifted back to sleep.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	10. Little sparrow

**The first Bella chapter for you. Not going to lie, this was hard on me to write. No, Edward's not leaving yet, but soon, for all those asking. This is rough in spots. Just a warning. **

**Thank you to Rhi my dear beta and V my pre-reader. Much love.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I own the content of this story.**

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**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 9: Little sparrow**

**Bella  
**

I stood in front of the small mirror and finished wrapping my bun. I stared at myself and wondered what Edward would think of me with my hair down fully. Fool. Such things did not matter. I hastily rammed the pins in my bun to hold it firmly in place and then walked away from the mirror. It hadn't shown me one thing different in all my years on this earth. Why should today be any different?

I heard Edward moving about in his room and wondered at him arising so early. I strode to his door, opening it without knocking, and found him standing there in just his drawers, a look of surprise on his face.

"You do not knock, Freckles?"

"It's my room. I do not have to. Why are you up?"

"I couldn't sleep after an angel left my bed this morning. I figured I'd arise and assist her in her morning chores." He gave me a small smile that, as always, traveled right to my heart.

As he pulled his shirt down over his head, I walked over to him and stood before him, just gazing up at him. I forever wondered at the beauty of Edward Cullen. The sculpted planes of his handsome face, those soft green eyes, that reddish-bronze hair that was almost too pretty to be real.

"Freckles?"

I almost grinned. I loved him calling me that. But grin I did not. Once I started grinning and smiling at him, I'd never stop. I knew the time for tears would be coming soon. Best to stay prepared for the grief that I would soon have to endure.

"Edward Cullen. Good morning," I replied in my serious voice.

He sighed. "I had a dream the other night."

"And?"

"You were in it. You kissed me and called me Edward."

I knew it drove him mad that I only called him by his full name. That's why I continued to do so.

"The kissing you I can see. Me calling you by your first name, I cannot."

"Why?"

"I have decided to only be so informal with you once we're…we're…" I could not finish. The desire to be his wife…I must not dwell on such hopes.

He pulled me to him and held me close. I closed my eyes and gripped his shirt in my desire to keep him here with me, where he belonged.

"In my dream you were…we were…" He could not say it either. "We were blissfully happy. Walking hand-in-hand down a lane in the summertime. Cows were in the field, the grass a deep green. Life was good, peaceful. We were content." He gripped my face and pulled it back, his gaze boring into mine. "Hear me now, Isabella Swan. I will do everything in my power to make that vision come true. Hold onto it. Hold onto that future us."

I felt the tears in my eyes as I just stared up at him. "Yes. You're leaving me soon."

He let go of me and stepped back, turning and staring out the window. "Yes. Another week perhaps, then I must go."

_A week? No. A week._ I could not stop the tears that ran down my cheeks.

He turned his head and saw me crying. I was immediately swept up in his arms, and he sat down on the bed, cradling me in his lap. He did not speak. What was there even to say? He simply held me as I let out my grief.

I heard my father's movements in his bedroom across the hall and knew it was time to get a hold of myself. I wiped the tears off my face and went to get up from Edward's lap. He shook his head and then held my face, placing a gentle kiss upon my lips. "You, Freckles. I live for, and will continue to live…for you."

"Yes, you will," I replied, causing him to grin slightly. "I do not need assistance this morning," I said, and then I slid off his lap and was out the door before Father emerged from his bedroom.

I started a fire in the iron stove in the kitchen to prepare it for cooking breakfast. After I milked the cow and gathered the eggs, I was in a mood to make a larger than normal breakfast. I went down the cellar and cut off a generous slab of smoked ham and brought it back upstairs to fry. I worked up my usual morning biscuits and put them in the oven to bake. I then finished frying the ham and whipped up some white gravy with the some of the morning milk.

Father came in from outside and took a deep breath. "Somethin' smells good, daughter."

"Ham, biscuits, and gravy. I wish we had a ripe tomato to slice and go with it."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Lookin' forward to summer and fresh vegetables from the garden."

I felt a pain shoot through me and turned from him and closed my eyes. By summer, Edward would be gone and back fighting this damned war. He'd be in constant danger and not safe with me. I _hated_ this war. I hated it with everything within me.

I felt Father place his hand on my shoulder and squeeze it. "It'll be okay, Bella."

"No, it won't," I whispered in response.

"He's tough. He'll survive, and hopefully he can then-"

"Sit. I'll serve breakfast," I wrenched out as I pulled away from his hand and went to the stairs to go assist Edward down them.

He was already coming down them, moving extremely well. Our eyes met and held for a moment as he paused, and then he continued his slow descent down. I gripped his hand when he reached the bottom stair, and he gladly took it for support. I handed him the cane I kept downstairs for him, and he took it with a kiss to my temple.

I pulled back. "I hope you're hungry, Edward Cullen. I've prepared much food."

"Ravenous," he whispered in a tone that nearly made me shiver.

I licked my lips and then grabbed his shirt and pulled him against me. "That makes two of us then," I whispered back to him_. There. Let him deal with my hunger for him_, I thought with a smirk to myself.

I turned and headed back into the kitchen to get the food on the table. I didn't once look Edward's way as I did this. I could feel his eyes on me and his annoyance that I wouldn't look at him. That made me almost cheerful. I did so love to annoy him.

I poured the men coffee and then slid into my seat. We went to passing around the food, and when I handed the plate of ham to Edward, he purposely put his hand over mine holding the plate. I finally met his eyes and saw the amusement in his. He winked at me and then took a generous portion of ham before setting the plate down. I frowned and went to eating, ignoring him. He thought he'd won. He always thought he had won, but little did he know, I always got exactly what I wanted from him. I was grinning to myself as I worked on my breakfast.

"Where are you going?" he called as I strode on ahead.

"What does it matter to you, Edward Cullen?" I kept walking.

I heard him huffing in effort, and then he was beside me, his slight limping making it hard for him to keep up with my long strides.

"Will you please slow down?"

"No."

I kept my walking apace as I followed the winding trail around the back of the farm.

"Dammit, woman. All right. I concede. I'm not quite ready to walk any distance quite yet," he called from behind me, and I heard him grunt. I stopped and turned, finding him on the ground, his legs stretched out in front of him, him leaning against a tree trunk.

I crossed my arms and tilted my head.

He just looked at me for a moment and then chuckled and shook his head. "You're used to getting your way."

"Yes."

"You won't win this, Freckles."

"Perhaps not. But I can delay it for a time."

He sighed and looked away. "Come, sit with me, my dearest."

I looked toward the house, but it was hidden by the turn in the lane and the trees. Walking over, I sat down next to him, crossing my legs and folding my hands in my lap. Edward reached over and took my left hand in his right, tugging our joined hands to his thigh.

We didn't speak, merely sat that way, listening to the wind blowing , rustling new, bright green spring leaves in the trees. Birdsong was all around us, a sweet chorus to our ears.

I leaned back against the tree, my side pressed against Edward's body, and closed my eyes. I remembered the day I found him under that oak tree. I had been astonished to find a man in my woods, especially a Yankee. I had thought him dead at first, but then I shook him, and he opened his eyes. His eyes the color of summer maple leaves and I had been taken aback.

"What are you thinking about, Freckles?"

"You. Specifically, the day I found you under an oak tree."

"I thought I had died and you my angel come to judge me."

I couldn't help my snort. "Me. An angel."

"You are. You're my angel. You saved me. You've redeemed me. You bring me joy."

"Redeemed you from what, Edward Cullen?"

"I'm…not sure. I just know that the man I am now is not the same man that you found under that tree. I'm different now, better now, and that's all thanks to you, Freckles."

I was silent for some time, taking in that praise, and high praise it was indeed. Surely he understood it was the same for me. Perhaps not. Perhaps I should tell him such things.

"I, too, am different. Better. Happier. That's all thanks to you, Edward Cullen."

He pulled me against his side, placing a kiss on top of my head. "Never have I received such a compliment. I'm not sure how you could be better than you were, but if I am in some way to be privileged to have made you happy, then my joy is overwhelming. I…"

His voice trailed off, the words stuck on his lips. It was all right. I knew what he was about to say. I did not need the words. His actions showed me every waking moment, and even as we slept how he felt towards my person.

I laid my head against his chest, content just to be close to him. The thought, it came unbidden in my mind, and I could not let go of it. Why it bothered me so, I could not say. Perhaps it was because I thought of him as mine, and I was jealous he ever was with another.

"Tell me more of this girl you were with."

He sat up and pulled away. "What?"

"That woman you joined with. What was her name? What was she like?"

He shot me an annoyed look and then turned away, clasping his hands together in his lap.

"Bella. Why does it matter?"

"Because you were intimate with her. I'm curious and perhaps…"

"Perhaps?"

"Nothing," I said quickly and looked away.

"Isabella Swan," Edward said, sounding amused. He took my chin in his fingertips and turned my face toward his. "You cannot seriously be jealous of a girl I knew when I was a teenage boy. A girl who I didn't even love and truthfully never liked much, and who's now married to another man. Her name was Sarah, if you must know. Again, I did not love her. We were intimate a couple of times, experimenting if you will as to how men and women's bodies worked. And that was all. There was no relationship between us. It was nothing. It meant nothing, and I regret it. Now, did that settle your curiosity, my dearest?"

"Yes," I replied softly.

"You, it's you for me. You're my whole life now. Do you understand me holding back on the joining?"

I shrugged. I wanted that beyond words, and I would get it, but I was curious as to why he held back so hard, beyond his precious 'honor.'

"I hold back, I haven't done the most intimate of things with you, because with you, it means something. It means everything. It will change us, change our relationship, take us to a place only a wed couple should go. You know me. You understand how I work. You cannot expect me to dishonor you more than I already have, Freckles. You're a good woman who deserves better than that."

I frowned and shook my head. "You're a fool, Edward Cullen. You do not dishonor me by being intimate with me. It's _my_ honor and _my_ virginity we're discussing, and if I choose to give that to you, then it's a gift, not a ruining. It's mine as you are mine, and it belongs to you now, just as I do."

Edward scrubbed his hands through his long hair and then awkwardly arose. He paced a few steps and then took a deep breath and faced me.

"Whatever am I to do with you? You do not hold yourself to any societal norms. You do not seem to even understand the enormity of what we've already done together and what you're asking me to complete. Me making love to you isn't small nor inconsequential. It's everything. It's _everything_. Don't you understand?"

I arose and stood before him, my arms crossed, my expression grave. "Yes. I may have been sheltered as a child, but I'm not completely naïve. It's not that I don't understand; it's that I _do not care_. What does the rest of the world matter? It doesn't. Only you and I matter."

"The consequences-"

"Damn the consequences!" I snapped.

His face registered shock.

"What? You do not think I can curse, Edward Cullen? You make me angry enough to do so."

"I noticed," he said with a wry grin.

"I amuse you?"

"Yes. I love when you get all fired up over something. You nearly shoot off sparks, Freckles."

"You're changing the subject," I replied with a frown.

"I'm trying," he answered with a grin.

I nearly smiled, but covered my mouth and turned my head. That man. I loved that pain-in-my-neck man.

My composure back in place, I faced him and narrowed my eyes at him. He nearly squirmed. Good. I liked making him uncomfortable.

"You won't win this either, Freckles."

"We'll see," I said with a slight smirk. "Come. I have supper to prepare."

"Yes, ma'am. May I escort you home, my dearest?" he asked and offered me his right arm.

"You may," I said and slid my arm through his. We made our way slowly and silently back home. Once the house was in sight, Edward finally spoke.

"Two weeks."

I almost paused, the joy overtaking me. I tamped it down, though, and continued walking as if he hadn't just given me a precious gift.

"As you will," I replied and heard his answering chuckle.

"Freckles, you're wonderful."

"Good that you know that, Edward Cullen."

He laughed out in joy this time, and I nearly grinned. I shot my eyes to his and saw his were shining with tenderness and warmth.

"I know a lot of things, Isabella Swan."

"Not near as many as you should, Edward Cullen."

"I know that I'm yours," he replied, suddenly serious.

I paused and met his eyes. "Yes, you are."

After supper, as Edward aided me in cleaning up the kitchen, he kept shooting glances at me. I finally turned to him and crossed my arms.

"What?"

"Just thinking," he replied with a secretive grin.

"Hmm. One wonders whatever it could be. I certainly hope it's not about roosters."

He laughed. "No. Certainly…not," he replied as his eyes slid down to my chest.

Oh. Well. It seemed I had Edward's attention to my person. Excellent. I dried my hands on my apron, untied it, and hung it up. I then purposely turned facing him, but did not look at him as I ran my hands back over my hair, smoothing it down and then slowly down my chest, over my breasts and stomach to smooth out non-existent wrinkles in my dress. Only then did I look at him.

His eyes were fixated on my hands resting on my stomach.

I softly cleared my throat. He slowly lifted his eyes to mine. "_Bella,_" he whispered.

"Bella, bring my pipe in with you, if you would, daughter," Father called, and that made us both jump and snap out of our little bubble we had been in.

"Be right there," I answered back.

"I'm going out for a short stroll. I'll be right back," Edward said and quickly hobbled out the door.

I watched him go and did not try to follow. I had noticed his firmness and knew he needed a moment to calm back down. How awful to be a man and have your desire show like that. At least I could somewhat hide mine. But I grinned, full out grinned, to have affected him so. I enjoyed that feeling of power over him that it gave me.

It was amazing that I, plain, uninteresting Bella Swan, could arouse charming and handsome Edward Cullen like that. And he was _very_ handsome. I could stare at his face and well-formed body for hours. Perhaps not for hours. I wouldn't last that long before I would be moved to touch him. I found it nearly impossible not to touch him.

I thought back to when I first brought him here and had Father place him in my bed. It had to be my bed. I wanted him lying on my sheets, my pillow, my mattress. I hadn't even known his name, but I had already claimed that man. I didn't think about that he might already be taken, that he might not live, that he might not even like me. I simply had known he was mine.

I lightly touched my lips, remembering the first time I had kissed him unaware. My mind drifted to the other things I had done. To the strokes of my fingertips over his muscled, hairy chest. I'd been in awe of such male beauty. I closed my eyes, thinking back to last night and the kisses and touches he and I had shared. I felt every nerve in my body come alive thinking about how he kissed me, how he made me feel.

"Bella? What're you doing, daughter? Daydreaming?" Father asked in amusement to find me standing there touching my lips with my eyes closed. I blushed slightly at the thoughts I'd just been having.

"I'm sorry. I forgot your pipe."

"It's okay. I can fetch it on my own. Where's the Yankee?"

"His name is Edward."

Father held my eyes and curtly nodded. "Where's Edward?"

"He went out for some air," I replied and turned to put some water in the kettle for tea.

"I see," Father replied and went back into the front room. I made busy making three mugs of tea. I placed them on the tray with a spoon and the honey and carried the tray to the sitting room. I sat the tray down on a table and handed Father his tea. He took it with a 'thank you' and then I got mine, adding honey as I loved. I sat down on the settee and gathered up my sewing.

I heard Edward come in the back door and his halting steps into the sitting room. He met my eyes at the doorway and then came and sat down on the other end of the settee.

"There's tea, if you wish."

"Thank you," he replied quietly and got his mug, adding a spoonful of honey to it as I had. He sipped at his tea, me watching him out of the corner of my eye.

"I can read to you both if you wish. Or I can play piano."

"Music would be good, Edward," Father answered, and Edward snapped his head to him in surprise of Father using his name.

"Then I shall endeavor to entertain you both…Charles," Edward said quietly and limped to the piano.

He opened the cover and stared down at the keys for a moment before he turned to me and gave me a look I didn't understand. He then turned back to the piano and began to play the most beautiful, the saddest piece of music I'd ever heard. It pulled at my heart and made me want to weep at its mournfulness. I dropped my sewing to my lap and just watched Edward's back, his long fingered hands caressing the keys. When he finished the music, he lowered his hands to his thighs and turned to me.

I merely held his eyes, moved beyond words. He gave me a look full of wishes and longing, and then he got up and went and grabbed his tea, downing the contents of his mug. He carefully placed it on the tray and without looking at me or Father said, "I find I am tired. Goodnight." He then was gone, slowly going up the stairs. I just sat and looked at where he had been.

"Love. It ain't easy," Father said, and I whipped my face to his.

"What?"

"Love. It's hard on a body."

I just stared at him.

"Oh, come on, Bella. Like I'm blind."

"I have no idea what you mean," I replied as I made busy placing his and my mug on the tray. I lifted the tray and headed toward the kitchen.

I was setting the cups in the pan to wash them when I heard my father speak from beside me, making me jump. "Must've hit a sore spot," he said, sounding amused.

"What are you asking me?" I snapped in annoyance.

"I'm askin' if you love him." Father crossed his arms and leaned back against the sink, awaiting my answer.

I went very still. Love him? Love Edward? Of course I loved Edward. Of course.

"Well? Do you?"

I stood up straight, squared my shoulders, and met my father's eyes. "Yes. With everything inside of me. Yes." I just held his gaze, expecting him to say that was wrong and tell me what a fool I was.

Father surprised me, though, and slightly grinned, then pulled me to him for a hug. I was slightly shocked, for he never hugged me. I rested on his chest, glad to have this affection from my father. Was it approval? I was unsure, but it wasn't the chastisement I'd been expecting.

"You picked well, little sparrow," he said against my hair. I felt the tears welling in my eyes from him calling me that endearment that he hadn't used since I was a small girl.

"I know. If only he could stay…"

"You know he can't. He wouldn't be the man you loved if he did."

"Yes. I know that. It's just hard to accept," I replied, my pain clear in my shaky voice.

Father stepped back and stroked his hand over my hair. "If he can, he'll return to you when this wretched war is over."

"And if he perishes?" I wrenched out as a painful whisper.

"Then you can hold onto that he loved you and was a man worthy to be loved. I lost your dear mother, but she's never gone, Bella. She lives here" -he placed his palm over his heart- "and she always will. Her death didn't end our love. As long as I live, as you live, the people that loved her, she lives on."

"Yes." I turned and wiped the tears from my face. "I'll finish these mugs, and then I'm to bed. I find I'm very tired."

"Yeah. I'm headed upstairs myself. See ya in the mornin', daughter."

"In the morning. Goodnight."

I took my time in the kitchen and then sat down at the table, lost in my thoughts as I waited on Father to settle down in bed and fall asleep.

It was all quiet, no sound from Father or Edward when I finally roused myself, blew out the candle, and headed upstairs in the darkness. I went into the spare bedroom and undressed and pulled my hair down, brushing it out. I then slipped my night gown on and padded out my door and across the hall. I paused to make sure Father was asleep and hearing his loud snores, nodded to myself. I opened my bedroom door and stepped in, closing it behind me.

I just stood beside the bed. I felt Edward's hand reach out for me in the dark, and then I was unable to contain myself any longer. The tears burst out of me like a dam. I fell into bed beside him. He rolled to his side and cradled me as I curled into a ball against him, my grief flowing from me. I wasn't ready to let him go yet. I wasn't ready to let him go ever.

"Shh, dearest. Shh. I've got you."

That just made me sob harder. Edward stroked my hair, my back, down my arm, trying to comfort me. He made a sound of distress and gripped me to him firmly. "Please stop crying, Freckles, please. You're killing me."

"I can't. I can't," I choked out.

"What can I do? What will fix this? Tell me, dearest. Tell me what it is you wish." He sounded as if he was in agony.

"I want you to stay with me forever," I cried out.

He made an awful sound, as if his heart was being torn out, and I felt his arms squeeze so hard it almost hurt. "I can't. You know I can't," he replied, tears in his voice.

"Then give me this. Give me yourself, all of yourself. This may be the only time together we ever have. Give me this, Edward Cullen. Give me your body and take mine," I begged through my tears.

I heard his sob, as if his heart just broke in half, and then he gripped my face and placed his lips to mine.

* * *

**I know, I know, but I promise the next update is coming very soon. **

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	11. Only this moment

**Much love and thanks to my fabulous beta Rhi and my pre-reader V.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 10: Only this moment**

_"Then give me this. Give me yourself, all of yourself. This may be the only time together we ever have. Give me this, Edward Cullen. Give me your body and take mine."_

Everything came crashing down around me. My heart was literally ripped out of my chest at her desperate pleas. I loved her, body and soul, and her pain had just destroyed me. I had to fix this. I had to take away her tears and pain. I had to.

I let out a cry of a man who just lost his soul, and then I found her mouth, madly kissing her, holding nothing back. Not anymore. It was almost a fight between us as we kissed, gripped, and clung to each other. This was desperation and basic need.

I had no idea when we both became naked, only that suddenly Bella's bare skin was against mine, and nothing this side of heaven could be better than that.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" I chanted as my mouth eagerly grazed over her soft skin.

I felt her hand in my hair, gripping it in her fist and her quiet, "Yes, yes, yes…" as I explored her wonders.

A teardrop fell on my cheek, rousing me from my worship of her body. "Please stop crying, dearest. Please."

"I can't. This is too beautiful. Too wonderful. Too perfect," she replied in a ragged whisper.

I wrenched out a choked sob, and then my mouth was on hers as my hands gripped her face, holding her there against me where she should always be.

"Make me yours now," she pleaded, as she pulled her mouth from mine.

I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. "It'll hurt you. I have no wish to hurt you." I had been barely able to get the words out.

"I do not care, Edward Cullen. Do this. Join with me. I long to be yours forever."

"But what if-"

She placed her fingers over my lips. "No. There's only you and me. Only this moment. Nothing else matters."

"But-"

"Shh. Promise me, Edward Cullen. If you care for me at all, then give me this gift."

I closed my eyes and tried to find some argument to change her mind, but there was nothing left inside of me to fight her with. I had no defense to her requests. She owned me. I was hers to do her bidding, and this was what she wanted.

I stroked my fingers over her face. "My dearest, I cannot even describe to you the depth of feeling I possess for you. I promise we'll try. I have no wish to hurt you for your first time, and I must be careful not to get you with-"

"Stop talking, Edward Cullen," Bella ordered me with a fierce whisper right before she placed her lips to mine.

I simply gave in and let her win. Damn the consequences, damn all. Bella wanted this, and she was getting it. Damn the whole world. Only she mattered in this moment. Only this.

I slid my hand down, stroking my fingers over the smooth skin of her thigh. I gripped it firmly and tugged it over my hip. She moved her pelvis, trying to get closer to me. I might have kept my head if not for at the exact moment that I placed my hand over her most private spot and felt her dripping with wetness for me that she wrapped her hand around my member, stroking it firmly.

Something snapped inside of me, and all I could think about was being inside of her. It was the entire focus of my being as if I'd been born only for loving her. I wrapped my arms around her back and rolled us so that she was under me.

I just held her and stared down at her face, her trusting eyes gazing up at me, barely visible in the darkness. I leaned down and placed gentle kisses over her face before sliding my hand down her body. I was trembling as I gripped myself and placed my member at her entrance.

"Yours," I whispered against her lips, and then I was slowly sliding inside her tight warmth. I groaned at the heaven I was feeling.

"Yes," she almost hissed and then raised her hips and shoved against me, forcing me in her as deep as I could go.

"Ah, Bella. God help me," I rasped out. Never had I felt such pleasure. I bit my lip and swallowed my deep moan. "Dearest, does it hurt?" I asked in fear.

"No. Is that all?" she asked, sounding disappointed.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Uh, no." I slid out of her and back in, nearly going insane in the process. "There's that," I replied through gritted teeth.

"I want more. Give it to me, Edward Cullen," she demanded, and I couldn't help my soft laugh at her still being feisty Bella even in the midst of losing her virginity.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied with a grin as I covered her mouth with mine to silence her bossiness. _Some things a man can figure out on his own, Isabella Swan,_ I thought in amusement. I went back to worshiping her body as I moved in her, the strain of holding back my release making my brow bead with sweat.

She gripped my hair so hard it hurt and pulled my face back up to hers. I felt her lips against my ear as she whispered, "Mine." Then she wrapped her arms and legs around me as if to hold me to her forever. I cried out and gripped her just as fiercely as my orgasm overtook me.

"Everything," I gasped against her lips. "Everything."

"Yes. It's everything. Now we are bound, you and I, surely as if ordained by a minister of God."

I went very still, the impact of what just happened and the force of her declaration, taking my breath away.

"Yes, my dearest Bella. Yes," I replied with a kiss.

Then I was off of her, lying on my side and pulling her against me. I held her precious body to mine and closed my eyes. No matter what happened in the future, I would always belong to this woman, body and soul. Life or death, nothing would separate my soul from hers. With that, I had peace. We'd never really ever be apart, because I'd leave a part of me with her, the best part of me.

I sat with my back against the headboard and contemplated the night that just passed. The sky was just starting to lighten with the rays of the morning sun. The cock crowed in the yard once, causing Bella to stir. She raised her head, looking out the window. She seemed to suddenly remember what had transpired and turned her head to mine with that grave, direct look of hers.

I could only stare as she sat up and the blankets fell to her waist. Her long, glorious hair was a mess about her shoulders, trailing down her arms and over her chest, leaving tantalizing peeks of her small, puckering nipples. I slid my eyes back up to her face in disbelief of how beautiful she was this morning.

"Edward Cullen. Good morning."

I shook my head to clear it and finally found my voice. "Isabella Swan, good morning to you. I must tell you, that these eyes of mine have never seen a better sight than you this morning. Breathtaking."

She looked down, acting shy as she played with the edge of the blanket. "Oh. You like my hair down?" she asked quietly.

"I do. Very much. You have beautiful hair. Glorious hair."

She didn't reply, just continued to look down, watching her fingers messing with the cover.

"Is it regrets you're having this morning?" I asked in trepidation.

She shot her head up and violently shook her head. "Absolutely not. You?"

"I should, but I cannot. It was too perfect, too right, just as I knew it would be."

She nodded, but didn't reply. I sighed and held out my arm for her. She slid into it, as I pulled her to my side and drew the blanket back up over her bare skin to keep her warm. She rested her head on me and lightly stroked her fingers across my chest.

I finally spoke, breaking the silence. "Did I hurt you? Be honest with me."

"No, you did not. Did you…did you enjoy yourself?" she asked quickly to get it out.

I chuckled. "I think it went a mite past enjoyment, more like the best night of my life."

"Good. So, married couples do this all the time? Nightly?" she asked. _Here we go,_ I thought with a grin. _Her and her questions._

"Well, I can't be certain, but I know that were we…" I paused and couldn't finish that sentence. "I don't know. I would guess that they would."

"I find it hard to keep my hands from you, Edward Cullen. I liked the joining very much. I wish to do that again."

"We shouldn't do that again. Already you could be-"

"No." She sat up and met my eyes. "What did I say? We _will not_ discuss the possibilities. There's only this. Only us. Only this time."

"This is dangerous ground we trod, Freckles."

"Dangerous to whom?"

"To you, my dearest."

"But if it's my choice…"

Sudden realization dawned on me. She noted the comprehension on my face and shook her head.

"Don't you dare tell me no. It's too late anyway, Edward Cullen."

"Perhaps not. I hope not. I know this was very foolish of us…of me," I said in frustration at my weakness last night. I scrubbed my hands through my hair and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe I'd taken her virginity and possibly impregnated her. What the hell had I been thinking?

"You. You know nothing. I will not allow you to take something beautiful and turn it. I will not," my fierce Freckles declared.

"You're always telling me what to do or not do," I replied with a small grin.

"Well, you are a witless male needing much direction," she replied.

"How did I ever survive without Isabella Swan guiding my daily deeds and words?" I asked with a grin.

"Hrmp. I honestly don't know," she replied playfully with a glint in her eyes as she slid out of bed. I nearly fell out of bed myself.

She brazenly stood there, gloriously naked in the early morning light, and I gazed in wonder. And God help me, I wanted her again. Desperately.

"Does this body please you, Edward Cullen?" she asked, not coyly as a flirtation, but gravely wanting an honest answer.

"It does. How could it not? Perfection. Turn for me, Freckles. Please?"

She pulled her brow together and looked confused, but willingly turned and gave me her back. I skimmed my eyes down the contours of her delicate back and over the mounds of her bottom, then down her smooth thighs. Women were heavenly creatures, so delicate and beautiful, Bella especially so.

She turned back around, and I found my eyes all over her, trying not to linger on the V of her womanhood nestled between her thighs.

"Look your fill, Edward Cullen?" she asked, sounding as if she was trying not to laugh.

"Never," I earnestly replied.

"Well, fair is fair. Allow me to see you," she demanded.

"Uh, right now?"

"Yes. Now," she said firmly.

I thought about my erection and felt embarrassed. "Perhaps another time…" I trailed off and looked out the window.

"Oh, you," she said in frustration and marched around the bed, gripping the covers and wrenching them back off of me with a flourish.

She just stood there, staring at me as I gaped at her in shock at her actions. "Well. Stand up. Nothing to hide, now, is there?"

"Whatever am I to do with you?" I asked with a grin and slid out of bed. She trailed her eyes down my body and then walked around to behind me. I felt her fingers trail across my shoulder blade, my arm, then to my chest as she came around and stood in front of me again.

"You, too, are perfection, Edward Cullen." She leaned in, pressing against my erection, and placed a kiss right on my sternum. I closed my eyes.

The cock crowed in the yard again causing Bella to snap her head up. "Damned, morning," she muttered. "I will continue my kissing of your body tonight." She stated that matter-of-factly as she went and grabbed her night gown, pulling it down over her head.

I just stood there, staring. Somewhere along the line I had become a total slave to Bella Swan. I pondered this. I was fine with this.

"May I have a kiss before you leave me this morning?" I asked, realizing I sounded almost pitiful.

She turned her head, but not before I caught the slight lifting of her lips in amusement. "Certainly," she replied and marched back over to me, pressing her lips to mine. I growled and swept her up in my arms, my hunger for her surging through me. Unsure of how it even happened, I found her lying back on the bed, me over her, her gown up about her waist and me snuggled between her legs in bliss.

"We do not have time for this, Edward Cullen," she reprimanded me.

"Just giving you something to think about today, Freckles," I replied with a smirk.

I kissed her until she whimpered and slid her arms around my back, clasping me to her. I felt my erection settled happily against her soft lower lips and growled. Time to get a grip on myself. One last kiss and then I was off of her and reaching for my drawers.

I saw her unsteadily get back up from the bed and stand before me with crossed arms. I pulled my drawers up and turned to her with an innocent look.

"Just giving you something to think about today, Edward Cullen," she said with a glint in her eye and a small smirk.

She uncrossed her arms and tossed her hair over her shoulders. She then slowly reached up, parted her gown, tugging at the ribbon holding it closed. It fell open, baring her breasts, and then she reached up and cupped them. I nearly fainted.

I was standing there stock-still, completely immobile as she walked out the door, closing it behind her.

"I'll milk the cow for you," I said quickly and tried to take the milk pail from her.

"I can do this, Edward Cullen. Why are you hovering about this morning?" she asked with a huff as she plopped down on the milking stool and began to work the udders of the grateful cow.

"Tell me some place better to be than in your presence, and I'll be there. As for me, I can think of none."

She blinked and then turned her attention to milking the cow. I simply leaned against a wooden support beam for the barn and observed her. When she was finished, she stood and handed me the bucket.

"Do not spill that."

"I won't, Freckles." She nodded and strode out the barn door. I trailed after, finally catching up with her, though truthfully it was from her slowing her pace to allow me to do so, rather than any effort of mine.

"I feel I need to apologize," she suddenly said as we walked back to the house.

"For?"

She stopped and turned to me. "Sending off your horse. You must have been dearly attached to him. Forgive me. I was only thinking of how hard it would be to explain a strange horse if the Confederates came."

I shook my head. "It wasn't my horse, just one I took that used to be Private Anderson's."

"And what happened to Private Anderson?"

I just looked at her, the answer clear on my face.

"I see. And your horse?"

I turned my head and closed my eyes for a moment. "Nightshade. She…fell. She was shot and fell and broke her leg. I had to…I had to…"

I felt Bella take my free hand and squeeze it. "I'm sorry. You loved her?"

"Yes. She was mine, brought from home. We worked as one, almost as if she could read my thoughts. I'll never own a finer horse. I wish I could have buried her. It would have been the least I could have done for all that she had done for me over the years." I met Bella's eyes and shook my head. "Look at me being all melancholy and sentimental over a horse. Foolishness. Let's get this milk into the house." I turned to go, but she still didn't let go of my hand. I shot her a questioning look.

"No, Edward Cullen, no." She shook her head. "You loved her, so she was a part of you. It's not wrong to mourn her and miss her, horse or no."

I nodded and shot her a warm look, grateful that she understood me and my loss. "Come, my dearest, and let me help you prepare our breakfast."

She squeezed my hand again, and we restarted our walk back to the house. As we reached the back porch, Charles suddenly opened the back door and stepped out onto the porch. He looked at us walking side-by-side holding hands. He stared at our hands for a moment.

"Breakfast soon, daughter?" was all he said.

"Give me a half-hour, Father," she replied. He nodded and strolled off toward the barn we'd just left.

I felt Bella's eyes on me and turned and met her steady gaze. "Your father is always surprising me, Freckles."

"He likes you. He approves."

"Then I am honored to have won his good opinion." Bella opened the door and practically dragged me into the kitchen. She took the milk from my hand and sat it on the table before turning back to me and gripping my shirt.

"It's _my_ opinion that counts here, Edward Cullen."

"And what is your opinion, Miss Swan?" I asked with a knowing grin.

"That you're a pain, you talk too much, and don't listen to me near enough."

I laughed. "And?" I prodded.

"Well, you might be a pretty fine kisser," she grudgingly admitted.

I slid my arms around her back and brushed my lips across hers. "And?" I asked huskily as a whisper against her ear.

"And?" she gave back to me.

"No more compliments for me, my Freckles?" I asked in amusement.

"I think you already have a mighty fine opinion of yourself, Edward Cullen. You don't need me stroking your ego."

The words, _the wrong words_, flew out of my mouth unchecked. "I rather enjoy you stroking my…ego."

She blinked and covered her mouth, turning her back to me. I saw her shoulders shaking and knew she was laughing.

I held my fingers to my lips, just watching her, knowing what I had said was beyond the pale, but delighted that I had amused her so. She turned around and gave me that grave look of hers.

"I know that I enjoy that as well," she said with a look that clearly said _checkmate. Your move._

She went to wash her hands to prepare our meal as I slumped down into a chair and let the laughter take me. She was the best. The absolute best. I adored that woman.

"Really? That's your move?" I asked her with a grin.

"What?" she asked with a frown. "I know how to play chess, Edward Cullen."

"Sure you do, Freckles." I moved my rook into position. Two more moves and I'd have checkmate.

"Freckles?" I heard Charles ask with a guffaw.

I looked at him, a bit embarrassed that I'd used my term of affection for her in front of her father.

"That is what he calls me, yes," Bella replied and crossed her arms, shooting her father a look that clearly said _don't mess with me_.

"Okay. Whatever you two kids call each other isn't my business," Charles said with a wink to Bella. She rolled her eyes and moved her queen.

"Checkmate."

"What?" I looked at the board in disbelief. "How did…?"

She sat back and lifted an eyebrow, clearly gloating at her victory.

"Again."

"You looking to get beaten again? Best two out of three?" she asked in anticipation.

"Yes, but could it be accompanied by another one of your apple fritters? They're delicious."

"Certainly. Father, would you care for one?"

He nodded. "Sounds good."

I went into the kitchen with Bella, and we gathered the left over fritters and cups of water for us all. We snacked and played our games, me winning the second one. There was a fierce battle going on for bragging rights for the third. Even Charles scooted his chair up and was closely observing our game.

"You're in trouble now," I said to Bella with a grin as I slid my bishop into place.

"Ha. You wish," she shot back at me and moved her white queen.

I sat back, my hand at my mouth, and studied the board. My black pieces were in sore trouble against her white. I was nearly out of moves. She might not have been able to checkmate me, but neither could I her.

I sighed and met her eyes. "Looks like a stalemate, Freckles. I guess we're still even, tied one-one."

She drew her brows together and studied the board. "You're right," she conceded. "Looks as if we'll have to decide this on the morrow. I find myself sleepy." She met my eyes, and my breath caught from the look she was giving me.

"Yeah, I'm tuckered out. Great games, kids. See ya both in the mornin'," Charles said with a yawn.

"Goodnight, Father."

"Goodnight, Charles," I replied with a nod.

"Yep." He stood and stretched and then made his way upstairs.

I looked back to Bella to find her still watching me intently. "You…you should go on to bed, Freckles. I'll wash these cups and put them away."

She merely crossed her arms and raised her brows.

"I thought you were tired," I tried again in desperation.

She continued to just stare at me.

I finally just stood up, grabbed the cups, and made for the kitchen. I found her beside me at the sink, still giving me that expectant look.

"We can't-"

"We will," she replied firmly.

"No. Once was enough. I told you, it's dangerous."

"And I believe I told you to stop talking and that I didn't care." She grabbed the cups from me and quickly washed them up.

I stood there in contemplation.

She dried the cups and put them away, then turned to me. "Oh, stop thinking so much, Edward Cullen! Go to bed."

I nodded and pulled her to me, placing a kiss on her forehead. She gripped the back of my neck, resting her forehead on my chest for a moment before she stepped back. "Go."

"But…are you going to join me?" I asked in both hope and trepidation.

"Of course. As soon as I'm sure Father is sound asleep."

"Just sleeping," I reminded her, and I meant it.

She just lifted her chin a bit and replied. "Get to bed."

I was nearly asleep when I heard her come into the bedroom. She stood beside the bed like the previous night, and I tossed the covers back and reached for her. I had put on my nightshirt to try to keep some distance between us, but that didn't even matter, for Bella slid into the bed naked.

This woman. She would get her way always, simply by sheer force of will. I laid there with my hand on the curve of her hip and tried to remind myself all the reasons we could not do this again. It was a hard fought battle inside my brain that was quickly turning to mush as Bella's hands and mouth were searching my body.

"Dearest, please stop," I begged in torment.

"No."

"Please?" was my final desperate request.

She placed her lips against mine and chuckled in the darkness. "No. Now be quiet, Edward Cullen, and let me appreciate your many charms."

I closed my eyes and gave in. She won. She would always win.

"As you will, Isabella Swan. I'm entirely at your disposal," I sighed as I rolled over onto my back.

"Excellent," she replied, sounding both eager and amused.

I chuckled. Then Bella went to work, seeming to want to explore and memorize my entire body. I just laid there in heaven and allowed her to do as she pleased, for my body was hers just as my heart was. When she had apparently gotten her fill of exploring me for the night, I pulled her to me and made her mine again.

I grinned at her in the darkness as I placed gentle kisses over her beloved face. "I hope you're prepared for tomorrow night, dearest."

"And what's tomorrow night, Edward Cullen?" she asked saucily.

I hummed in anticipation and couldn't help my happy sigh. "My turn. I know you'll enjoy it, Freckles."

"You're correct. It seems you do know some things, Edward Cullen."

I quietly laughed. "I know you're the best woman God ever placed on this earth."

"It's good that you're spending so much time with me. You continue to get more intelligent every day."

I buried my face on her chest, trying desperately to keep my laughter quiet.

"You're perfect. I swear, you're perfect, Freckles."

"I know," she replied, and my laughter overtook me again.

"We must sleep before I awaken your father with my joy in perfect you."

"Do you practice the flowery words, or does the manure just naturally flow from your lips?"

"You don't give a man an inch do you, Freckles?"

"Not much fun in that," she tartly replied.

"True, and you and I are two that greatly enjoy…fun."

"Some things are more fun than others."

"To that I whole-heartedly agree. Now, it's time to sleep." I placed a chaste kiss on her lips and pulled her against my side. "Sweet dreams, my dearest."

She let out a contented sigh and snuggled herself against me. "Sweet dreams to you."

I thought she was asleep when she surprised me by speaking.

"You're correct, you know."

"What is this? Isabella Swan is saying I'm right about something? What is it, dearest?"

"That our joining is everything."

"Now you understand what I had been trying to tell you."

"Yes, and thank God. What a terrible thing to have lived the rest of my life and not known the joy of making love with you. This is our moment, our time. We must grasp it tightly, for it may not come again," she finished barely as a whisper.

I wrapped her in my arms, holding her to me, my heart hurting so much it was nearly squeezing the life out of me. This woman both brought me intense joy and cut me to the quick with her words. She moved me, stirred up something in me that I couldn't even begin to understand or explain. All I knew was that my soul was latched onto hers, our destinies intertwined forever.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	12. Until then

**Many thanks and much love to my beta Rhi and to everyone reading my story and leaving me reviews. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 11: Until then**

Father walked out the back door, and I slid my eyes to Edward. He had his head tilted down, but, feeling my eyes upon him, raised his and met my gaze. So much passed between us with that look.

He gave me a slow growing smile that made my heart beat fast. "Freckles."

"Edward Cullen," I gave back to him with the same knowing tone.

He held out his hand to me, and like a moth to the flame, I was pulled into his blinding brightness. Placing my hand in his, he pulled me to him. He did nothing more than stare down at my face as if memorizing my features. He then raised his hand, and his fingertips traced my features, my brows, my nose, my cheekbones, my parted lips.

Something crossed his face, and he closed his eyes, squeezing them together tightly. I was roughly smashed to his chest, his arms a vise around me, his face buried in my neck. I gripped him back just as tightly and closed my own eyes.

We'd been living in our own little world for the past week, both of us pointedly not mentioning the coming separation. We simply lived as if this was how we were meant to go on, but I knew that was at its end. Coming was the time to be strong. I was not prepared for it. How could one prepare to have your heart ripped out?

At least I had finally gotten what I wanted from him. I never knew joining with him would bring me such completeness, such joy. God surely knew what He'd been about when He created us for that kind of intimacy with the one we love.

I should feel ashamed, but I refused. I was now a wanton, fallen woman, but I did not care. The loss of my innocence had been worth it to become his. When life hands you a dream beyond your imagining, you do not count the losses, you simply take it and rejoice in it. The world be damned. He was all that mattered to me now. He's all that would ever matter to me.

I felt my heart flutter with the hope that I may be already carrying his child. I wanted that beyond telling. To have a piece of him to keep forever. To have living proof of our love. If God had been very good to me, I would bear Edward's child. _Please God, be merciful and give me this gift,_ I prayed.

"I'm sorry. I just needed to hold you," Edward said quietly as he loosened his hold on me and stepped back, but his hands remained on my waist.

"Never apologize for touching me, Edward Cullen."

He gave me a sad smile. "All right. I won't. So, I have my feisty Freckles this day. Whatever shall I do with her?" His smile turned to cocky, and his eyes were dancing.

"See, this is why you need my guidance. I can think of endless things for you and me to do."

He laughed. "You're a little vixen. What have I created here?"

"A woman who found her power and how she can wield it."

"Hmm. Sounds dangerous. Should I be afraid, Freckles?"

"Perhaps you should."

He laughed again. "You're wonderful. Kiss me."

"And why should I be kissing you, Edward Cullen?"

"Because I know you like it," he said, sounding very full of himself.

"You know nothing."

"Oh, I think we've established that I knew a few things, Isabella Swan," he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

I looked away to hide my grin. Setting my face back to serious, I turned back to him. "Fool. I've work to do."

He grinned. "I'll assist you."

"I'm beginning to think you like women's work," I said with a roll of my eyes.

He shrugged. "Work is work. I remember telling you that before, and it's not the work anyway. It's the time I get to spend by your side, Freckles."

I quickly placed my lips to his, then stepped back and curtly nodded. "Then get to peeling potatoes, Edward Cullen."

He saluted and clicked his heels together. "Yes, ma'am!"

I nearly laughed. "Foolishness."

"You love my teasing," he said with a smug look.

"Now what on earth gave you that idea?"

"Your eyes. They betray you every time. I see the laughter in them, those beautiful, blazing, brown orbs."

"More flowery words? I swear you stand in front of the mirror practicing."

I grabbed the pan of potatoes and a peeling knife and sat them on the kitchen table.

I felt Edward slip his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my left shoulder. "No. I just enjoy paying you compliments, Freckles. Would you prefer poetry or perhaps long letters of devotion? A song perhaps, written just for you? Flowers for your hair? Tell me, my dearest, and I will endeavor to grant your request."

I went very still and then placed my hands over his resting on my stomach. I leaned my head against his and gave him my whispered reply. "I want you to live, Edward Cullen. I want you to live and return to me. You ask what I want. That is my request."

He did not reply.

Father's boots sounded up the back steps. Edward quickly let me go and sat down, pulling the pan of potatoes to him. I went to the sink to finish chopping up the salted ham to put in the potato soup I was making for dinner. Father came in and slammed the door, and I heard him laugh.

I turned to see him eying Edward peeling potatoes.

"She's got you doin' women's work, I see."

"She's the most formidable General I've ever encountered," Edward replied with a grin. "I figured I'd best follow orders before I was reprimanded for insubordination."

Father laughed again. "Well, I ain't peelin' no taters. I just came in for my coat. It's a mite chilly in the barn."

He grabbed his coat off the hook and slid it on. "I'll be back in for supper." He went to leave, but paused with his hand on the door. He turned his head, and I saw mischief on his face. "Oh, and, Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Bella's got a nice pink apron with flowers on it you can wear."

Edward tried to hide his grin.

"Oh, I do! Let me get it for you!" I declared, joining in on my father's teasing of Edward.

"You two are dangerous," Edward said with a laugh.

I handed him my best apron, a very pretty pink one, and he held up his palms and shook his head. "I'm not wearing that! A man must have some pride. Besides, pink really isn't my color."

"Aww, don't sell yourself short, Edward. I think you'd look right pretty in pink," Father said with a hearty laugh as he walked out the door.

I still stood there offering him the apron, trying not to laugh from the look on his face.

"Freckles. I'm not wearing that."

"Oh, so it seems Edward Cullen is too good for my apron," I said with a sad sigh.

He tossed down the knife and potato he was holding and grabbed my hand, pulling me into his lap.

"You're just too adorable, my Freckles." He gave me a thorough kissing as I practically melted into him. When Edward kissed me, the whole world was right for a moment.

He lifted his head, gazing down at me with a boyish smile. To have a son of his with his father's smile. My heart clinched in desperate desire for that.

"Your thoughts, dearest?"

"All of you. How could they be of anything else?"

"Good. Then we're even." He gave me another quick kiss, and then I slid off his lap.

I stood in front of him and stroked my hand over his temple and into his soft, bronze hair. I loved his hair, his handsome face, his devilish smile and smug, playful demeanor. I loved him beyond the capacity to even express in words.

He reached up and laid his hand over mine. "I know, Freckles. I know. It's the same for me, dearest."

I nodded and turned from him and returned to the sink to finish my chopping. It was good my back was to Edward. I did not wish to show him my tears, my pain, my attempt to pull myself together before I fell completely apart. This was as hard for him as it was for me. I would not make it any harder on him than need be. Until he left me, I would be strong, and then, when I had stood there and seen the last speck of him on the horizon, only then would I go to my bedroom, crawl into my bed that he'd recently vacated, and quietly and completely fall to pieces. Until then, I would be strong.

"I'm finished peeling them, Freckles."

I squared my shoulders got the potatoes and rinsed them off and then gave them back to Edward. "Please dice those for me," I requested quietly.

"Certainly." He gave me a warm look and then went to work.

I turned and gripped the side of the sink, staring out the window to the maple tree out back, its branches blowing in the breeze.

Until then.

"We really should stop doing this," Edward whispered against my cheek.

"You really should stop your blathering and kiss me," I replied in annoyance.

"Feisty Freckles. I find her to be irresistible."

"Good." I grabbed his hand, placing it on my breast.

Edward sighed and then brushed his lips over mine. "You always win."

"It's good that you realize that."

"Perfect," he replied with a chuckle. "You're perfect."

He then made blessed love to me, his hands a dreamy caress over my sensitive skin. His lips leaving a heavenly trail across my yearning body. So much wonder, so much joy, so much pleasure he gave me. Nothing on God's earth could possibly equal the man you loved lavishing loving devotion to your body. My sigh was one of happiness when his body joined with mine, making us one. _No, nothing is better than this_, I thought as Edward moved in me. Nothing.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself and stay safe when I'm no longer here," Edward said in the darkness.

I stiffened from him bringing up his leaving, but told myself to remain calm and strong. _Only show him your strength_, I reminded myself.

I stroked my fingers over his stomach and contemplated my answer. "I'll no longer be your concern. It's you who will be in harm's way and must keep yourself safe."

"One cannot stay safe in a battle. I can't make you a promise that I can't keep, Freckles."

"I realize that. I'm only asking that you do not take unnecessary risk."

"I'll keep that in mind," Edward replied vaguely. "If you ever need me, you must write me care of the U.S. Army, Army of the Potomac, Second Division Cavalry Corps."

"And why would I be doing that, Edward Cullen?"

"In case…if you should need me. To…tell me anything…"

"And what good would it do? Would you leave your post and ride to me? Would you abandon your precious honor and break your word to get to me?"

He was silent, and in that, I had my answer.

"I'm tired. Let us sleep," I said rolling away from him, pulling the blankets tight around me and hugging myself.

He scooted over and slid an arm around my waist, pulling me back against his chest.

"I can't give you promises I cannot keep, Freckles. The only one I can give you is that I'll be yours until the last breath leaves my body."

"I know," I whispered to the darkness. "And it would be wrong of me to ask you to make such promises to begin with. I can make you none in return. I can only say that I'm forever altered from knowing you, from spending this time with you. So altered that no other man will ever interest me, for none will be you. I will never regret this time with you and what we've come to mean to each other. If it ends, then it ends. When life hands you a dream beyond anything you could ever imagine, it's wrong to mourn when it comes to an end."

"Freckles, oh my dearest." Edward had barely been able to get the words out of his mouth. He rested his head against my back, and I could have sworn he was crying. Let him cry. I was out of tears, so let him cry for both of us. Let him carry this burden, for surely he was stronger than me.

After some time, I heard Edward's soft, even breathing, and his arm around me loosened, so I knew he had fallen into his slumber, but I could not. I could only lie there staring at the wall in the darkness.

"Here are your things," I said as I walked into the bedroom.

Edward eyed my burden and nodded. "Thank you."

I sat the sword, hat, book of Psalms and necklace down on the dresser taking much care to arrange them just so.

Edward came over to the dresser and skimmed his fingertips over the Psalms and then picked up the gold necklace.

"From your mother."

"Yes. It's a locket engraved with St. George, the patron saint of soldiers. She told me an ancient tale of him slaying a dragon, rescuing the King's daughter and converting Libya. He was a favorite patron saint of Crusaders. Quite a man he was," Edward said in amusement.

"And what is inside?" I asked in curiosity.

He opened it and showed me. "A forget-me-not, taken from a dried cluster my mother had saved of her favorite wild flower in Ireland when she was a lass. It was a little piece of home for her. She thought it would bring me good luck and, combined with the locket, keep me safe."

I took his hand and curled his fingers over the locket in his palm. "It's a precious gift. Your mother loves you very much."

"Yes," he replied quietly.

"You miss your family."

"Yes. I miss them terribly, but I have to let them go. Something tells me I'll never see their faces again."

I felt a tremor go through me at his words. "And why would you be thinking that, Edward Cullen?"

He gave me a soft smile. "You know, you sounded very much like my mother just then."

"You did not answer my question."

He shrugged. "Just a feeling I have."

He closed the locket and carefully placed it on the dresser.

"Tell me about this cousin of yours. Emmett, right?"

I frowned at him changing the subject, but allowed him that privilege. I went and sat on the side of the bed. He came and sat beside me taking my hand.

"He's the son of my father's sister, Catherine. She married a man named McCarty. They live in Tennessee near Gatlinburg. He's the third of the four and forever the untamed one. Emmett loved his women, gambling, and drinking. He lived in the moment, not caring for consequences on the morrow."

"Sowing his wild oats."

I nodded. "My uncle tired of his wild ways and sent him here to see if time working hard on a farm, far from a city and all its vices would straighten him out."

"Did it?"

"Yes, but I attribute that more to Rosalie than anything Father might have done to try to tame him."

"Rosalie?"

"Yes. She's the daughter of the town doctor. Blonde, beautiful and vain, but Emmett saw her face, and he never was the same. He pursued her relentlessly until she finally gave in and married him. He took her back home to stay with his family in Gatlinburg before he enlisted."

"And under whom does he serve?"

"He's in the Seventh Tennessee Infantry Regiment under Colonel Fite, last I heard."

"How long did he stay here?"

"A couple of years. He brought laughter and fun into this quiet home. He also brought Rosalie after he married her. I did not care for her. Her father kept a slave, and so she'd never done one ounce of work her entire life. She expected me to wait on her hand and foot." I couldn't keep the remembered anger out of my voice.

"You? She expected _you_ to wait on her hand and foot? I'm sure that did not end well," Edward said in amusement.

"No. Not after I dumped her entire breakfast tray over her head. Accidentally, of course…twice. After that, she got her lazy bottom out of bed and came down to breakfast like the rest of us."

Edward roared out a laugh and flung his arm around me, squeezing me to him. "I'd like to have seen that."

"I thought Emmett would be angry with me, but he just laughed and told Rosalie to get her own breakfast, that I wasn't her slave."

"Good for him."

"She still never lifted one finger around here to help the entire six months she lived here, but at least she left me alone. We hardly spoke at all if we could avoid it."

"You know, I've thought about you and my family."

He slid his hand down from my arm and gripped my waist, his thumb stroking me. I inched closer to him, and then his hand was resting low on my stomach. His fingertips nearly brushed my most private place.

"What about them?"

"That they'd like and admire you very much. Your spirit, dry humor, and hard-working self would be embraced by them."

"Oh." I looked down, thinking about how I'd very much like to meet his family some day and inordinately pleased that Edward thought that they would like me.

I felt Edward's lips on my neck, and I closed my eyes. I loved when he kissed me right there…that spot.

"Yessss," quietly slipped from my lips.

A low moan escaped Edward lips, the heat of his breath across my neck making me shiver.

"_Bella_," he whispered in that deep, husky tenor of his, and I felt desire, the want of him course through my body.

Without thinking about how it was daytime, Father could come in the house at anytime, not thinking about anything other than I needed Edward right this moment. I flung myself onto my back, pulling Edward with me. He kissed me deeply, passionately, and we were lost after that. We madly were tearing at each other's clothes. His mouth found my breast, sucking its peak as his fingers stroked me in wondrous places between my thighs.

"Give me yourself, Edward Cullen," I ordered him, and he cursed.

I felt his hardness pressing against me and impatiently moved my hips, wanting him to join with me. He entered me, not gently and lovingly like the other times; this was a forceful slam into me, and the excitement and pleasure that radiated from our joined bodies along every nerve in my body made me cry out in bliss.

I wrapped my legs around his back and tilted my hips to take him deeper. I wanted everything of Edward Cullen. I wanted it all.

He was madly kissing my mouth and over my face as he cradled my head and his firmness claimed me over and over. Surely this was heaven. Surely this had to be.

One last mighty thrust and loud grunting moan escaped his lips as he held me almost painfully through his release. I was gripping his back for dear life, clasping him to my chest.

Surely as he claimed my body, I claimed his very soul. I'd take on the devil himself for this man in my arms. I'd already wrestled with God to spare his life and would do so again without hesitation. I loved him beyond measure. He was everything. He belonged to me. He was mine.

"Mine," I whispered fiercely in his ear. "_Mine_."

After supper, Edward asked if I'd care to take a walk with him. The thought of walking in the twilight with him in the fresh, clean, spring air was all the enticement I needed to readily agree. I grabbed my shawl off the hook in the kitchen and then handed him his cane.

He held up his palm, though, and shook his head. "I no longer need that, I don't believe. Besides, I have you, Freckles, to lean upon if I become weary." He gave me a small smile, and I nodded in agreement.

He offered me his arm, and we left by the kitchen door and down the steps of the back porch. We strolled along the same lane that winded around the back of the farm, a comfortable silence between us. We came to a lovely old oak tree, and Edward indicated with his hand that we sit. I nodded and folded myself beside him, resting against his side.

"I'll miss here."

I didn't reply. _Strong,_ I reminded myself. _Stay strong. We still have two days._

"My father's farm and the house are much the same, except on a grander scale. Of course he has to hire help to keep up with the fields."

"Pay instead of ownership. That is a much better way to do things."

"I've always thought so." He met my eyes. "I never held with slavery. It isn't right to own another human being. I'm surprised your father has no slaves."

"He, too, holds your views, the same I hold. My mother was even more passionate about the subject. Folks around here didn't care much for her and her abolitionist talk. She thought women should have the right to vote as well and was quite vocal about it."

"I think I would have very much liked your mother," Edward replied. "She sounds as if she was fearsome and wonderful."

I nodded. "She was indeed. I am much like her."

"Then I would have loved her. I think she'd be proud to know that her daughter grew up to be such an admirable person."

"I would hope that she'd be proud of me. Whenever I feel weak, I think of her, and it gives me strength to go on."

Edward took my hand and squeezed it.

"Thank you for making peach cobbler for dessert tonight, Freckles."

"You're welcome. You said it was a favorite of yours."

"It is. It was delicious. Almost as delicious as your lips," he said with a grin as he leaned in and stole a kiss.

"Foolishness," I said and tried very hard to hide my own grin.

"Ha. I see that grin you're trying to hide, Freckles. I know I make you smile often."

"As I've told you before, you know nothing, Edward Cullen."

He laughed. "Never given an inch with you, my feisty girl."

"Never-"

Edward held up his hand. "Shh."

"What?" I whispered.

"Horses. We need to get back to the house."

"It's too far." I looked around but all around us was open fields and occasional trees. We had nowhere to hide and could not outrun horses. Not with Edward's bad leg.

"Damn it! I only have my knife." He held my face. "Listen to me very carefully, Bella. You run for the house. Run as fast as you can and do not look back."

"No. I'm not leaving you here."

"I said go to the house. Now." His tone brooked no argument, but I refused to obey him.

"No. I stand with you."

"Damned stubborn woman. Fine. You stand behind me and do not speak." He slid the knife out of his boot and stood. He pulled me up standing and shoved me behind him against the tree truck, his body in front of mine, shielding me.

The horses approached, and Edward stood there, his body in a fighting stance, ready to take on whoever was coming this way.

"Three of them," he muttered, and then they were upon us.

I stared at those three soldiers in dark blue uniforms. No. _Yankees._ No. I felt my stomach drop and my world fall to pieces. _Too soon,_ my heart cried. _Too soon._

They pulled up and the young man in front, looking to be no older than sixteen, stared at Edward with his mouth open.

"Private Marshall," I heard Edward say, sounding as if he was grinning.

"Captain Cullen!" Marshall proclaimed in astonishment, and then a wide grin split his face.

I had to clutch Edward's arm to keep from falling.

_Too soon._

* * *

**Thanks for reading. No need to say that the next chapter will be a rough one. **

'**til then, dears.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	13. A part of him to keep

**Thanks go out to my dear beta Rhi. She's the best.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**This was rough to write, and I'll tell you, an exchange of two lines of dialogue between Edward and Bella broke me down. So, with that in mind, I'm passing on a tissue warning for this chapter, dears. xx**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 12: A part of him to keep**

**Bella**

"Marshall, Stevenson, Clarke. Good to see you, Privates."

Edward's men leapt off their horses and gathered around him with smiling faces to shake his hand.

"We thought you dead, sir."

"I nearly was when Miss Swan found me. I have just recently recovered and was off to join back up with the division."

A couple of them eyed each other and then looked at him. "Much has changed since you've been gone. Averell is out," Marshall said.

"That does not surprise me, but we'll save that conversation for later for I'm being very rude. Privates, this is Miss Swan."

He reached for my arm, pulling me up beside him. He gave me a warm look before tucking my arm through his.

They all ripped their hats off their heads as their eyes met mine.

"Miss Swan, this is Private Marshall."

"Miss Swan," Marshall said with a nod.

"Stevenson."

"Ma'am." He shot me a boyish smile of admiration.

"And Clarke."

"Nice to meet your acquaintance, Miss Swan," Clarke said with a soft smile and a tug of his forelock.

"Privates," I replied gravely, completely numb.

"What are you all doing here?" Edward asked.

"This area has gone back and forth between us and them, but we hold it at the moment. Our regiment just got orders to pull back to Pennsylvania. We were doing one last sweep of the area before we moved on to search for any last missing associates. You were one of them we were hoping to find, sir," Clarke replied.

"Well, it seems you found me. You've made my journey easier back to camp. I need to gather my things, and I'll accompany you. We need to go to the house first."

I just stared at Edward's profile, unable to cope with the reality of this moment.

"There's no need for me to say that you will treat Miss Swan with the upmost courtesy and respect. The same goes for her father. Take nothing from this family. If Miss Swan is so inclined, she may offer you a meal before we go. We will not impose upon their hospitality long."

"Yes, sir," they all replied.

Edward turned his head to me. "Come. Let us adjourn to the house and speak with your father."

I simply followed his lead mutely as we strolled back to the house, the Privates following behind us, leading their horses. Father was near the barn when we approached and stopped and stared at us all in astonishment.

Edward held up his hand. "It's okay. These are my men. No harm will come to you or your daughter."

I wrenched my arm from his. "I'll go serve up some stew for these men."

I heard Father speak as I ascended the porch steps. "You boys need to move on from here."

"We are. They're just going to have a quick meal, and then I'll take my leave of you all and be gone."

I stopped with my hand on the door handle. I turned my head and met Edward's eyes for one lingering moment, and then I went inside and firmly shut the door.

I stood there with my hand over my mouth and swallowed my sob. I knew this was coming, but now that it was here…

I stumbled to the kitchen table and fell into a chair. I just sat there with my face in my hands and tried to come to grips with telling him good-bye. I felt the tears that wanted to come, but I held them back. Not yet. Not yet. I took a deep breath, then stood up. The men were hungry. I would feed Edward's men. It's the right thing to do.

Without any thought to what I was doing, I pulled three bowls out of the cabinet and spooned out leftover beef stew into them. I then placed them on a tray along with spoons and carried it to the door. The Yankees were sitting on the back porch, their skinny legs hanging off the side, their horses tied to the rail munching on any grass they could find near the porch.

I handed each of them a bowl and got warm thanks in return, but I did not reply to them. I simply stepped back and held the tray to my chest.

Edward was chatting with the men, but his eyes stayed on me. I could only hold his gaze and try not sway from the emotions brewing inside of me.

"Who's winnin' this war?" Father asked, and Private Clarke raised his head from his bowl.

"I do believe the tide is turning in our favor, sir."

Father nodded. "Are we safe here, or should we find somewhere else?"

Marshall looked at me and then back to Father. "Here is as safe as any. Nowhere is safe. This is war time. It's bad all over. Keep your guns ready, though. We're moving out of this area and only leaving a small regiment behind."

"My guns are always ready. I have to protect my own."

Edward looked from Father to me. "I need to gather my things. If it's not too much trouble, may I keep these clothes, Charles? I seem to have misplaced my uniform."

Father shrugged. "Can't send you off naked. Take 'em."

"Thank you."

He strode to the kitchen door and held it open. "Bella?"

I slowly turned my head. "Help me gather my belongings?"

I felt rooted to the porch. Edward's eyes were pools of pain, and that snapped me out of my frozen stance. This would be the last time I'd be alone with him. Fool. _Move_.

I found myself stepping toward him and then following him inside. We silently made our way upstairs and into my bedroom. He didn't make one move toward his things. Instead, he pulled me into a crushing embrace, burying his head in my neck.

I ran my hand up his back and gripped his shirt so tightly in my fists it's a wonder I didn't rip it from his body. I felt my body trembling and the tears in my eyes.

"_Don't leave me_," I begged.

"I must, my dearest. I must."

"I almost hate you in this moment."

"Go ahead if it makes you feel better or makes this any easier. Heaven knows I deserve your censure."

"I _won't_ let you go!" I pounded his back with my fists and shook my head violently.

"You have no choice here."

He gripped my face and gave me such a look, I swayed. "Be strong, Freckles. Be strong for me, for this is more than I can bear. I'll never in my life do anything harder than riding away from you."

"I'm not that strong," I whispered out in anguish.

"_Yes you are_. You're the strongest person I've ever met."

"I need you."

A sob tore out of Edward's throat. "Freckles, you're my reason for breathing. I swear this to you now, if I can make it back to you, I will."

I just shook my head.

"Kiss me. Kiss me one last time, Freckles."

I almost said no in my anger, but my body decided over my mind what I wanted. I found myself slamming my mouth to his. We kissed madly, desperately trying to squeeze out every last ounce of this moment. With a cry, he pulled his lips from mine.

"I must leave now or I never will, Freckles." He let go of me and grabbed his things. "Please come down and see me off. I need the last thing I see as I ride away to be your beloved face."

I wrapped my arms around myself and slowly nodded my head. He turned to head down the stairs, and I silently followed him, feeling like a ghost. Like the Bella that was before was completely gone and in her place stood only a shadow, a remnant of who she used to be.

We reached the kitchen, and I strode over to the cabinet and pulled out the cornbread, wrapped in a cloth, along with the left over biscuits from this morning. I handed them to him without a word. He simply took them and whispered, "Thank you."

He strode to the door and gave me one last look before exiting out to the porch. I slowly followed, my feet almost unwilling to do my bidding and move forward.

I listened to Edward speak with Father and his men. Edward was given Clarke's horse, and Clarke said he'd ride double with Stevenson. I walked over to the big maple tree that was outside the kitchen window and leaned back against it, my arms wrapped around myself. It was almost full dark, but the moon was bright. Edward said something to his men, and they mounted their horses and started back down the farm road which they came.

Father looked between Edward and me. "Good-bye, Edward."

"Good-bye, Charles. I cannot even express enough my thanks and gratitude for your hospitality."

"Yep. Try not to get yourself killed, Yankee."

"I'll do my best, sir," he replied, and then Father went inside.

Edward turned to me.

"Bella, I lo-"

"_Do not_! Do not speak to me of devotion. Do not."

He looked away. "Do you even know- do you even realize what you mean to me?"

"I said, do not speak of this, Edward Cullen!"

"What am I to speak of then, Isabella Swan? I'm leaving you and may never see you again in this lifetime. I think that warrants some freedom of my person to speak my heart."

"_Your heart_? What of _my_ heart that is now in shreds? What of that, Edward Cullen? Tell me, how am I supposed to go on? How am I supposed to live through each day without seeing your face and hearing your voice? How am I to live each day not knowing whether you live or not? How? Tell me how!"

I fell to the ground, my legs no longer able to hold me. Edward fell to his knees in front of me, gripping my arms.

"Freckles. My God, Freckles. Death would be preferable to hurting you like this. Perhaps it would have been better had you never found me. Anything is better than causing you this much pain."

"Oh, go from me, Edward Cullen. Go play your foolish war games and leave me be. Just go."

He sat there in front of me, not moving or speaking until he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I felt something drop into my lap as he got up. I reached down and realized it was his necklace.

"Keep it, to remind you that I am yours," he said quietly.

"Not anymore. You belong to that cursed Army. Go."

He nodded and strode over and unhooked the reins of the horse and leapt in the saddle. He rode over to in front of me, looking down at me, the moonlight gleaming off his hair.

"_Freckles_."

The power of that one word, the emotion in his voice, cut through my anger and was replaced again with wrenching sorrow.

"Edward Cullen."

He placed his hand over his heart. "Until my heart stops beating."

I held back my tears as I replied. "Until the last breath leaves my body."

"Yours."

"Yes."

"Forever."

"Always."

"Good-bye, my dearest Freckles."

The tears came, unstoppable then. "Good-bye, Edward Cullen," I choked out.

With one last lingering look, he turned his horse and was off flying down the road as if he was trying to outride his demons. I sat there until I could no longer hear his horse and then I sat there still. I did not care. My heart had just ridden away from me. I had no will to move from this spot ever again.

Eventually, Father came out to find me.

"Bella, darlin'. Come inside. Let's get you to bed."

He reached for my arm, but I wrenched it out of his. I stood and stumbled my way to the porch. I tripped up the stairs and into the house. I had to get to the bedroom and crawl into bed. I had to surround myself with Edward's scent and close my eyes and never awaken. I tripped again on the inside stairs and found myself almost crawling up them in frustration and hurry to get to my room.

"Bella? Sweetheart? Are you all right?"

I ignored him. I stumbled into my bedroom and slammed the door. I ripped off my shoes and dress, then flopped down on the bed, pulling the blankets around me. I snuggled my face into the pillow, inhaling Edward's scent as I clutched the locket in my hand against my thumping heart. It was only then did I allow myself to fall apart and let the pain have me.

Nothing ever had hurt as bad as this. Not even the loss of my mother had caused me this much pain. I curled my body into a fetal position and allowed the tears to come. I cried and cried until my chest hurt and my nose was stuffed and my pillow soaked. Still, I did not move. I lay there staring at the wall, wishing Edward was with me, his arms around me, his warm, even breathing a caress on my neck as he slept. _Edward_. I found the tears starting again.

I was still awake, staring at the wall, when the rooster crowed in the yard. I ignored him. I felt numb. The tears were gone, and in their place was…nothing. I was numb. I had no will to move, no will to do anything.

Father knocked on the door and then cautiously walked in and stood beside the bed.

"Bella?"

I didn't reply. I didn't move.

"Daughter, you need to go on livin'. I know it hurts-"

"You know nothing. Leave me be."

"I'll get the eggs and milk the cow this morning."

I didn't reply.

"Bella, uh, you just stay in bed a while. I'll take care of feeding myself. I'll check on you later."

I didn't acknowledge him. I heard his heavy sigh and then his slow footsteps out the door. He closed it behind him and headed down the stairs. Still, I laid there like a frozen statue. After a time, my body needed release, and I got up from the bed to use the chamber pot. I realized the necklace was still firmly clutched in my fist. I uncurled my fingers and saw the deep red indentations in my palm, almost a branding mark. His. All of me was his.

I just stared down at my hand and then reached up and slipped the necklace over my head. The locket came to rest over my heart, strangely warm against my skin. I quickly used the chamber pot and then crawled back into bed. This time sleep found me, and I was grateful for it.

I awoke later in the day and heard my stomach rumbling, but I ignored it. Food did not interest me. Father came to check on me again, urging me to rise and come downstairs, but I shrugged him off. I just wanted to be alone.

I spent another sleepless night, and when the cock crowed the next morning, I realized that I had to go on. Life had to go on. I did my morning routine and then got dressed. I went downstairs and started the fire in the stove before I went out to gather eggs and milk the cow. All this was done as if I was someone else doing this and watching through my eyes, as if I was totally disconnected from my body. I automatically made biscuits and cooked up Father scrambled eggs for his breakfast, but there was nothing but habit keeping me moving.

I served him, ignoring his worried look, before I sat down with a cup of tea and a biscuit. I merely picked at the biscuit, only eating a few crumbs before I could stomach no more. I did drink my tea, but food just did not appeal to me.

Father placed his cup and bowl in the sink, and then I felt him grip my shoulder. "Bella, I'll be close today if you need me. Just take it easy. Thanks for breakfast. I was starving."

A nod was my only reply. He went outside, and I sat there staring off at the wall. Finally, I got up and cleaned up the kitchen, then went to change the beds and gather the dirty laundry. It was laundry day, and that work would keep my hands busy and my mind off of Edward.

I went to change my bed Edward had slept in, but I found I couldn't pull the sheets off the mattress. I just couldn't do it. I fell down on the bed and wept for a time, surprised that I still had tears in me. I let myself wallow in my grief for a while longer; then I got up and wiped the tears from my face with my arm. I stood and almost angrily wrenched the covers back up over the bed. The sheets could stay awhile yet.

My life after that day fell into some kind of horrible waking dream. I'd sometimes sleep at night, sometimes weep. When I did sleep, I'd have terrible nightmares about soldiers and fighting and Edward getting shot and there'd be blood everywhere, seeping from his body and pooling under him. The blood. There was so much of it draining from his body, stealing his life, and I could never stop it no matter how hard I tried.

I'd often wake up screaming, scaring Father and causing him to run into my bedroom to check on me. He'd sit on the side of my bed and try to comfort me with soft words, or pats on my arm, but I didn't want that. I'd just roll away from him and curl back into myself.

"Bella. You can't go on like this."

My head shot up, and I looked at my father, surprised that he spoke. Ours had become a silent household.

He tossed his fork down onto his plate and let out a sigh. "He's gone, daughter. You knew he'd leave. You got to go on livin'. I want my old Bella back. This Bella here, she's just a shadow of my daughter."

"This _is_ me," I rasped out, my voice rough from un-use.

"No, this is a ghost of you. Loss is part of life, Bella. You got to deal with it and go on. I didn't crawl into bed for a month and quit livin' just because I lost your mother. I went on. Did what I had to do. That's just how it is."

"But you had half a lifetime with my mother. I only had _three months_ with Edward. Do not speak to me of dealing with it and moving on! One does not move on from the loss of the other half of them."

"Such a deep, fierce one you are and always were. You feel things a hundred times more than regular folk. No wonder this is so hard on you, darlin'."

"I am what I am."

Father nodded. "You are your mother's daughter. So much like her, you are. So much."

"Then I would think you'd be more understanding of me."

"I am. I just don't want you wastin' away, pinin' for a man you can't have."

"I _do_ have him. He is mine."

"Bella-"

"Do not speak to me anymore of Edward! It only brings me pain. I will not move on from him, and I will not have another. So call it wasting away or pining for him, or whatever you will, it's him for me or no man."

"Okay. But, daughter, you may be setting yourself up for a very lonely life."

"Then so be it."

"You know, things change. People change. All may not be as it once was even if he came back."

"I will not change. My feelings will not change. I am so altered now from knowing him that the very make-up of my being is changed. Do you not understand, Father? He's part of my very soul. Whatever he and I are made up of, it is the same."

He held my eyes for one long moment and then looked away. "So that's the way it is, then."

"Yes."

"Not just love."

"No. Love isn't even a big enough word."

He reached over and clasped my hand, giving it a squeeze. "No wonder you're so tore up over this. I'll pray nightly that God will protect him and bring him back to you."

"That prayer is constantly on my lips. My plea for God to be merciful and protect him."

"Are you gonna be okay, Bella?"

I pulled my hand out of his and rested it in my lap. "Eventually. Give me some more time and let me adjust to a new way of living and being."

"Take all the time you need. I won't push you no more. You deal with this the way you have to. Well, I've got plowin' and weedin' to do. I'll be back for supper."

I nodded and bid him good-day as he went out the door. I found myself wandering around the house. I stood in front of the piano and remembered Edward playing for us. Pulling the bench out, I sat down and opened the lid over the keys. I skimmed my fingers along the white and black keys and closed my eyes. _No. First Mother and now Edward_. I slammed the cover down over the keys and shoved back from the piano. I got up and kicked the bench back in place. I was done with music. I had given the last of it inside of me to Edward who took it with him when he left.

I eyed the chess board and frowned. I got its case and threw the pieces in it, tossing the board on top. I went and shoved it onto a shelf of the closet under the stairs. I saw my mother's books on a shelf in the parlor and went to grab them and hide them away, but paused mid-stride. _What was I doing_? Trying to erase all that reminded me of Edward from this house? That was impossible. His essence was in the very air of this house. I could close my eyes and still feel his presence all around me.

I slumped down onto the divan and hugged myself. 'Hard' didn't even cover what this was. Torment and torture was more like it. I fell over on to my side, lying with my head on a pillow and curling my legs behind me. _Edward. I miss you so_. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me. At least when I slept, the pain was gone for a time if I was very fortunate.

I slowly began to resume a normal life. I kept the house, cooked, washed clothes, and helped Father in the fields. The garden had been planted and tending to it, watering, and weeding was busy work, and I was glad of it.

I had changed, though. My spirit was gone, and joy, laughter, and happiness in the simple things in life had left me as well. I merely got through each day, doing what I had to do, and then at night I attempted to sleep, to give my weary body rest if I could.

The nightmares eased up some, but still occurred. Oddly enough, I had found my appetite again and had begun to eat much more than I ever used to. I had gained some pounds and wondered at that. I was annoyed that my dresses seemed tighter at the waist and even at my breasts. How strange. I would have to cut back on my eating or start letting out my dresses.

It was the next morning when I was getting dressed that I pulled out my drawer to get a fresh chemise and I saw my special padding I had in the drawer for my monthly courses. I stood up straight and gasped. I hadn't had my courses since Edward had left here over two months ago. _I hadn't had my courses._

I looked down at my bare body and finally noticed the changes. I cupped my breasts and realized they were quite a bit fuller and the nipples tender to my touch. I ran my hand down to my stomach and realized I had a little belly. I'd never had a belly before, straying to the almost too thin side.

I placed my hands on my belly and stared at it in wonder. Could it be? Was I carrying Edward's child? I felt hope spring up in me so overwhelming that I began to tremble. _Lord, please let me be carrying his child. Please._

Another week went by and no courses, and then I was sure. I would lay there in bed at night, my hands on my stomach and wonder on my face. _Edward's child. I had Edward's child inside of me_. God had given me a reason to go on and put joy back into my heart, for he'd given me a part of him to keep.

I realized I had a problem, though. I was an unwed woman and carrying a child. I had to tell my father. I did not relish the prospect. In fact, I dreaded it.

I waited another week, and then I knew I could wait no more. It was becoming obvious that my body was changing and soon, I'd need to let out my dresses for sure. I waited until one night when my father was in a very good mood. I made his favorite supper and the apple fritters he loved. I passed him a mug of tea and slid into the chair across from him at the kitchen table.

"I have something important to tell you," I said, my nervousness almost making me stutter.

Father slowly lowered his pipe, giving me a wary look. "And what is that, daughter?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to brace myself.

"I'm carrying Edward's child."

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

**Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers! I've got some cooking to do tomorrow. Turkey day is a great favorite at our house. **

**xxoo**

**Sunny**

_I wrote a Christmas one-shot if you'd like to check that out. Cheers!_ **  
**


	14. An unbroken thread

**Hello lovely readers! Now, these two are apart, but I think you'll still enjoy the story from each of their POV's. I promise they won't be apart long. **

**There will be war and military speak in Edward's chapters but I'll do my best to keep it interesting. The Union Army had complicated and ever changing leadership during the war and I've greatly simplified it here. I did use the actual U.S. Army, Army of the Potomac, Second Division Calvary Corps as my model. **

**Many thanks to Rhi for your beta work. Good luck with finals, dear! Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**I start back from when Edward leaves, but it's not a complete rehashing.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 13: An unbroken thread**

As I stood in front of her, my heart stuck in my throat, I felt a crushing pain in my chest, nearly taking my breath away. Now that the time of parting from her had come, I found my resolve had faded.

She was in pain, and I could hardly bear it. My Freckles. My dearest Freckles. How on earth to leave her now that the time was at hand?

She was angry at me, lashing out with her words, and rightly so. She should have been furious at me for allowing this relationship to develop knowing that it would end.

I tried to speak my heart, to declare my love for her, but she was having none of that. Her pain, her torment, came rushing out of her, more than her body could bear. I watched her slump to the ground and knew nothing on this earth I could ever do good would ever atone for causing her this much pain. I fell before her, and of course, the wrong words came from my lips. Her anger came again and gave her strength. I was glad of it. Her anger was better than her tears. Seeing her cry was the worst thing I'd ever endured in my life.

My men were waiting. I had to go. I cursed to myself and stood. It was it was, and I had to let it go. I threw myself over the saddle of the horse and rode to in front of her. Her big eyes, glowing with moonlight just gazed up at me.

_Be strong for me, Freckles. I'll always love you. It'll always be you. _

I gave her all I had wrapped up in the beloved nickname I had for her. We exchanged precious, priceless words that engraved themselves upon my heart. It truly hit me then, the magnitude of my departure. I most likely would never see her again. I'd probably never see her beloved, freckled face ever again. I may never hold her body next to mine again in this lifetime. _God help me, I'm losing her. How am I to go on? Tell me how, God. _

No. Oh, my Freckles. No.

Pain, uncontained, unrelenting pain ripped through me, the likes I'd never known. I gazed at her, soaked up her beloved face up one last time, committing it firmly to memory. _Last chance, _my mind screamed_. Stay!_

I nearly screamed in frustration. I snapped the reins and dug my heels into the horse, causing him to bolt forward. He ran like the wind, as if demons were chasing behind us, and perhaps they were.

_Run, run fast,_ my mind screamed, _and don't look back._ But nothing could take this pain from me; nothing could cut that thread that attached her heart to mine. The distance in between us would not matter; it never would. For we were joined tightly, an unbroken thread, to be connected to the other forever more.

But this was torture. Every pound of the horses' hooves taking me further from her. I almost yanked on the reins and turned the horse around, so great was my pain at leaving her. _Go back. Hold her close. Find someone to wed us and stay. Stay with her. Stay._ I closed my eyes and felt the tears squeeze out. _I can't. I can't. Damn me, I can't._

I saw my men who had pulled up their horses awaiting my arrival. I pulled back on the reins and eyed the three of them. Marshall urged the other two on. Once they were a bit ahead of him, he turned to me.

"Is everything all right, sir?"

"No," I rasped out, my voice harsh with emotion.

"You do have a choice, sir. You can give me that horse, turn back, and none of us would ever tell we found you. I swear on my honor."

"And why would you think I'd wish to do that?"

"For her, sir. For Miss Swan."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Marshall was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "This is none of my business, sir, but when you love a woman-"

"You're correct. It's none of your business. Get me back to camp, Private."

"Yes, sir. Forgive me, sir."

He turned his horse and was soon trotting away. I glanced back one final time toward the farmhouse and could just barely make out Bella still sitting under the maple tree.

_Go to her,_ my mind scream. _Do as Marshall had suggested and go back to her._

For a moment, I was tempted. I was already there, Bella in my arms, but then I saw reason and knew what I had to do.

I drank her up with my eyes and then sighed, letting the longing already settle into my very bones.

_Good-bye, my dearest. I love you so._

Then I turned and followed the men, my heart heavy and my mind troubled. After a time, when I felt I could speak without breaking down, I asked Marshall about what was going on in our division. He told of the command change from General Averell to Gregg.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, sir, if I may speak plainly…"

"Of course."

"It's like this. The division was in a bit of mess. Gen. Averell led us around this same area, about twenty-eight miles, for over a week. After the loss and debacle that was Chancellorsville, Maj. General Hooker relieved Averell of his command and decided it was time to reorganize the Army of the Potomac. Now we're still second division, but our unit is part of the Third Brigade. We're currently under Colonel Duffie who's commanding the Second and Third. We're very short on officers, sir. I'm sure Gen. Gregg will be pleased you've returned."

"Let us hope, Private. Tell me about Chancellorsville."

He began to describe the battle, but I only half-listened, my mind elsewhere. He then went on to describe how they searched for me, along with other missing soldiers after Kelly's Ford.

"We thought you disappeared off the face of the earth, sir. You're well loved by your men, and we were sore broken up when we lost you."

"I nearly died. Only the care and determination of Miss Swan saved my life," I replied quietly.

"She seems like a grand lady, sir."

"She's the finest woman I've ever had the pleasure to meet."

We were silent again until the distant fires and tents of the camp appeared. "I, too, have a sweetheart."

I had been lost in my thoughts and jerked my head up at the declaration from Marshall. "What?"

"Her name is Jenny. She's sweet and dainty and blue eyes like the summer sky. Whenever I feel down, I imagine her face, her sweet smiling face, and my heart is warmed."

"A good woman can be all to a man," I replied.

"The love of a good woman is all, sir."

I saw my Freckles beloved face in my mind and recalled her fierce declarations that I was hers. "Yes. It's everything."

Talk was lost after that, for we were halted by the sentries keeping watch. Clearing them, we rode into camp, and faces gathered around campfires looked up at me in astonishment to see me ride by.

"Sir! Captain Cullen!" one called out and waved his hat, followed by many more.

I waved and nodded and then slid off the horse, immediately surrounded by the men that had served under me. There were many excited questions and others trying to tell me all that had happened in my absence, when everyone abruptly went silent.

"What's all the commotion?" A gruff, loud voice cut across the night.

"It's Captain Cullen, sir. We found him alive!" Clarke exclaimed.

"Did you now." Gregg eyed me, not a friendly look at all, then sucked his teeth. He then jerked his head toward his tent. "Inside, Cullen."

"Yes, sir."

I followed him, unsure of my reception, and not knowing this General and how he worked. Averell, I hadn't really understood him, nor respected him, but at least I could talk freely to him. This one did not seem the same.

I stood at attention in front of his desk and awaited his leisure. Gregg sat down at a desk that was covered in a large map and ignored me. He picked up a paper, holding it close to a lantern and read it. He took his time, and when he finished, he sat it down and leaned back in his chair, crossing his right leg over his left. He stroked a hand through his long beard and then folded his hands together in his lap. He looked me up and down, taking my measure it seemed.

"Where've you been, Cullen?"

"Wounded and recovering, sir. I was shot twice at Kelly's Ford, and the horse I had been on was shot as well, making it bolt. It ran wild with me on it until it knocked me off the saddle. I had fallen under a tree and laid there to die, but I was found by a kind woman. She took me back to her father's farm and saved my life."

He just eyed me. "Seems a bit farfetched that you lived through two bullet wounds. Where were they?"

"One in my left shoulder here" -I pointed to the spot- "and the bad injury on my left thigh." I pointed to the scar under my pant leg. "That one nearly ended my life."

"I'll have the surgeon look at those, just to make sure you're fit for duty." _And telling the truth_ was the unspoken words.

I curtly nodded and remained at attention.

"And this woman, she saved you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Would you have returned if the scouts hadn't found you, Cullen?"

"I would have, sir. I was making preparations to leave and make a journey back north on foot in hopes of meeting backup with the Army of the Potomac."

He sucked his teeth and frowned. "And where's your uniform?"

"Lost, sir. It was ruined and was burnt."

"I see. Tell me about this farm. They have supplies there? Should we raid them?"

I felt my stomach drop. I'd do anything to keep him from raiding the Swans. Anything to keep them away from Bella.

"No, sir. They're quite poor. They live very modestly. It wouldn't be worth your time."

"I'll decide what's worth my time, Cullen!" Gregg snapped at me.

I nodded and wisely kept my mouth shut.

"Well, you've told me the same story, about being shot and the horse running, as your men, so I'm forced to believe you. Why did you come back?" He gave me a curious look.

"My place is here, sir. I gave my word. I'm an officer, and this is where I should be."

"And your loyalties, Cullen. Where do they lie?"

"With the Union, with the Army, sir, of course."

"Lucky for you that we're leaving on the morrow and we won't have time to raid that farm. And also lucky for you that I'm very short on officers. I'm putting you in command over the Third Brigade. That gives you the Maine First, the New York Tenth, and the Pennsylvania Fourth, Thirteenth, and Sixteenth, Colonel Cullen. Don't mess up."

I almost gaped at him in astonishment. Not only was I given the Third Brigade, but he'd promoted me to all the way to Colonel?

"Thank you, sir. I won't let you down."

"See that you don't. Looks like you need a new uniform and a tent. Douglas!" he yelled, and a fresh faced youth popped into the tent and saluted.

"Sir!"

"Find Colonel Cullen a uniform and cot to sleep for the night."

"Yes, sir," Douglas replied and darted back out of the tent to do Gregg's bidding.

"Pick you a man to be your aide and pick out a horse."

"Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me yet, Cullen. This war is getting ugly. You may be sorry you ever came back."

"Never, sir."

"Officers meeting at O-seven-hundred hours. Don't be late."

"I won't, sir."

"Dismissed," he replied curtly, a paper already in one hand. His other hand was on a spread out map plotting distances.

As I went to leave the tent, his voice, sounding like a sharp knife, called my name. "Cullen."

I turned. "Sir?"

"I'll be watching you."

I nodded and left, an unsettling feeling in my chest. I hadn't counted on new leadership and them not knowing me or my character. Of course, my spending time in Confederate territory would rouse suspicions. Of course Gregg would and should be cautious with me. _I shall have to prove myself to him, and I will_, I vowed.

Douglas came running up to me with a uniform folded in his arms and handed it to me. He led me to a tent, and I asked him to send Marshall to me.

Soon, there was a knock on my tent pole, and Marshall's pale, skinny face was poking his head into my tent. "Sir?"

"I've need of an aide, Marshall. You interested?"

"Sir? Yes, sir! I'd be honored, Captain!"

"Colonel now, in charge of the Third Brigade, Second Division Cavalry Corps, Army of the Potomac for the U.S. Army."

I liked the sound of that. As did Marshall.

"_Sir,_" he said in wonder. "Thank you, sir."

I grinned. "You're welcome, Marshall. I have a meeting at o-seven-hundred hours with the other officers and Gen. Gregg. Please make sure I am up and ready by that time."

"I will, sir. Goodnight, sir." He left with a bounce to his step. I liked that kid.

I sat my new uniform down on a camp chair and doused the lantern. I then went over to my cot and slumped down onto it. All the pain I'd been withholding was overtaking me. I fell to my side, making sure my head was turned south, ever south, toward her, toward my heart's home, and closed my eyes.

I awoke sometime later, in darkness and disoriented. I reached over for Bella and found only the canvas tent wall to greet me. A crushing weight hit my chest. I heard camp sounds, men snoring, and the soft rustling of the horses, and even though those were familiar, comforting sounds, they weren't what I wanted. I wanted my Freckles. I wanted my arms around her, cradling her close. I wanted my lips on her. I missed her already.

I couldn't get back to sleep and was up and dressed when Marshall knocked on my tent pole. He scrounged me up some coffee, and I pulled out one of Bella's precious biscuits. Even a day old, it was still delicious. I got choked up and nearly couldn't finish it, but I did, eating every last bit of it. I might never get her cooking again, and I would not waste even one crumb.

Marshall came back to tell me it was time and began packing up my tent for our march out today. Before I left, I turned to him. "Could you get me paper and a quill? I wish I had a journal, but those will do."

"Yes, sir."

"I need a horse as well. Would you mind picking me out a good mount?"

"Me, sir?"

"Yes. I'd appreciate it."

He looked at me in awe for a moment and then nodded rapidly. "I'll find you the best horse I can, sir. I promise."

I gripped his bony shoulder and gave him a faint grin. "I'm sure you will, Private."

The meeting with the General and other officers was enlightening to say the least. What the hell had Averell been doing? We should have been holding this area and half of Virginia by now, and yet, here we were, being pulled back to Pennsylvania and only leaving a small regiment behind. This made no sense to me, but I kept my mouth shut. Until Gregg asked for my opinion, I wouldn't be giving it, and he had his orders from Brig. Gen. Hooker so my opinion didn't really matter anyway.

After the meeting, Duffie indicated with his head that I follow him. We strode together, some ways away from the camp, and then he stopped and crossed his arms. "He's a tough one. I think I'm out soon."

"What? Why?"

"He doesn't care for me. You better stay on his good side as well. He doesn't know you, and you've much to prove to him."

I sighed. "I know. He made that clear last night."

Duffie looked toward the west, but my head naturally kept turning to the south. Toward her.

"You're a fine officer and that rare kind that not only can earn respect, but love from his men. I'm glad you're back."

"I'm glad to be back," I replied quietly.

"Early June. I've always enjoyed this time of year."

"Me, as well. Back on my father's farm, we'd be deep into plowing and planting."

Duffie was silent for a moment. "I feel something coming, Cullen. Something big and altering for this war."

That truly got my attention, and I turned to him. "Soon?"

He curtly nodded. "Very soon. Lee's Confederate Army is pushing north, into Pennsylvania. Maj. Gen. Hooker is going to put a stop to that for good. He's amassing the Army of the Potomac. Gregg failed to mention that."

"How many do you think Lee has?"

"Oh, anywhere from fifty to seventy thousand, I'd think."

I nearly gulped. "And us?"

"Maybe eighty to a hundred thousand."

"You foresee a large battle coming, then."

Duffie gave me a grave look. "We have to turn the tide. There's no other way. We cannot allow Lee's army to press any farther north. It has to have a stop put to it, and Lincoln knows this. Mark my words, by summer's end, we'll have faced the Confederates in a decisive battle in Pennsylvania."

"Where in Pennsylvania?" I asked, worry for my family upmost on my mind.

"My guess is over by Maryland, to the east."

I almost sighed in relief. My family lived in the southwest part of the state.

"We better head back. We're moving out."

I turned and followed him, my leg aching and my mind troubled. I glanced to the south and prayed Bella would remain safe. Too close. All of this was just too damned close to the Swan farm for my comfort. The further the fighting was from there, the more relieved I'd be.

"This healed clean. Lucky you it went straight through."

I shrugged my shirt back over my left shoulder and watched him as he inspected the scar on my left thigh.

"Who tended this?" the camp surgeon named Pierce asked me.

"A farm woman," I answered vaguely.

"Well, she did a damned fine job. You say she had to dig out the bullet?"

I nodded. "It became inflamed, but she cut off the bad skin and cauterized the wound after."

"She did? You're lucky. I would have just sawed off this leg to prevent infection from spreading," Pierce said matter-of-factly.

"I'm glad then, that she tended to me so that I still have my leg. Cleanliness helped as well."

Pierce gave me an odd look. "Cleanliness?"

"Yes. Clean hands, much hand washing, using only clean water and a fire sterilized knife."

"Bah. People don't get sick from dirty hands or knives."

"I'm not sure. It seems to me that she was on to something. A clean body, clean garments, clean living conditions surely lead to better health."

"Nonsense," Pierce said abruptly. "You can put your pants back on and go. You're fit for duty."

I was quickly dressed and out of his tent. Well, I had tried. I really did believe Bella was right about clean water and hands. Perhaps one day the surgeon would believe that as well.

The next night as we made camp, Marshall came to me with a wide grin. I studied my aide. He was all lanky arms and legs, too skinny by far. He had a mop of almost black hair upon his head and pale white skin and buck teeth. He was a gangly, awkward thing, but was also in the possession of a sunny disposition, ready smiles, and fierce loyalty. I enjoyed his company, and his devoted service was to be admired.

"Sir! Look what I found for you." He pulled a book out from behind his back and handed it to me with a prideful grin.

"A journal?" I asked as I took it from his hand.

"Yes."

"How…?"

Marshall just looked at me and then slightly shrugged. "He won't be needing it no more."

He pulled his other arm out from behind his back and handed me an ink pot and quill pen.

"Thank you, Marshall."

"You're welcome, sir. I'll bring you a bowl of stew and you can write and eat if you wish."

"Thanks again."

He left, and I sat down on my camp chair and opened the journal. A couple of pages from the front had been torn out, but it still had plenty more and the remainders were blank. Marshall had managed me a table from somewhere, so when he came back, I quickly downed my stew- not near as good or tasty as Bella's- so I could write. I sharpened the quill and then opened the ink pot. I just stared at that white, blank page for a moment, and then I began to write my heart.

_My dearest,_

_I miss you so. I find my mind dwelling on you when it should not. How could I not? Everything about me being here without you is wrong, even though it was the right thing to do. _

_This men's business of bloody war, it's a horrible thing, and I'm forever grateful the gentle, womenfolk of your nature do not have to endure this. But then, perhaps, the sitting and waiting and keeping home and family is even worse. Your lot is different from mine, but not less in any way. I would never consider women to be the weaker sex, not after all the strong women like my mother, sister, and you that I've known. _

_But I speak of other things when I wish to dwell on you. I wonder how your day went, how many eggs you collected today, and what you cooked for supper. I wonder if you're wearing your pink calico dress or perhaps the faded blue. I wonder if you're thinking of me right this moment as I think of you. I feel the tug of you, that thread that attaches me to you, and have to raise my head, so sure you're right here in front of me. Foolish notion, but a man can dream._

_I can picture your face right this moment. I see you in the parlor with your father as he smokes his pipe and you do a bit of mending. I can imagine myself sitting next to you, admiring your profile, the slope of your neck, the curves and swirls of your ear. I can see a strand of hair hanging down, curving along your jaw, refusing to be contained in your tight bun. You would turn to me and give me that direct gaze of yours that pierces me to my very soul, and I would smile at you._

_Oh, Bella. I see you. _

I sat the quill down and reached for my book of Psalms. Tucked there in between the pages was a lock of Bella's hair. I'd requested it from her- my God, could that had only have been four days ago? I picked it up and ran my fingers over the chestnut lock. I had to close my eyes for a moment and imagine her here beside me, my hand in her thick, soft hair for true. I could smell her sweet cinnamon apple scent and feel the warmth of her shoulder pressed against mine. I sighed. If only.

I opened my eyes, sat down the Psalms and picked up a Bible that Marshall had left for me. Falling out of my daydream, I turned to Song of Solomon, chapter 2 and skimmed down the page. My eyes fell upon this passage:

"_My beloved is mine and I am his."_

I carefully placed the lock of hair back in the Psalms and closed it. Then I scrawled out the passage at the bottom of the page of the journal.

_Yes, I see you, my dearest Freckles, and I love you. I am yours._

* * *

**Thanks for reading and a huge thank you to Missus T for rec'ing my story! **

**Next chapter is from Bella's POV and then an Edward chapter with, as you probably guessed, the battle of Gettysburg. As you can see, Edward and Bella's chapters don't run concurrently at this point as Bella's chapter ended at the end of July 1863 and Edward's ended at the first of June. Just wanted to point that out for anyone confused about the dates.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	15. We'll wait together

**This story is in desperate need of a banner. If anyone has some photoshopping skills and would be willing to help me out, please let me know. I'd be ever so grateful for your help.**

**Thanks go out to my beta Rhi and my pre-reader V. This chapter was tricky and your opinions were needed and well heeded. Hope you're happy with the changes.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 14: We'll wait together**

"_I'm carrying Edward's child."_

Father just stared at me, no expression whatsoever upon his face. Then, he slowly lowered his pipe, carefully placing it on the table. He stared at that pipe for some time as I just remained silent and awaited the storm that was to come.

Finally, he lifted his eyes to mine.

"_I knew it_," he said, sounding disgusted and disappointed at the same time.

"You did?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, I'm not blind, Bella. You've always been thin as a board, but you've put on weight and started to round out and grow a belly. When?"

"I'm…not sure. I'm a couple of months on."

Father said a very bad curse word and then shoved his chair back. He began pacing the floor back and forth. He then stopped and turned to me. "You'll marry."

"Edward is gone. How's that possible?"

"I didn't say you'd marry Edward. I said you'll marry and quickly."

I felt my stomach drop. "No. I won't. You can't make me marry another."

"I can and I will."

I shoved my chair back and stood up, a blinding rage overtaking me. "I refuse. You cannot make me!"

Father strode over and slammed his fist down upon the kitchen table. "You'll do as I say, girl, and I'll have none of your hard-headedness."

"I'm not a girl, I'm a woman, and it's about time you realized that! I'll do what I want, and I'll wed who I want, and that's Edward and no other!"

"But he's not here now, is he? He left you here, alone and with child. Some honor he has. And I thought he was a good man."

"He _is_ a good man! The finest man I've ever known."

"Good men don't get their woman with child and leave her alone to fate."

"He doesn't know," I replied quietly.

That startled him. "He didn't know you were carrying his child when he left here?"

I shook my head. "No. Neither did I."

Father rubbed his hand down his face and sighed. He slumped back down into his chair and folded his hands together. I lowered myself back to my chair and prepared myself for his next barrage.

"How long?"

"What do you mean?"

"How long were you and he…?"

"Oh." I blushed slightly and couldn't meet his eyes as I answered. "Not long. This was all my doing. He refused and refused me. He's honorable and a gentleman, but I pushed and pushed. He kept firmly refusing until the night I broke down in tears, my pain from him leaving soon too much to bear. And it just…happened."

Father didn't speak, just sat there staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. This had nothing to do with you. Believe me, Edward hated himself for hurting me and leaving me. But I'm not sorry for myself. I'll never regret my time with him, all of my time with him, and the results of our love. Already, I live for this baby inside of me. His baby. I know I should be ashamed and terrified of what I've done, but I'm not. I'll face your censure, the censure of the world and spit in its face for this child. Do you understand, Father? I have a part of him now. A part I get to keep. And for that, I'll never, ever be regretful."

Father was silent for a long time. He took a deep breath, then released a resigned sigh. His eyes met mine with a ghost of a smile upon his lips.

"So much like your mother in getting your way in things. You're her made over again. She pushed as well. I guess you probably figured out a while ago that you weren't born early."

"I wasn't?" I asked in surprise.

"Nope. So I guess I can't be too angry at you for something I did myself. But, little sparrow, what are we going to do?"

It took me a minute to readjust my thinking and how I perceived my parents and their relationship. Had they loved each other the way Edward and I do? Had my mother lived for my father like I did Edward? It seemed so. How precious to realize I was made out of love and passion. How happy that made me for my mother that she got to live with the man she loved all those years. No wonder she'd always been smiling and singing.

I pulled my mind back to the business at hand. Father was correct. What were we to do?

"I honestly don't know. I don't even know anything about babies or raising children."

"Me either. I always left that in your ma's capable hands. She was such a good mother. I wish she was still with us. We could use her now."

"Yeah," I replied softly, thinking of my dear mother and her kind, but fierce nature.

"Well, I guess the next best thing would be to write to my sister and see if she could send someone to us."

"What will you say to her?"

"I'll tell her that you married and your husband went off to war. That you're carrying his child and we need help."

"A lie?" I asked in surprise. Father hated lying.

"A slight untruth. A necessary one. I know Edward would've wed you if he could've."

I nodded. "In a heartbeat. He will when he makes it back to me." I reached up to my chest and held the locket between my fingers, rubbing over the smooth surface. I did this constantly for comfort every time I thought of Edward being in harm's way.

"There's somethin' I need to tell you, Bells. I've been puttin' it off, but…"

"What?" I asked in distress. _Please don't say it. Don't say it._

"Well, you know I went to town yesterday."

"Yes?" I asked impatiently.

"And well, I kinda got caught up on all this war stuff."

"_Father_," I said with a frown.

"All right, I'm gettin' to it. It seems back at the first of July there was this big battle up in Pennsylvania in a place called Gettysburg. Terrible thing. The Yankees won it, but the loss of life was in the thousands."

"Dear Lord." I raised my shaking hand to my mouth.

Father curtly nodded and looked grim. "Something like seven to eight thousand died and over twenty thousand wounded."

_Oh, no. Edward. Oh, dear God. So many dead. Oh, dear Lord. Edward and Emmett. What if they both were there? _

"Oh, Father. What if he's dead? I should have insisted he stay here safe with me. I should have fought harder! " The tears came, unstoppable from my eyes.

Father reached across and patted my hand. "Now, there was nothin' you could've done, daughter. He had to go back. You know that."

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "And look what it brought him to. The fool," I whispered to myself.

"He's a tough one. I bet he still lives."

I reached up and held the locket, felt the warmth of it, and closed my eyes. I reached out in my mind for him. It may be silly, but I felt I could almost sense his heartbeat.

My mind drifted to a place far from here. I longed to pull myself into his presence, to tell him I was with him and that I loved him. If only.

I sighed and met my father's eyes. "I choose to believe he still lives. You hate him, don't you?"

Father shrugged. "I'd like to kick his tail from one end of this farm to the other right this moment, but naw, I don't hate the man. He loves you. Hard to hate a man that loves my beloved daughter."

"You know what, Father?"

"What's that, daughter?"

"You're a good man. I'm proud to be your child."

Father looked all embarrassed and cleared his throat. "Well, I'm proud to be your pa. Even if you are more than a bit of a handful. You've got us into quite a pickle, Bells."

"I know, and again, I'm sorry for that, but I'm not sorry for this child." I looked down and placed my hand on my stomach.

"We'll work this out. Don't know how, but we will."

I nodded at my father's optimism. "I hope so."

The days went on, Father and I going on about our business of running a farm, and life continued. My stomach swelled with Edward's child, and I would often pause and place my hand over that small mound in wonder. _Sweet little baby, Mama loves you,_ I would whisper to him.

Father had written to Aunt Catherine, but we'd gotten no response. Being this was war, it was surprising if the post got through at all. Father would often glance at my stomach, and worry would cross his face, but we never spoke of the upcoming birth. It had become an unspoken taboo subject.

Oddly enough, this had brought Father and me closer together. The dynamics of our relationship had completely changed. He no longer treated me as if I was a child, recognizing that the old Bella was gone, and in her place stood this woman that knew her own mind.

As for how I saw him, that too had changed. His admission to me that he and Mother had been in the same spot that I was in had been truly enlightening. It had made them both human to me and, in a way, more real. They weren't just my parents in my mind anymore, but fallible people that loved and made rash decisions and truly lived. I was truly seeing them through the eyes of an adult for the first time.

I leaned back against the side of the house, gazing out over the fields. How odd to think of my mother being just like me, loving fiercely and passionately. I thought back to my childhood, and the vibrancy of my mother came back to me. She had lit up any room she was in. She had spoken loudly and with her heart, never one to mince words. I remembered how she'd clasp me to her and vow how she loved me.

_Follow your heart, peach_, she'd always say to me. _It'll never lead you astray._

I'd forgotten that. How had I forgotten that?

_I did, Mama. I did, and I'll never regret it._

That night I had a dream so vivid, I could have sworn it was real.

A vision had come to me of Edward lying there on a cot. As I concentrated, it had become clearer. He was hurt. He'd been injured. I could see the pain on his troubled countenance, yearning for me etched into his very being. He'd opened his eyes, and a pair of green eyes had met mine.

He'd reached out for me and me to him. "_Freckles,_" he'd whispered in the darkness. "_Oh, my Freckles. I miss you._"

"_Edward,_" I'd called to him in my mind. "_I'm here, my love. I'm here!_"

I'd watched his features settle into peacefulness as he'd closed his eyes again. "_Yes, I know. You're always with me, my dearest._"

Darkness had closed in, the dream drifting away like a summer cloud.

I'd awoke in a cold sweat and sat straight up in bed. That had been too real. As if he and I had actually just connected, had actually been speaking to each other. I'd laid back down, curled onto my side, and cupped my stomach. I'd tried to fall back to sleep, but those green eyes I remembered so well had held me hostage and I found sleep would not come.

I was going through a box of old baby clothes of mine that Mother had kept, when I heard Father calling for me. I set it aside to go through it later to see what could be salvaged and what I could use as a pattern for clothes for my baby.

Hearing the sound of a horse and cart, I hurried down the stairs and to the front room. I gazed out the window and saw Dr. Hale, the town doctor, and beside him was his daughter, Emmett's wife, Rosalie. Shock made my mouth fall open. What was she doing here?

I knew Father didn't want others to see my condition so I stayed inside. I watched Rosalie hop down off the wagon, and her father hand a dark haired boy down to her. She placed him on her hip as Father took her bags. _No_, my mind screamed. This could not be happening.

Dr. Hale flicked the reins and turned the wagon, soon heading down the lane as Father, Rosalie, and her son entered the front door. I turned to them in disbelief. I thought I'd seen the last of Rosalie McCarty. I'd wished fervently that I had, yet here she stood in our parlor, looking uncomfortable and a bit lost.

"Mother Catherine sent me here. She said I was needed," Rosalie said quietly as her eyes slid down to my stomach.

"You're most welcome," Father said. "Bella's gonna need some help here soon."

"I see that," she replied. "Bella. Hello."

I nodded. "Rosalie. Who's this?"

"You haven't gotten any letters from Mother Catherine?" she asked in surprise.

"Not recently," Father replied.

"Well, this here is Ezra Dale McCarty." She turned her son toward us. He had dark hair like his father and his mother's blue, blue eyes. He stared at me and then stuck his thumb in his mouth.

"Named after your father," I replied. "He looks like Emmett."

"He's a good boy. I swear he won't be no trouble. And…I want to say that I'm not the same woman that left here. I ask your forgiveness for my previous behavior. It was uncalled for."

I nodded. "Accepted. It seems like time with Aunt Catherine taught you a thing or two."

Rosalie laughed. "Yeah. She sorted me out pretty quick. She said that you needed help. I volunteered to come. I hope you don't mind."

"We're glad to have you," I replied. I met Father's eyes, and he nodded. "Have a seat, and let's have a talk. I feel you deserve the truth."

"I'll run your bags up to your room," Father said quickly, ducking through the doorway.

Rosalie and I sat down on the divan, Ezra between us, still staring at me and sucking his thumb.

"First, I think you should know, I'm not married."

Rosalie's mouth fell open. She darted her eyes down to my stomach.

"And the father of my child, I love him beyond reason, but you should also know, he's a Union officer."

Rosalie's eyes grew wide, and her mouth fell open even more. She just stared at me, and then she laughed. And laughed harder. The tears fell from her eyes as she tried to control her laughter. I just watched her, perplexed at her reaction.

Finally, she got control of herself. "Oh, Bella. I always knew that you would never settle for ordinary. Not you."

"No, indeed not. Why is that amusing?"

"Because it's just so you. This is too good. I need all the details. However did you meet and fall in love with a Yankee, for goodness sake?"

I was still confused about her reaction, but readily answered her questions, happy to be discussing Edward.

"I found Edward under a tree."

She just stared at me for a moment and then burst out laughing again. "Oh, I'm so glad I came here!"

I looked at her as if she was a crazy person. "All right. Anyway, he was wounded in battle, shot twice, and the horse bolted, knocking him off. He laid there to die, until I came upon him. I brought him back here and saved his life."

"You saved his life? Why didn't you send for my father?"

"I did. He came and refused to touch him, so I did the best I could."

"You saved his life, all on your own? From two bullet wounds?" Rosalie asked in amazement.

I curtly nodded.

"That's astounding. I'll never underestimate you, Bella. Not after learning that. So, he was here a while recovering, and things being what they were, you two thrown together…you fell in love?"

"Yes," I replied quietly as I reached up and rubbed the locket, gazing out the window, my mind full of memories.

"He's a good man?"

I nodded. "The best. He's the very beating of my heart, the very air I breathe."

"I see," Rosalie replied quietly. I felt her lightly place her hand on my stomach. "And this is his baby. I'll do all I can, Bella, to help you bring a healthy child into this world, so that you may have a piece of him here with you."

"You understand?" I looked at her doubtfully.

"I do. You may think me selfish and vain, and you'd probably be right- at least I used to be- but I love Emmett. I swear I do, and I can't believe I've got a part of him here with me." She picked up Ezra and hugged him to her.

"This business of being a woman, waiting on our men, loving them, needing them, praying they'll live and come back home to us…it's a hard business. The not knowing, it's the worst."

Rosalie took my hand, giving it a squeeze. "We'll wait together, leaning on each other for strength. And we'll have their children and our love for them. Even if we lose them, they'll never really ever be lost."

"As long as we hold on to the love and memories, they'll always be with us," I whispered in agreement. I turned to her. "Yes, we'll wait together. Thank you for coming, Rosalie."

So my days became lessons in mothering. Rosalie had turned out to be a God send. She educated me in all I needed to know from the birthing, to nursing, to changing diapers. She helped me to sew clothes and make diapers for the coming baby. I took over some of the care of Ezra, a quiet, sweet boy, and that helped me immensely.

I was changing his diaper, pinning him up, when he gazed up at me with a wide smile. "La!"

I blinked. "Did you just say my name, Ezra?"

"La!" he said again and waved his arms, still smiling.

It hit me suddenly, that my own child would be here soon and gazing up at me with his father's smile. The want was so immense and overwhelming, a sob tore out of my body.

"Bella, you all right?" Rosalie asked in concern. She was over to the bed, scooping up Ezra and wrapping an arm around me.

I leaned against her, tears leaking out of my eyes, despite my attempt to keep them at bay.

"Just thinking about my baby and wanting to hold him."

Rosalie rubbed my back. "You will soon. Only a month now."

"I know. A winter baby. Will the house be too cold for him?"

"We'll keep him warm, don't you worry none. We've made him plenty of clothes and blankets. Your father made him and Ezra lovely cribs, so we're set there."

"Yes." I just leaned against her, so glad of her comfort and companionship.

"I wonder how the men are faring this winter," Rosalie murmured, speaking out loud her thoughts.

"I hope they're able to keep somewhat warm. I pray for them." I glanced out the window to the snowy landscape and felt that constant worry rise up in me for Edward's safety and comfort. I reached up for the locket and rubbed it, praying hard, not only for him, but for my cousin as well.

That night I had another vivid dream. I could hear Edward's heartbeat, slow and steady and then suddenly he was there in my mind. His face appeared before me, gaunt with hunger and frostbitten from the cold. Where was he? The landscape was winter, giving me no clue of his location. It could be anywhere.

"_Edward,_" I'd called to him in my mind, and he'd whipped his head about, blinking into the snow.

He'd closed his eyes and called back to me, "_Freckles? I heard you. I swear I just heard your sweet voice_."

"_I'm here, Edward. I'm here_."

"_Bella. I love you,_" had drifted through my mind.

"_I know_," I'd replied and saw a grin settle upon his lips.

The dream started to rapidly fade, and I'd desperately tried to hold onto it, but it was gone, like smoke blown by the bitter winter wind. I awoke, my heart aching and my body shivering from the bitter cold.

Some things are worse than death, I realized. Being parted from your love and worrying for their health and safety surely was hell on earth. The not knowing, it was slowly driving me mad. How else to explain such clear, vivid dreams that left me bereft and aching?

The next day, Rosalie and I were playing with Ezra on her bed when I looked up to find her staring at me.

"Something the matter?"

She shook her head. "No, I was just thinking that I can't believe how good you are at everything. Cooking, cleaning, washing, sewing, nursing, the farm, and even taking care of Ezra. You make me feel woefully inadequate as a woman."

I shrugged. "You're good at things as well."

She shook her head again. "Not like you. The only thing I was ever good at besides being a mother to Ezra was keeping Emmett happy in his bed."

I blushed and looked away. "Well, those are not worthless things, especially the latter." I met her eyes and Rosalie burst out laughing.

"Oh, I like you, Bella! You're a bit naughty. Edward must've adored that about you."

I blinked and curtly nodded. "Indeed he did."

She laughed again and hugged my shoulders. "You're just too much fun."

"I'm glad I amuse you." I held back my grin, but it was there bursting to come out.

"Are there any other skills of yours I should know about?" she asked me with a smirk.

I nearly laughed, but settled for shaking my head. "I'm a pretty good cook, if that's what you mean."

Rosalie did laugh. "Nice deflection. And thank goodness for that or we'd all starve! I still can't cook worth a darn."

"I'll teach you," I replied. "Speaking of cooking, I need to prepare supper."

I left her and Ezra, she tickling his belly, and he laughing up at her. I turned at the doorway and watched them for a moment, something dark crossing my soul. Emmett wasn't coming back. It was something I felt inside of me. I just knew it. Thank God Rosalie had Ezra so that a piece of Emmett would live on.

I shivered with grief as a chill went down my spine. I pulled my shawl tight around my shoulders, hugging myself as I descended the stairs. It was February, bitterly cold and miserable. My mind drifted back to Edward as I worked on making a hearty stew for our supper. I remembered the dream I had last night and saw his chapped face, too thin by far. He needed me. He needed my cooking and tender care. He needed my warmth at night to take the chill from his body. He needed me to wrap my arms around his body and tell him everything was going to be fine. He needed me.

I sat down the knife and went and slumped into a kitchen chair, my emotions overtaking me. Emmett possibly gone for good, Edward suffering, our baby coming soon, the birth an unpleasant event I might not even survive. Just for a moment, it was more than a body could bear.

Life was hard, brutal even. We love. We lose. We yearn. We wait, and then we wait some more.

I waited.

Closing my eyes, I grasped the locket and pulled the image of Edward's face into my mind. I imagined his cocky grin, his teasing of me, his constant complimenting of me that embarrassed me so. I imagined him holding me close, as we lie tangled together in bed. He would gently kiss my face, call me his Freckles, and then make gentle love to me. _Edward, I miss you so._

The tears came, the memories too much to bear. I let them fall. For him. For me. For the baby he might never see.

How much longer must we be apart? How much longer could this cursed war last? Surely not much longer. He'd already been gone from me eight months. Were we to spend years apart? _Forever_? No. I refused to believe that. He would live. He would return to me and wed me. He would. It was my self truth, and I held onto it like a lifeline.

I slid my hands down and cupped my belly heavy with his child. _He'll live. He'll come back to me, and we'll be a family. Edward will come back to me, I swear he will. He will. _

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I should have you another update before Christmas.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	16. Here, at the end of all things

**A quick update for you from Edward's POV. Thanks again for the love for this story. It's a true labor of love and I appreciate every one of you reading, reviewing, and recommending it. Thanks as well to my dear beta Rhi and my friend V for her constant support.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**This is the three day battle of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania in the American Civil War, July 1-3, 1863. This battle had the most casualties in the war –around 51,000- and was the turning point in the war, where Union Maj. Gen. George Meade's Army of the Potomac defeated Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee's Army of Northern Virginia. The South never recovered from the defeat, but it wasn't a decisive victory as the war dragged on for almost another two years. I promise not to slog you through that. The battle has been greatly simplified here. Even though this is an Edward chapter, there is much Bella here, rest assured, dears. **

******A little warning on this chapter; it contains scenes of violence, death, and heartache. **

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 15: Here, at the end of all things**

**June 30, 1863**

Glancing around the tent to the other officers, I frowned to myself. A command change by President Lincoln over the Army of the Potomac from Maj. Gen. Hooker to Meade had been a complete shock. I hoped the hell Lincoln knew what he was doing.

Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee and his Army of Northern Virginia were advancing on a small town in Pennsylvania named Gettysburg. Our orders were to hold and defend the low ridges to the northwest of the town. To keep Lee contained and advancing no farther. I thought to the number of cavalry we had and wondered at the wisdom of this. Even with infantry to back us up, this was a fool's mission.

I did extra drills with my men that day, spoke with each one, making sure his weapons and mind were prepared for the days to come.

I entered my tent that night and prepared myself for the next day. I read the twenty-third Psalm and then opened my journal to write an entry to Bella, spilling out my heart. Who knew what the next day would bring? Death was a very real possibility. I needed to make myself right with God and my beloved. Just in case.

_My dearest, _

_So much I wish to say to you. So much I wish you to know, and, yet, I find myself without the words. How can a man even begin to express the esteem and affection I hold for your person? How can a man even begin to list those qualities and characteristics that you hold that raise you up above your fellow sex? How can a man even begin to praise you? For surely once I begin, I would never be able to halt. _

_Your goodness, strength of character, and formidable will, are shining examples of what any person should aspire to be. I count myself most fortunate indeed to have even met you. To be allowed to love you is a priceless treasure. Rest assured, my dearest, it is not something I ever took, or will ever take, lightly. _

_I think of you constantly. I pray for you and your health and safety, and I long for your affections. _

"Colonel. We're moving out," Marshall called as he popped his head into my tent.

I nodded. "Alert the men. I'll be right there."

He left, and I glanced down at my journal.

_No sleep for me this night. We move. I feel in my bones that whatever happens here these next few days will turn the tide of the war, either to our benefit or loss. _

_Life is short and uncertain, but can also be sweet when given unexpected blessings. You, my dearest Freckles, are my greatest blessing, my fragile hope, my priceless treasure. I pray you're taking good care of my heart, dearest, for I've left it with you. _

"No worries here, Colonel. We'll soon whip these 'federates and send them chasing their tails back home," Private Schneider said to me with a cocky grin.

A little confidence is good, and I let his comment go with a wink and a nod. But as I rode down the line, I couldn't help my worry. I had a lot of young ones. All these eager boys ready to take on the grays, but I knew by nightfall, some of them most likely wouldn't be among the living any longer.

I wondered at us holding this on our own. _Was there to be no back-up for our cavalry forces_? That was my last thought as we were suddenly assaulted by masses of Confederate forces from the north and northwest. I saw Stevenson go down and looked for Marshall as I fired my pistol. I couldn't see him in the melee' but I did see finally two corps of infantry coming to assist us. Thank the Lord. We hastily tried to reform the line, but we were overwhelmed.

I heard bullets buzz past me, but I ignored them. I shot a man running at me and then looked in dismay at the number of men streaming behind him. We had to retreat, or we'd be slaughtered to a man.

I didn't wait for orders from General Gregg; I didn't need them. I knew what had to be done.

I raised my sword in the air. "Fall back! Fall back! To me! To me!" I yelled and turned my horse toward town.

My men didn't need to be told twice. They soon turned and were galloping away, dodging Confederate bullets and their fellow infantrymen on foot.

We reassembled about a mile away, meeting up with the rest of our division. Gen. Gregg shot me a look, but didn't say one word to me. He knew that what had just transpired had been a catastrophe. We hadn't had been near enough prepared for the forces Lee had assaulted us with. Taking stock, we'd lost ten men. I knew one of them had been Private Stevenson.

I cursed and slid off my horse. I felt the ache in my leg, but ignored it in worry for Marshall. He soon appeared, a little worse for wear, but intact.

"Not a good day for us, sir."

"An understatement, Marshall. Tomorrow will be ugly. Lee sent us running like frightened goats through the streets of town. We won't let him forget that insult."

"No, sir!" Marshall replied and took off to repeat what I'd just said to the men.

The next day dawned, humid and miserably hot. I wiped the sweat off my brow as I rode in front of my men to our part of the formation. The defense was laid out like a fishhook, us on the right flank. Late in the afternoon, Lee and his amassed forces launched a heavy assault. After that, it was all a body could do to stay alive.

They came and came at us, but we held. The losses were mounting up, but I did not let my mind dwell on those who had fallen. I kept my mind firmly on holding the line and trying to repel the enemy forces. By nightfall, the battle had settled down, and we still held. I looked around in the twilight to the men, in both blue and gray, lying still, eyes staring but seeing nothing, mouths slack in the shock of death.

I lived. Tomorrow I might not be so lucky. Tomorrow I could be one of them, but I wouldn't rest my thoughts there.

I'd killed at least ten men today. I'd not dwell on that either. I'd done what I had to. I'd let God sort out the rest.

Full-scale assaults had been waged on Culp's Hill and Cemetery Hill, and I wasn't surprised to find that it was that particular location that both armies amassed to continue fighting the next day. Over twelve thousand Lee came at us with, and life turned into a living hell. Our brigade was joined by Brig. Gen. George Custer's giving us large numbers.

For one brief, precious second, I allowed my mind to focus on Bella's face. _I'm glad you're with me, my dearest, here, at the end of all things. If I perish, know that I died with your name on my lips. I love you._

A bullet whizzed past my ear, making me duck and bringing me back into battle mode. After that, the fighting became fierce and relentless. I fired my guns; I slashed with my sword, as I yelled orders and encouragement to my men.

"Hold the line! Hold the line!" I kept repeating.

Confederate Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart's cavalry attacked us, and a lengthy mounted battle with hand-to-hand sabre combat ensued. My left arm did what it could to control my frightened horse, as my right arm almost became numb from wielding my sword. A man could hardly take a breath without another man tracking to hack the head from his shoulders. It was keep on, ignore the ache, or die. I kept on.

I could sense when the tide started to turn. The Confederates were slowly retreating. Our favorable position, and our rifle and artillery fire, had caused considerable losses to Lee's men. Finally, Gen. Lee saw that there was no breaking our line and retreated. I slumped over the saddle in exhaustion for a moment, trying to right my head and catch my breath.

The tide had turned. We had stopped the South in its tracks and sent them back home soundly defeated and disheartened. But at what cost?

I slid off my horse and stood at the top of the hill. I just stared down at the endless carnage. I was astounded, stunned in almost numb disbelief at the number lost and wounded. I'd never in my life seen so many fallen men. The ground was literally red from all the blood. I glanced down and noticed that blood was running down the hill, seeping into the cracks and crevices.

This was surely a cursed place. Forever would it hold the pain and death within its soil so that nothing good would surely ever come from here. I could feel almost the reverberations of the pain and screams of dying men under my boots. I looked back up, and even in the falling twilight, was again hit with the magnitude of this bloodshed.

I turned my head and tried to find something within myself to cope with such horror.

_Was this what you meant for us, God? This terrible slaughter of our fellow man? I'd killed many men these past three days. Many marks on my soul. Will you forgive me for those deaths, Lord? Or am I as cursed as this land I stand upon?_

I fell to my knees and closed my eyes, the Lord's Prayer coming to my lips. I heard Marshall beside me, repeating it with me, and then others joined in. We'd been shaken to the core from the scope of the loss of life. Only God could get us through this nightmare.

When the prayer was finished, I prayed to myself for a moment, thanking God for his mercy in saving my own life and then prayed he'd care for the wounded and escort the departed, both friend and foe to Heaven. I then arose back to my feet.

The other men did as well. They stood there, looking a bit lost, like bewildered sheep, and some appeared to almost be in shock. Whatever youth and innocence these boys had started out with had surely been destroyed in them over this past day.

"Look to the survivors. It's getting nightfall and some still live. Help those you can, pray for those you can't, and whatever you do, keep your gun loaded and handy."

They all began to stumble off, but I called out to them, causing them to pause and turn back to me.

"And don't forget to take care of yourselves. Drink. Eat something if you can, and sleep when you have to. Meet me back here at oh-seven-hundred hours, and let's see who among us is unaccounted for."

"Yes, sir," they all said quietly as they turned to leave.

I worked all night, administering to the dying, trying to get the ones to the surgeon that I thought could be saved, offering my loaded pistol to one who was in agony and wanted to end it all. By dawn I was swaying in the saddle and so weary and heartsick that I could bear no more. I flicked the reins of my horse and took off for a copse of trees, needing some time to just myself. I could stand no more the pleas of the dying. Nor look into one more dead man's face and close their eyelids as I said a prayer for their soul.

Entering the trees, I leapt off my horse and leaned face first against a tree, my forehead resting on my arm above my head. Too much. This had all just been too much.

I heard a twig snap and carefully slid my pistol out of the front of my belt. I heard another and whipped around, my gun at the ready.

"Whoa! I'm unarmed," the man said, a southerner from his accent.

"Who are you? Come out from the shadow and allow me to see your face."

A tall, dark haired man stepped out with his hands up. I just stared at his face. Something about his eyes and mouth were familiar to me.

I held my gun steady on him. "Your name, Confederate?"

"Private McCarty, sir, of the Seventh Tennessee Infantry."

I nearly gaped at him. "Emmett? You're Emmett McCarty?"

He gave me an odd look. "Yes. Do I know you?"

"No, but I know about you. I know your uncle, Charles, and your cousin Bel…" I could hardly get her name past my lips. "Bella," I finally wrenched out.

He tilted his head and studied me. "I see. How well do you know my cousin?"

"Well enough to love her."

"And her?"

"I believe she loves me as well."

He held my eyes for a moment and then chuckled. "Figures that Bella would fall for a Yankee. She always was different. We need to settle this, formal like. I'm your prisoner. I surrender to you…"

"Colonel Edward Cullen."

"Colonel Cullen," he repeated.

"Now, tell me, do you have any news of my wife, Rosalie?"

I shook my head. "I do not. I only know that Bella said she was staying with your mother."

"Ma will take good care of her, but who's takin' care of Ma? I wonder. Curse this war!" Emmett said, followed by a harsh curse word.

"Indeed," I replied and lowered my gun.

We were both startled by Gen. Custer riding up on his horse, a deep frown on his face. "What's going on here, Colonel?"

"This private just surrendered to me, sir."

Custer eyed Emmett and, before I could blink, whipped out his pistol and shot him in the chest. Emmett stood there, surprise registered on his face, before he slumped to the ground.

"_No_!"

I slammed my pistol into my belt and fell beside Emmett, turning him over so that I may see his wound. The blood was spreading over his chest, and he was gasping for breath. He was going to die, right here in my arms, and there wasn't one damned thing I could do to prevent it.

I felt fury wash over me. I shot Custer a look of hatred. "_Why_? He was unarmed and surrendered to me! _Why_?"

Custer shrugged. "One less damned 'federate to worry about. Get back to your brigade, Colonel, and assemble the rest of your men."

"I _knew_ this man. I'll stay with him 'til the end, sir." I just held his eyes, daring him to order me otherwise.

"Lots of men have killed those we've known. Suit yourself, but don't take too long." A flick of the reins and he was gone.

I gripped Emmett's face, staring down into his eyes. "Tell me anything you wish to say to your wife. Tell me now before it's too late."

Emmett didn't respond, life already drifting from his body. I shook him. "Tell me, private!" I ordered him, using my command voice that was to be obeyed.

"Tell…tell Rose that I loved her. And that…I'm sorry. Tell her I remember…" He gasped for breath. "I remember…the blueberries."

"I'll tell her. I swear," I rasped out as Emmett struggled for his last breath. Then he was still, his body settling into death. I closed his eyelids and said the Twenty-Third Psalm over him. I then just sat back on my heels and tried to come to grips with all that had transpired.

I looked at him, the family resemblance clear, and felt the tears on my face. For Rosalie whose husband wouldn't be coming home, for Bella and Charles and the loss of a loved one. But then I cried for myself and all that I had given up by leaving Bella.

The pain hit me, this bloody battle, the missing of my precious Freckles, the death, the endless death. It was more in this moment than I could bear, and I let it have me, but only for a moment. Then I pulled myself together, wiped my face, and searched Emmett's pockets for anything I could give to his family. I found some letters and a pocket watch. I slid them into the pocket of my jacket and stood.

I stared down at Emmett and then whistled for my horse. I'd done what I could for him. It was time for me to get back to my duty. I didn't look back as I rode away, leaving my moment of weakness there with his body. _I choose this_, I reminded myself, _and all its consequences_. To weep over the losses of my own making was foolish.

Time after that seemed to run together. Gettysburg and the death of Emmett McCarty had taken something out of me. Something inside of me had changed and not for the better. I felt myself began to harden and close off my emotions. I went into survival mode, doing what I had to do, mainly keeping my men alive.

I would often find Marshall giving me long looks, but he never spoke his thoughts. He didn't have to. I knew I had changed.

We continued on in our duty of harassing Lee's army down into Virginia and the systematic cutting of rails and supply lines to the south. Several small skirmishes were fought, and at one such minor one, I'd slipped and found myself distracted. I'd paid for that distraction with a huge sabre slash down my left thigh. I'd fallen of my horse in agony. Only the quick work of my men dragging me off the field saved my life. The surgeon stitched my leg back up, but after the previous wounding, it would never be the same.

I lay back in my cot and grimaced at the pain in my leg. It would be some time before I could sit a horse. Gregg had already put my men under another temporary command. The surgeon had given me morphine to take, but I used it sparingly, so afraid of addiction.

I closed my eyes and fell into fitful sleep. Something suddenly woke me up. _Bella_. I could feel her here with me, as real as could be. _It must be a side-effect of my slight fever_, I thought. I didn't care.

"_Freckles. Oh, my Freckles. I miss you._"

I reached out for her and saw her extend her hand to mine, but I encountered nothing but air. I could see her face, though. It was dim in the night, but her blazing brown eyes held mine as she called to me.

"_Edward! I'm here, my love. I'm here!_"

I nearly wept from hearing her voice. What a wonderful, blessed vision I was having. I didn't care if it was just a result of a fevered mind. It was more real to me in this moment than my own heartbeat. I chose to believe it was real. With that, I felt peace settle within me.

"_Yes, I know. You're always with me, my dearest._" I closed my eyes, and she drifted away, but a smile was upon my lips as I dwelled in memories of my beloved.

My recovery was swift; it had to be. The further I could be from that surgeon and his "medicine," the happier I was. I kept my thigh bound tightly as to not pull my stitches and continued on. Every now and then I'd pause in remembrance of that waking vision I'd had of Bella, but then I'd shake my head and go on. Foolishness.

Time marched on, as did our army. My leg had healed, but was constantly painful. It was something I just learned to live with, same as my desire to be with Bella. The latter pained me worse than the former. Physical pain I could deal with. Yearning of the heart, that was a horrible, twisting, never-ending pain deep inside of me. Longing, yearning for her marked my body, tore at my very soul.

It was deep winter, and I shivered as I sat at my table and stared down at a blank page in my journal. I reached for my book of Psalms to touch Bella's hair, but drew my hand back. Why did I keep torturing myself like that? What good did it do me to dwell on what cannot be?

She was lost to me, but that was by my own choosing. I had chosen this over her, and a foolish choice it had been. I laid down the quill pen, put the cap back on the ink well, and closed the journal. I had nothing I wished to say tonight.

I quickly undressed and blew out my lantern. I lay down in my cot on my back and clasped my hands together on my stomach as I stared up in the darkness.

I'd never felt more alone in my life. Here, amongst a thousand men, I might as well have been by myself on a deserted island. Alone, bereft, disconnected from my fellow man, I began to question the purpose of living and even the existence of God. I couldn't understand how a just and good God could let this war go on and on. I didn't understand all this senseless death.

I couldn't even remember why it was so important that I be here. Duty, was it? I nearly laughed out loud. _To hell with duty_. What is _duty_ compared to the arms of the woman you loved wrapped around you? What is _duty_ compared to kisses from your beloved's lips? What is _duty_ compared to seeing her precious face each morning?

I finally understood what Bella had been trying to tell me. Duty was not more important than her. Nothing was more important than us being together. Nothing. Certainly not this cursed war.

I rolled over and turned my face to the south. Toward her. Forever toward her.

"Bella," I whispered into the night. "Save me, Freckles. I fear I'm losing myself. I need you, my dearest. _I need you_!"

I only got the cold wind blowing the sides of the tent in response. I sighed as I tugged my blanket over me and closed my eyes, feeling empty and even more alone than before.

The next evening, we were sent off on a scouting mission. It was me and several of my men. As we rode along, it was hard going with the snow deep enough to annoy the horses. The flakes and bitter wind blowing in our faces was chapping any exposed skin and making our very bones ache.

I sensed something. I suddenly stopped. Something was…

"_Edward_!" I heard Bella call, clear as day.

I whipped my head about, certain that she was right here next to me, but encountered nothing but my men giving me curious looks, and more snow.

I closed my eyes and answered that call in my mind. "_Freckles? I heard you. I swear I just heard your sweet voice_."

"_I'm here, Edward. I'm here_."

I felt my heart thump hard. I didn't care if I was insane, I'd heard her voice. I'd kill any man right then that tried to tell me differently.

"_Bella. I love you_!" I cried out with my thoughts.

"_I know_," was her pert reply, and I felt the grin settle upon my lips. Oh, how I missed her sassiness. Perfect. My Freckles was perfect, and I loved her beyond measure.

I felt the wind whip my coat, and I sighed and opened my eyes. Bella's voice was gone, but I could have sworn we just spoke. No, we _had_ just communicated. I swore we did. I may be becoming insane, but if it brought me closer to my Freckles, I did not care. Happy in my madness, I turned to the men, still grinning. I got odd, unsettled looks from them, but I just shrugged. How could I not be cheerful when I'd just heard Bella's voice?

I'd hit a low point last night, my depression so great I could barely rouse myself from my cot this morning. Just when I'd lost all hope, she came to me, spoke to me, and told me she was with me. That binding thread between us, it still held fast. How could I have doubted it for a moment? She was always with me, and I was always with her in my heart. Fool. I'd not doubt that again.

Bella loved me. What was snow, this war, or Gen. Lee's whole confederate army compared to that? It was nothing. My humor and faith restored, I snapped the reins and motioned my men forward to continue on our mission. We had a war to win so I could go home. My Bella awaited me.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Not sure when the next update will come, hopefully before the New Year, but with the holidays, I can't promise I'll have lots of writing time. Until then, enjoy time with your family, whatever you celebrate, and God bless.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**

_**Oh, and I promise that the next chapter is Bella's and you'll get a baby. **_


	17. Sisters

**Thanks a million to my beta Rhi, and once again, Happy Birthday, sweetie!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**I don't even know how to prepare you for this chapter. I just hope you don't flounce me over the end of it. I will reiterate that this isn't a light story nor a pretty one at times, but I try to maintain norms of the time period in the slave-holding South, and the realism of wartime. So, I give you a warning that this chapter may contain some things disturbing to those of a sensitive nature. **

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 16: Sisters**

"Why does my gravy never thicken?" Rosalie groaned in frustration. "You make all this look so easy! We're all going to starve when you're laid up recovering from the birth."

I shook my head and awkwardly got up from the kitchen chair. "No, we won't. You'll do fine."

I took the wooden spoon from her and stirred the gravy. "It's a bit thin, but nothing we can't fix. Let me show you."

I patiently guided her the rest of the way through supper as Father kept Ezra entertained in the parlor. It had turned out that he loved kids and was patient and good-natured with Ezra. In response, Ezra was always reaching for his "Unc." That gave me great hope that my father would be as accepting and loving with my own child.

We were eating Rosalie's supper of ham, mashed potatoes, peas, and gravy, when I felt the first twinge. I shifted in my chair and set my fork down. I took a sip of water and carefully placed my cup back on the table. I listened to Father and Rosalie talking and wondered if this was it. Another hard gripping sensation started in my back and curled around to my abdomen. This sure felt like what Rosalie had described to me.

Rosalie turned to me and paused with her fork in midair. "Now? Is the baby coming now?"

"I think so. I believe that I'm having those contractions you were talking about."

"How frequent?" she asked as she shoved her chair back and came over to me, placing her hand on my stomach. Another one hit me, and she placed both hands on me and then gave me a grin. "It's time. Let's get you ready and in bed."

"I'll take care of Ezra best I can and clear off the food and dishes. You women folk just go do what's, uh, necessary," Father said nervously.

"I'll get her settled and be right back to help. I'm sure it'll be a while yet before that baby comes. The first ones usually don't come quick, Mother Catherine said. Ezra didn't."

"All right," Father agreed as Rosalie pulled me up out of my chair and hustled me up the stairs.

"Pull down that hair and braid it so that it'll be out of the way. Then you need to strip down to your chemise and urinate before you climb into bed. I'll be right back with the supplies I got ready. I need to get water boiling and help Charles with Ezra. It'll be fine. Don't panic."

I leaned over and gripped my stomach, my breath catching at that hard contraction. "I never panic," I gasped out.

"No, of course not. You're the most level-headed person I've ever known. I'll be right back. Do as I said."

I followed her instructions and then climbed into bed. She came back with her arms full of clean linens and then built a large fire in my fireplace. She checked on me and then left again. I soon became restless and got back out of bed and began pacing. It seemed to help with the pain some. So far, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle, but I knew this was just a small taste of what was to come, according to Rosalie.

The evening dragged on into night, and the pains worsened, but Rosalie said I still wasn't ready. I was impatient by nature and wanted this baby right that moment, but in this I had no control. I took turns pacing, then lying down, then pacing some more. Rosalie scolded me and told me I should be abed, but I just shrugged and kept pacing. Finally, she ordered me to bed, and I gave in, tired of her complaints.

Time dragged on. I was no longer sure of its passage. So much pain was I in, I had to dig deep inside of myself to find a refuge from this torture. I thought of the day in the woods, before the bad men came, with Edward and me. I thought of the words we exchanged and us singing, our voices blending in harmony. I thought of how he had declared he loved me without even saying the words.

I thought of Edward. I lived in him. I called to him. I closed my eyes and let myself reach out for his spirit. Feeling his tenuous touch, I sighed in relief. _Stay with me, darling. I need you now_. I allowed myself to dwell there, the pain a minor inconvenience only as I rested in him.

I believe I drifted in and out of consciousness, but was awoken by a rapidly whispered conversation.

"The baby isn't coming. I need my father."

"Must we? If we bring him here, the whole town will know Bella gave birth out of wedlock."

"Charles. She may die if we don't. There's only so much I can do. Leave my father to me."

I heard my father sigh in resignation. "I'll go fetch him."

Drifting back into unconsciousness, I was awoken again later by Dr. Hale speaking with Rosalie. I briefly noted it was daylight. How long had I been laboring? It had all become one long, painful blur.

"What the damn hell is this?"

"Just help her, Father, and keep your mouth shut about all of this as if it never happened."

"I don't take orders from you," he replied.

"You will if you don't want Ma knowing that you've bedded Sadie all these years and that Joseph was yours."

There was dead silence as Rosalie and her father faced off. I found myself more than a bit shocked, enough so that I nearly forgot I was in labor until my next hard contraction hit me, making me gasp.

They both turned to me, and Rosalie gave me a worried look. They then turned back to the business at hand.

"What?" Dr. Hale's voice shook as he asked her that.

Rosalie shrugged. "I know. I've always known."

Sadie was the Hales' slave woman, and Joseph was a child she bore that died in infancy. What an unpleasant family secret Rosalie held.

I saw Ezra Hale practically crumble before my eyes. "Oh, Rosie. Please don't ever tell your mother."

"I won't. I promise. I've kept this to myself all these years not wanting to hurt Mother. That has not changed."

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt your mother or you or even Sadie. I'm a weak man. Forgive me."

"I did a long time ago when I found out that Sadie actually cared for you, but you need to set her free and move on now, though."

He was silent for a long time and then rubbed his face and let out a deep breath. "I'll think about it."

"That's not good enough, Father. If the North wins this war, there won't be any more slavery. I've read all about President Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation."

"But where would she go? What would she do? How would she live? She'd just be taken by another white man and bound to him. She's safe with us."

I realized at the same time as Rosalie what he'd just admitted to; he loved Sadie.

"Oh, Father," Rosalie said softly and placed her hand on his arm.

He shook his head and turned away from Rosalie. "We'll talk later. This is neither the time nor place for such a discussion." He turned to me. "Well. Let's see if we can coax out this stubborn baby, Bella."

Another contraction hit me, and after I rode that out, I nodded. "Please. This baby must live. It _must_."

"I promise to set aside any personal discomfort over this situation and do all I can to deliver your child," he replied mildly.

He washed his hands, then felt my stomach, timed my contractions, and then spread my legs and performed a most uncomfortable inspection between them. He stepped back with a deep frown.

"Breech. I'll have to turn it."

"What's that mean?" I asked in terror.

"It just means the baby is feet first. I need to turn it. It will hurt, so be prepared. Rosie, give her a stick to chomp down on."

"Got it here, father."

Rosalie placed the stick between my teeth, and I shot her one terrified look before Dr. Hale began. She took my hand in hers, placing her other hand over both of mine and nodded.

"Be strong. I'm right here for you, Bella."

Then Dr. Hale started turning the baby, and it became more than I could bear. I saw stars and let the darkness take me. I was shaken back awake by Rosalie.

"Bella! Wake up! You need to push now. Come on. Wake up!"

"What?" I mumbled out in confusion as Rosalie got behind me, holding my back up.

"It's time," Rosalie said from behind me.

"It is. _Push now, Bella_," Dr. Hale ordered me.

I gripped the bed sheets in my fists, and as another contraction hit me, I pushed with all my might.

"Good. Good. A few more, Bella. Push!"

I bore down hard and pushed with everything in me.

Dr. Hale exclaimed, "That was the head! The hardest part is over. One more push, Bella."

I bore down again and could feel the baby slip out of me. I slumped back against Rosalie in exhausted relief.

I heard a slap and then a baby's cry. My baby! I shoved myself back up on my elbows and tried to see.

"What-what is it?" I gasped out.

"A boy. A healthy boy," Dr. Hale declared.

A boy. A son. Edward's son. "Please allow me to see him," I begged.

"I've got him, Father. You take care of the rest," Rosalie said. "Let me clean him up a bit, Bella, then you can see him."

I was beyond exhausted and felt my eyes wanting to flutter close, but I resisted. I had to see my baby first. "Please hurry," I mumbled out as sleep pulled at me, darkening my sight.

"I need another push, Bella, to get the placenta out and then you may rest as we clean you up."

"Yes. Rest," I replied. I shoved myself back up unsteadily on my elbows as I did what Dr. Hale ordered.

I fought for consciousness as Rosalie propped me up with pillows and put a wrapped bundle in my arms.

"Look, Bella. He's got red hair! How about that! What's his name?"

I gazed down at my baby. My baby with his father's hair and his father's face and the tears sprung out of my eyes. He was beautiful and healthy. _Thank you, God. Thank you_.

I touched that tiny miracle of a face with my fingertip, marveling in his miniature perfection as the tears fell down my face.

"William. His name is William Edward Cullen."

"Cullen?" I heard Dr. Hale ask. "I can't put that on the birth certificate, Bella."

"You can, Father. Who would know? Who's to say she and Edward didn't marry before he went back to war?"

"Rosie, you're asking me to-"

"I know what I'm asking. Think of the good you could do with this one lie. Bella's reputation saved. William a legitimate child who could inherit his father's estate. A family saved from ruin. _Think_, Father."

I just stared at him, awaiting his decision, one that would change the course of mine and my child's future. Dr. Hale looked between Rosalie and me and then down to William. He took a deep breath and then curtly nodded.

"William Edward Cullen, it is. The father?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I replied, nearly weeping again at saying his name.

Sudden realization dawned on his face. "He was the wounded man that you wanted me to treat."

"Yes."

"A Yankee."

"Yes. An officer."

"Did he force you?"

"What? No. Never. I love him as he loves me."

"I see," Dr. Hale replied. "Well, we'll keep all that has transpired here between the three of us and your father, of course. Let God be the judge of us for the lie we'll keep."

"Thank you, Dr. Hale. For everything. For bringing William into the world, for protecting us from shame…I really don't know how to thank you enough."

"You're welcome. Now, get yourself plenty of rest. Rosie will teach you how to feed the babe."

As if on cue, William began to stir and cry.

"He's hungry, I'm sure," Rosalie said with a small smile.

"I'll leave you two to it. I'll stop by tomorrow to check on you. Now, I'm off to sleep. It's been a long night and day."

Rosalie went over to her father and hugged him. "Thank you, Father."

He kissed her cheek and then gave her a fond look before grabbing his bag and coat and walking out the door, shutting it behind him.

"After you feed him, we'll get you cleaned up and your bedding changed."

I felt my head tip forward and yanked it back up. I must stay awake and feed my hungry son.

Rosalie showed me how to nurse William, and he latched onto my breast eagerly, but I fell asleep before he finished. When I awoke, I blinked at the bright sunlight streaming through the window. I'd spent a night and day giving birth to William, but I did not count that as lost time. To the contrary, I could think of no better use of my time than to bring Edward's child into the world.

I sat up and felt aching pain just about everywhere. I ignored it. I heard the cry of a baby, and it wasn't Ezra. No, that was William. He needed me. I slid my feet to the floor and unsteadily stood. I hesitantly made my way over to my dresser to get my robe. I heard a pounding on the stairs, and then my door was thrown open.

"I thought I heard you! What are you doing? You need to rest!" Rosalie admonished me.

"William needs me. Where is he?"

"I'll bring William over to you. Now, get back into that bed!"

"Fine, but hurry!"

Rosalie laughed as she went out the door. I quickly relieved myself on the chamber pot and washed my hands before I climbed back into bed. She came carrying in my squalling son, and I held out my arms eagerly.

"Feed him and don't forget to burp him afterwards. You take care of your son, and I'll go tend to mine. Be back soon," she said breezily as she left to take care of Ezra.

I pulled my chemise aside and offered William my breast. He hungrily latched onto me and began to suckle in bliss. I just watched him eat as I touched his tiny face. So perfect. He'll grow up looking just like his father. So handsome he'll be, my little man.

I made him switch breasts as Rosalie had instructed me, and when he was finished I covered myself back up and patted his back, forcing a burp from his little body. I then laid him down in my lap and studied every bit of him from tiny fingers to his long limbs to slim little feet I just had to kiss.

All of a sudden a wave of love hit me so hard that it took my breath away. It was akin to the love I felt for Edward, but different – stronger. This was a fierce, protective love that moved me to my core. This little boy lying here in my lap, he was _mine_. I would do anything, be anything for this little person.

I snatched him up and gently clasped him to me. "Oh, my little Wills. You're the best part of me and your daddy. I love you," I whispered through my tears. "And your daddy will love you so much," I sobbed. "So much."

An image flashed through my mind of Edward holding his son, smiling down at him in wonder, and the breath left my body.

"_Edward_!" I cried out. Oh, to have him here with me sharing in this moment. To have him here. To have him.

"Bella?" Father called from outside my door.

"Come in," I called out softly. I laid down Wills, hastily pulled the blankets up over my breasts, and then tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

He walked into my room, looking uncertain. He studied my face, and his expression changed to one of concern.

"Everything all right, little sparrow?"

"Just me wishing Edward could be here and see this perfect son of his," I whispered.

Father took a deep breath and then went and got the straight-back chair in my room, pulling it beside the bed. He sat down beside me, watching Wills sleep.

"He's a cute little thing, isn't he?"

"He is. I love him. Little Wills already looks so much like his father."

"Wills?"

"Yes. William Edward Cullen."

"The Doc told me he put Cullen on the birth certificate. So we're all gonna live with this lie?"

"The alternative is better?"

He sighed. "I guess not. Here, let me hold my grandson." He held out his arms, and I handed Wills over to him. He kept his eyes on Wills as he spoke. "Rosalie said the birth was hard on you. I was afraid you weren't going to make it you were laborin' so long." He'd tried for lightness, but I heard the fear of losing me in his voice.

I reached over and laid my hand on his forearm. "It was nothing. It was worth it."

He finally looked at me, the ghost of a grin upon his lips. "You're a tough little thing. A real fighter. Always admired that about you, Bells."

I felt unworthy under the praises my father had just rained on me. I also felt great guilt at all the trouble I'd put him through. Through all of this, he'd given me nothing but unwavering support. Through his protective actions, he'd shown me clearly how much he loved me and I meant to him. The tears sprung to my eyes again. So much I'd been given in this life. So many people to love and that loved me in return.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Father shook his head. "Don't be. We all make choices, and we live with them. When we love another, we have to love all there is about them, not just the good stuff. God sent Edward here and gave us Wills. This must be part of his plan for you. Who are we, who is anyone, to question God?"

"Yes. That is exactly how I feel, that all this was meant to be."

My stomach rumbled loudly, and Father shot me a grin.

"Is there anything to eat? I'm famished."

"Noticed. Rosalie made vegetable soup from your recipe. It's not half bad. I'll bring you a bowl."

"I can come down to eat."

"No. You stay in bed for a day or two. You've fought a long battle. A body needs rest after such a strain."

"All right. Thank you," I replied softly. I was touched at the care I was getting from Father and Rosalie, but not sure I deserved such treatment.

The next morning after feeding and changing Wills, I arose and dressed, ready to continue with my routine. Like Edward, I disliked inactivity and idleness. I felt fine this morning and ready to take on the world, so high were my spirits.

Father and Rosalie were shocked at my appearance in the kitchen.

"Up so soon? I can handle the cooking still," Rosalie said.

"I need to do something. I cannot lie abed all day. It is not my nature."

"Well, you make the biscuits then, and I'll prepare the eggs."

I nodded and handed Wills to Father. Ezra was in a high chair that Father had made him, banging on the table with a spoon and babbling happily. As I mixed up the biscuits and rolled them out to cut, I looked around the cozy kitchen and had to pause. To have Edward and Emmett here as well, playing with their sons as Rosalie and I cooked a hearty meal for our men...

I sighed. I must not dwell on such things, on what cannot be. I went back to making biscuits and placing them in the oven to bake, happy to be back to doing routine things that calmed my spirit.

After breakfast, as Rosalie and I cleaned the kitchen, Father held Wills as he made silly faces at Ezra, causing him to giggle.

I heard horses in the distance. A lot of them. We all met each other's eyes and then Father shot up out of his chair. He handed Wills to me, making a run to the parlor for his shotgun.

"Get Ezra," I ordered Rosalie.

She did as I said with wide eyes. I grabbed her sleeve to tug her and into the parlor to hide us in the cellar, but it was too late. I saw out the front window an officer in grey leap off his horse, and already he was clomping up our front steps.

"Get in the kitchen. Bella get the handgun up on the top shelf of the pantry," Father ordered us.

I grabbed Rosalie's arm and pulled her back to the kitchen. I held Wills firmly to me as I reached on the top shelf of the pantry. I heard the hard rap on the front door as I searched for the pistol. I was getting frustrated because my hand wasn't finding it, but finally I felt the cold metal under my fingers. I pulled it out and held it against my hip. I would use it if I had to.

Father and the soldier were speaking, my father sounding angry and terse.

"Take Wills and stand behind me," I ordered Rosalie.

"What? No."

"Do it," I hissed.

She took Wills from my arms, and I motioned her back to the sink as I stood in front of her and the boys, the gun in my hand and me ready to use it. I heard Father and the soldier walking toward the kitchen, and I slid my hand in my dress pocket, hiding the gun.

"I told ya, we ain't got much food."

"We'll see about that," the man said and then paused at seeing Rosalie and me. "What do we have here?"

I looked him over, a tall, very thin man, clean shaven, with hard light eyes, and long light brown hair.

"My daughter, my niece, and their children," Father haltingly replied.

"Lovely ladies," he said with a smirk and tipped his hat. "I've hungry soldiers to feed, your fellow confederates in arms. Sorry, but I'm gonna have to part you from some of your supplies."

"We have children to feed," I said with a hard look.

"And I have starving men. Y'all look healthy enough. Where's the larder?"

"We won't-"

"Daughter. No," Father said with hard shake of his head. "As you can see, the cellar door is over there in the corner," Father said to the soldier in resignation.

"Thank you very much for your co-operation." He turned and whistled loudly, startling Wills who started crying. I heard Rosalie trying to shush him, and I almost turned and took him from her, but something in the officer's eyes made me pause.

We heard running into the house. "In here," he called. Two younger privates arrived quickly in the kitchen. "The cellar is over there. Take all that you can find."

I gasped, and he turned to me. "You disapprove Missus…?"

"My name is my own."

"Some fire in you. I like that in a woman. Sergeant Frederick Buxton at your service." He gave me a lingering look before he moved his eyes behind me to Rosalie.

I just glared at him.

"You boys will hurry and get the hell out of my home and off my property," Father said in barely controlled fury.

"Will we?" Sgt. Buxton asked, his voice like ice.

They held each other's eyes, the challenge hanging there in the air between them only broken by the privates coming up the cellar stairs with their arms full of two smoked hams and a burlap sack filled with heaven knew what. I nearly wept at the loss of all that food.

"We got the most of it, sir."

"Get it all, private," he ordered him.

I went to speak, to protest this injustice, but I felt Father grab my arm almost painfully. I saw Sgt. Buxton closely watching me almost in amusement. I wanted punch his face and tell him to go to hell.

The privates made another trip up, their arms full of burlap sacks.

"Finished?" Sgt. Buxton asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Take it all and wait for me out front." They scurried off to do his bidding, and Sgt. Buxton cocked his head at Father. "Go with them."

"The hell I will."

"Mr. Swan, was it? If you want all of them to live, follow those privates out the front door. Take the brats with you."

Father stepped in front of Rosalie and me. "You'll have to kill me first."

"Tempting as that is, I think I'd rather enjoy humiliating you more. You've got until I count to five and then I'll take one of the babies and…" He let that hang there, a deadly serious look on his face.

"Father. Go."

"No. Be quiet, daughter."

"Charles. Go."

He turned his head and met first my eyes and then Rosalie's.

"Time's up. One…two…three…" He cocked his pistol, holding it on Ezra.

"Stop!" Father shouted. "I'll go. Don't hurt them," he begged Sgt. Buxton.

"My word as a gentleman," he replied to Father.

Father took the boys and wouldn't look at me or Rosalie as he walked from the kitchen. I heard the front door close, and Sgt. Buxton eyed me and Rosalie with a smile that made my skin crawl.

"Now, ladies. I have needs that need to be fulfilled. One of you may volunteer. I ain't choosy, a woman is a woman."

"Go to hell," Rosalie spat at him.

"I most likely will, but first I'll have one of you," he replied. "Choose between you, or I'll take both of you, one after the other."

We didn't speak, and I saw fury set upon his face. He went to whistle, and fear struck me hard. He really would do that. Who's to say he wouldn't kill us all anyway?

I had to do something. "I'll-"

"Me!" Rosalie nearly shouted, cutting me off.

I whipped my head to her in shock.

"Take me, but you must promise not to harm Bella or the babies."

"Done." He grabbed her arm and started dragging her toward the back door. "Go wait out front with the others, and do not speak, or I _will_ kill you all," he warned me.

I felt the tears in my eyes and curtly nodded. I met Rosalie's eyes and saw the resolve set in hers.

"No!" I mouthed to her, but she pointed to the front of the house almost angrily at me as she was tugged out the door. I walked in a daze out the front door and ran to my father, my sobbing near uncontrollable, but I did not speak, in terror that Buxton would follow through with his threats.

Father just stood there like a statue, anger near emanating off of him as we waited with Buxton's men. There was yelling, and I went to run to Rosalie, but I was stopped by a private with his pistol on me.

"He won't take long, and he won't hurt her much. He never does," the boy, no older than eighteen, said with a careless shrug as if he'd seen this hundreds of times before and it almost bored him.

Buxton was soon coming around the house, lightness to his step, and a smirk on his face.

"Thank you for your hospitality," he said with a tip of his hat and almost a laugh to my father. He tossed some Confederate money at Father's feet, and then he leapt on his horse. "Come on, men. We've got miles to cover tonight." He dug his heels into his horse, and it bolted in response, the other's quickly following.

"Take the boys. I'll go take care of her," Father said, in a dead voice.

"No. I'm a woman. I'll take care of her. You take the boys inside and-and…" I nearly fell apart, but there would be time for that later. There was Rosalie to tend to.

I turned and ran around to the back of the house to find Rosalie sitting on the porch with her back to the house, her hands in her lap, no expression whatsoever on her face.

"Rosalie?" I asked in trepidation.

"Bella," she calmly replied.

"Are you…did he…?" I couldn't finish, the horror too much for me.

"I'll be all right." I saw the handprint on her cheek as I cautiously approached her.

"He hit you?"

"Yes. I told him he was terrible at it, and that's when he yelled at me and hit me."

"He-he-"

"Bella. It's over. Done with. I did what I had to do to protect us all. It was nothing. He was nothing."

I slumped down in front of her, shocked and stunned all that had transpired and at how coolly Rosalie was behaving. How could she sit there so calm and composed after what just happened to her?

"But-"

"The boys and Charles are safe?"

"Y-yes."

"Then it was worth it. Hell, I'd bed the entire Confederate army to keep you all safe." She took my hand in hers and gripped it tightly. "Understand this, Bella; some things are worth the sacrifice. Sometimes you have to do what's necessary, no matter how high the personal cost, to protect those you love. That man, he couldn't touch me, not the person inside of me, nor will I allow him to alter me in any way."

"But what he did…"

"Meant nothing. We will go on as if it never happened, nor will we ever speak of this again. We will tell Charles that he did not touch me. You will do this for me, Bella."

I reached out for her other hand, and we sat there gripping hands almost painfully as we held each other's eyes. Never had I so misjudged a person as I had Rosalie McCarty. What she had done, what she was willing to do, for those she loved had been the most courageous I'd ever known. I found myself in awe of such selfless love. I struggled for words.

"We...we are bound, you and I. We are keepers of the other's secrets, and protectors of each other's heart. I pledge that I will always be there for you. We are sisters now, you and I."

"As long as I live, I pledge the same to you. Sisters," Rosalie said, her voice breaking as she pulled me to her for a crushing hug.

* * *

**This was the hardest chapter I've ever had to write in my life. I've been asked if I cry when I write wrenching chapters, and I assure you, I do. **

**Thanks for reading.**

**Much love, **

**Sunny**


	18. Homeward bound

**Finally an update for you. Sorry this took so long. Many thanks to my dear beta Rhi. Love you lots.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**This would be the one you've all been asking for. **

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 17: Homeward bound**

**August, 1865**

I'd been walking for near two weeks- sometimes catching a ride on a wagon if I was fortunate- ever south, ever towards my goal.

I hadn't heard from my family, my mother, father or sister in a year. Perhaps they were dead. I hadn't heard from _her_ either, but then I hadn't expected to.

I glanced up at the almost noon day sun. It was hot and blinding, burning my face and neck. Not for the last time did I wish I still had my cavalry officers hat. Its brim would have afforded me some protection from the relentless August sun.

I, too, missed my horse, Nightshade, fallen at the Battle of Kelly's Ford here in Virginia. I still remembered the look of terror on her face when she'd taken that Confederate bullet and fallen. Even in the midst of battle, I had whispered her good-bye and God speed and quickly slit her throat. Bullets were precious. They were saved for killing men. The un-named cavalry horse I'd been given after I returned to the fighting was just a horse. I'd left him at Fort Mifflin for some other fool that had decided to stay in the army and not return home.

The Battle at Kelly's Ford and my wounding there was what had brought me to her. Perhaps it had been fate. I wasn't sure, but now that the war was over, I was headed to the one place on earth I longed to be.

The war, that wretched blight on mankind was finally done. The North had won- _we_ had won- but so much had been lost. So many lives, so much goodness in the world, so much innocence. For a whole generation of people, it was forever gone. Even good Mr. Lincoln, our President, the binding force that had held our union together by sheer force of will, was gone, taken by an assassin's bullet.

Perhaps all was lost. Perhaps the past, including my life before and my family, was lost to me as well. Perhaps even her. But then, she'd never really been mine.

My grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in two days. I shook my canteen, but found it barely made a noise. I was going to need fresh water, if nothing else. I paused and listened closely, hoping to hear the sound of rushing water. There, off to my right. I prayed it wasn't far.

It was hard going off the road and onto uneven ground with my crutch under my left arm. Nothing for it, I was thirsty. Water was at least something in my belly.

As I worked my way through the trees and underbrush, I constantly swept my eyes back and forth for any signs of potential nourishment. A squirrel, a rabbit, a berry bush, anything, but the woods were quiet; as if sensing my approach, all the creatures had hidden away. I made it to the small stream and awkwardly sat down beside it, laying my crude crutch on the ground. My leg injury was paining me something awful. I was certain that my left leg would never be right again. My feet were a hopeless lost cause of blisters, calluses, and pain from my boots that were nearly worn through from long wear and the endless miles I had trekked in them.

I shrugged. I had survived much worse. Blisters and calluses and an empty stomach were minor inconveniences after you'd lived through battle, bloodshed, been shot twice, and suffered another near mortal wounding. I had known pain and survived it. It would take more than blisters to finish me off.

It was tempting to pull my boots off and soak my feet in the cool water to ease my blisters, but I was afraid that if I took my boots off, I'd never manage to get them back on, especially not on my bad leg. I contented myself with dipping my hands in the water and splashing my face and neck. The soothing water ran down my neck and under my shirt and jacket cooling me a bit. I wetted my hair as well, enjoying the feel of the rivulets of cool water running down my scalp and into my face. I was filthy and should have tried to bathe myself, but the boot situation was too much for me to handle alone.

I grabbed my canteen and filled it with water, drinking gratefully, and then laid back in the grass, resting for a few moments before I got started back on my journey. I was no more than twenty miles from her, an untold number from home. The tug of both of those- the first more than the second- was a powerful pull.

I heard a noise to my right and quickly turned my head to see a rabbit chewing on some vegetation. I was hungry. I wanted that rabbit. Stealthily, I sat up, sliding my knife out of my boot; I aimed at the hare and threw. My aim was true; I hardly ever missed.

Happy to have a meal in my near future, I built myself a small fire and skinned the rabbit, setting it to roast on a spit. As it cooked, I spied a bush of blackberries and hobbled over to it, greedily shoving some in my mouth, closing my eyes at the burst of flavor on my tongue. I ate three handfuls and then decided not to be a fool and to save the rest for my trip. I opened my satchel and pulled out a kerchief. I picked every last ripe berry, carefully tying up my treasure and tucking it in a pocket of my satchel. I then hobbled back to the fire to check on my dinner. Finding it done, half burnt on one side, barely cooked on the other, I found I didn't care. I ate part of it and left the rest to cool to take with me.

Grateful that I had found food and water, I collected my things and headed back out to the road. The journey harder this time for my body wanted to rest there in that idyllic spot I'd just found. I shook my head. I only rested when it was too dark to see anymore and then was back up at the crack of dawn.

Now that I was free, all I longed for was there to the southwest, almost calling my name. Her with a beloved freckled face, a prickly nature, a dry sense of humor. Her with a look of disapproval on her face. Her with her quick mind and sharp tongue. I grinned at the memories. She was a woman who knew her own mind. As I walked, I dwelt on her eyes. Surely the biggest brown eyes ever seen on a woman. I could just picture her now: she'd see me, cross her arms, and say, "You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

My steps after those thoughts were quicker and lighter. The next day, I came upon a farmer coming the other direction with a decrepit old wagon and even more decrepit looking old nag. He struck up a short conversation with me and offered me some apples, which I took gratefully. Apples. They'd forever remind me of her. I had a small amount of cash on me and offered him payment, which he refused.

I thanked him and then told him I was headed to the Swan farm. He sent me an odd look.

"You family?" he asked me.

"No."

"Well, old Farmer Swan don't allow no visitors, Yankee. You best just change your plans."

"I can't." I had to see her face one more time. Nothing on earth was more important than that.

"Well, don't blame me, soldier, if he runs you off with a shotgun. I did warn ya," the farmer said and snapped the reins, barely rousing the nag, but apparently she chose to go and lumbered forward.

"And Miss Swan?" I called out as he drove away.

He snorted. "What you be wantin' with her? Like I said, best just mosey on home, son."

I stood there and watched him drive away, wondering what had happened in the time I'd been gone. Two years could change a lot of things. Charles Swan hadn't exactly been the most social person when I had stayed there being nursed back from my battle wounds, but he hadn't been chasing folks off with a shotgun either. At least the farmer had just given me a gift. Bella was there. She still lived with her father, so she must have still been unattached. Foolish hope bloomed inside of me. Did she still wait for me? Did I deserve that?

Another two days of walking, my rabbit and berries gone, I was down to six apples. At least it was food. I doled them out sparingly and hoped for another rabbit to catch. That evening I spied a campfire in the distance and warily approached it.

"Private Walker? Johnny Walker?" I asked in amazement as the freckly face youth leapt up in surprise.

I remembered him. I had dismissed him a silly youth the first time I had laid eyes on him. He had done much to disabuse me of that notion, but still, his eagerness and youth had been annoying to me at the start. I was only six years older than him, but felt a lifetime more aged.

"Colonel Cullen? It's good to see you, sir!" He snapped to attention and saluted.

I saluted him back with a grin. "At ease, Private. The war is over. I'm not your commanding officer anymore. Mind if I share your fire tonight?"

He relaxed and rapidly nodded his head. "Sir. Yes, sir. I mean, yes," he said with a grin.

"Thanks." I worked my way down, sitting with a happy groan to be off my feet.

"Those boots are all but gone, sir."

"I know. And you don't have to call me 'sir' anymore, Johnny. Call me Edward or just Cullen."

"But, sir…"

I shot him a look that had been making Privates quake in their boots for years.

"Sorry, sir- Ed-Cullen!" he said quickly with wide, frightened eyes.

I chuckled and pulled out my canteen. "Anything to eat?"

"I caught two squirrels. You're welcome to both, s-, uh, Cullen."

"One will be sufficient. Thank you for sharing, Johnny. I have an apple for each of us as well." I dug one out of my bag and handed it to him. "So, tell me where you're headed. What are you doing in Virginia?"

"Well, I'm from here, over near the West Virginia border."

"But Virginia seceded from the Union. Why didn't you fight for the Confederacy?"

"I don't hold with no slavery. No man should own another. God created all men equal in my eyes. Once Mr. Lincoln issued his proclamation, I felt it only right I go off and support it. A man has to make a stand at some point in his life. Too bad I signed up so late. I just missed Gettysburg," he said in regret.

I was quiet for some time. How foolish of me to dismiss his youth. This young man had character and strength of conviction most full grown men could only wish to obtain. Thank God he missed the horror that was Gettysburg. I was sure if he had been there, we wouldn't have been having this conversation.

"How did your family take it?"

He shrugged. "Ma and Pa weren't too happy with me, and my brother and I ended up in fisticuffs over it. He took off in anger to fight for the South, and I headed north. At least Hannah understood me and supported me fully."

"Who's Hannah?"

"She was my sweetheart. Hope she still is when I get back home. She has strawberry blonde hair and freckles on her nose and the sweetest voice, like angels singing. She let me kiss her before I left," he said with a grin and a furious blush.

"Good for her. I wish you well there."

"Thank you, sir."

"So tell me about home," I urged him, glad to hear another's voice. I leaned back against a tree and nibbled on my apple, making it last as long as I could as he talked. He offered me my cooked squirrel, and I gratefully tore into the stringy meat. After we finished our squirrels, with my encouragement, he started telling his story again.

He spoke of his hometown and of his ma and pa and his sweetheart named Hannah. He talked of his plans to start a newspaper and be a publisher, get married and raise a family. I watched him talking, his hope for the future and his youth a balm to the soul of my battered, older, and wiser self.

He had come in at the end of the war. He never saw and lived through the horrors that I had. Gettysburg alone had been enough to irrevocably change a man. I wished I still had his optimism and dreams, but that had been crushed out of me under the weight of command and the carnage of war. All I had left in me was the hope that I woke up each morning and got through that day.

"Am I boring you, sir?"

I sighed, but didn't correct him this time. "No, not at all."

"If you don't mind me asking, sir, what are your plans? Where are you headed?"

I picked a tall weed of some sort with a round stem and stuck it in the side of my mouth, slightly chewing it as I pondered. What _were_ my plans?

"I don't rightly know my plans, Johnny. Maybe farm a bit and raise me some cows and chickens. I'm ready for a peaceful life."

"I understand, sir. Did you leave a sweetheart back home?"

I slightly chuckled as I shook my head. "Back home? Naw. Lucky you to have your Hannah to return home to."

"Yeah," he said with a smile and a far-off look in his eyes, clearly thinking about the girl back home.

"So where is home? You never said where you're headed, sir."

That was a very good question.

"Well, my family lives in southern Pennsylvania- that's where I grew up- but as to where I'm headed…" I pointed my finger south. "That way, right here in Culpeper County, only about five miles now."

"And what's that way, sir?" he asked, his voice full of curiosity.

I thought of a pair of big brown eyes, a beloved freckled face, and felt the smile upon my lips. "My heart."

The next morning I awoke early, shared an apple breakfast with Johnny, and bid him farewell. As I made my way to the Swan farm, I let my mind dwell on the past two years. I remembered it all vividly, but almost as a dream, as if it had been someone else's life. The things I'd seen. The things I'd lived through. They had altered me in ways I did not care for. With no loving presence to correct my deficiencies, I had lapsed into a version of myself I no longer recognized.

I was not the same man that had left Bella. I had a bad leg and a wounded spirit. Bella deserved a whole man, not some shell of what was. I frowned and shook my head. All this had been my choice. _If she even speaks to me at all when I arrive, it'll be a miracle_. Two years is a hell of a long time to wait, even for the other half of your heart.

I had to pause and lean against a tree at the side of the road as the turn for the farm appeared. This was it. My destiny was soon to be decided by a woman far better and wiser than me. I felt my heart began to pound in trepidation, excitement, and almost fear of what was to come. How would she receive me? Would she at all? I closed my eyes and prepared myself best I could for what was to come and then took a step toward my future.

I stood at the fence, gazing up the road that led to the two-story white-washed wooden framed house. It all looked the same. The same two giant oak trees out front, the same ramshackle porch...

"What the hell are you doin' back here?"

I whipped my head around, nearly falling down at wrenching my left leg awkwardly. I put myself to rights and met Charles Swan's angry face.

"Just a quick visit."

Charles sucked on his jaw and gave me a cold look. "Don't recall invitin' ya for no visit, Yankee. Don't ya think you've done enough damage around here?"

I looked at him in confusion. "Damage? What do you mean?"

"Leaving her here like that. I should shoot you on the spot. You come back for the boy, or did you come to make this right?" Charles asked, his voice indicating that my choice was clear and had to be one or the other, but my mind was reeling. _Boy_?

"What…boy?" I asked faintly.

"Your boy. No denying that with his red hair and green eyes."

I swayed and nearly fell down. She should have written me. She should have let me know. A son. I have a son.

"His name? When was he born?" I gasped out.

"I should kick your hide clear back to where you came from."

I ignored that. My mind was focused on one thing. "The boy?" I nearly begged.

"Well, he was born about eight months after you went back to war. It was a hard birth. Didn't think she was gonna make it, but she pulled through. She named him William, but she calls him Wills most of the time."

I closed my eyes and felt something settle to rights within myself. _William. I have a son named William._ Bella had given birth to my child. I left her here alone to censure carrying my baby. I left her. My God.

The magnitude of this blessing hit me. I swayed and caught myself. Bella and I made _a child_. I couldn't wait to meet him, to see his face, and hold his little body. Thank you, God. What a blessed gift after the horrors of war, to come back to the woman I loved and find out she'd had my son.

"Where's Bella?" I asked almost desperately.

Charles shrugged. "She's around back doin' the washin'. The boy is takin' a nap. You stayin'? That boy has your name, but we need to make sure it's done proper, and Bella is in sore need of a husband."

"That depends entirely upon your daughter."

"Was afraid of that. Good luck to ya," Charles said and turned and walked away.

I carefully turned toward the house and began my nervous hobble toward it. I almost slipped and fell a couple of times in my nervousness.

I tripped again and swore. My limping was especially bad today. The light rain we'd had the night before had set up a terrible ache deep in my bones that I could find no relief for. I felt a sharp pain shoot down my thigh all the way to my toes and had to pause and catch my breath. Curse this broken body of mine. Even if Bella did want me, I'd be useless to her, half a man. What woman would want a cripple as her husband? I just prayed she'd let me see my son before she chased me off. I stood there imagining that little boy. I had a son sleeping in that house. _A son_. I still couldn't believe it.

The pain eased up, so I restarted my journey to Bella. When I reached the corner of the house, I dropped my belongings, took a deep breath, and poked my head around. I had to grip the wood to steady myself, nearly falling down I was shaking so badly. I thought I'd been prepared to see her, but nothing on God's green earth could have prepared this man to catch the first glimpse of his dream.

Her back was to me, a large washing tub in front of her, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, her arms deep in the water, clearly working an item of clothing over a washboard.

_Bella_.

I carefully stepped around the corner and stood there observing her for a moment to get my breath and prepare my heart. I watched her working, noting she was even thinner than when I'd left, and she'd never had much on her bones to begin with. She was wearing a rather worn, faded dress, and her dark hair was twisted up in her typical tight, no-nonsense bun. I skimmed my eyes over her, never so glad in my life to see another body.

I finally found my voice. "_Freckles_," I called softly.

She went still, as if she had become a statue. I swear she didn't move for a good couple of minutes. She then lowered her head for a moment, and I heard a soft sound escape her. Was that a laugh or sob? I wasn't sure, but it hadn't been a happy sound.

Then she slowly began drying her hands and forearms on her apron with great care. She straightened her shoulders, brushed back hair out of her face, smoothing it down with her palms, tugged on her dress as if to fix a wrinkle, and then slowly turned to me.

"Edward Cullen."

The shock and power of seeing her face after two years was my undoing. I found my legs could not hold me and began to slide, finding myself plopped half-on half-off an upended log that had been made into some sort of seat. I sat there stunned, drinking her up with my eyes, words beyond me.

"You came back, Edward Cullen."

She'd always called me that. Never Edward. Always Edward Cullen.

I blinked my eyes and tried to find my speaking voice as I stood again. It was some effort, for I had twisted my bad leg, and it was aching something terrible. By the time I stood and got my crutch tucked under my arm, I was frustrated and embarrassed. I couldn't meet her eyes as I awkwardly tucked the crutch under my left arm and took the five limping steps to in front of her. I wouldn't be able to bear the pity that I might find there, so I kept my eyes down.

"Yes, to see you," I whispered, near trembling as I looked to the ground. I found myself staring at her scuffed and battered boots. I didn't care if I was looking at her feet. They were _Bella's_ feet.

"You've seen me."

I nodded as I kept my eyes averted from her face. "I came without hope or agenda. I kept my promise to return to you if I could, but after all this time you have every right to turn me away. I merely wanted to see your face and hear your voice again, Freckles. One more time."

"Did you walk here?"

I nodded as I stared at her feet. "Yes. These past ten days."

"You walked ten days to get to me," she repeated, an odd tone to her voice.

"Yes. It was nothing," I replied quietly with a shrug.

She was silent for some time.

"I suppose you think to woo me, Edward Cullen? To tell me I'm beautiful and my voice sounds like birds singing or some such rot."

That had not been the response I had been expecting, and I nearly laughed in surprise. What was this? I slowly raised my head and met her eyes. There wasn't pity there, not at all. She was looking at me directly as she had always done. I watched her stand there with crossed arms and a frown on her face and nearly grinned.

"No. I'll never lie to you. I won't tell you that you're beautiful, even though you are to me. You're you, Freckles, which is much better. I will say that out of all the faces on God's earth that yours is the one I like best."

She just blinked at me.

"As to your voice, birds singing? No. I've heard you sing. It's not like the birds, but I will say that your voice is the best sound I've ever heard in my life."

She lowered her arms, clasping her hands in front of her. Her face remained a mask, hiding her feelings, but her posture was relaxed, her fingers loosely entangled.

"Hmph. Sounds like wooing," she said with a frown.

"No. I know better than that. I know you did not wish to see me. I know you wish me gone from here and to never see me again, but, Isabella Swan, I'll say my piece before I go."

She was quiet for a minute, just standing there observing me.

"That sure is a lot of knowing, Edward Cullen, and thinking to know my mind. I see you haven't gotten any more intelligent since you've been gone and clearly are in need of my guidance. What is it you wished to speak to me?"

I wasn't exactly sure what all that meant and was afraid to ask. I took the two halting steps until I was right in front of her.

"For one, I wanted to tell you thank you. Thank you for being with me during these last two years."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, thank you for being the voice in my head and the vision behind my eyes. Those two things got me through the past two years of literal hell on earth. There were times I could swear you were right in front of me, the binding thread that held us together, tugging you into my presence. Only you, your voice, your face, pulled me through."

She tilted her head and studied my face. "And the other, Edward Cullen?" she asked quietly.

"Ah, the other is that…I love you."

She just stood there for what seemed like hours, staring at me. Finally, she moved, but I held myself immobile, awaiting her response. She reached out and took my right hand, sliding her right under mine and her left over so that my hand was cradled in her palms. I felt that warmth from her touch travel up my arm, across my shoulder, and down my chest to somewhere in the vicinity of my heart, where it found its home and rested.

I stared at her face as she gazed down at our hands. I waited silently, unsure what this response meant.

She, finally, slowly looked up, and in her eyes was a spark of something unexpected. I'd almost call it a playful look, which shocked me beyond measure.

"All that knowing. Well, you know nothing, Edward Cullen."

She then bestowed on me the first smile she'd ever given me since I'd known her.

I staggered. Only her firm grip on my hand held me upright. That smile had transformed her face from something ordinary to something delightful. Had I ever in my life called this woman plain? Surely I'd been gravely mistaken.

"What is it I'm supposed to know, Bella?" I asked with mad, insane hope.

There was a definite sparkle then in those big brown eyes of hers matching that smile, and my heart near to burst from my chest.

"You're supposed to know I love you, you fool. You think I just give my body to any man?"

To hear those precious words from her mouth…I was overcome with strong emotions. I found myself again without words.

She reached out and tenderly stroked her fingers down my cheek, waking me from my stupor.

"You're right, Freckles. I'm a fool, but I'm the fool that loves you desperately. May I stay?"

"Try to leave me again and I'll shoot you in the back myself. I know how to use a gun, Edward Cullen."

"I have no doubt," I said in amusement.

I was smiling as she folded me into her loving embrace, resting her head against my heart.

This moment. The walk to get to her, the pain, and the hunger, all was forgotten in her arms. It all had been worth this moment. I'd do it again in a heartbeat to get to her. I'd walk through the fires of hell itself to reach her. I closed my eyes and took in the feel of her body next to mine, the remembered scent of apples that always seemed to cling to her and a sob tore out of me.

I clutched her shoulder as the tears came out of me, unable to be contained. All the pain, the hurt, the horror I'd seen was there, but it was overwhelmed in the moment by her. Her. My precious, priceless Freckles. Missing her, wanting her, loving her, needing her…it had always been her.

I clutched her to me as I slumped to the ground and let the tears have me. I heard her own sobs escape her and clutched her harder, never wanting to let her go ever again.

"Give it to me, Edward Cullen. I can take it. You don't have to bear it all alone anymore. The demons you've brought with you have no idea what they're taking on in me."

I shook my head and couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me. "Perfect. I swear you're perfect, Freckles."

"I know," was her pert reply.

I was grinning as she shoved me back and pulled her apron up wiping my face and nose.

She tried to look cross, but a small smile played about her lips. "Such a mess and you stink. Now, be done with those tears. No husband of mine is going to be going around bawling like some baby. Got me enough of that as it is."

I did laugh then. "Sorry, ma'am."

She nodded and narrowed her eyes at me. "Talk to Father and tell him to find the preacher man. I need to get you wedded properly to me quick before you think to leave me again."

I shook my head and took both of her hands in mine, becoming deadly serious again. "_I swear to you that I'll never leave you again_."

"I know. I've got a shotgun."

I laughed, and that won me another smile from her. I nearly fell over. Her smiles were more precious than gold. I had to keep this woman smiling at me. I _had_ to. Whatever it took, our whole lives.

A sudden crying came from inside the house, and Bella looked toward a downstairs window and then back to me. She stood and then held out her hand to assist me up.

"Come, Edward Cullen. It's good you're home. It's past time you met your son."

* * *

**Thanks for reading and being patient with me. I kind of lost my writing mojo for a couple of weeks, but I'm back on track now. There'll be less angst in future chapters, but plenty of drama for sure.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	19. Our world set to rights

**Hope everyone is having a great week. A quick update for you, as many of you were anxious to have Edward meet his son and Rosalie get the news of Emmett.**

**Thank you to my dear beta Rhi and my pre-reader V. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 18: Our world set to rights**

I paused on the back porch and turned to him, still in disbelief of the miracle of his presence. I found his eyes upon my person. Without another thought, I grasped his face, clutching his heavy beard, and placed my lips to his. He moaned, and his crutch fell as I turned us and pushed him up against the back door.

"Freckles," he gasped between kisses. "Not the time, my dearest" –kisses- "and as you pointed out" –more kisses- "I'm filthy and I stink."

I pulled back with a frown. I felt his firmness pressing against my thigh and nearly growled in frustration. I hated to wait for anything I wanted, and right this moment, I wanted him desperately.

He gently touched my face. "Not the time."

I frowned and curtly nodded. "Yes, but you won't always be stealing my fun in the future."

He grinned at me. "Once we're wed, I promise to try never to do that."

"Tomorrow. We'll be wed tomorrow."

"Yes," he readily agreed.

I nodded curtly. "Meet Wills and then a bath, shave, and hair trim for you before I feed you a hearty dinner."

"You going to-"

"Yes," I said firmly.

"Excellent," he replied with a sparkle in his eyes.

We entered the kitchen just as Ezra came tearing out of the parlor and nearly ran smack into my legs. I let go of Edward's hand and picked him up. "Giving Mama a hard time again?" I asked Ezra with a grin as Rose came running to the kitchen.

"Ezra Dale McCarty!" she said in frustration as she rounded the corner. She stopped in her tracks and stared in bewilderment at Edward, before looking to me.

"Who?"

I sat Ezra down and took Edward's hand again, giving him a fond look, which he returned before I turned back to Rose. "This is Edward Cullen. Edward, Rosalie McCarty, my cousin Emmett's widow."

"Edward. Pleased to meet you," Rosalie said formally with a nod as she picked up Ezra.

Edward was silent as he just stared at Rosalie. "I did not know…I didn't think…" He turned his head and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. McCarty. I…" he trailed off and was silent again, his head tilted down.

"Edward?" I asked, and he shot his head up and nearly smiled, but something passed over his face, settling his features into distress. He glanced at Rosalie who was watching us both, confusion on her face.

"How did you find out about…Emmett?" he asked quietly.

"We got a letter from Mother McCarty a couple of months after he died, saying he fell at the battle of Gettysburg," Rosalie replied just as quietly.

"I see," Edward replied as he kept his eyes averted from Rosalie.

An odd silence feel between us all, as Rose and I tried to figure out why this was affecting Edward so.

"Why do you-?" I started to ask, but just then, Wills started crying loudly, and we all turned toward the parlor where at one end we kept a crib for the boys to nap during the day and still be close enough we could get to them quickly.

"Come. Let's see Wills, and then we'll get you cleaned up," I ordered, and Edward obediently followed me, but not before giving Rosalie a look of extreme sadness.

"Later, may we speak, Mrs. McCarty?" Edward asked her as he paused at the doorway.

"Yes, of course, and, please, call me Rosalie."

Edward briefly nodded and turned back to me. I wondered at what that was all about, but let it pass for the moment, for Wills was yelling for me as he banged on the side of his crib.

I went and picked him up to his happy cry of "Mama!"

"Your daddy is here, Wills. Remember how I always tell you how much he loves you?"

"Dada?" Wills asked me.

I nodded. "Your Dada." I turned to Edward who was just watching us with tears in his eyes.

I walked to Edward and gave him a smile. "Meet William Edward Cullen. Your son."

Edward raised a trembling hand and briefly touched Wills' face. He trailed a fingertip down Wills' arm and then took his little hand and looked at it in wonder. Wills wrapped his hand around Edward's finger and tugged on it.

"Dada?" Wills asked me.

"Dada," I agreed and looked at Edward, who then had tears trailing down his face.

"He's…oh, he's wonderful, Bella. I left you here, carrying my child. I left you here to this alone. I'm so sorry! I left you…I'm so sorry…" he trailed off as he closed his eyes and a sob escaped him.

I gripped his arm and tugged him against me and Wills. "Shh. It's all right now. We're all alive and together. Our world is set to rights. Shh."

He buried his face into my neck for moment and then pulled back and wiped the tears from his face. "Forgive me. I seem to be a fountain of tears this day."

I shrugged. "Nothing to forgive. I've cried tears of my own this day. Would you like to hold him?"

"I…I don't know how. I may drop him," Edward said doubtfully.

I grinned. "No, you won't. Here." I shoved Wills at Edward, who gingerly cradled him on his hip.

Wills stared up at his father and then patted his chest. Edward grinned down at him, and Wills, an always happy child, returned his father's exact grin.

"He looks just like me," Edward said in amazement.

"I know, and I thank the Lord every day for that."

"Bella, is this all real, or am I dreaming, my dearest?"

I fought back my own tears as I slammed my body against his, wrapping my arms around him and Wills.

"Not a dream, but our reality. Welcome home, Edward. Your family missed you."

Edward was in a large washtub on the back porch as I worked on him to get the dirt and smell off his body.

"Oww, woman! Leave some skin would you!"

"Oh, stop your fussing! You're disgusting, and I need to scrub you hard to get these layers of dirt off of you!"

"But do you have to be so rough?" he asked with a wince as I rubbed the horsehair brush over his back.

"Oh, a big fine soldier like yourself can't handle a little bath? Pathetic," I said in amusement.

He chuckled and leaned his head back so that he was gazing up at me with those beautiful green eyes of his. His eyes fell first on my breasts and then slid up to my face.

"Liking what you see, Edward Cullen?"

"I'm back to Edward Cullen, am I? And yes. Your person is a feast for this man's eyes."

"You and your flowery words. Lean back up. I'm going to chop off some of this hair."

He gripped his knees and leaned forward. As I trimmed his hair, I grinned to myself and sighed contentedly.

Edward was back with me, here where he belonged, and I was tending to him as I had longed to these past two years. I was content within myself, the longing and aching in my heart replaced with joy and gladness. Now that he was clean, trimmed, and shaved, we could have dinner with the family and later…later, hmm. Later I was going to have some alone time with him. Oh, yes, I was.

My mind drifted back to the shaving of him before his bath, and I felt a tremor of want go through me. That had been quite the ordeal with both of us hardly able to keep our hands off each other. Only the nearby presence of the others had kept us from taking that experience to a totally different place beyond shaving.

I grabbed his forehead and tilted his head back. "Better," I said with a grin.

"Freckles, _your smiles_."

"What? You do not like them?"

"No, I love them. It's just that…"

"What?"

"Well, my heart is never prepared for them. You're dazzling when you smile. So beautiful."

I scoffed. "You must've taken a cannon ball to the head. Your brain is addled," I said, looking away in embarrassment.

I felt him grab my wrist and tug on it. "Look at me."

I met his eyes at his command. "I love you and need you to understand this; in earnest, I tell you now, I've never set eyes upon anything better than you, my Freckles."

I fell to my knees on the porch and wrapped them around his head, holding him against my shoulder.

"I've missed you. Oh, how I've missed you! I love you so much. I've loved you forever, and that never wavered once while you were separated from me. You left and took all the music with you. Without Wills, I would've never pulled through."

"Freckles, my God, Freckles. Without you, I'd been dead long ago. Just the thought of you, your precious face, your voice in my mind, was enough to rouse me from my depression and for me to carry on. My love for you…I don't have the words, my dearest. I don't have the words."

I held him until he shivered, and I realized the water must have been cold. I let him go and stood up and grabbed a towel, holding it out for him.

"Oh, no. The last thing you and I need is me naked in your arms right this moment," he said with a smirk.

"No, I need that," I replied with a smirk of my own.

"Behave, Freckles," he chuckled.

"Not much fun in that," I replied and tossed the towel on a chair. "Fine. Dry yourself then, stubborn man."

"Thank you for taking care of me," I heard him quietly call as I opened the back door.

I turned and nodded. "That's my job now."

"Then I am the most fortunate of men."

"Yes, you are," I replied with sass and entered the kitchen to Edward's laughter following behind me.

"I see ya lettin' him stay, daughter. Hope we got enough food 'round here," Father said in amusement as we all watched Edward shoveling in his meal.

He glanced up from his plate, slightly abashed, and set his fork down. "Forgive me. My manners are somewhat lacking. An empty stomach is no excuse for such behavior."

Rose chuckled. "You're hungry and eating my food as if it's as good as Bella's. I'm flattered. Eat up. I made plenty."

"This is a fine meal, Rosalie. Thank you," Edward said and picked up his fork again.

"You're welcome," she replied and turned to Ezra to coax him to finish his plate.

"So, we drivin' to the county courthouse tomorrow?" Father asked.

"Yes," I replied firmly.

"Well, then, we best get an early start. We'll leave right after breakfast."

I nodded. "I'll pack up some food for the journey."

"I'll stay here," Rosalie said, and I turned to her in surprise.

"But…I wanted you with me."

"Oh. If that is what you wish, Bella."

"It is what I wish," I replied to her.

"Then we'll come. I'll ride in the back of the wagon with the boys and take care of them."

"I don't have any clothes to wear to wed you in," Edward said softly from beside me. "Even these are borrowed."

"Those are fine, but I'm sure Father has a jacket you may wear. "

"I should have planned better instead of having all my wages forwarded to my parents to bank for me."

"I'll make you clothes. For now, you can wear some of Father's."

"Thank you," Edward said and looked away.

I reached over and gripped his hand. "Rosalie may have prepared supper, but I made dessert. Your favorite, peach cobbler."

Edward graced me with a soft smile. "Even better when it was prepared by your hands, Freckles."

I returned his smile as we just held each other's eyes.

"Now that's sweet," I heard Rose say.

"Hmm? What Rose?"

"Freckles. How sweet. Emmett always called me 'Goldy'…" She turned her head away and covered her mouth.

"Yeah, I remember that," Father said with a pat to Rose's shoulder.

"Let's have dessert and then visit a bit before bedtime," I chimed in to lighten the mood. I stood up and got the cobbler off the stove where it had been keeping warm. I placed it in the center of the table on a trivet and got a large spoon to serve it.

The men, including Ezra, dug into the cobbler with gusto, and even Wills happily ate a few bites. Rose just fiddled with her spoon and finally got up and began to clear the table. I went and got a corner of a towel damp and cleaned up Wills' hands and face and then plopped him in Edward's lap. Edward looked at me and then Wills in surprise and then tentatively began to bounce him on his right knee. Wills giggled and clapped his hands, winning a grin from his father, and I knew all was well there. Rose cleaned up Ezra and then set him down to play with some wooden toys in the floor.

Father got his pipe and sat back in his chair with his legs casually crossed as he watched us all. Rose and I cleaned up the dishes, and by that time, the pot of tea was ready that I had put on to brew. I poured us all cups and sat them down, before sliding into the seat beside Edward. He handed me Wills and stood up, an odd look on his face.

He went over to the door and got his knapsack from the table beside it and then came back over and sat down beside me. We all watched him in curiosity as he opened his knapsack and pulled out a small wrapped bundle.

Edward took a deep breath and then began to speak. "I'm going to tell you a story, and I pray I can get through it, because it needs to be told. God, coincidence, fate- I'm not sure what brought to meet Emmett McCarty. I was there with him at the end. I hope-"

"_What_?" Rose asked in astonishment.

"I was there. Allow me to explain what happened."

Edward's hand gripped the bundle he was holding as he began his story.

"It was the day after the last day of battle at Gettysburg. I'd spent the night ministering to the dying and wounded best I could. Come daybreak, I'd had more than I could bear and rode off to a small wooded area for a moment alone. That's when I heard a sound behind me and turned with my gun ready. An unarmed man stepped out of the shadows, and I found him oddly familiar. I asked his name, and he told me it was Emmett McCarty of the Seventh Tennessee Infantry. To say I was shocked in that moment, that amongst thousands of men, God had brought me face to face with a kin of the Swan's would be an understatement."

I reached over and placed my hand on Edward's forearm, and he gave me an appreciative look for my support before he continued his story.

"We talked, and he was surprised to learn I knew Bella and Charles, and then he formally surrendered to me."

"So, how did he die?" Rosalie asked in impatience.

"That would be due to Gen. Custer. He rode up and without any hesitation…shot Emmett in the chest. I yelled, I raged at him, but Custer just shrugged it off and rode away. I fell down and held Emmett in my lap. I checked his wound, but the blood…he was fading fast. I ordered him to tell me what he wished to tell his wife," Edward finished so quietly it was difficult to hear him.

He finally looked up from the table and met Rosalie's eyes.

"And what did he say?" Rose asked with a white face and shaky voice. Edward didn't speak, but slid the bundle over to her. He closed his eyes before he spoke again.

"He said right before he passed," –he took a deep breath- "'Tell Rose I love her, and I'm sorry, and that I remember the blueberries.'"

Rose shot up from her chair, the bundle clutched in her fist, and was out the back door, slamming it behind her.

"Should I…?"

"Leaver her be a bit, Bells. She just needs some time," Father said to me. He slid his eyes to Edward. "That the truth, Edward?"

"It is. I swear it. I've kept those words of his and his letters and pocket watch closely guarded all this time so that I may someday, hopefully, be able to give them to Rosalie. Of all the terrible things I witnessed in that bloody, cursed war, Gettysburg and Emmett's death were the things that took their toll on me. Curse that war!" he swore and stood and limped into the front parlor.

Father met my eyes and sighed. "Best go see to him, Bells. He's got a lot to deal with inside his head and will have for some time."

"But he has me and won't ever have to deal with those demons alone," I replied as I stood up. "Hold Wills for me?"

"No. Take him with you. A man needs reminders that life goes on and there's still some good in this world. Nothing quite does that like seeing your own child."

I nodded and gripped Father's shoulder as I headed into the parlor. Edward wasn't there, so I went out to the front porch and found him sitting in a rocking chair, unmoving.

"Mind if we join you?"

"Such a question, Freckles. Yours and Wills' presence could only ever increase my happiness."

I leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling another rocker over next to his and sitting down with Wills in my lap.

"I need you to talk to me. I need you talk it all out of your head so that it's not just your burden any longer, but mine to carry as well."

"I have no wish to encumber you with my troubling thoughts and dark memories, my dearest," he said as he reached over and took my hand.

"What you wish is irrelevant. I wish to hear your thoughts and share in your memories. Really. Are you going to be that selfish our entire marriage?" I asked in mock annoyance.

He chuckled and squeezed my hand. "What on earth did I ever do without you, my feisty, fiery Freckles?"

"I can't even imagine. Fortunate now that you have me to guide you, Edward."

"Ah. Say that again."

"What? That you need my guidance?" I teased him, knowing full well what he wanted from me.

"No, you little tease. My name," he replied in amusement.

"Edward Cullen?" I asked innocently.

He laughed then. "Fine. Have it your way. Torment me endlessly with your teasing. I can take it."

"You love it."

"Indeed I do. It's all wrapped up in the perfection that is you."

"Hmph. Hear him, Wills? Flattery. Endless flattery. Your dada is too charming for his own good."

"Do I charm you, Freckles?" Edward asked with a grin.

"I think you know the answer to that, Edward Cullen. Come. It's time to get this boy in bed. Father said you're to sleep in my bed tonight-"

"Excellent."

"-and me with Rose-"

"Oh. Well, of course. We're not wed."

"If you ever let me finish, I was going to say that I would come join you after everyone is asleep. But, if you don't like that plan…"

"I like it! I like it too well." He raised an eyebrow and shot me a devilish grin.

"As do I," I replied and then paused at seeing Rose walking down the road to the farm. "Here. Take Wills inside. I'm going to talk to Rose, and then I'll be in."

I handed Wills to Edward and was surprised to find myself pulled to him for a kiss. He held the back of my head as his mouth claimed mine, and I nearly lost my head, so powerful was that kiss.

He pulled his mouth from mine, our breathing labored. "God, I missed that."

"Every woman is kissable," I said tartly.

"Hmm, true, but every woman isn't you, my Freckles. Tell Rosalie again that I'm sorry."

I tenderly touched his face. "I will. Be good for Dada," I said to Wills before I went down the front steps.

It was twilight, my favorite time of the day, as I hurriedly walked to catch up to Rose. She heard me coming and stopped, allowing me to join her. She began strolling again, and I slid my arm through hers, slightly leaning against her.

"Are you all right?"

She shrugged. "I will be. Just…Edward's words…"

"Yes. I understand. He said to tell you again that he is sorry."

"He's a good man," Rose replied.

"Yes, he is."

"You're lucky you got him back, Bella," Rose said quietly.

"I know. Like you, and many other women with men we loved fighting in that war, did not expect to ever see his face in this lifetime again."

She curtly nodded then stopped and pulled out letters and a pocket watch from her dress pocket.

"Emmett's?"

"Yes."

"Edward said he kept Emmett's words and possessions safe all this time so that someday he may give them to you."

"That was good of him. It's a precious gift that I will be sure to thank Edward for. It's something that I can give to Ezra so that he may always have something of his father's," she said as her fingers stroked over the pocket watch. She suddenly raised her head and met my eyes. "I need a change, Bella. To go somewhere new. Start life again."

I felt a chill go through me. I did not want to lose Rose.

"But where? You already said you didn't wish to live with your parents again and that you had no desire to return to Aunt Catherine's."

"I don't know, Bella. I just need…I need a new life. And I'm going to need a man to take care of me and Ezra. I can't live off your father's generosity forever."

"Well, there's no hurry. Please continue to stay with us for the time being."

She hugged me to her. "I will. I'd rather be here with you and Charles than anywhere else in the world. For now, it's enough, but for the future…we'll see."

She pulled back, and even in the falling darkness I could see a gleam in her eyes. "Let's go get those sons of ours in bed."

"Yes, let's."

"Something tells me that Edward won't be spending this night in your bed alone."

"Something tells me that as well," I replied, and we both let out a laugh as we turned and started back to the house.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	20. Until my heart stops beating

**I'm sorry that I didn't clear this up sooner and there was some confusion as to whether this story was ending already. I assure you, it's not quite finished yet. Yes, I originally planned on ending the story of the day Edward came back, but as a gardener planting a seed and watching it grow, this story bloomed into a different ending. It was either that or write a sequel, so I decided to just continue this in one story. **

**For those inquiring, Wills was born March 8, 1864, and Edward returned the last week of August 1865, so Wills would have been almost 18 months old.**

**Thank you to my fantastic beta Rhi and my dear pre-reader V, my dream team of support.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance In Between**

**Chapter 19: Until my heart stops beating**

I undressed completely and crawled into Bella's soft bed. Despite all efforts to remain awake, my body decided for me, and I fell into a deep slumber with my face snuggled into the pillow smelling of apples, love, and all things good that were my Freckles. I dreamt of home, the farm in need of attention, many fields left unplowed. In my dream, there was weeping and a plea for help.

I was startled out of that distressing dream by a warm, naked body sliding under the covers and then arms wrapping themselves around me. _Bella_. I didn't even think. There was only raw need as I rolled over and pushed her onto her back, my mouth madly kissing hers. We were a tangle of limbs, groping hands, and fevered kisses. Too long. It had been too long. I had to be inside of her. I gripped her hip, holding her steady for a moment, and thrust into her welcoming warmth. She hissed out a "yes" and dug her fingers into my back as I closed my eyes in absolute bliss.

"Kiss me," she ordered, and I readily complied.

I hungrily kissed her mouth as I claimed her body over and over. Too much, too long it had been- I couldn't hold back. I bit my lip to try to hide my moan as I released inside of her. I fell on her, trying not to crush her as I clasped her head against mine. I tried to find some sense about myself again over my thumping heart and ragged breathing. Finally, I calmed enough to speak and pushed myself up.

"Forgive me, dearest," I whispered.

"For?" she whispered back.

"For taking you like that. I was nearly insane to posses you, and it had been so very long," I replied as I stroked my fingers over her beloved face.

"We both needed that. Many long nights I laid in this bed and dreamt of you kissing me, touching me, making me yours again, so no need for apologies, Edward Cu-"

I held my fingers over her lips with a grin. "No more please. Just Edward, Freckles."

"As you wish…Edward," she replied with a hint of that sass I so loved of hers.

"Now" -I slid off of her and lay down beside her, tugging her against me- "allow me to recover, and I'll do that so much better next time. I have a desperate need to touch and kiss every square inch of your soft skin."

"I have that as well." She slid out of bed, and I heard the scrape of a match being lit. I turned to watch her lighting two candles, but it was her naked form that held every speck of my attention. "Liking what you see?" she asked in amusement.

"Such a question, Freckles. Get back over here," I ordered her with a grin as I held out my arm.

"In a moment. There's something that must be done first," she said in a serious tone. "Lie back."

I looked away. "It doesn't matter, Freckles. It's ugly, and you should just leave it be."

"I said, lie back."

I sighed and rolled over, tucking my right arm under my head. "Have it your way, but it does not matter, only in that I'm not the man you ne-"

"For heaven's sake, stop trying to know my mind, Edward Cullen. I'll decide what it is I need."

"The 'Cullen' again. I see that is my name when I'm in trouble with you." I chuckled and finally looked back at her. "Feisty woman. Are you going to be bossing me around our entire life?"

She shot me a look that I believed matched my look I used to make privates quake in their boots. "Yes."

I grinned, and then she let out a soft laugh and returned my grin.

"Perfect. I swear you're perfect."

"Hmrp," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

She grabbed a candle holder and marched around the bed. She then ripped back the covers and held the candle over my body. Her inspection started at my face as her fingers traveled over small scars and healed wounds. She paused when she reached a scar on my right side, and then she stopped and just stared at my left thigh. I'd kept that hidden from her until now, but no more hiding the mess that was my left leg.

"Dear Lord," she said, sounding horrified as she raised her hand to her mouth. "Oh, Edward. What happened?"

"My inattention happened, and for that I paid for it with a Confederate bayonet down my thigh. It was almost the end of me, but the quick work of my men getting me off the field of battle and to the surgeon saved my life. My leg, though, after the bullet wound and that second wounding, has never been the same."

"Does it hurt?" she asked as she trailed her fingertip over the jagged scars on my left leg.

"Yes, at times. I think it damaged the nerves or muscles, I'm unsure, but…you deserve better than that, Bella. Better than me."

She turned her head to me with an almost angry look. "There is no better than you, so stop speaking foolishness!"

I wisely kept my silence as she frowned at me. She stood up and held the candle in front of her, lighting up her beautiful, nude body. "See this? See these?" she asked with a point to small, white scars running up her stomach. "These are my scars. Do they repulse you? Do they make me less of a woman in your eyes?"

"From Wills?" I asked as I reached out and skimmed a fingertip up her stomach, tracing one white line.

"Yes."

"Freckles, those are marks you bear from doing something right, something noble, something _good_, as God intended. How could they not ever increase your beauty? In my eyes, they make me admire you more. Your courage, your strength to bear the burden of that without me makes me want to weep. My scars, however, come from something horrible. It's against God and nature to take the lives of my fellow man."

"It was war. God will understand."

I shook my head. "I'm not being clear here."

She set the candle down on the bedside table and shoved on me, indicating I should scoot over. I did, and she sat down on the bed beside me. "Then explain to me clearly what it is you are trying to convey to me."

I sat up and rubbed a hand down my face as I let out a deep breath. "I'm trying to say, my dearest, is that life with me will not be easy. The scars from the war don't just mark my body; they mark my mind and my very soul. I suffer from nightmares and the faces of all the men I've killed- they linger here" -I touched my forehead- "as ghosts to haunt me. When I say I'm not a 'whole' man, I don't mean just my leg. I mean here" -I touched my chest- "inside of me, something is missing."

She reached up and placed her fingers gently on my face. "You're the man I want and need, and together, we'll try to make you whole again. We've got a life of love, laughter, and raising children ahead of us. You've experienced the worst in life. It's time now to experience the best, for you deserve it, Edward. You are worth it. _We_ are worth it."

I reached a trembling hand up and covered hers on my face. "I don't know what I ever did good or right in this world for God to reward me with you, Freckles, but I swear this to you, I will spend our entire lives trying to be worthy of such a blessing, worthy of you."

She just held my eyes for a moment, then laid back on the bed and beckoned to me. "Come here."

I placed myself beside her and gently laid my hand on her belly, awaiting whatever she wished to say to me.

"What are you thinking, my dearest?" I finally asked to break the silence.

"Oh, I was making a list of all the things you could do to prove your worth to me. It was getting quite long. Perhaps it's best you interrupted my train of thought."

I chuckled. "You never cease to delightfully surprise me."

"It's good to keep you on your toes, I think."

I slipped my hand under her neck and lifted her face up to mine. "Freckles, you can do anything you want to me. I am yours to command."

"Oh, precious words I've been waiting for," she said with a smirk and shoved me over, quickly crawling on top of me. I just stared up at her in happy surprise.

"Something on your mind?" I asked with a knowing grin.

"Yes. You getting me with child. We've tried once tonight, but I thought it best we try at least once more to make sure."

"Freckles, I like the way you think. You're definitely wiser than me."

"Finally you make some sense," she replied sassily as she leaned down to kiss me.

Then we became lost in learning each other's body again, in pleasing each other and bringing each other release. We fell into a sated, exhausted sleep, clasping each other close, afraid to let go even in our slumber.

"How is your family in Pennsylvania?" Bella asked as we rode in the wagon on the way to the courthouse.

"I wish I knew. I haven't had any word of them in quite some time. I'm worried that something happened and they're not among the living any longer," I quietly replied.

Bella took my hand and slid her fingers between mine. "You'll write to them again and see if you get a reply. If not, then we'll visit them to check on them."

I'd been mulling on an idea, but I wasn't sure that Bella would care for it. I liked it here in Virginia well enough because that was where her family was, but home to me was Pennsylvania. I missed my sister. I missed my folks. I hadn't seen home in years. As I dwelled on my childhood and growing years, the desire to go there became stronger.

Bella squeezed my hand, breaking me out of my musings. "I'd accompany you to the ends of the earth. My home is with you, Edward Cullen. With you."

I gave her a grateful smile. I was in awe that she could understand me and what I was thinking without a word exchanged between us.

Charles, who was sitting on the front seat on the other side of Bella, made a disgruntled sound, but otherwise kept his mouth shut. I knew he'd not want to give up Bella easily, but she was to be my wife today and her place was beside me now, wherever that may be.

"You look most delightful today, Freckles," I said as I admired her plaid dress that suited her so well paired with a matching blue bonnet.

"It's just an old dress," she said dismissively.

"Well, I like it. When I can get to my money, I'll buy you fine dresses and the most fetching bonnets to frame your pretty face. Toys and books for Wills-"

"How many bonnets does one woman need? I have this one. It will suffice," she replied tartly.

"You would deny me the pleasure of bestowing gifts upon my beloved wife? How selfish of you, Freckles," I replied in fake annoyance. "Really. Are you going to be that selfish our entire marriage?"

Charles snorted, and I even heard Rosalie's laugh from behind us in the wagon.

"Oh, foolish man!" Bella said with a roll of her eyes as she tried to hold back a grin, but failed.

After that, Charles started on an amusing story from his childhood about him and his sister that kept us entertained until we reached the courthouse.

The clerk filled out the necessary form, and almost immediately we found ourselves standing in front of a Justice of the Peace. The civil ceremony would be short and to the point. I realized in dismay that I had no ring for which to place upon her finger.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, my dearest. I have no ring for you now, but I promise I will purchase you one. A gold ring. A fine ring for your finger."

"Edward. I have no use for fine jewelry, but will gladly wear any ring you give me. It is enough that you'll be my husband. It's enough," she assured me.

I nodded, and we exchanged our brief vows, making us legally man and wife. The judge ended the ceremony, and I just stood there gazing at Bella, unwilling to quite let go of this moment.

"May I say something?" I asked the Justice of the Peace.

"Of course," he replied and stepped back from us.

I took a deep breath. "Bella, this isn't the wedding I would've wished for you. You deserved a fine wedding in a silk dress in a grand church, but it is what it is, and I won't regret anything that made us husband and wife."

"No, this is perfect for us. All I could ever want," she quietly replied.

"I love you, Isabella Cullen. You are my reason for living. You are proof to me that God exists. You are my strength as I am your shield. You are my light as I am your heart. We are incomplete without the other, our two souls being one."

"Yes," she replied with tears in her eyes.

I raised her hand and placed it over my heart. "Yours until my heart stops beating."

She took my hand and placed it on her chest. "Yours until the last breath leaves my body."

"Forever."

"Always," I replied as a whisper as I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss upon my wife's lips.

We stopped and picked up supplies like flour and sugar in town before we started our journey back home. I was holding Wills in my lap and talking to him, telling him about the time I met President Lincoln. Not that he understood everything, but he chimed in with baby words and smiles, so I felt we were conversing.

We stopped to have lunch in a green grassy meadow beside the road. Afterwards, I lay back on one of the blankets we brought and gazed up at a magnificent maple tree above me. The sounds of the boys' laughter rang in the meadow, bringing a smile to my lips. I heard Rosalie and Bella call to them in their game and sighed deeply. This surely was a slice of heaven, this day.

Charles came over and sat down, leaning back against the enormous tree trunk.

"You really met Lincoln? Or was that just a story to tell the boy?"

I sat up and turned to him. "No, it's true. I met him once when he came to camp to speak to General Meade."

"What was he like?" Charles asked in curiosity.

"Well spoken. He seemed quite intelligent and highly informed. He was decisive. Once his mind was made up, that was it. But what I remember most was his sense of humor."

"Humor? Really?"

I nodded and smiled to myself. "I had sat in on the meeting, being an officer and on the command staff, but, of course, I never spoke to him or him me during that time. It was when he was leaving that he stopped and asked my name and about my brigade. I replied, and then he told me a joke, almost ribald in its entirety that surprised a loud laugh out of me. Lincoln seemed well pleased with himself, like a naughty school boy that gotten away with chicanery behind the teacher's back, to have gotten that response out of me."

"Huh. Who'd a thought? He was a good man?" Charles asked.

"Yes. A very good man. We may never see his like again. I was honored to have met him."

"You men ready to head home?" Bella asked as she stepped in front of me.

"Yep. I'll go hitch up the horses," Charles said as he stood and walked away.

"Assist me up, Freckles?" I asked, holding out my hand.

She took it, innocent of my mischief, as I tugged on her and pulled her down to me. She fell into my lap with a surprised gasp, and I grinned down at her beloved face. I was a man happy to be holding the goodness that was his wife in his arms. I gave her a quick, hard kiss as she laughed and graced me with one of her precious smiles.

"I felt my wife needed kissing."

"Indeed she did," Bella replied and gave me another quick kiss before she stood and made busy setting to rights her dress. "But let's save that for later. Time to go. You can get yourself up this time, husband."

"Stealing my fun," I replied with a pout.

She shot me a coy glance. "Behave, Edward Cullen."

"Not much fun in that, Isabella Cullen," I replied with a smirk.

"_Oh_," she replied with wide eyes. "Oh." I saw her tears and scrambled up best I could so that I may hold her.

"Shh. I know, my dearest. I know." She folded herself into my arms, laying her head over my heart.

"Sometimes, Edward, dreams _do_ come true."

"And sometimes, Freckles, life is better than any dream you could ever imagine."

When we got back to the farm, there was evening chores to be done, which I assisted Charles with, supper to be made, and excited, but tired little boys to try to get to sleep. Wills' cradle was moved back into Bella's room from Rosalie's where it had been placed for just last night.

I stood there and realized that Bella's bedroom had just become my family's bedroom.

_My family_.

I had to sit down on the edge of the bed and take a deep breath. Just two days ago, I was hoping for just one last glimpse of the face of the woman I loved. Hungry, hurting, exhausted, and longing for Bella, I'd been, but here I sat, wedded to the world's best woman, and a fine, healthy son as well.

I looked to the cradle where Wills was finally sleeping soundly and found it almost beyond comprehension that I was here with my son and my wife.

_My son and my wife_.

Bella sat down beside me on the bed and leaned against me, gazing upon our sleeping son. "He's perfect, isn't he?"

"Yes. He came from you. How could he not be?"

"I think you had just a little something to do with him as well," she replied in amusement.

"Yes. Perhaps a little," I agreed with a grin.

I looked at her and realized she had on the locket I had given her. "The locket. I'm happy to see you wearing it, Freckles."

"I've been wearing it. I never take it off. I had it on last night. Actually, I do believe it was the _only_ thing I had on," she said with a smirk.

"Ah. And that would be why I didn't notice it," I replied, my mind immediately going to her and me naked in this bed we were sitting on, doing wonderfully enjoyable things.

She reached down and picked my knapsack off the floor. "May I?"

"Of course."

She opened it and began pulling out my possessions, few as they were. Some she found interesting and paused and inspected them and others she merely sat down on the bedside table. She pulled out my book of Psalms, and I reached over and took it from her. I opened it and pulled out her lock of hair, stroking my fingers over it.

"You kept it all this time?" she asked in surprise.

"Of course. I would have wept bitter tears to have had to part with this precious piece of you I had with me."

She took that in and then reached in and pulled out my battered journal. She gave me an inquisitive look.

"My journal. You may read my thoughts, such as they were. Most of them were of you."

She nodded and then skimmed her fingers over the binding.

"You'll write to your family. Tell them of me and Wills and inquire about their well-being."

I nearly grinned at her order. "Yes. I'll do that tomorrow. I'm most anxious to know how they are, now that I'm settled."

She clasped my journal to her breast and got a far off look in her eyes. "I dreamt of you, Edward Cullen."

I had to give in on my name. She insisted on most times calling me that, and truthfully, I found it charming.

"And what did you dream, Isabella Cullen?"

She darted her eyes to me.

"It would be vivid, almost as if real, as if I was actually in your presence. I'd call for you and you'd reply. I saw you once on a cot in your tent. Another time in the snow-"

"_What_?"

"I saw you," she said as she turned her face to mine and gave me that direct look of hers. "Like I was there with you in my dreams."

"But, Freckles, I saw you as well. Both those times and two times more."

We just held each other's eyes.

"How is that possible?" she whispered.

"I have no idea, but you came to me, your voice, your face almost as real to me as you are to me now."

"You heard me. You saw me," she said, almost in disbelief.

"Yes. It gave me peace and hope and reason to go on. Without you, I would've never have made it though that war."

She sat down my journal and reached for me with trembling hands. "_It was real_," she said in wonder. "We truly _are_ bound, you and I. Even separated, we were never apart."

"Yes. One soul encompassed in two bodies," I replied, unable to keep the reverence out of my voice. "Bella and Edward, always as one."

"Always," she repeated and hugged my neck. We just held each other for some time until the question I needed to ask her came looming over my thoughts.

"Dearest, if we do have to leave here and go back to my family, not just to visit, but to stay, will you be upset with that choice?"

She sat back and shook her head. "No. I will miss this house, but I've lived my entire life almost within its walls and in those woods out there." She pointed to the window. "It's past time I saw something else of this world."

"But your father. Rosalie…"

"We'll cross the bridge when we come to it. Now, no more talking this night. I need my husband naked and in our bed."

"Who am I to deny my wife anything she needs?" I asked with a grin as I stood and began to get undressed.

"Indeed," she replied as she stood and undressed herself, revealing to me heaven on earth.

I had planned to take my time and make this last as long as possible, but Bella and her impatience made that impossible. She kissed me, was all over me, making me a little insane with her kisses and touches so that we ended up making mad, passionate love to each other. Our noises woke up Wills who cried out for his mama. She softly chuckled as she kissed me one last time.

"We'll have to work on being quieter so that we don't wake Wills every night."

I gripped her hip and pulled her against me. "_Every_ night?"

"Did I not speak clearly, Edward Cullen?" she asked with a laugh as she slid out of bed. She picked Wills up, placing him in bed between us.

He babbled on a bit, patting Bella and me in the darkness and saying "Mama" and "Dada", winning proud chuckles from his parents. I pulled him to me and kissed his cheek, wanting to hold close his tiny, precious body.

He wiggled a bit and turned in my arms, reaching for his mother. She scooted over so that Wills was snuggled between our chests.

"Time to go back to sleep, little man," she said to him.

"Eat?" Wills asked hopefully.

Bella laughed. "You may suckle for a bit until you fall asleep."

I heard him blissfully nursing from his mother's breast and grinned in the darkness. I reached over and traced my finger over his cheek then wrapped my arms around Bella, cradling my family in my arms. She gave me a sweet kiss before tucking her head under my chin. I felt my heart clinch as she softly hummed a lullaby to soothe Wills back to sleep. I closed my eyes and said a prayer that I would never fail them, my precious ones.

"Edward, may I speak with you a moment?" Rosalie asked.

I raised my head from reading a newspaper Rosalie's father had given Charles.

"Certainly," I replied as I folded the newspaper and laid it down on the kitchen table.

"Outside?" she asked uncertainly.

I nodded and stood up. I turned and met Bella's eyes before I followed Rosalie out the kitchen door. She went down the stairs, and I followed her, limping a bit this morning. She didn't say one word as she walked. I did my best to keep up with her until she suddenly stopped and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I need to thank you, Edward."

"For?"

"For many things. For telling me the truth of Emmett's death. For bringing me his letters and his watch so that Ezra may have something of his father's."

"I was just doing what was right concerning Emmett," I said quietly as I stared down at the ground. "But it's one less mark on my soul if I in some way brought you any peace regarding his passing."

"So much you take upon yourself. Emmett wasn't your fault, Edward."

I slightly shook my head and kept my silence.

"I wanted to also thank you for coming back here to Bella."

At that I raised my eyes to her.

"I love Bella. She's the sister I never had. I would give my life for her. It brings me joy to see her so happy. Bella's good. She deserves every happiness and a life of contentment, and I think you're the man to give it to her."

At that, I came to love Rosalie McCarty as I would a member of my own family.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bella. Nothing. I have no words to even express my admiration and love for her person."

Rosalie gave me a soft smile. "I had a great love with Emmett like that. He saw something in me that I didn't even see in myself and pursued me relentlessly. His wooing was a sight to behold. He'd make grand, extravagant gestures to try to win my affection and the approval of my parents. My father, he wasn't so keen on Emmett. He was set in that I wasn't going to marry some 'farm boy', but Emmett in his eyes wasn't much of an improvement."

"How did he win them over?" I asked in curiosity. I'd only met Emmett the once, but I'd immediately liked the man.

"My mother was easy, he brought her wildflowers every day for two weeks. But it wasn't until my father and Emmett played chess and Emmett beat him that he won my father's admiration. You see, my father is a brilliant chess player. No one beats him. Ever. But Emmett did. That proved to my father that Emmett had some sense about him, and after that, he allowed Emmett to fully court me."

"That's a great story. Ezra will love to hear it someday."

She nodded, a sad smile on her lips, and a faraway look in her eyes. "It was the blueberries that got me the other night. He'd brought me a gift one day of a basket of blueberries he said he picked himself. I love blueberries, and it was a fine gift. A sweet gift. I had pulled back the towel to find the basket barely had any berries is it. It was the thought that counted, I remember thinking. When I went to kiss him in thanks, he grinned, revealing his purple stained teeth where Lord only knows how many he'd eaten on the way to my house. I remember my laughter at how silly he'd looked and his embarrassment in eating most of my gift."

I just smiled to myself and allowed her to dwell in her cherished memory.

"I want a love like that again. I want at least a kind man to take care of Ezra and me."

I nodded. "Until then, allow me to take care of you both like a brother and uncle. Please."

She turned to me and gave me a serious look. "Yes. Thank you. When you leave here to go back home, please take us with you."

"What makes you think-"

"I can see it in your face. You long for home and your family. I'm asking you, as a sister, to take me and Ezra with you."

I nodded. "Yes. I promise."

"Thank you, Edward. You really are a decent man."

"I'm trying to be for my family. Allow me to say how much I admire your strength and fortitude. And from the bottom of my heart, allow me to express my gratitude to you for being here for Bella and Wills. I can't thank you enough. I know you've been a blessing to them, and I know how much Bella loves you. Bella is an excellent judge of character so you must be a great lady."

Rosalie slightly blushed and looked to the ground. "If you're that charming to your wife, she never stood a chance when you came wooing."

I laughed, and Rosalie shot me a grin.

"Well, I try my best, but Bella's not a woman easily charmed."

"Oh, I'm sure she is when it comes to you. Only you win those radiant smiles from her."

"Then I am the most fortunate of men."

Rosalie laughed and slid her arm through mine. "Come on, charmer, let's get back to the house. Bella's teaching me how to make pie crust today. Any preference on the filling?"

"Apples," I replied with a happy grin. "And plenty of cinnamon."

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**Thanks for reading and reviewing. Some of the reviews you leave me, dears, brings me to tears. Such a blessing all of you are. **

**Much love,**

**Sunny**


	21. What we can live with

**Hello, dears. Hope everyone is having a great week. My pre-reader called this an "insane" chapter, so keep that in mind. Many thanks to Rhi my beta and V my always honest pre-reader.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 20: What we can live with**

"_Sir! Sir! They've cornered us, Colonel Cullen! What do we do?" _

_I tightly gripped the reins in my fist and spun the horse around. Marshall was correct. We had a wall to our back and Confederates on three sides of us. I glanced over my men, knowing the order I had to give and wondering how many I was going to lose. I couldn't dwell on that. I had to save as many as possible and then count the losses. _

"_Push forward! Break through their line on my command. To me! To me!" _

_At that, I slammed my heels into the horse, and he bolted forward with a surprised whinny. I didn't look to see if my men followed. They were loyal and well trained. They followed._

_We rode through, guns blazing, swords slashing, and, with relief, I realized we were free and on the other side of the enemy and reinforcements had almost reached us. I grinned as I turned and met the opposing officer's eyes. The grin fell from my face as I saw him holding Marshall up by his collar, nearly choking him to death as he lifted his skinny body so high off the ground that his feet dangled. _

_My eyes flickered to his frightened, youthful face. No! Not him! I lifted my pistol and aimed, realizing too late that the barrel was empty. No time to reload. Time seemed to stop as the officer put a pistol to Marshall's head and pulled the trigger.…_

"Edward! Edward! Oh, Edward."

A baby was crying. That made no sense. I blinked and still saw the battlefield in front of me. _What fool brought a baby to the battlefield?_ _They'll be killed. Just like Marshall. No. Not him! Not him. No. _

I felt arms wrap around me and clutch me tightly. I realized I was sitting up in a bed, my body drenched in sweat, the scream still upon my lips.

I was disoriented for a moment, so lost was I in my memories of the skirmish that had ended Marshall's life. Clarity came crashing down on me, and I realized that it was Bella that was holding me and our son that was crying.

_Bella. Wills._ It was just a nightmare. Just a nightmare. _More like a memory. _

I leaned my head against hers for a moment. "Please attend to Wills. I-I think I've frightened him mightily."

She kissed my cheek and then slid out of bed. She lit a candle before she picked up Wills, hugging him to her.

"Shhh, now, little man. Dada just had a bad dream. We need to love on him. Shh."

She crawled back into bed and placed Wills in my lap. We stared at each other, his crying fading to whimpers and hiccups. _I frightened my child_. A sob tore out of me, and I clutched his little body to my chest, burying my face in his soft hair.

I felt Bella wrap her arm around my shoulder, running her hand up to my hair. She stroked it lazily, in a gentle pattern as she hummed softly. I closed my eyes and let myself be comforted by the warm bodies against me of those I loved best. After a time, I raised my head and gazed into those brown eyes I loved so.

"I'm sorry for waking you and Wills. And I'm so sorry for what I put you through. I told you it would not be easy living with me and my darkness."

She placed a fingertip over my lips and shook her head, giving me that grave look of hers. My serious, so serious Freckles.

"The demons, they come at night. They steal at your dreams and gnaw at your soul, but they are mere shadows to be chased away. I will not allow them to rule you. I will not allow them purchase upon your soul, for it belongs to God and to me. No force of darkness and despair could ever hope to overcome such love. I fought God once for your life and won. Do you really think the Devil stands a chance against me?"

I was unable to hold back my fleeting grin. "No. No creature, whether living or otherworldly, could ever stand a chance against the will of Isabella Cullen."

"Indeed," was her succinct reply. "You are mine, Edward Cullen."

_More than she'll ever know_. "Yes."

I felt Wills pat my chest as he was wont to do. "Dada?"

"Wills?" I asked my son with a gentle smile.

"Dada hurt?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry for scaring you, son. Dada never meant to do that."

"Dada hurt," Wills said as he turned to his mother with a sad face.

"Yes. But we'll help him not hurt so much anymore. Give Dada a hug and kiss, and it'll make him feel better," Bella instructed him.

He reached up with baby arms, and I lifted him so that he wrapped his sweet, pudgy arms around my neck and squeezed with a grunting sound as if trying very hard. He then gave me a wet, open mouth kiss on my cheek, and I nearly felt my heart burst from joy in the moment. I hugged him back and placed little kisses all over his face as he giggled.

"Never has there ever been a better boy than you!" I said in pride as he grinned at me.

"Dada!" he said proudly and then, "Mine!" with a smack to my chest.

I roared out a laugh as I slid my eyes to Bella. "No doubt he's your son."

Bella laughed and gave Wills a kiss on his cheek. "No doubt, and no doubt that you belong to us."

At breakfast, I noticed once or twice looks exchanged between Bella and Rosalie and Rosalie and Charles. I let out a deep breath and stared down at the table, feeling horrible about disturbing everyone's sleep so much. The nightmares, they kept coming. I thought they'd ease up or maybe go away now that I was here with Bella, but instead, they came almost every night.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

There was silence and then Rosalie's soft reply. "For?"

"For putting you all through this ordeal. For waking you at night with my nightmares. For being practically _useless _around here. Curse this worthless body of mine!"

I wanted to scream in frustration as I awkwardly got up and slammed out the back door.

I didn't go far. I couldn't. I didn't have my crutch. I limped to the maple tree outside the kitchen window and slumped down to the ground, leaning back against its trunk.

I looked over to the right, to the fields that I didn't have the stamina to neither plow nor hoe and thought, _I'm a worthless excuse for a man_. What good am I around here? What good am I to any of them? I needed to get access to my money so at least I could contribute to the household financially instead of being nothing but a drain. My military skills were practically worthless for running a farm.

I heard Charles clear his throat and sighed. I guessed he was the one elected to come speak with me this day.

He didn't say what I expected.

"How much longer y'all gonna be here?"

I looked his way, noticing he was sitting on the back porch, his legs dangling off the side, his hands clasped, resting loosely between his knees.

"What?"

"When y'all leavin' here?"

"I'm not sure that we are."

"You are. As soon as you hear back from your folks, y'all be gone. Everyone. I need you to promise me somethin'."

I sat up straighter. "And what is that?"

"That you'll protect not only Bella and Wills, but Rosalie and Ezra as well, with your life."

"That goes without saying."

"_Promise me_."

"I promise. But-"

"That's all I wanted. Got work to do," he said curtly and abruptly stood up and walked away.

I watched Charles walk to the barn and wondered at that strange encounter. How unlike himself he'd been acting. At the promise he'd had me make.

Something wasn't sitting right with me, and then I realized what it was. The shotgun had been lying beside Charles on the porch and he had been carrying it to the barn. He hadn't been dressed for hunting. He'd…

I scrambled up as quickly as I could and took off as fast as I was able for the barn. I felt the pain in my left leg, but I ignored it. My instincts had kicked in, and I was solely focused on getting to Charles. I did some kind of loping, hopping gait to get me to the barn quickly, almost falling a couple of times in the process.

When I reached the open double doors, my eyes tried to adjust to the dim interior. I frantically searched for Charles and then noticed the edge of his shoe sticking out of an empty stall at the right side towards the back of the barn.

"Charles?" I yelled as I frantically limped toward him. "Charles!"

It only took about two seconds to process what I was seeing, and then I was in battle mode, my entire being focused on what needed to be done.

I dove for the shotgun propped against his left foot and aimed at his face. His eyes met mine as he pulled the trigger back, and there was a second where everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I swung out with my right arm and hit the shotgun as hard as I could as I fell to the ground.

The boom of the gun discharging was almost deafening inside the barn.

I rolled over, wiping hay from my face and noticed the hole in the back of the barn, the shotgun lying on the ground. _Had I been in time_? I scrambled to my knees and found Charles there, folded in on himself, as if he was an old building that suddenly caved in. Tears were streaming down his face, his head hung low.

I leaned back and sighed in relief. He was alive and unhurt, but that relief was quickly replaced with anger. Almost blinding anger at what he'd been about to do. How he'd almost hurt Bella and Rosalie with his cowardice.

I gripped his collar and lifted him partly up off the floor, my fury giving me strength. My command voice came out of me without me even thinking about it.

"_Tell me just what the hell you think you were doing_!"

Charles just cried some more. "Tell me!" I demanded as I shook him a bit.

"I-I…It was too much. There's some things…some things…"

"_What_?" I asked in frustration. "What could possibly be so bad that you'd attempt to take your own life?"

"It was Rosalie. It was…you all leaving. It was my own cowardice. It was…what he did. Some things a body can live with. Some…" I let go of his shirt, and he slumped down again. "You can't."

I fell back on my bottom, fear making my heart ice cold. "Tell me what you're talking about. Tell me right now."

"You'll hate me. I hate myself."

"Perhaps. Tell me anyway before I go mad."

Charles nodded and kept his eyes down as he began to speak.

"I waited for you to come back. When you didn't come back right after the war was over, I figured you for dead."

"Or wished me dead."

Charles shrugged. "No. Bella loves you. And there was Wills. I never wished that. I wished myself dead."

"Explain that."

"Two days after Wills was born…they came."

I grew cold. I knew I was about to hear something I did not want to.

"Who…came?" I asked slowly.

"The 'federates. A small band of them. Mean ones. They came after breakfast. There was no time to hide them all."

"God, no," I gasped out.

"He demanded food, their Sergeant. They took every last thing in the kitchen cellar, but that wasn't enough. It wasn't enough…"

Something so terrible came over me in that moment that I wanted to hurt Charles Swan. I gripped his lapels and pulled him up again. "_Look at me_! What did he do? _What did he do_?" I screamed.

"He ma-made m-me leave t-the house," he sobbed. "The b-boys. He made me take the boys. He was going to s-shoot Ezra! _The babies_. I couldn't let him hurt the b-babies…"

"Christ almighty! If he hurt Bella…if he laid on finger on her…" I was so livid I couldn't get a sentence out.

"No. No. Not Bella. Not Bella. She ran out of the house. Rosalie said…she said…"

"What? Spit it out!"

"She said nothin' happened, but I know that wasn't true. I heard her screams. _I heard her screams._"

He broke down sobbing again, and I, feeling as if I wanted to vomit, let him go, nearly flinging him down into the straw. I stumbled back and fell against the side of the stall. Shock, anger, and horror washed over me so strong, my emotions such a boiling turmoil; I nearly reached for Charles to beat him to release it.

"Name. Give me a name."

Charles didn't answer, just huddled into himself.

"Name, Swan!"I roared out in my command voice, and Charles raised his head and looked at me in shock.

"_Answer me_."

"Buxton. His name was Sgt. Buxton."

Buxton. I knew of that son-of-a-bitch. I'd heard the stories about him. _He better hope he never crosses my path, for if he does, I'm going to kill that son-of-a-bitch._

I grabbed the shotgun and stood up, hovering over the mess that was Charles Swan.

"I won't tell them what you were about to do. I'll say you were cleaning the gun when it went off and shot a hole through the barn. But hear me now, you'll get up, you'll clean yourself up, and you'll live. No more attempts to end your life. Yes, we may be leaving, but no one said you couldn't come with us. As to the other, we all have our own demons to fight. Gird yourself man and learn to live with them as I have."

I reached down and gripped his arm, pulling him standing.

"What use to them, or to anyone, if you're dead? You think Rosalie would rejoice in your death? Do you honestly think she blames you for what happened? This wasn't about you, but you've made it about you. I may have reacted differently, but you did only what you knew how; you gave in. You're no fighter. We both know this."

"Yes," Charles meekly agreed, and I wanted to throttle him. _Fight back_, I wanted to scream at him. _Where's the fire inside of you_?

"Clean yourself up. I'm going to talk to Bella. If he did touch her…"

"Why do you care? You left her here carrying your child. You left her alone to whatever could befall her. I thought you were a man of honor."

I went very still.

"How dare you. I love her. How dare you ask why I care. I went back to fight that bloody, horrible war for duty and for her. So that she may have a peaceful future. How dare you question my honor. There are two men standing in this barn, and one of them gave nearly everything he had for his family, for his love, for his country, and one just tried to pathetically end his own life. It is not _my_ honor that is in question here. Never make the mistake of doing so again."

Charles held my eyes for a moment and then looked away. "Forgive me. You're right. That was uncalled for and below the belt. I'm the coward here. You spoke of being worthless earlier, and, well, you're wrong. I'm the worthless one."

I simply turned and walked away from him, still too angry to deal with him right then. It was Bella I needed to find right this moment. Charles could wait.

I found her upstairs changing the bed. Rosalie was changing hers as well across the hall. They both stopped and stared at me standing there holding the shotgun.

"I heard-"

"He was cleaning the gun. It went off and shot a hole through the barn. He was unhurt," I replied to Bella.

I carried the gun in our bedroom and propped it in the corner. I then picked up Wills and carried him over to Rosalie.

"Watch him please. And take the boys outside."

"Now?" she asked in confusion.

"Now. Please."

"All right." She gave me an odd look as she placed Wills on her hip and took Ezra's hand, leading him down the stairs.

I went back to our bedroom and firmly closed the door.

"Edward? What is going on?" Bella asked me with wide eyes. "Your face. I've never seen that look on your face."

"And I pray to God you never will again. Tell me everything that happened the day Sgt. Buxton" -I spat his name out almost as a curse- "and his men came."

Her mouth fell open, and dismay was clear on her face, but then she shrugged. She sat down on the edge of the bed and fiddled with the pocket of her dress.

"They came and took all the food in the kitchen cellar."

"And?"

"And then they left."

I crossed my arms. "And now tell me the rest."

She frowned. "I did. They came, took all our food, and left."

"Please don't lie to me, Bella. Please. Not over this. It's too important. _Did he touch you_?"

She looked down. "No," she said as a whisper. "No."

"Rosalie?"

She was silent for too long. "She wouldn't…I shouldn't…"

I went and sat beside her. "Just tell me what happened," I said in frustration.

Then the words came rushing out of Bella like a torrent.

"He was _horrible_. He took all the food, and I protested, but Father told me to be quiet. I had the pistol in my dress pocket and was standing in front of Rosalie who was holding both of the boys. I would have given my life for any of them, but Buxton changed the game. He told his men to go out front and Father to go with them and take the boys. Father refused, and then Buxton held the gun on Ezra and said…and said, he'd _kill _him if he didn't. Rosalie and I told him to go. Both of us would've willingly done what it took to protect our children."

I took her hand, and she gripped me so tightly, it felt as if my bones would break.

"After Father left, Buxton said…he said he needed a woman. That either would do and to choose between us. He said he'd take us both and kill us all if we didn't. I went to speak, but Rose cut me off and offered herself. _She sacrificed herself_! She made me go. She told me to go. I ran out to Father, crying. _We heard her screaming_."

Bella was then in tears and my own heart was nearly broken.

"When he came back…he was smiling. _Smiling_! He thanked Father for his hospitality and threw confederate money at his feet then they left. I ran to take care of Rose and found her sitting on the back porch, calm as can be. She said it was nothing. _Nothing_! And that he couldn't touch her, not really, and made me promise to never tell Father, but he knew. Of course he knew. And we lived that lie, and Rose got pregnant, and then she miscarried, and…"

She collapsed over on the bed, sobs wracking her body.

I swiftly was with her and holding her in my arms. "Shh. I've got you, Freckles. I've got you. Shh."

I held her and stroked her hair and wiped her tears. My anger at Buxton, I tamped down. It had nowhere to go at this moment, but I could give comfort to Bella. Rosalie…I couldn't deal with that just yet either. What he did to her…no. Not now. Now, Bella needed me. I held her and rocked her until she calmed down.

"She sacrificed herself to keep us all safe. Oh, Edward. _She sacrificed herself_," she whispered as she buried her face against my chest.

I stroked my hand down her hair, then just held her closely. "I swear this to you: no one will ever hurt her again. Not as long as I have a breath left in my body."

Bella raised her head and gave me that direct look of hers. "Let's leave here."

"Go to my family?"

"Yes. I think it for the best for all of us."

"Your father?"

"He'll come with us. I'll make him. He wouldn't know how to take care of himself."

"You won't get him to leave here if he does not wish it."

Bella shrugged. "We should go soon, before winter, and before I'm too far along."

I wrinkled my brow. "Too far along?"

"My courses were to start three days ago. My body is never off. I think I may be carrying your child already."

I gazed at her with wide eyes. "Already, dearest?"

"I think so. Another month and I'll be sure, but I'm quite sure I do not wish to travel when I'm heavy with child."

"No. No. I would not wish that for you. We would not," I said distractedly, my head spinning from the revelations of this day. Not the least of which was that my wife may be going to have another of my babies.

I reached up and cradled her face in my hands. "My perfect Freckles. I do so adore you. I never got to be there for you with Wills. This time, I won't let you down."

"You didn't let me down last time," she quietly replied. "You were always with me."

I swallowed and blinked the tears out my eyes. "You always move me to my core, Freckles."

"Silly man," she replied with a faint grin. "Don't you know? I am your core. Come. Let's go speak to Rose."

I nodded and then gave her a tender kiss.

"I won't speak to her of what happened. I do not think she would wish it."

"No. She would not."

I opened the door and took her hand. I went to lead her out, but she tugged on me and pulled me back to her.

"And no more talk of being useless, Edward Cullen. You're not useless. Not in the least."

I saw the spark in her eyes and decided to play along, needing the lightness after so much dark this day. I darted my eyes to the bed behind her and then to her breasts, before meeting her knowing face.

"It's good to know I'm good at some things, Freckles," I replied with a smirk.

"Indeed," she pertly replied, before bestowing on me a hard, fast kiss and darting out the door. I was grinning like the well-loved man I was as I went to follow my playful wife down the stairs.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. _What in the world had I been thinking? _Ezra started climbing the banister up the stairs, swinging like some sort of squirrel in tree branches, and I shook my head and had to laugh.

"Ezra, get down!" I said in laughing frustration.

I never knew watching two small boys would be so taxing, but my respect for Bella and Rosalie had just increased one-hundred fold. This was exhausting work. I had wondered at Bella's and Rosalie's sly smiles to each other when they asked if I would keep an eye on the boys so that they could go clear out the remainders of the garden. I had offered to help. I often helped them, but they insisted on doing it themselves.

Bella had whispered in my ear as she went out the door that they just wanted a little break from constant mother time. I could understand that, but I'd had no idea what I was getting myself into. Ezra seemed to find everything he wasn't supposed to, including the good china, and play with it. Thankfully, I caught him before he broke any.

"Wills! No, son. You cannot get on top of the bookcase." I grabbed him and set him down on the floor. I stood there eyeing my curious, grinning toddler and a mischievous four-year-old Ezra.

"How about some music, boys?" I asked as I flipped back the lid from the keys and sat down on the bench. Wills climbed into my lap, and Ezra sat down beside me.

"Mama says we can't touch this," Ezra said with wide eyes.

"I doubt that's kept you from doing so," I replied with a chuckle, and Ezra giggled. "Well, I'm an adult. I think it'll be okay."

I then began to play them some simple songs on the sorely out of tune piano. They boys didn't care. They grinned and clapped their hands and bounced in their seats.

I had just finished a song when I heard a quiet knock on the kitchen door. That made no sense. Who on earth would be knocking on the back door? I got up, carrying Wills on my hip. Ezra ran ahead of me and opened the back door.

"Miss Sadie!" he yelled happily.

"Mr. Ezra," she replied with a wide grin.

Her eyes fell on me, and she smoothed her face out to no expression whatsoever. I knew who she was, of course, but had never met the former slave of the Hale family. She was not what I would have ever expected. For one, she was much younger than I would have thought, and for another, she was beautiful. She had flawless, smooth brown skin, olive shaped brown eyes, and high cheekbones. She looked regal, like she should be a queen of some exotic distant kingdom. Perhaps her family had been.

I frowned. What a disturbing thought that her ancestors had been brought here by force. How truly terrible slavery had been. How did people of good conscious, _Christian people_, justify such atrocities for so long?

"Ma'am," I said with a nod. "I'm Edward Cullen, Bella's husband. You're Sadie…?"

"Sadie Sparrow, sir," she replied. "I gave myself the Sparrow. Birds are free. Never again will me or my descendants be held captive."

I nodded in agreement. "Never again. Mr. Lincoln took care of that. I love the Sparrow. It's beautiful. Please have a seat." I offered her a chair and she looked at me askance. "Here?"

"Unless you'd rather sit in the parlor?" I asked in confusion.

"No. The kitchen is fine, Mr. Cullen." She slid into a chair looking uncomfortable, and Ezra climbed into her lap.

"Just Edward. Would you like some coffee? Bella made some turnovers for breakfast. I'm sure the boys would enjoy one."

"Want one!" Ezra chimed in.

"Me!" Wills said eagerly.

"See," I said with a grin.

She was still staring at me as if I was crazy.

"Would you prefer tea? I think there's some left, or perhaps some water?"

"Mr. Cullen. It's not right for you to serve me. I just came to see Miss Rosalie."

"You're a guest here, so yes, it is right for me to serve you, and Rose is out in the garden with Bella. They'll be in shortly. Meanwhile, we can enjoy a snack with the boys as we wait. Coffee?"

She slowly nodded. "Yes. Thank you. That would be nice, Mr. Cullen."

"Edward," I reiterated.

She held my eyes for a moment before replying. "Mr. Edward."

I shook my head. "May I call you 'Sadie'? I do like 'Miss Sparrow' an awful lot, though."

"Sadie's a bird!" Ezra said with a grin.

"Indeed I am," she replied with a smile for him. "Sadie is fine," she replied to me.

I got the boys settled with their turnovers and cups of milk. I served Sadie her coffee and turnover and then slid into my seat with my own turnover and coffee.

Sadie sipped her coffee in silence, but never touched her turnover.

"That can be eased some," she said with a point to my leg. I had noticed Sadie eying my bad leg. How mortifying that I couldn't even walk around a kitchen without limping.

"I'm not taking morphine," I said with a frown.

"No. Heat. It needs heat. Miss Bella could heat some strips of cloth in water over the fire and wrap your leg and let that seep down to your bones. Or she could heat flat rocks in the fire, then wrap towels around them and place them on your leg. They'll help."

"That would work?"

"Yes, sir. It might help."

"Then we'll try that. Anything to help me get around better. Thank you for your advice."

I heard Charles' boots clomping up the back stairs, and then he threw the door open. We'd been standoffish toward each other since last week and what I called the 'incident.' I was trying. Not as hard as I should have been, but I was trying.

Charles looked in surprise at Sadie sitting at the kitchen table. "Sadie," he said quickly and turned his face away, but not before I saw his cheeks flush red. _What was this_? Charles washed up and grabbed a turnover and cup of coffee and then sat down at the table beside Ezra, but never once looked Sadie's way.

A few minutes later, Bella and Rosalie came in from their garden work, and Rosalie exclaimed in delight to see Sadie. She hugged her and then sat down to chat with her.

"I see you survived," Bella said to me in amusement.

"Barely," I replied.

She laughed. "A big strong soldier like yourself can't handle two small boys?"

"Huh. No one ever told me the horrors of keeping watch over a toddler and a four-year-old. I'm in awe of mothers everywhere."

Bella kissed my cheek and then sat down between me and Wills. She chatted with Wills and stole bites of his turnover.

The room had gone quiet when Sadie spoke, making us all turn our attention to her.

"I hear you folks is going to Pennsylvania."

"That's right," Bella said.

She almost shyly looked around to all us adults and then nodded as if deciding something.

"I won't be no trouble. I swear. I can cook or help take care of the boys."

"Sadie. What are you talking about?" Rosalie asked in confusion.

"Mr. Edward just served me coffee," she replied to Rosalie.

"Sadie, are you feeling all right?" Rosalie asked as she reached over to feel her brow.

Sadie pulled her head aside. "I'm feeling right fine. No white man has ever served me."

"Ever?" I asked.

"Of course not," she replied as if I was crazy. "I was a _slave_, Mr. Edward. It was my job to serve white folks, but you ain't like most white folks. Are all people up North like you?"

I shrugged. "Some are, some aren't. It is different from here. Slavery was illegal there. We pay people to work for us."

"I don't mind to work, but I would like getting paid for it."

"So, Sadie, what is it you wanted?" Rosalie asked.

"Again, I won't be no trouble."

"You want to go with us," Bella stated.

Sadie nodded. "Yes, Miss Bella. I want to go with you."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	22. Heart of my heart

**Hello, dears. Hope everyone had great weekend. Thanks a million to my beta Rhi. Love ya, girlie. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 21: Heart of my heart**

I felt Edward's arm wrapped around me, holding me close. His breath was warm against my shoulder as he slept deeply. I was an early riser; I always had been. I'd never much enjoyed that fact before, but I had come to love this quiet, peaceful time as my son and husband slept. There was almost sacredness to this time, and I used it to give my thanks to God for such blessings.

My mind drifted back to last night, and I couldn't help the contented smile that was upon my lips. Marriage, I decided, was most agreeable. Most agreeable indeed. I shifted a bit, my hunger for husband pulling at me. I could feel his warm, naked body flush against mine, and the stirrings of lust tugged on me harder. _Well, Wills was still sleeping soundly_.

I carefully turned in Edward's arm until I was facing him. He stirred in his sleep, groping for me again. He ever had to be touching me, gripping me tightly as we slept, as if scared to let me go lest I disappear.

"Mmm, Freckles," he murmured in his sleep.

I reached over and lightly traced kisses down his neck, taking in his smell, his feel, his warmth, under my lips. I loved his morning stubble, all rough and scratchy against my face. I heard his sigh and another sleepy mumble left his lips. _Time to wake up my dear husband_. I lightly placed my hand on his chest and then began a slow caress down his stomach to his manhood. He awoke with a startled grunt.

"Good morning," I whispered against his lips.

He softly moaned as I wrapped my hand around his starting-to-firm manhood and stroked.

"Ah. Hmm. Good morning to you, dearest."

He gave me a thorough kissing as his hand began to wander, sliding up over my hip to my waist, and then up to my breast, giving it a soft squeeze.

"I think my wife wants something," he whispered.

He started behind my ear and worked his way down to my shoulder, trailing heated kisses that left me throbbing between my thighs.

"She does. She wants you."

"That's excellent, for I want her as well. Never enough of you, Bella. I can never, ever get enough," he said as he pulled my thigh over his hip and thrusted into me. I bit my lip to keep from yelling out my pleasure.

We got lost in hands and kisses and fevered movements, never able to touch each other enough, never able to get close enough. Intimacy had a tremendous pull. When with the one you loved, the want never abated, just the opposite. The desire, it grew. The need to please your lover and share in mutual passion was a powerful force, I was learning.

Edward softly cried out, and he gripped me to him as I felt him spill his seed inside of me. I held him tightly, delighted that I brought him such pleasure, happy that my body pleased him.

He flipped onto his back, dragging me with him. I lay there with my head on his chest, listening to his thumping heart and ragged breathing as his fingers drew a lazy pattern on my back.

"Again, that was all about me. I promise to make it all about you tonight."

I raised my head and rested my chin on his chest. "Everything about me is about you."

The sun had started to rise, and the room was light enough then I could see his face. He shook his head.

"And here I thought that everything about me was about you."

"What did I tell you about thinking, Edward Cullen?"

He lightly chuckled and slid his hand down to my bottom, giving it a squeeze. "Oh, I think you enjoy some of my thoughts, Freckles."

"Well…some," I grudgingly agreed, winning a blinding smile from my husband.

"I cannot think of a better way on earth to be awoken than this. I do love our time at night after Wills has gone to sleep, but desire at the break of dawn is no less powerful than under the cloak of darkness. Perhaps it's that I can see your naked person. Or perhaps it simply has something to do with you my lovely, desirable wife that makes all time with you special."

"Hmrp. You mean your plain, demanding wife."

He frowned and sat up, pulling me up with him. He touched my face, such a look of serious tenderness upon his own.

"I always say _exactly_ what I mean, Freckles."

I averted my eyes from his intense look. I wanted to believe his words. With Edward, I almost felt attractive, as if I wasn't ordinary.

"Why do you always insist on showering me with flattery? You know how I feel about-"

"You're my wife, and I love you. I will compliment you 'til the end of my days. I don't think that even then will it be enough expression of my admiration of your person."

I scoffed and shook my head. I heard Wills stirring and knew our private time was at an end.

"I think you only say such things to me to get me under you in this bed more often," I said with a smirk as I met his eyes.

He laughed and pulled me to him for a quick, hard kiss. "Is it working?" he asked with a devilish grin.

"Considering I'm with child already and you've only been home a month, I would have to say yes."

"Excellent. Most excellent," he replied with a wide grin.

I laughed and just had to kiss him and hug him to me. Edward when he was charming nearly stole the breath from my body.

"Mama! Dada!" Will demanded from his crib, making us both laugh.

"I've got him," Edward said as he kissed my temple then slid out of bed. He pulled on his short drawers as I sat there admiring my husband's fine form.

He met my eyes, a wicked gleam in his own.

I slid out of bed, turning and giving him my profile. I stretched, then ran my hands through my unbound hair. I heard Edward's indrawn breath.

"If our son wasn't awake…"

I gave him a side-eyed look over my left shoulder. I didn't say a word as we held each other's eyes. Edward cursed softly and shook his head.

"It's going to be one damned long day," he muttered as he strode over to Wills.

I nearly giggled. I was not a giggler, but teasing my husband brought out the light-heartedness inside of me. I pondered this. That was a good thing, I guessed. I'd always been such a serious person. Edward was good for me, pulling out my lighter side.

"Good morning, son."

"Dada!"

I watched my men interacting as I swiftly dressed, Edward never taking his eyes off of me the entire time. As I stood in front of the mirror twisting my hair to wrap it into my daily bun, Edward was suddenly there beside me.

"Mama? _Want_," Wills demanded. My son was so like me at times, I thought with a smile to myself.

"In a moment, Wills. Let Mama finish her hair," Edward said to him, and then he spoke to me. "I love your hair down. You have beautiful hair, Freckles."

I met Edward's admiring gaze in my mirror and nearly blushed. He was so disarming. I would never get used to his praise of my person. It was about time, though, that I let him understand that his words did indeed move me.

"Thank you," I quietly replied as I deftly made the bun on the back of my head and slid the pins in to hold it.

"What is this? My wife took a compliment from me without berating me?" Edward asked in amusement.

I turned and took Wills from him, who eagerly leapt into my arms. Wills laid his head against my shoulder and popped his thumb in his mouth.

"Don't get too used to it, Edward Cullen."

Edward laughed and gripped the back of my head, placing a kiss on my forehead. "I do so adore you."

"You better," I pertly replied, winning one of his beautiful smiles.

Then his smile slowly faded, and his face was set in seriousness. "God above, I missed you, my dearest. Oh, how I missed you."

I blinked the tears out of my eyes and pulled him against me. He laid his head on my other shoulder, and I reached up and stroked a hand through his hair.

"Heart of my heart, I love you."

He gripped me tightly. "I love you so much it should perhaps frighten you."

"Only a fool would be frightened of love, and is it even possible to love too much?"

He pulled his face back and gave me a searching look. "No. Perhaps that isn't possible." He skimmed his fingertips over my face, then did the same to Wills.

His face was filled with such loving tenderness I nearly swayed. A little sound escaped me as I flung my head against his chest, needing to hear his heartbeat and feel its steady rhythm against my ear.

"Freckles. Oh, my Freckles," was all he managed to get out, his voice a jumble of strong emotions.

We stood there, Wills snuggled against us, and I closed my eyes and embraced the moment. Life was so uncertain and fleeting. Only a fool wouldn't take the time to cherish the little moments that make living worthwhile.

I was in the kitchen with Rosalie and the boys when I saw Edward walking toward the barn. Father was out plowing the north field, turning the soil over for next spring's planting – just in case.

"Rose? Watch Wills for me, would you? I need to talk to Edward."

"Sure. I'll get supper started."

I gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you." I quickly darted out the door while Wills' attention was diverted. He loved any chance to get outside, and I knew he'd want to come with me to see his father, but I had something I needed to discuss with Edward without the interruption of our son.

I found him mucking out stalls. He was working hard, all his concentration on what he was doing. I watched him toss forward the pitchfork and draw it back toward him. He picked up a pile of dirty straw with it and tossed it into the wheelbarrow. He then paused and propped the pitchfork against the side of the stall.

"Come to visit me, my lovely wife?" he asked me with a grin.

I had to blink and clear my head of its scattered thoughts. _What had I come out here for_? I wasn't sure. Edward's words and sweet grin had knocked it clean out of my mind.

"Obviously," I replied.

"Fortunate me. Any particular reason or…?" He turned his head to the rear left stall where we'd first gone beyond all propriety and did wonderful, pleasurable things to each other, before meeting my eyes.

"Hmm. There _was_ a reason. I wanted to talk to you, but I think I like your idea a bit more."

He took that in and then went and rinsed off his hands in the water bucket and slowly dried them, the whole time keeping his eyes on me. He then languidly strolled over to me. He bit his bottom lip as his eyes rested on my breasts. He then slid those green eyes up and met mine.

He held out his hand. "Well then, come with me, Freckles," he said in a voice that made me shiver in anticipation.

I reached out with a trembling hand and placed my fingers in his. He gave them a squeeze before tugging me deeper into the barn. We didn't speak as we entered the stall, and Edward closed the door behind him.

"Let me see what you were teasing me with this morning," he ordered me in a low voice laced with desire.

I loved this part of marriage. I loved the knowing and loving of each other's bodies. It's a wonder anyone ever got anything done when they could be doing this instead. At times I was sorely frustrated that Edward and I had to share a home with so many others. But then, when we could find private time for just the two of us, it had a wicked, urgent quality to it. I liked the excitement. It made our intimacy much more intense.

I was wearing a shirt and skirt today. I reached down to my side and unbuttoned it, letting it fall to the straw. Edward leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms, all his attention focused on me.

I slowly unbuttoned my cuffs and then reached up and one by one unhooked the buttons down my chest. I shrugged it off and tossed it aside. That left me in my chemise, stockings, and boots. I sat down, quickly dispersed of my boots, and drug my stockings off my legs. I stood back up to find Edward's eyes darting all over my person.

"Your hair, Bella. Take it down."

I nodded and pulled the pins from my bun, my heavy hair uncurling down my back. I tossed my pins on my shirt and then shook out my hair, letting it fall about my shoulders.

"Your…your chemise, Freckles," Edward said, his voice unsteady.

I held his eyes for a moment, before reaching down and grabbing the hem of chemise. I slowly tugged it up my body and then over my head. I tossed it aside with my shirt.

Edward cursed and in a heartbeat was over to me, pulling me against him, one long-fingered hand in the center of my back, the other squeezing my bottom.

"Never, ever again call yourself plain, Isabella Cullen. You're beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and you're _mine_."

Edward slammed his lips to mine for a kiss so scorching, I nearly melted in his arms.

I cried out as he placed rough kisses down my throat. "Yes, yes, _yours_." Edward had never said that to me before, and for some reason, I found it made me nearly crazed.

"Mine, mine, mine," he said as his lips closed over my nipple.

I moaned and gripped his hair. "Yes, yes."

"I can be just as possessive as you, Freckles. More so, even," he almost growled out as his mouth found mine again and his fingers slid between my thighs.

I moaned into his mouth, nearly slumping in his arms, so weak were my knees. Edward noticed and quickly laid me down in the straw, his body covering mine. This was wicked, indeed, to be fully naked and he fully clothed.

"I need you naked, Edward Cullen."

"No. This is about you. I had mine this morning," he replied in a voice I wasn't used to. It was a voice to be obeyed without question.

"All- all right," I whispered with wide eyes.

He shot me a most satisfied look. "That's a good wife. Now, spread those lovely legs of yours and allow me to show you pleasure."

He slid off of me and waited. I was still shy about him looking down there so I blushed a bit as I spread my legs.

"Lovely. Now, bend your knees," he said quietly, and I obeyed, feeling almost dizzy from my husband being so…bossy. So in charge.

He hummed, sounding very happy, as he gripped my left knee. He placed a kiss right on top of it, and then his lips trailed up the inside of my thigh, making me quiver. He repeated the process on my right leg, and then I found him over me, a look of intense concentration on his face as he traced my left nipple, watching it harden.

"So lovely," he sighed and followed the path his finger just took with soft kisses. Again, he repeated that on my right breast. These sweet, gentle touches were heaven. I felt so adored.

Loving fingers trailed down my stomach and then lightly gripped my hips. That was when he leaned down and kissed me right between my legs. I'd never get used to him doing that. It was so shocking…so wicked…so _delightful_.

He began to gently lap me with his tongue, and my head fell back, my eyes closed in bliss.

"Ahh," I sighed.

"So very lovely," I heard Edward say, and then all thought was lost because his tongue and fingers were doing, wicked, clever things, and reason was beyond me. I fell apart with a cry, my body rippling with pleasure.

Edward was hovering over me, a grin upon his face. "That was what I've been thinking about all day."

I just stared up at him, my breathing still ragged, and decided I needed more.

I sat up and shoved him onto his back, pulling at his belt and desperately trying to unbutton his trousers.

"This was to be about you," he replied in amusement as I shoved his pants down out of the way.

I paused and sent him a look. "Oh, this _is _for me," I replied as I pulled his firmness free of his short drawers and crawled on top of him.

"Like this?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Oh, yes," I answered as I held his manhood steady and slid down onto him.

"Christ almighty," he ground out as I began to move up and down on him.

His fingers dug into my hips, guiding my movements. His eyes seemed not to know where to look. My face, my breasts, our connected bodies…I let him look. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensations I was feeling. I was engulfed in heady pleasure of being in charge.

Edward cursed and let out a loud grunt as he held me down onto him and released inside of me. He nearly growled as he yanked me down onto his chest and his mouth devoured mine.

"That was beyond description, Freckles. We _must_ do that more often."

I grinned and gave him a quick kiss. "I much enjoyed that, husband."

"Which part?" he asked with that devilish grin. I stared at his so handsome face, his twinkling green eyes, that grin, and wondered if we could do this all again.

"All of it, Edward Cullen. All of it. Again?" I asked.

"What, now?" he asked in surprise.

"You have something better to be doing?"

"I think you know the answer to that, wife of mine," he replied with a laugh and rolled us over, snuggling between my legs. "Heaven on earth," he said as he gazed down at my face.

"Yes. You and me together. That is heaven on earth, heart of mine."

"That's beautiful, Freckles."

"You're beautiful."

He shook his head and gave me a small smile. "I think it's time to kiss you to shut that silly mouth of yours."

"I think that is an excellent idea."

"You're still talking?" he asked as he placed his soft lips to mine. "Let's see what I can to about that," he murmured as he took my mouth for a deep passionate kiss.

Much later, we had redressed and were lying snuggled against each other in compatible silence. Edward was stroking my arm, staring up at the roof of the barn, a look of contentment upon his face.

"What did you wish to speak to me about, my dearest?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Speak?"

"You said you wanted to talk to me."

"Oh. Yes. I was wondering…" I trailed off and bit my lip.

Something had happened between my father and Edward and their relationship was strained, to say the least.

"Yes?"

"Did something happen between you and Father?" I asked in a rush.

He took a deep breath before he turned his face to me. "We exchanged…words." Edward had an odd tone to his voice.

"Words? About?" I asked in curiosity.

Edward shrugged his shoulder. "It doesn't matter, and I know I'm being an ass. I'll talk to him later and try to smooth things over. All right, Freckles?"

I let out a relieved breath. I hated discord amongst my loved ones. "Yes. Thank you, Edward."

We went silent again, and I snuggled myself as close to him as I could get.

"Will he go with us, you think?" I asked after a time.

"I think he will. He should sell this farm if he's not returning here."

I thought about that. I'd lived my entire life here and to think of someone else owning this land, that house…I guess it didn't matter. I wouldn't be here. I'd be with Edward, where ever that was. Places are just places. My home was by Edward's side.

"He should. I'll mention that to him."

"Hello?" Rosalie called.

"Mama?" Wills called for me, and I immediately sat up.

"Be right there," I called back. I gathered the pins for my hair, quickly making a bun and shoving them in my hair. I straightened my clothes and brushed the straw off of me.

I offered my hand to Edward, yanking him standing. I then brushed the straw out of his hair and off his clothing.

"Best get back to work, Edward Cullen. You've had your fun time," I said with a straight face.

He roared out a laugh and pulled me to him for a quick kiss. "That I did indeed."

We walked out of the stall hand-in-hand to Rose rolling her eyes at us.

"Have a nice _talk_?" she asked us with a smirk.

"_Very_ nice," I tartly replied back.

She laughed and held out a envelope, waving it. "Sorry to interrupt, but I thought Edward might want to read this. My father dropped it off on his way to visit old Mrs. Lawrence. It's from his family," she said with a smile.

Edward and I exchanged glances, and then he was over to her taking the letter as I scooped up my son demanding to be held.

"Thank you," he said to Rose, and she nodded in acknowledgement and took Ezra's hand, heading back to the house.

Edward sat down on a stool, pulling another over for me beside him. He eagerly, but carefully, pulled out a pocket knife and slit open the envelope.

I sat down beside him and held Wills in my lap, who was clutching a little wooden horse in his fist that Edward had carved for him.

"It's from Alice," Edward said with a smile.

"Your family, are they well?" I asked impatiently, and Edward chuckled.

"Allow me to read it, Freckles, and we'll see."

"Well, get on with it," I prodded him, and he shook his head.

He unfolded the letter and scanned it, the smile falling from his lips. He slowly lowered it to his lap and then dropped it to the ground unnoticed.

"Edward?"

He didn't reply.

"Edward. Oh, my dear husband. What is it?"

He didn't speak, just picked up the letter and handed it to me. I frowned and began to read it out loud.

"_My dearest brother,_

_It is with sad tidings that I greet you, Edward. I've missed you. Please say you're coming home and bring your family. Family would be good to have around me now. So much sadness here. So much despair._

_Father, he's unwell. He doesn't work the farm and just sits and stares most days. It's beyond me to help him. Indeed he does not wish for my, nor anyone's, help. _

_My husband Jasper returned to me, but not a whole man. He lost his left arm at the Battle of Nashville. I'm with child and my body is taking it hard. I do my best to take care of us all, but I'm only one small woman. We need you, Edward. I'm in tears most days. So much upon me, but I put off what I do not wish to speak of._

_It's Mother. Oh, she's gone, Edward. She's gone. We lost her last year when some sort of fever ran through the town. Father was very ill as well, but he pulled through. He wishes he had perished with Mother though…"_

I paused and wiped the tears from my eyes. I noticed the splotches on the letter running words together where Alice had cried painful tears delivering such news to her brother.

"Oh, _Edward_."

I dropped the letter and sat down Wills. I fell to my knees, wrapping them around my husband. I heard him choke out a sob, and then he was gripping me tightly and weeping.

"Not my mother. My dear, sweet mother. I loved her so. Oh, Freckles," he wept, and I wept with him, understanding what it is to lose your mother you loved so. I felt his pain and wished I could take it from him.

Wills joined us, sitting down between us on the ground and began to snuffle, upset that his parents were crying. I let go of Edward and picked up our son, placing him in Edward's lap. Edward held Wills to him as he wiped the tears from his face.

"She would have loved him," he whispered.

I sat back down on the stool beside Edward and took his hand. "Tell me about her. Tell me all the good, happy memories you have of her so that I may remember her as well. We'll keep her spirit with us and her memory alive."

Edward leaned over and placed a kiss on my temple. "I really don't know what I'd do without you, my dearest wife."

I gently touched his face. "You'll never have to know."

"Thank God."

He closed his eyes for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"She lives in my heart now, as your mother does yours. Oh, she was wonderful. I told you she loved to sing and dance. She was from Ireland and spoke with a soft lilt to her voice that was beautiful to hear. She was kind and compassionate and full of life. She also had a sunny spirit and loved to laugh. I remember one time…"

I leaned against Edward and listened to him lose himself in memories of his dear mother. I listened carefully for I wished to know all about the woman who raised the man I loved. After a time, his words trailed off, and we all just sat quietly for a time, Wills practically dozing against his father's chest.

"We should go in. I'm sure Wills is hungry," Edward said quietly.

"Yes."

I stood and offered him my hand, tugging him standing. He gave me a one-armed hug, careful not crush our son.

I looked up and brushed a hunk of hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. I rested my hand there against his neck, lightly stroking his cheek with my thumb. We just held each other's eyes, so much passing between us.

"Going back to Pennsylvania is going to be rough. I'm not sure it's right to put you through that, Freckles."

I shook my head. "Nonsense. Your family needs you, needs us. We must go to their aide. We must and soon."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure. Let's go in and read Alice's letter to them, then we can began to prepare for our journey. There's much to plan. With seven bodies to feed we'll need plenty of provisions and we're going to need another wagon…"

Edward lightly chuckled and tugged me to his side, slipping his free arm around my back, guiding us toward the house. "So efficient, my wife is. I could only imagine you in charge of the Army."

I was happy that Edward was pulling up his humor to deal with his sorrow. I decided to play along. Anything to help him feel better.

I shot him one of my "serious" looks, as Edward called them. "Indeed. Foolish men gallivanting about. I'd sort them all out right quick."

"I tremor at the thought of it."

"What was it you called me? Formidable?"

"If there ever was a woman on this earth to be in awe of, it's you, my dearest."

"Now that kind of flattery I'll gladly accept," I said with my best smile, causing my husband to blink.

"Those smiles of yours…" he said, sounding a bit dazed.

"Are only for you, as am I. All for you."

"I'm not sure I'm worthy of such magnificent gifts as these."

We had reached the porch, and I paused and placed my hand on his chest.

"You are, Edward Cullen, you are. Never doubt that. You know how I know that?"

"How?" he asked, his face full of curiosity.

"Because you're mine, and I would never settle for anything other than the best."

"Well, I did know that about you, but I would've never have thought myself the best."

"There you go thinking again."

He couldn't hide his grin. "Is there anything better than us sparring with words?"

"Well, I can think of at least _one_ thing, but I do so love to point out your foolishness."

"Which is in abundance. About the other thing…

"Later," I said with a chuckle. "I promise that later I'll show you something better than us sparring with words."

"Excellent," he replied with a grin before he became serious again. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For chasing away the darkness. For easing my pain. For being there for me when I need you. For being so supportive and loving of me. For knowing everything about me and still loving me in spite of it. For this perfect child you've given me and the one still to come. For the million things you do to make my life worthwhile, but mostly just for being you. I honestly don't know how I could ever go on without you. I love you, Isabella Cullen. I love you."

I placed my fingertips against his lips and blinked the tears out of my eyes.

"Hush now, Edward Cullen, husband of mine. You never have to thank me for such things. I'm the woman that holds your heart, such a precious thing that it is. You think I'd not take excellent care of such a gift?"

"No, of course not. How foolish of me," Edward replied with a faint grin.

"Indeed. I suppose now that I'm to tell you that I live for you, you're the very air I breathe, and the beat of my heart. That without you there's no music and little joy. That every day apart from you was hell on earth. That your eyes are the most beautiful things I've ever seen, and your smiles nearly make me faint. That your teasing of me and arguing with me makes me happy and excites me. That lying in your arms every night and waking to your kisses is the most joy I've ever known. That giving me Wills and this baby to come are precious gifts beyond description. That you are the heart of my heart, indeed my very soul, and there _is_ no me without you. I suppose that is what I should tell you."

He just gazed at me with wide eyes. "_Freckles_."

I stepped up to him, looking up into his beautiful green eyes.

"And I suppose I should tell you that I love you, Edward Cullen. I love you."

He let out a breath and seemed to gather himself before gently touching my face and giving me a sweet, tender smile.

"I suppose you should, my beloved wife. I suppose you should."

* * *

**One more chapter in Virginia and then their journey to Pennsylvania. Take care and have a great week everyone. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	23. Whither thou goest

**A million thanks and lots of love to my beta Rhi. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 22: Whither thou goest**

I watched Charles shuffle out the front door to the porch and sighed. Bella sent me a look which I acknowledged. She was correct. It was time to make things right between him and me.

I gave Wills a grin and then set him down on the floor to play with his cousin. Bella grabbed my sleeve and tugged me to her. "I love you, Edward Cullen. Thank you."

I had to close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Not for one second would I take her love for granted. I'd been too close to death too many times to miss living in the moment with her.

"And I you, Freckles." I touched her face and placed a fleeting kiss upon her lips before I turned and went out the front door, closing it firmly behind me.

Charles was sitting in one of the rockers on the porch, but I did not join him yet. I went and placed my palms on the porch rail, looking up at the dirt road to the farm. After a time I began to speak.

"You mentioned that I didn't return quickly here, and even though I don't owe you or anyone an explanation of my actions and choices, I'll tell you nonetheless."

I found myself drifting back six months to the spring that changed all.

"I was there, at Appomattox, when Lee surrendered to Grant, on the ninth of April. I watched history unfold and my future change with him signing those surrender documents. My thoughts at the time had been, _thank God. It's over. Thank God. I can go home to Bella now_. But that's not exactly how things turned out."

My leg began to pain me, so I turned and sat down in the rocker beside Charles.

"What happened?" Charles asked, clearly interested in my story.

"John Wilkes Booth, that son-of-a-bitch who shot Lincoln, happened."

"Damn shame there. I don't much get involved in politics and such, but Lincoln always seemed to me to be a decent man. And to be shot down like that…" Charles' voice drifted off, and he shook his head.

I felt the anger brewing in me again like before, when he was assassinated.

"We'd finally secured peace. The war wasn't formally over, but with Lee's surrender, it was just a matter of time. And then to have Lincoln shot. I cannot tell you the rage that I and the other Federal soldiers felt. Secretary of War Stanton mobilized the troops, and I tell you, we were ready. We were men with purpose propelled by grief and anger to find Booth and his conspirators. My brigade didn't find Booth, but we did apprehend one of his conspirators, George Atzerodt."

"Huh. Scum, all of 'em. They hung 'em all, didn't they?" Charles asked.

"Yes. I was there at Fort McNair and watched them die."

"You sure have seen a lot."

I let out a sigh. "Too much, perhaps."

"Yeah," Charles replied quietly, and then we were silent for a time, me lost in the past.

Charles finally broke the silence, shaking me out of my memories. "Still, you didn't make it back here until August."

I nodded.

"It's not like the war was over just like that." I snapped my fingers. "Lee's surrender was merely the surrender of the Army of Northern Virginia. We still had to garner the surrender of each southern state and various other factions. That took until June. The exchange of prisoners and the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis had to be done as well. My brigade was mobilized for many of those things, and I felt it my duty to see it all through to the end. And, of course, there was the death of Lincoln and all that surrounded it. Finally, with the formal proclamation ending the war on August twentieth from President Andrew Johnson was it truly over. I had been there from the start, and I was there at the end. Other than my injuries and the time recovering from those, no one can say I didn't do my best and my duty. After that, I turned in my commission and my horse, packed my knapsack, and set out for here."

"You walked all the way here?"

"Yeah. I hadn't meant to, but I was foolish enough to not plan my money and wanted to save what little I had for you all. I'm a battle hardened soldier. The walk was nothing."

"But you're a _cavalry _officer and your leg…" Charles reminded me, as if I had forgotten.

I shrugged. "It was nothing. I'd have done much more to get back here to Bella."

We went silent again, and I simply sat there trying to find the words I needed to say.

"I'm sorry. Pray forgive me for the harsh words I spoke in anger to you that…day."

"It's done. We both said things we shouldn't have," Charles replied, his voice flat.

"I'm afraid I judged you too harshly. You and I are totally different types of men, but you're no less of a man than me. You did what you had to do to try to protect the children and women. It was the only thing to be done that day. I realize that now, and I regret my words and thoughts."

I thought he would never answer me, but finally he did, and the grief was clear in his voice. "You should've let me die, son."

"No. It would've served no purpose. I've watched too many men die for no reason whatsoever. I wasn't about to lose you as well. Your family needs you. They love you. Please never, _ever_ again consider doing what you were about to do that day."

Charles took a deep breath and then turned and met my eyes. "Why couldn't you have been an ass or someone I could dislike or not respect?"

I nearly grinned at him. It was so something Bella would have replied with. "So that you may hate me?"

"Somethin' like that, but that's not possible. I do like and respect you. If I'd had a son, I could've only hoped he'd turned out somethin' like you."

I closed my eyes and turned my head, trying to get a hold of myself. I reset my emotions and turned to him with an embarrassed smile, but quickly averted my eyes.

"Ha. You at a loss for words. I'll have to tell Bells that. She'll be astonished and proud of me."

I laughed then. "You Swans have a wicked, dry sense of humor."

Charles chuckled and then pushed off on the porch, making the rocker move.

"May I ask you a favor?"

He stopped rocking and turned to me. "Sure."

"When we get to Pennsylvania, will you help get the family farm back in shape? I know that in your capable hands, you'll have things back up and running."

"You'd put me in charge of all that? You'd trust me with that?"

"Of course. And once we get the farm back making money, you'll share in the profits."

"Are you just asking me that to give me something to do there?" Charles asked with a frown.

"No. It's not my nature to neither coddle people nor speak what I do not mean. I honestly need your help."

"Huh. Well, then you've got it," Charles said and held out his hand. I shook it firmly as I clasped his forearm.

We both settled back into our rockers, slowly rocking back and forth.

"We've got much to plan. Bella already has a list," I said in amusement.

"That girl. She's somethin' else." I could hear the pride in his voice, and it made me grin.

"That she is, Charles. That she is."

The next two weeks were a flurry of activity. Charles decided to indeed sell the farm, but was finding no takers. That was until Rosalie's father paid us a visit and offered to buy it from us and resell it himself to free us from the obligation. Charles gratefully took him up on his offer, and after some haggling over price, they came to a mutual agreement. Two days ago, he had gone with Dr. Hale to the county seat to take care of the deed and to find us another wagon and set of horses for purchase.

All that taken care of, it was a matter of packing and the wrenching decision, mostly by Bella, of what furniture to take and what to leave behind.

I found her in the middle of the parlor standing there, hugging herself, a look of resignation on her face.

"Bella?"

She turned her head to me and gave me that grave look of hers. "We can't take any of it, can we? None will fit."

"We could take…some."

I looked around at the furniture and the piano and realized all this was a tie to her mother and almost all had to be left behind. That made me quite sad. I could only imagine how wrenching this must be for her.

Walking up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. "We'll take all that we're able."

"It's just furniture," she replied quietly, sounding as if she was trying to convince herself of that.

"No, it's memories as well."

She leaned her head against mine and softly sighed. "The books, dishes, and clothes and bedding will have to suffice. We'll need room in the wagon for supplies and for bodies to ride. It will be enough."

"You sure? With two wagons, we could take-"

"I'm sure."

I kissed her cheek and pulled her back tight against me. "Forgive me. I'm yanking you away from your home. From your memories and-"

"Stop," she ordered me and then pulled out of my arms and turned to face me. She took my hands in hers and gave me a fierce, determined look.

"You're not yanking me away from anything, Edward Cullen. I choose you and choose to share your life with you."

"I know, Freckles, but that doesn't change the fact that I know how hard this is for you, and it pains me."

She gave me that direct look of hers and began to speak:

"_And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God._

"_Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."_

Once again, Bella had left me speechless.

"_You_ are my home, Edward Cullen. You."

This woman. Was there anything better this side of Heaven than this woman, my wife?

"As you are mine," I managed to whisper out.

Our days here were growing short. We planned to leave the day after tomorrow. The closer we got to that date, the more agitated Bella became. I wasn't sure if it was excitement or distress, but I felt the need to do something, anything for her.

I glanced around the parlor to the boys playing quietly in the floor with the simple farm animals I had whittled out for them, to Charles who was reading a book while puffing on his pipe.

The women, all three of them, were busy sewing clothes for me. Rosalie and Sadie were each working on a shirt while Bella worked on a part of pants. They had been sewing in haste so that I may have clothes that actually fit me for our trip. Charles' clothes were fine in a pinch, but his pants were both too large and too short for my long, lanky frame.

Sadie had come to stay with us for a few days until the trip, to help pack, and perhaps to get to know the rest of us, a bit better.

"Would you all care for some music?" I asked the quiet room, and all faces turned to me.

"Music, Dada!" Wills said with a grin.

"Wouldn't hurt none to have some music out of that piano…one last time," Charles replied, his voice sounding a little rough. He held up the book to hide his face.

I turned to the one person that mattered most, and she gave me a brief nod. I held her eyes for a moment before I got up and then sat back down on the piano bench. I skimmed my fingers over the cover and then rolled it back to expose the keys. I lightly placed my fingertips on them and began to play all the quiet favorite songs that my mother loved and the ones Bella had told me her mother loved.

Then I switched to some gentle Beethoven which Bella loved. I didn't care that the piano was sorely out of tune. I was playing for my family, for mine and Bella's mothers, for my wife, for this home, saying good-bye to the past.

I felt Bella sit down beside me on the bench, and I opened my eyes. I gave her a soft smile as she leaned over and placed her head on my shoulder, watching me play. When I finished the song, I slid my hand down and reached over, taking her fingers in mine. I leaned my head against hers and let us have this moment.

"Now play the joy, Edward Cullen," Bella said as she sat up.

"Joy?"

"Yes. Happy songs. Songs of joy, happiness, and living."

She could have anything on this earth she wanted from me, but this was such a simple request I could easily, happily grant.

"You got it, Freckles," I said with a grin, then gave her a quick peck on the lips.

I could watch her and everyone else as I played, for my fingers always remembered the keys. So as I pounded out some lively songs that got the boys hopping and dancing around and even Rosalie and Bella joining, I would turn my head and observe them with a grin.

Charles, I noticed, furtively watched Sadie. I wondered if he'd ever do anything about it. They could not marry, for who on earth would ever marry the two of them, but they could be companions, partners, even lovers if Charles so chose to pursue her and she was so inclined. It would be interesting, to say the least, to see if this relationship developed.

I finished a song and spun around on the piano bench.

"Another one, Uncle Edward!" Ezra demanded.

"No. Enough for tonight. Bedtime," Rosalie said, and Ezra frowned.

"But I like the music, Mama," Ezra said sadly.

I held out my hand for Ezra. "Come here for a moment."

He walked over to me, and I leaned down to his eye level. "When we get to Pennsylvania, there's a piano at my father's house. How would you like for me to teach you how to play it?"

Ezra looked at me with wide eyes. "Really?"

"Yes."

He turned to his mother. "Uncle Edward's gonna teach me music," he said in wonder.

"Uncle Edward is very kind and generous to offer his time and talent. If you want to learn how to play the piano like him, you must be serious about it, and not waste his time."

"Won't, Mama," he vowed.

Rose gave me a soft smile. "Thank you. That was a kind offer."

"I assure you, I'm happy to teach him. Perhaps Wills or the coming baby will want to learn as well."

The room went silent. I felt Bella's eyes on me and gave her a contrite look. I had forgotten that no one knew but us yet, and she wanted to keep it that way until we reached Pennsylvania.

"Baby?" Charles asked as he lowered his book to his lap.

"Yes, Father, baby. I'm carrying mine and Edward's second child," Bella said as she came back over to me and sat beside me. I took her hand and gave it a squeeze as we shared one long look.

"Congratulations, Miss Bella," Sadie said.

"Yes. Congratulations. Perhaps you'll have a girl this time," Rose chimed in.

"I'd like that," Bella replied.

"Huh. That didn't take long. You sure you're all right to travel, Bells?"

"I'm fine, Father. Looking forward to it actually. Speaking of that, we've got one busy last day tomorrow with last minute packing. Bedtime for the boys and then the rest of us."

"Our commander has spoken," I replied with a straight face.

"And you best obey, Colonel Cullen," she tartly replied.

I leapt to my feet and snapped to attention. I looked straight ahead as I saluted. "Sir. Yes, sir!"

Everyone laughed, except Bella. She stood up and crossed her arms, giving me one of her fierce frowns.

"Foolish man!"

I grinned and relaxed, pulling her into my arms and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Lovely wife."

She stared up at me and finally relaxed her posture. Mischief stirred in those brown eyes of hers, and she sent me a smirk. I met that smirk with one of my own.

"I know I amuse you, Bella Cullen."

"Hrmp. You know nothing, Edward Cullen."

I glanced around the room, but Sadie and Rosalie were busy talking and picking up the boys to carry them upstairs, and Charles had left the room. I leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I'll show you what I know once our son is asleep, Freckles."

She stepped back out of my arms and sent me a seductive look that my body immediately reacted to. She then turned and followed Rose and Sadie up the stairs. I watched her go, then closed up the piano and shoved back the bench. I stood there for a moment, smiling to myself, recalling the unspoken promises from my wife.

It was the middle of the next day where we were tying up loose ends. Rosalie and Ezra had visited her folks this morning and told them good-bye. The wagons were mostly loaded except for last minute things to be added in the morning. I was handing the last item to Charles when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Come with me."

Charles took the crate, and I turned to Bella. "Where?"

"Just follow me," Bella curtly replied as she grabbed my hand, tugging me after her.

She walked toward the woods, then into their depths and then headed northward. We walked for some time in silence, me figuring she wanted to say good-bye, and was honoring me by allowing me to accompany her.

Suddenly, she stopped and looked at me.

"Here."

"Here?"

She let go of my hand and pointed to the ground at the base of a large tree. "Here."

I looked at the ground and then looked up and realized here was where she had found me. I sat down at the base of the tree, in the crunching leaves, and leaned back against the trunk, looking up at the branches. I held out my hand, and Bella joined me, the trunk wide enough so both our backs could lean against it.

"So, here is where the story of us began."

"Yes. It seems so long ago now," she quietly replied.

"That was the best day of my life."

She gave me a shocked look. "You nearly died!"

"But I also got to meet you. That outweighs all else, Freckles."

She looked almost shy as she stared down at our joined hands. "Love me here," she whispered so softly that I nearly couldn't hear her.

"What, dearest?"

She took a deep breath and met my eyes. "Love me here, under this tree, in these woods."

"Your wish is my command," I said as I pulled her to me and my lips met hers.

I made slow, tender love to her, marveling in the joy of her body and delighted by her pleasure. Very rarely did I get to see and touch her like this in the daylight, and I relished it, cherished it. I closely watched her face, the play of emotions over it, and the flush of blood to her cheeks when she was deep in her passion. I watched her, enthralled by my wife who gave herself, all of herself, completely when we made love.

Later we lay under the tree, her snuggled into my side, as my fingers lightly traced a pattern up and down her arm.

"Are you sad, Freckles?"

She was quiet for a time before answering. "I'd be lying to say I wasn't, but as long as I'm with you and Wills, I will be content."

"I don't want you merely content; I want you happy, dearest."

She sat up and shoved her hair back from her face, tossing it over her shoulders. "And who says I'm not happy, Edward Cullen?"

I sat up with a sigh. "Well, I was thinking that you were sad and-"

"There you go thinking again."

"Well, I admit to not thinking very clearly, because you're sitting beside me, bare as the day you were born. It's enough to muddle this brain of mine for certainty."

"What's your excuse for other times?" she asked me with a straight face.

I chuckled. "I have none."

She grinned, and I could have sworn she rolled her eyes at me.

"Tell me something, Freckles," I reached over and took her hand, clasping it in mine. I watched her face closely. "Would you have left me here to die?"

I saw her lips twitch in amusement. She turned and gave me that direct look of hers. "Yes."

I laughed. "Always giving me a hard way to go."

"Why, yes. It's one of the things that brings me joy," she pertly replied, and I laughed again.

"You bring me joy."

She grabbed her chemise and stood up. "Naked me especially?"

I stared up at her, all her good parts on glorious display and couldn't hide my happy smirk. "Oh, yes. That especially."

She turned her head, but I saw her grin. She then tugged her chemise over her head and reached for her dress.

"Time to get moving. We have supper to eat and early bedtimes. We begin our journey at dawn."

I grabbed my drawers and pants and stood, haphazardly putting on my clothes while keeping my eyes on her slowly disappearing skin.

"I've lost my hair pins," she said in dismay.

"No, I put them all safely in a pile right here by the tree for you." I bent down and picked them up and handed them to her.

"Thank you. How embarrassing to return to the farm with my hair in such disarray. I can't imagine what the others would be thinking."

"I can, and they'd be correct. Here, allow me to assist you, dearest," I said as I took her long hair and twisted it. I tried to fix it as she did every morning. I was concentrating intensely for I wanted to do this to her high standards. I slipped the final pin in and leaned back to check my work. Not bad. I leaned in and placed a kiss on that soft spot right above her dress collar and below her hairline, right there where her dark hair came to a point. I laid my head against her hair and closed my eyes, inhaling the scent of her, the apples and goodness that was my Freckles. She leaned back into me.

"We really do need to go. I've left Rose with charge of Wills for far too long, but I wanted this last visit to my woods and was greedy for this time alone with you. We won't be getting much of that on the journey."

I had been stroking her stomach with my hand and paused with a frown. "Only the days. At night we'll pause at inns and then we'll have our own room."

She turned and her eyes settled on my bare chest. "You should clothe your body."

"I will. I was attending to my wife's beautiful hair."

She reached back and felt it and nodded in approval. "Thank you for that."

"You're welcome. I enjoyed it. Tonight, I shall brush your hair until it shines."

"You do not have to attend to me, Edward Cullen."

"I cannot think of one thing I'd rather do than that. I still owe you…a bath."

She blinked. "A bath?"

"Yes. The day you washed me, after my injury, I kept thinking about me giving you the same attention. It was one of my better thoughts." I shot her a grin as I slipped on my shirt.

"For once I must agree with you. I'll look forward to that."

"As will I."

We spent our last night in that house snuggled together in her soft bed. We talked and made love until we both fell asleep in complete exhaustion. The next morning was a simple breakfast and then the final loading of the items we had used last night and this morning. When finished, Bella and Charles stood together looking at the house.

"It was a good farm. I bought it for your mother. She said the house looked 'pretty.'"

Bella looked at her father and then hugged his arm, laying her head on his shoulder. They just stood there, and we all let them have their moment to say good-bye; then Charles sighed mightily.

"Well, time to head out."

He turned and made sure the cow's rope was tied securely to the back of the second wagon and doubled checked that the chicken cages were securely tied on the sides.

He apparently wasn't one to dwell in neither the past nor overly sentimental. Bella, however, turned to me with teary eyes. I swept her up in a crushing hug, just holding her and letting her get it out of her system.

"Let's go," Charles said and Bella stepped back and wiped her face.

She slipped her bonnet on, tying it in a neat little bow under her right cheek and then she buttoned her jacket. I helped her up on the first wagon that I was driving and then leapt up beside her. Rosalie was riding in the back of our wagon with Wills and Ezra. That left Sadie sitting beside Charles. I nearly grinned at that. I was sure they'd be shuffling around on the journey, but for now, this arrangement had seemed to work out to Charles' benefit.

"Hiyah!" I called out as I flicked the reins and the horses started forward.

Bella was gripping my thigh as she turned to the right and watched the farm grow smaller behind us. Finally, she sat up and looked straight ahead.

"You all right, Freckles?" I asked in concern.

"I'm with you. As long as I'm with you, I'll always be all right."

"For that, you get a kiss." I leaned over and pecked her lips.

"Now I'm excellent," she replied with a side-eyed look, and I laughed.

"You're wonderful."

"I know and, foolish man, pay attention! You're going to drive us into a tree."

I laughed again and leaned back in the seat, holding the reins in my left hand. I flung my right arm around her and pulled her against me.

"I could drive this wagon blind-folded. And I most certainly can guide the horses with one arm, leaving me free to hold you."

"You have quite a high opinion of yourself, Edward Cullen."

"I'm wed to the best woman on earth. It kind of gives a man an ego." I shot her a wink.

"Are you going to be speaking foolishness the entire way there? I may need something to stop up my ears."

"I may. Did I ever tell you about the time I put a frog down the back of Alice's dress?" I continued on with my story, trying to keep her mind off the leaving. It seemed to work, as she relaxed into me and even chuckled a couple of times.

As the morning marched on, she dozed against me. I adjusted her slightly to make her more comfortable, happy as always to have her warm body against mine.

She may be sad, and I hated that, hated taking her away from here, but I was excited. I could not help myself. I was on my way home, eager to see my family and introduce them to mine.

I was anxious for my father's sake and worried for Alice's. Jasper, I had never met. He too had been a cavalry officer for the Union, but he had served in the Western Theater of the war, mostly in southern Kentucky and Tennessee. I spent the near entirety of the war in Virginia, south-eastern Pennsylvania, and Maryland so our paths did not cross.

My leg got a spasm, and I grimaced as I stretched it out. I carefully slid my arm from around Bella's back and transferred the reins to my right hand. I reached down with my left hand and tried kneading my left thigh with ball of my palm. Finally, it eased some. I felt the reins being tugged out of my hand and looked to Bella in surprise.

"I can steer for a while. You rest, husband."

"I did not mean to awaken you."

"I'd slept long enough. It's bothering you bad today, isn't it?" she asked with a nod to my thigh.

I shrugged. "No more than usual. I'll live."

"There must be something I can do to ease that," she mumbled out loud to herself.

"Sadie told me heat would help."

"What?"

"Oh. That day she came to visit and asked to go with us, she told me that if you warmed strips of cloth in water and wrapped my thigh or heated rocks and wrapped them around my thigh, it may help."

"And why are you only telling me this _now_, Edward Cullen?" she demanded with a frown.

"I only just remembered."

"Remember better, husband," she admonished me, and I had to bite my lip to keep from grinning.

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen. I promise to do better in the future."

"I'll try that once we get settled," she mumbled again to herself.

I watched her profile for a moment before slipping my arm around her waist, lightly gripping her side.

"I cannot wait to meet your family."

"I admit to my longing to see them. So long. It's been so long. You know, I had always wondered at my father building such a large house with so many bedrooms. Perhaps it was that my mother had come from a large family and they had hoped to have several children as well. Whatever the case, we have mine, or two others to choose from of the eight. I was thinking the boys could have their own bedroom on the third floor."

"A eight bedroom house?" Bella asked in amazement.

I nodded. "Yes, the house is quite large."

"It must be. Your sister must be working her fingers to the bone trying to get the house prepared for all of us. It is what I would have been doing."

"I hope not, but knowing her, I'm sure she is."

"What's she like?" Bella asked in curiosity.

"She's small, short, hair darker than yours. She's a good cook and clever with numbers and words. She always far outpaced me in our studies. She's generous and kind, but speaks her mind. I think you and she will get along just fine."

She nodded, but didn't reply, and we lapsed into silence. Feeling the need to touch her, I scooted closer and kissed her cheek, pushed aside her bonnet and kissed the curve of her ear. I moved her bonnet ribbon and kissed her neck. My breathing was coming faster as I placed my lips against her soft skin and lightly sucked. I heard Bella gasp and then she slightly shivered.

Oh, how I loved her reactions. I moved my lips and sucked again.

"Ahhh," she nearly purred out like a kitten. "Enough, Edward Cullen."

I bit back my groan and tamped down my growing ardor. She was correct. That was far enough. I gave her one last chaste kiss on her neck before pulling my head up. I tugged her closer to me, and she wiggled a bit, to settle herself comfortably into my side.

"I love you, Freckles," I whispered.

"And I you, my dear husband," she quietly replied.

I softly smiled. My beloved Bella was with me, and I was headed home. My joy could hardly be contained.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend everyone. **

**The Bible passage is from the King James Version of the book of Ruth, chapter 1: 16-17.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	24. Hard truths

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**Please keep in mind when reading this story (this chapter especially) that it's set in America of the late 1800's so some subjects and actions may be disturbing.  
**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 23: Hard truths**

The first sign of trouble came the second night when we stopped at a roadside tavern outside of Front Royal. The previous night we'd slept by the wagons outdoors, but tonight we were all looking forward to sleeping in an actual bed.

"Don't allow them kind in here."

Edward frowned at the tavern owner. "What…kind?"

"Them kind," he said as he pointed to Sadie. "Your slave can go 'round back and get food from the kitchen."

"There _is_ no more slavery," Edward replied through tight lips.

The man just shrugged. "Don't rightly care. She still ain't eatin' in my common room."

Edward's jaw set in anger. "Fine. Then we'll-"

"It's fine, Mr. Edward. The kitchen is my place."

"But-"

"It's fine," Sadie reiterated.

"But it doesn't make it right," Edward replied softly as Sadie went out the door.

"We need food and three rooms for the night," Father said, and the tavern keep nodded and sent a maid off to ready our rooms.

I laid my hand on Edward's forearm and whispered, "What did you expect?"

"I expected Sadie to be able to eat with us."

"That's not how it is. I don't know if that's how it will ever be, at least not in public."

Edward frowned. "So nothing has changed."

"Edward. Change doesn't happen overnight and this _is_ still the South."

"I'll be glad to be away from this way of thinking then."

I crossed my arms, more than a little annoyed at my husband. "This way of thinking? You really think it'll be any different in your hometown? Are there even Negroes in your town?"

Edward held my eyes for a moment and then looked down. "No."

"Were black soldiers able to serve alongside white soldiers in the army?" I pressed him. "Eat at the same-"

"_Enough_. You've made your point," Edward ground out and then he was gone out the door.

He came back in later and sat with us as we consumed a passable dinner, but Edward barely touched his food.

That night, as we lie in our lumpy bed, Edward pulled me to him. "I want you to know, as long as I live, Sadie will always have a place at our table. I don't even understand these degrees of human beings. I don't understand this at all. I never have and never will."

_Oh, Edward. So much you've seen and experienced and you still don't understand how the world is? _

I sat up and lit a candle. This discussion had been a long time coming. I needed to see his eyes as we spoke of such an important subject. Some hard truths had to be pointed out clearly to my idealistic husband.

"Surely you understand the deep rooted system of slavery in the South, and the inherent prejudices of white people? Surely you understood slavery, the _owning _of human beings? Surely you understood that they were usually treated worse than the owner's livestock. Surely you understand that most white people will never, ever accept Negroes as equal to whites, not for a very, very long time at least, if ever. Surely you understand this. You can't be that naïve."

Edward sat up. "Is that what _you_ believe?" he asked me, with a hard, direct look.

"What exactly are you asking me?" I replied, a little taken aback by his tone and hard eyes.

"Do you believe a person with dark skin is inferior to yourself?"

"No. Never. How could you even ask such a thing of me? I thought you knew me." I couldn't hide the hurt and disappointment in my voice.

Edward sighed and then reached out for my hand. "Yes, I do know you and that was uncalled for. Forgive me, dearest. I'm taking out my anger on you, and that's unacceptable."

I relaxed and took his out-stretched hand. "You're a man of ideals. I cannot fault you for that."

Edward was silent for a time. "I guess that's one of my great failings. I look at life as how it _should be_ sometimes, and not how things truly are. There's a vast difference between knowing a thing and then seeing the reality of it. I mean, we had to say Sadie was Rose's servant just so she could sleep in her room."

"This is only the second day of the trip and we still have almost two weeks to travel. You best accustom yourself to it."

"But I do not have to like it."

"I like it neither, but what choice have we?"

"None," he replied, sounding resigned. "We need rest, but I need you, Freckles. I long for you."

"Then have me, husband, for I long for you as well."

"I'll try to do this quietly, so as to not wake our son."

I was relieved to drop that troubling subject for the time being, so I decided to try for some levity. "It's usually me that we have to worry about."

He lightly chuckled then rolled us over, so that he was covering my body, happily cradled between my thighs. "True. I'll have to keep kissing that mouth of yours to keep you quiet."

I adjusted my hips a bit to fit him better to me, eliciting a soft moan from my husband. "Well. You may try," I replied with a hint of sass.

"A very worthy challenge." Edward was softly chuckling as his lips met mine.

The next few days passed uneventfully. We'd chosen the perfect month to travel. October was usually cool and dry so the roads remained passable and we made about fifteen miles a day.

We still had almost two hundred miles of our journey yet and the boredom of our slow travel was wearing on the boys. They didn't want to stay in the back of the wagon and would climb up and sit with Edward and me or Edward and Rose when I switched her places. Rose and I, and even Edward, made up games and sang songs with the boys to pass the time. Edward was especially good at telling the boys stories that kept them captivated. Still, we were hard pressed to keep them occupied.

Our next stop was at an old tavern on the outskirts of a town called Winchester, and that's where I was the one who brought change into our lives.

We had just arrived and were quite tired and hungry. Father had acquired rooms for the night, and then we'd eaten a bland dinner.

Afterwards, I had slipped out back to make use of the outhouse located behind the tavern. I did my business quickly and was heading back around the tavern between the stables when I heard clearly a smack.

"I warned you, boy, didn't I?" The man's voice was rough and harsh.

"Ye-yes, sir," came the childish reply, along with the sound of snuffles.

"I told you to call me master!"

Another sound, one that could only be a hand hitting flesh, and then a soft cry. I didn't even think, I simply turned and marched toward the sound.

A lantern dimly lit the scene in the stable. The proprietor, named Jenks I remembered, a fat man with a disheveled appearance and greasy hair, was standing over a young negro boy who was quietly crying.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked in anger.

"I'm teachin' this boy a lesson. You just move along inside, lady."

"I'll do nothing of the kind." I held out my hand for the boy who just looked between me and Jenks with wide, frightened eyes. "It's all right. Come here, child."

The boy didn't move.

"You've got no business here, unless you need to me to teach you a lesson as well. He's my damned-"

"You _will_ watch your language when speaking to my wife," I heard Edward say, in that tone of voice of his that scared me a little. "And if that was a threat you just made against her, then you won't live to see tomorrow."

"Your wife is sticking her fuckin' nose-"

He never finished the sentence before Edward gripped his shirt in his left hand, twisting it to the point of painful, and then punched him in the face twice. Jenks fell back on his ample rump, blood streaming from his nose.

Edward stood over him, his face like thunder. "I said, you will watch your language. Apologize to her. _Now_."

Jenks slowly stood and looked so angry his face was white. "Sorry, _ma'am_," he spat out sarcastically.

Edward sent Jenks a warning look. "Now, what's going on here?"

Jenks rubbed his jaw as he indignantly replied, "I was teachin' this boy a lesson."

"What is this child, _five_? And you're teaching him exactly _what_ by beating him?" I asked, my voice filled with righteous anger.

Edward shot me a look, but I ignored him.

"Lady, what I do with my slave ain't none of your business."

"He's not a slave, you ignorant fool. _There is no more slavery_," I replied as if he was stupid, and perhaps he was.

"Bella. This isn't our business."

I was right here. I wouldn't be swayed. Protection of the innocent was everyone's business.

"I will not stand for the mindless abuse of a little child."

Edward exhaled and turned to Jenks. "Where's the boy's mother?"

Jenks shrugged. "Dead, I reckon."

"You have no claim on this child?" Edward asked.

Jenks turned and spat a glob of blood in the straw. "I owned him 'fore dead Lincoln went and freed 'em all. He's still mine, I reckon."

"You reckon incorrectly. He's a human being, not livestock," Edward tersely replied.

"He's _mine_," Jenks said. "I'll beat him every day if I care to and you can't stop me."

"You will not! I will not allow that. Child, come here," I ordered the boy. He slowly stood and looked between me and Jenks before he shuffled over to me. I knelt in front of him, gently touching the swollen places on his face. "What's your name?"

"J-Jonah, ma'am."

"That's a good name. A powerful name. How would you like to come with me, Jonah?"

"Bella. Christ Almighty," Edward said in exasperation.

"You can't do that!" Jenks yelled at the same time.

I stood and took Jonah's hand in mine. "I can and I will."

"Bella, you can't just take that child. The world doesn't work like that, dearest," Edward said in a placating tone. "And if this is just to prove a point…"

"_Do not_ even go there. As if I'd use an innocent child just to _prove a point_," I said to Edward in barely contained fury.

Edward held my eyes, then curtly nodded. "But still, this just isn't done."

"Why not? Why can't he come with us? He has no family. He's being abused by this monster. He has no mother. Well, we can give him three mothers. We can care for him, educate him, and give him a good life. Answer me, husband. Why not?"

Edward rubbed his face with his hands. "Oh, Bella." He held my eyes for one long moment. Seeing my resolve and knowing my tenacious nature, he let out a huge sigh and looked at Jonah. "You have no one, Jonah?"

"N-no, sir. Just M-master Jenks."

"Well then, my wife is offering you a choice. You may stay here with Jenks or come on our journey with us."

"Like hell that's happening!" Jenks yelled out and Edward turned on him.

"You want me to remind you again to mind your mouth?"

Jenks face was set in anger, but he kept his silence.

I squeezed Jonah's hand. "Jonah. What would you like to do? You're a free person. You have a choice."

He looked up at me and his soft brown eyes framed by long lashes filled with tears. "You're a nice lady. I want…I want to go with you."

"You take that boy and you'll be sorry," Jenks warned us.

"It's you who'll-"

"Bella! Take Jonah and go tell your father to ready the horses, and the others to get ready to go. We'll not be staying here tonight," Edward said.

I nodded and led Jonah into the tavern. I briefly explained what happened to him, and Father darted out the door. We hadn't settled in our rooms, so the leaving would be easy. I told Rose and Sadie we were moving out, and they gave me odd looks, but didn't question me. At the wagons, after we had loaded Ezra and Wills in the back of ours, I spoke to Jonah.

"This is Miss Rosalie and this is Miss Sadie. That's Ezra and Wills. Everyone, this is Jonah."

"Hello, Jonah," Rose said and then gave me a look full of questions.

"Miss Bella, whose child is this?" Sadie asked me.

"He's no one's child. Jonah is coming with us."

"What? Bella, you can't just take a child," Rose said.

"I can and I will. He has no one and now he has us."

"Oh, Bella," Rose replied with a heavy sigh.

"Miss Bella, you're something else. You thinkin' you're goin' to be a mother to this boy? A Negro?"

I shrugged. "Unless you or Rose would rather. I'm happy to be his new mother, if he'll have me."

"And here I thought Mr. Edward was strange," Sadie said with a shake of her head.

I picked up Jonah and set him in the back of the wagon with Ezra and Wills. "Play nice with him, boys."

Wills just stared at him, but Ezra gave him a thoughtful look. "What kind of toys you got?"

"Don't got no toys, sir."

Ezra laughed. "Sir! I'm Ezra, and that's my cousin Wills. Uncle Edward made us lots of toys. You can have some of ours." He picked up a couple of the small carved farm animals and placed them in Jonah's hand. Jonah stared down at them, but made no move to touch them.

"Come on, let's play," Ezra entreated Jonah and tugged him down sitting next to him. I watched them for a moment, Ezra explaining what they were playing at and Jonah just staring at him with unblinking eyes.

I turned to get a cloth damp to wipe Jonah's face, but Rose grabbed my arm. "Bella, explain this. What's going on?"

"Jenks was beating that boy. He treated him like a slave. I couldn't allow that."

"That still doesn't explain why he's coming with us."

"Because he was given the choice to stay or go, and he chose to come with us. I'm not stealing him."

"I see," Rose replied. "Are you very sure of what you're doing here?"

"Yes," replied emphatically.

Rose gave me a thoughtful look before replying. "All right, then."

I went to walk away again, but Sadie's words stopped me. "You can't save the whole world, Miss Bella."

Knowing I was right in this, I stood up straight and met Sadie's eyes. "No. But I can save one child."

Sadie held my eyes. "Have you thought about what you're doin'? About the consequences of this?"

I shrugged. "We'll work out the details later."

"_Details_? That's a child there, Miss Bella. He's not a minor detail."

"I know that," I snapped.

"Well, let me ask you this; what you goin' to do, Miss Bella? Raise him up like Wills? Give him fine clothes, an education, and let him think he can do what white folk can do? Let him think he's white? You're only setting him up for disappointment and a lonely life. He'll end up with no place in this world. Our kind will think he's too high and mighty and will mock him while white folks will resent him and punish him for trying to be like them. You can't raise that boy, Miss."

The sudden, brutal truth of her words and what I'd rashly done hit me hard. I'd taken a child, as if he was a puppy needing rescue from mean boys, with little thought to any consequences. Who did I think I was? God himself? I'd been guided by self-righteousness and anger and little else. I looked down and blinked the tears out of my eyes as my shoulders fell.

"Oh, Sadie. I was only trying to do the right thing. I guess I didn't think beyond the moment. I just knew that I couldn't allow him to stay here and be abused."

"You're a good person with a good heart, Miss Bella, but some things just aren't possible."

"Yes," I replied softly as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"I lost my own son. Let me take him and raise him. I'll teach him his proper place in this world."

I closed my eyes and bowed my head at the burden I had just placed on Sadie and in thankfulness of her good heart to be so willing to do so. I knew she'd be a good mother to him, even if I wasn't able. That she would raise him to be a fine young man, one we'd all be proud of. But the other thing she had said, it was a hard truth, and one that was hard to swallow. How awful that we lived in a world that someone had to be raised to learn their "place." As I'd told Edward, change doesn't happen overnight, but I prayed to God the world of my children and grandchildren would be a more tolerant place than this one.

I met Sadie's eyes and curtly nodded. "Yes. That is for the best." I glanced one more time in the wagon before I turned and walked away, my mind and heart troubled.

The next couple of nights we spent sleeping outdoors and moving as quickly as possible to put as much distance as we could between us and Jenks. Edward for his part remained quiet. I knew I'd displeased him and wasn't sure what I could do to make things right. Finally on the third day of near silence, I took a deep breath and turned to him.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" Edward asked, keeping his eyes straight ahead on the road.

"For what I did. I know I've displeased you."

Edward was silent.

"Tell me how to make this right."

He exhaled and finally looked at me. "Have you given one thought to what might have happened had I not come to find you?"

I truthfully hadn't. "No."

"And that's why I'm angry. You put yourself needlessly in danger. You could've come and gotten me and your father and we would've dealt with Jenks, but you decided to act on your own."

"So you're angry that I didn't play the helpless female and run to you?"

He pulled back on the reins and halted the horses. The look on his face when he turned to me, made me blanch.

"No! I'm _angry_ because something could have happened to you!" He transferred the reins over to his left hand and gripped my neck with his right. "Don't you understand? I can't stand the thought of something happening to you, the thought of someone hurting you!"

I finally understood what he was saying to me. I reached out and brushed my fingertips across his cheek. "My dear husband, I'm not going anywhere. You're not going to lose me."

"I can't live without you, Freckles. Please don't ever put yourself in danger like that again. Please."

"I'm sorry," I whispered and leaned over giving him a kiss. "So sorry to have upset you."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me to him. He gripped me tightly, fiercely as he declared, "_I'd kill for you. Do not doubt it_."

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his cheek. "Yes," I simply replied, knowing the truth for what it was.

As we journeyed on, things kind of settled into a pattern. Jonah was still shy and uncertain around us all, but Sadie had taken over his care and told him she was his new mother. Jonah seemed to accept that easily enough which made me wonder at how many changes this poor child had been put through in his short life. My mind rested briefly on the cruelty of this world we lived in and made me glad once again I had those whom I loved and love me in return.

One thing I was glad for was time with Edward. There was still much we did not know about each other. As the miles added up and our time together grew longer, I'd come to realize something about my husband. When he was in, he was all in. Before he'd left me to go back to war, I'd only had part of him, for the rest of him had been far away fighting that damned war. He'd been unable to give me all of himself for his heart hadn't been in it. Oh, I know he loved me and was devoted to me, but that couldn't and didn't overcome his sense of honor and duty. Only when he'd completed his duty to the army and resigned had he been free to come to me, to commit to me.

Now that he was here with me, wed to me, everything about him was invested in me, in our marriage, and being a good father to Wills. He now considered us his duty and was honored bound to love, protect, and provide for us to the best of his ability. _No_, my mind corrected me, _it wasn't honor that bound him to me, it was deep, powerful emotions, a connection to each other we neither could ever fully explain._

I sat up straight as the thought came to me that had Edward never gone back and finished what he started in regards to his military service, he would have never had peace. I would have never have had a whole man, for there would have been a part of him that would have always thought he was a coward and a dishonorable man. Father had been right. There had been no choice. Edward had to leave me when he did for a person has to be true to who they are.

Even though his departure had caused us both pain, it had been the only choice. I now regretted my anger and tears when he left. I should have kept my composure and saved my anguish and grief for after he left me. How unfair it had been of me to burden him with my pain. After all he'd lived through…

I darted my head to the left and pointed. "What happened there?"

He didn't speak as his eyes fell upon a burned farm, churned ground, a scene of destruction that made my mouth fall open.

"A battle," Edward finally replied and then looked straight ahead ignoring the battle scene we were passing.

"Are those…are those _graves_?" I whispered in shock at seeing mounds and mounds of dirt.

"Yes," Edward said curtly, his tone clearly saying to me to not question this further.

We finally passed that horrible scene and I felt something terrible pass through me. That could have been Edward there, buried in the middle of nowhere, forgotten, his life wasted. _It could have been Edward._ I'd always shoved away in the back of mind the horrors of war, but seeing that scene and knowing Edward had encountered battles like that over and over, him in mortal danger every single day…

I flung myself against him as a sob tore from me. Edward halted the horses and gripped me in his arms.

"God protected me and brought me back to you. Please don't fret, Freckles."

"I cannot help myself. All I can think is, '_It could have been you_.'"

"But it wasn't. Let it go, dearest."

I tilted my head back to see his face. "I begin to understand your nightmares. The things you must've seen…"

"Shh. Please don't let your heart be troubled, Freckles."

I reached up and touched his face. "I love you."

Edward closed his eyes and gripped my hand that was touching his face. "And I you, dearest Bella."

"What's the hold-up?" Father yelled and Edward chuckled.

"Sorry," he called back to Father and flicked the reins to get the horses moving again as I settled myself against his side. I slid my bonnet off and dropped it to the floor boards as I then snuggled my head under Edward's chin. I felt him kiss my hair and heard his contented sigh as we traveled onward.

The days after that became monotony. Up at dawn, a quick breakfast, readying the horses, packing up our items from the night before, and then back on the road. A brief stop at mid-day for a luncheon and to relieve ourselves and walk out our legs, and then back on the road until dusk when we halted for the night.

Mostly we stayed at inns, but there were many nights slept under the stars. I enjoyed the sleeping out-doors, but have to admit, I mightily enjoyed a bed for Edward and I. Intimacy just wasn't possible out in the open amongst our family. It was also harder on the men when we slept outdoors. They took turns keeping watch over us all, usually Edward took the first watch, then father. They would sit propped up by a wagon wheel, the loaded shotgun across their lap keeping watch over us all. I tried to offer myself to sit up and watch and let the men sleep, but neither one would hear of it.

All was uneventful except for when we passed closely by the area where the battle of Gettysburg had been fought. I had wanted to see it, but Edward almost angrily denied that request and urged the horses faster until that small town was far behind us. Perhaps that had been best. Rose had been silent and pensive for days before and after we passed Gettysburg. Being so close to where Emmett had died had opened her wound again. I looked at Edward, and again, I felt guilt at that I got my man back and she did not.

Soon, a nip began in the air and the leaves that had been so colorful on the trees, began dropping, crunching under the wagon wheels. Colder weather was approaching and I was glad we were almost to our destination. We'd dug out coats and wool clothes to keep us warm. Blankets and gloves added to our warmth, but still, traveling had become slightly unpleasant. Especially when it rained. Then we were all miserable.

"See that mountain?" Edward asked, pointing to the west.

I looked up from my musings. I followed to where Edward was pointing to a mountain in the near distance and nodded. "Familiar to you?"

"You could say that," Edward said with a relaxed smile. "On the other side of that mountain lies my home."

"We're that close?" I asked, unable to hide my excitement.

"Yes, indeed," Edward replied with a chuckle. "Once we cross the Monongahela River, we're not far."

"How much longer?" I asked impatiently.

"Oh, a day?" Edward replied on a laugh.

I lightly smacked his arm. "We've been that close and you're only telling me _now_?" I asked in frustration.

I saw Edward's lips quiver in amusement.

"Teasing me, Edward Cullen?" I asked with a frown as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Hmm. Maybe? I do so love to get you riled up, Freckles," he ended on a cheeky, adorably boyish grin.

"Well heaven knows, no other body on this earth is able to do so like you."

"Excellent," Edward replied with a wink and I couldn't help the little laugh that bubbled out of me. "Lovely wife, your passion and fire belongs solely to me. Has there ever been a more fortunate man?"

I rolled my eyes at the charm that flowed so effortlessly off his tongue. "No, I don't believe there ever has been," I pertly replied.

Edward laughed and then leaned over and kissed my cheek. "My perfect Freckles."

"Oh, go on with you, Edward Cullen," I said in mock annoyance as I shoved on his arm with my shoulder.

This time he leaned over and stole a kiss. He kept his face close to mine, holding my eyes, and then his lips brushed mine again.

"I can't wait to make love to you in my home, in my bed," Edward whispered in a low, sensual tone that made my breath catch.

"I can't wait for that either," I replied with a slight smirk and lift of my eyebrow. I slid my hand down his stomach and let it hover just above his manhood.

He cursed under his breath. "I know better than to start something like that with you unless I can finish it," Edward ground out in frustration. He leaned back over and put his attention back on the road, urging the horses on faster. I was grinning to myself as I watched him from the corner of my eye try to adjust his pants to ease his discomfort.

I casually slid my hand over and placed it on his right thigh. He nearly came up off the seat. He grabbed my hand and placed it back in my lap. "Behave, Freckles."

I turned side-ways and propped my elbow on the back of the wagon seat. I sent him an innocent look. "Whatever can you mean, husband?" I asked as I leaned my chin on my knuckles.

"You're a scary little thing. Don't even try for innocence with me. Not when I know you in the biblical sense, Mrs. Cullen."

"It isn't exactly biblical what you do to me and I do to you in the marriage bed."

"Bella!" Edward choked out on a laugh.

I found myself laughing with him.

Rose poked her head out of the wagon cover. "You know, one thing I'll be glad of when this trip is over."

"What's that, Rose?" I asked.

"Not having to overhear y'all's endless flirtation. Newlyweds are kinda sickening."

"You heard us?" I asked in horror.

"Yeah. But it's not as bad as having the room next to y'all's at night. Lord Almighty. Poor Wills," Rose declared, and then disappeared back inside the wagon.

Feeling the heat in my cheeks, I met Edward's eyes.

"Well, you _are_ pretty loud, Freckles," Edward replied with a smirk.

"I am," I agreed and we broke out into laughter once again.

I had been lightly dozing against Edward's shoulder when he spoke. "Freckles?"

"Hmm?" I raised my head and covered a yawn. I stretched my arms above my head and pushed back my shoulders, trying to work the kink out of my neck.

"See those fields?"

I nodded and slightly shrugged, not very interested in clumpy dirt fields.

"Those are my father's fields. It seems they were left fallow this past growing season," he murmured.

"I noticed. So we're almost there?"

He pointed. "There's the turnoff to the house and farm."

I sat up straight and tucked my hair in my bonnet, made sure my bow was still tied neatly, and then straightened out my coat and dress.

"It's a ways, yet, dearest. And you look most fetching by the way. Don't worry. There's no one to impress here."

I curtly nodded, but knew Edward was wrong. I needed to start off right with his sister and having a neat appearance was only part of it.

It was a long curving drive among rolling hills and patches of fields. Many large trees such as maples and oaks lined the drive. As the fields went on, I began to realize the immense size of the Cullen farm, but nothing could have prepared me for the first glimpse of Edward's family home.

I could only stare in shock at the large plantation house, and then I swung my eyes around to what must be close to twenty out-buildings, including three barns. This wasn't a "farm" this was a plantation. And Edward's family must be quite wealthy.

Edward halted the wagon close the house and I slowly stood up in the wagon, my mouth surely hanging open as I started at ground level, the windows of the cellar floor visible above ground, to the first floor, then the second, then the third, and finally the attic level. My eyes traveled over that soft red brick house with green shutters and a matching green door. I looked in awe at the two enormous chimney's that were like bookends at each side of the house, delicate black iron work running the length of the roof between them.

Edward stood up beside me, slipping his arm around my waist. "Home. _Dungannon_, named for where my mother was from in Ireland. You like it?"

I slowly turned my head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you?"

"That Dungannon was a plantation and that your family is obviously very wealthy."

Edward shrugged. "I did tell you how much land we owned. It didn't occur to me that…I'm sorry. I've thrown this on you. I did say the house was large with seven bedrooms. I just neglected to tell you that it had twenty-two rooms altogether, with servants quarters and a full nursery on the third floor."

"Servants? You have servants?"

"Well, we did. It's been four years since I've been here, so I'm not sure…"

Edward hopped down off the wagon; he was quite the expert at it now, after two weeks of learning to land properly on his right foot. He offered his hand to me and aided me down. He then went and helped Rose down and lifted the three boys from the wagon. Father and Sadie joined us, awe on their faces as sure as it was still on mine.

It was then that we heard a yell, and turned to see a petite dark-haired woman running toward Edward. She flung herself into Edward's arms.

"Edward! Oh, Edward! You're home! I've never, ever been so glad to see my brother," Alice declared and burst into tears. Edward closed his eyes and held her to his chest. I blinked the tears out of my eyes at the touching scene before me.

I looked her dress over as I adjusted Wills on my hip. Her dress was deep blue and surely store-bought and expensive. I looked down at my old cloak, to the skirt of my simple gingham dress I had on, my old scuffed boots, and felt the country bumpkin next to Alice's fine clothes.

Edward set Alice back and took her hand, leading her over to me. "Alice, this is my wife, Bella, and our son William."

"Nice to meet you," I replied quietly, suddenly shy in the face of Alice's gentle beauty and smart, expensive dress.

"Edward's wife. And son." Alice shot Edward a look and shook her head. "Fantastic. Almost unbelievable."

Edward frowned and turned to Rosalie. "This is Bella's cousin, Rosalie McCarty and her son Ezra." Rose shot Alice a tentative smile, before Edward turned Alice's attention to Father. "This is Bella's father Charles Swan."

"Ma'am," Father said in his best southern drawl and Alice blinked.

"And this is Sadie Sparrow and her…son, Jonah," Edward finished.

Alice just stood there staring at Sadie and then she turned to Edward with what could only be called anger on her face. "A slave? You brought a _slave_ here? How could you?"

Edward looked as if he'd been smacked. "Sadie isn't a slave! What the devil, Alice? Sadie is our friend and in case you forgot, there is no more slavery, sister."

"Yes, yes, but still. You come here with a bunch of southerners, and their almost unintelligible accents, two Negroes to boot and…"

Edward gripped her elbow and started pulling her aside. "Shut your mouth. How dare you insult my family! What the hell is wrong with you? Where are your manners? You're being ugly and irrational and this isn't like you."

Alice's face crumbled and she looked as if she was ready to burst into tears again. "Oh, God. What am I even saying? I'm sorry. So sorry. I can't take any more. I can't take any more! I can't…" She then turned ashen and swayed.

"Alice?" Edward asked, his voice full of worry.

She tilted her head and seemed not to even see her brother as she fainted dead away. Father was quicker than Edward and caught her before she hit the ground. He scooped her up and sent Edward a look.

"Follow me," Edward said and took my hand as he led us and Father into the house.

They settled Alice onto a moss green settee and then that's when I noticed two things; the magnificence of the room I was standing in, and the tall man standing in the shadows. He stepped out into the light and I saw he was an older man, quite thin and frail looking, with white-blonde hair. Edward's father?

"_Father_?" Edward asked in disbelief, solidifying my guess.

"Alice?" Edward's father asked, his voice strangely flat. I found it odd that he did not comment on the room suddenly full of people, nor upon seeing his son for the first time in years.

"Father," Edward repeated, his face showing shock. He then shook his head and replied. "She faint-"

"Alice! Alice, darling," another man said frantically as he shoved his way into the room. He fell to his knees in front of settee and took her hand. I briefly noted he only had one arm, the left one gone, his jacket pinned up at his shoulder. So, that would be Jasper Whitlock, her husband.

Edward's father was watching us all with a blank expression as Edward was explaining to Jasper what had happened and introducing those around him.

For myself, I felt drawn to Edward's father. I'd never seen a man look so lost. I found my feet striding toward him until I was standing in front of him. He merely inclined his head, his eyes slowly moving from Wills face to mine.

"Mr. Cullen? I'm your new daughter, Bella, and this is your grandson, William."

He didn't speak, but he did tentatively reach out a shaking hand and lay one fingertip on Wills' cheek. He gazed at Wills for a moment and then raised his eyes to mine. "Edward?" he asked in a rough, croaking voice, as if unused to speaking.

"I'm here, Father. I see my wife has introduced herself and our son."

"Edward?" he faintly asked again in confusion.

I turned to look at Edward, pain in my heart, for surely something was very wrong with Edward's father.

"Father. Oh, God. I'm here," Edward cried and pulled his father into an embrace.

I watched Edward hugging his father, but his father stood there like a board, unresponsive and looking confused. Then I skimmed my eyes around the room full of expensive furniture and furnishings, even velvet curtains, to Alice passed out on the settee, to Jasper with only one arm kneeling before her, and then to the rest of my bewildered and confused family and realized; this wasn't going to be easy, and that life just got much, much more interesting.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	25. A bittersweet homecoming

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 24: A bittersweet homecoming**

* * *

Once Alice had revived and things seemed to calm down, we found ourselves sitting in this very fine parlor, Alice and Edward staring at one another, a strained silence between them.

I heard Edward take a deep breath before he spoke. "Alice. Sister. Why didn't you-"

Not oblivious to the possible storm brewing, I jumped in and cut Edward off. "Husband. We're all tired, and Alice is still recovering from the shock of our arrival. Perhaps it's best to delay family discussions until later."

Edward turned to me and held my eyes, before he sighed and nodded. "Perhaps you're right, dearest. Our rooms, Alice?"

"I can show you, Mr. Cullen," a woman with a strong accent spoke from the doorway.

"And you might be…?" Edward asked.

"She's Mrs. Engel. She takes care of the house while her three sons help run the farm," Jasper said.

"Pleased to meet you," Edward said to her. "Well, Mrs. Engel, if you'd be so good to direct the others to their rooms…"

"I didn't prepare enough it seems. I wasn't expecting…others," Mrs. Engel said in dismay. "And we have no nursery maid," she said as she wrung her hands.

"Me and Sadie can take care of the children, at least for now. Right?" Rose asked Sadie, as she turned to her.

"Yes, Miss Rosalie."

"But-" I interjected.

"There. That's settled," Rose said firmly as she shot me a look that said _let me do this_.

"There are three bedrooms on the third floor plus the nursery and schoolroom," Mrs. Engel said in relief. "But those rooms aren't all ready."

"We'll help. Just show us the way," Rose said, settling into efficiency mode. Rose and Sadie arose and taking Ezra and Jonah by the hand, Sadie followed Mrs. Engel out the door. Rose strode over to me and held her arms out for Wills. "Allow me to take Wills so that you two can visit with your family."

"Thank you, Rose. That's most kind," I replied. Wills readily went with her, happy to be joining with the other boys.

"I'll start unloading the wagons," Father said as he leapt up, clearly uncomfortable and looking for escape.

"I'll go get the Engel men to come assist you," Jasper said to father. "You take it easy and don't stress yourself," Jasper ordered Alice before he arose and went out the front door.

That left me, Edward, Alice, and their silent father who was sitting by the window staring out with vacant eyes.

"You know, you're going to have to talk to me sometime, sister. You owe me some explanations."

"_I owe you_? You leave me here for nearly five years, taking care of sick parents, and dealing with the loss of Mother as you gallivant off to war, obviously finding time to woo and wed a woman and get her with child! It seems it's _you_ that has some explaining to do."

I saw Edward practically grinding his teeth as he corrected his sister. "I wasn't away _gallivanting _around, Alice, I was fighting a war! I almost lost my life twice."

"Still, you seemed to have found time for _her_," Alice said, unable to keep the resentment out of her voice as she pointed at me.

I stared at her with wide eyes. Alice of the letter Edward had received was not this angry, rude creature sitting across from me.

I felt Edward take my hand, gripping it firmly. "Time for her? _Her_ has a name. She's _my wife_, and her name is Bella. You _will be_ civil and gracious to her, and treat her with the upmost respect or you _will _answer to me."

Alice just slightly lifted her shoulder in a shrug and pursed her lips. "Still…"

Edward exhaled in exasperation.

"_Really_, Alice? I told you I was shot twice. Would you care to see my scars as proof? Bella found me and nursed me back to health. She saved my life! I wasn't off on a holiday, or taking time off to find me a wife, I was fighting for my life when I met her!"

"Children, children. Please do not quarrel. Your mother would not like it. And Edward, do not swear. It's ungentlemanly of you, son, and I wish you to grow into a young man I can be proud of."

We all turned to Carlisle, Alice with a resigned look, and Edward and I in confusion.

"Father, mother is d-"

"We're sorry, Father. We have no wish to upset you or mother," Alice said quickly, shooting Edward a warning look in the process.

Edward was at a loss here, as was I. Apparently Edward's father lived in the past where he didn't remember his wife was dead and his children were grown. At that, I felt great compassion partnered with protectiveness for him rise up in me.

"Excuse us a minute," Edward said to me as he stood and grabbed Alice's arm, lifting her off the settee. "Come with me, sister," Edward said and nearly dragged her out into the hallway.

I leaned forward to try to better hear their muffled voices. I did not care that I was eavesdropping, I was quite invested in this conversation.

"Alice, what the hell is wrong with Father?" Edward asked, clearly upset.

"Let go of me! I don't know, but his mind is gone. He lives mostly in the past now, but at times he's lucid. Never more than a day, though. Of course, you'd have known that if you'd come home sooner," Alice hissed.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Edward replied back angrily. "You could have written me before, you know. It was a whole year that I hadn't heard from you all and only after I wrote you, did I get any reply."

"And say what? The last letter I sent to you, I asked you, _begged you_ to come home and your reply was a refusal, and some ridiculous excuse about duty. I was so angry with you, and dealing with so much here that I didn't care to write you. What did it matter? It's not that you would have come anyway."

"What is this? Your reply to my letter in Virginia contained none of this scolding. I thought-"

"You thought what? All was forgotten and forgiven because you were off doing your _duty_?"

"Again, you scold me for doing my duty? Do you inflict your husband with the same censure? He was off fighting the same war I was," Edward replied heatedly.

"Do _not_ drag my husband into this! He almost gave his life for the Union-"

"_As. Did. I_," Edward replied tersely.

"Oh, would you like a medal, dear brother? Congratulations, you survived and are whole. Some men weren't so lucky," Alice spat at him. Her anger didn't cover her underlying pain, however.

Edward was silent for a moment, then he said quietly. "I'm going to rack up your attitude and anger to your condition and the excitement and stress of our arrival, but this discussion isn't over, not by a long shot, sister. I'm taking my wife to our room to let her rest then I'll go help unload the wagons. You go make sure there's a large supper for everyone."

"I'm _not_ the maid or cook, brother!" Alice hissed.

"No, you're my sister and, until now, the lady of the house. That has changed, though. This is now Bella's house to run and you will defer to her."

"Like hell I will," Alice replied.

"This is my house. I'm in charge. I'm the son and heir so my wife by rights is the lady of the house."

"We'll see about that," Alice said in a huff and then I heard her stomping up the stairs.

I just sat there in dismay. I had hoped for a loving, peaceful family reunion and instead…this.

Edward walked back into the parlor and halted when he saw my face. "You heard all that."

I curtly nodded. "I do not wish for discord amongst you and your sister. I will let her-"

"No."

"No?"

Edward glanced at his father and then back at me. "This is my home. You're my wife. I will not allow my sister to dictate how things will be. I do not know why she and Jasper live here, other than to care for father, but surely her husband has a family home to go to. If she cannot deal with you running this house, then she's free to leave."

"Oh, Edward. That's a bit harsh."

Edward exhaled and then sat down beside me, taking my hand. "It is, but we have to start as we mean to go on."

"If that's what you wish," I haltingly replied.

"It's what I wish," he answered succinctly. "How are you feeling?" he asked me, his voice suddenly full of concern.

"I'm well. A bit tired, but well. I'll be glad of a bath and a good night's rest."

"Then you shall have it. We have a bathing room on each floor. I'll have Mrs. Engel get that ready for you."

"You have bathing rooms?" I asked in amazement. "I can do that myself," I replied, actually eager to see these bathing rooms.

"I know you can, but you're carrying my child and just had a long journey."

Mrs. Engel came back into the room. "Mr. Cullen, we've got the rooms sorted out. I'll go start supper now."

"Thank you, Mrs. Engel. Would it be possible…?"

"I've got this, husband," I said as I laid my hand on his arm. "Mrs. Engel has had enough to do already. Let me get cleaned up and changed and I'll come assist you, Mrs. Engel."

"Bella," Edward said in displeasure.

"I'm a good cook. I enjoy cooking, and we just added eight hungry bodies to this house. Allow me to help her," I requested him.

Edward gently touched my face. "If you're sure."

"I'm sure," I replied with a small smile for him. We held each other's eyes for a moment, understanding passing between us that this homecoming was not quite what either one of us had expected. I squeezed his hand that was still holding mine, then stood up to leave, but Edward's father, that dear, sad-looking man drew me.

Mrs. Engel left to begin supper preparations, but making a decision, I went over and knelt down in front Edward's father.

"Father Cullen?" I asked softly.

He slowly swung his face to me, and his soft blue eyes met mine. "Have you seen my wife Esme? Beautiful girl. Bewitched me, she did."

I gently smiled at him as I took his hand, cradling it in both of mine. "No, I have not, but she sounds lovely."

"Lovely…yes. Esme is lovely." His face twisted up in confusion. "And who are you, my dear?"

"I'm Bella."

"Bella. Pretty name. Pretty eyes. You look kind, Bella."

"I always try to be."

Father Cullen patted my hand holding his. "Best watch yourself around my son Edward. I think you'd be just his type," he said with a wink.

I was grinning as Edward came and stood beside me. "Indeed. She is absolutely my type, father. Bella is the most beautiful flower in the garden of femininity."

Father Cullen looked at Edward in confusion for a moment and then his face cleared in recognition. "Ah, so you _have _took notice of this remarkable girl, but you're laying on the charm a little thick there, son," he said to Edward, winning a chuckle out of him.

"I only speak truth, father," Edward replied while giving me a warm look.

I blushed under such compliments from these Cullen men, and had to look away to hide my embarrassment.

Father Cullen leaned down toward me and said in a loud whisper, "Best make sure he does right by you, pretty eyes, and make him chase you a bit to prove his worth. If he's come wooin', that is."

I was still embarrassed, but played along with Father Cullen's lightheartedness. "I promise to always keep Edward Cullen in line," I replied with a loud whisper of my own and heard Edward's snort.

"All right, you two," Edward replied, sounding happy and relaxed. "Bella has a bath to get and I have work to do. Father, would you like to rest before dinner? We can lead you to your room."

"I know where my room is, for goodness sake," Father Cullen replied with a roll of his eyes. He stood up and headed out the door toward the staircase. Edward and I followed to find his father standing on the second floor landing, turning his head from left to right. Edward took my hand and led me up the stairs. I could tell his leg was troubling him, but he pretended to ignore it.

"I seem…I seem to have lost my way. Do you know where my room is?" Father Cullen asked us.

I heard Edward's breath catch, as if fighting back tears. My heart broke for him, for his father, for Alice in that moment.

I slipped my arm through Father Cullen's and gently smiled up at him. "Well, I don't know either, but we'll find it together."

"Sweet girl. Such a sweet girl," Father Cullen said as he patted my hand on resting on his forearm.

Edward shot me a look of gratitude. "I know where it is. Follow me," he said quietly. He led us down the hallway to the door on the left.

I realized that this floor was just five bedrooms, and then a room at the end of the hall that I assumed was the bathing room I was so curious about. This was a long hallway. The bedrooms must be enormous.

"Here you go, Father."

"Yes. This is my room. Thank you. You're both most kind."

My eyes darted around a large, elegant bedroom, and through an open door to a matching sitting room, done in gold and ivory and filled with beautiful, almost delicately looking furniture, plush rugs covering the floor.

I led Father Cullen over to the bed and he sat down then lay back on the bed.

"I think I'll nap for a bit."

I smiled down at him. "You do that. I'll come get you for dinner."

"Pie? Will we have pie?" Father Cullen asked me hopefully.

"Yes. I'll make it especially for you. What kind is your favorite?"

"Apples. You smell of sweet, crisp fall apples," he mumbled as his eyelids fluttered closed. "Can you make me an apple pie?"

I was a bit startled at Edward's father saying the same thing Edward had always said to me. "I…I most certainly can. You rest now," I replied and turned around to find Edward gazing down at his already sleeping father. He transferred his gaze to me.

"I love you. You're good and kind, and I love you."

I flung myself at him, hugging him tightly. He gripped me fiercely to him and buried his face into my neck.

"And I love you, heart of my heart. Oh, Edward. Your poor father!" I cried out in dismay.

"Yes," he replied roughly and stepped back, taking my hand. "Come. Let's let him rest. I'll show you where our room is and then let's get your bath going. I'll go find our clothes and bring you clean ones."

"You're not going to bathe me?" I asked sadly as Edward closed his father's door behind us.

"Don't even tempt me with that, Freckles, not today. But you can be sure, that very soon, I plan to…_bathe_ you thoroughly."

"Excellent," I replied with a smirk, winning a little laugh out of my husband.

I was grinning to find that my levity had worked to bring out Edward's playful side.

Edward slipped his arm around my waist and tugged me to him. "You always make everything better, Freckles."

Delighted he was relaxed and calling me Freckles again instead of Bella, I sighed happily. "Then I am glad, Edward Cullen."

After I had bathed in luxury in the bathing room, still astounded that that had stools for relieving yourself indoors, I got dressed. Happy to be clean and wearing fresh clothing, I checked on Edward's still sleeping father, and then went in search of the kitchen to aid Mrs. Engel.

I soon found that dinner, in fact all meals, was going to be a tremendous undertaking. Not only was there my family of eight, there was Alice, Jasper, and Edward's father, then Mrs. Engel and her three sons usually sat in on meals.

I looked over the Engel men as I ate. I'd been most curious as to all their accents, but I now knew that they were Germans that had immigrated here when the boys were babes. The father had died when the boys were still young and they had been working hard to take care of their mother ever since.

I'm assuming most of that fell on the eldest, Jeremiah, a giant of a man, with short, sandy brown hair, and solemn hazel eyes set in a kind face. He seemed quiet and reserved. His younger brothers, the twins Moses and Aaron, however, were loud, animated, and boisterous. They seemed a bit dim-witted as well, but did not realize that fact, and spoke all sorts of nonsense that they believed was the truth much to everyone's amusement. However, they were both quite handsome and virile looking, with blonde hair, sparkling brown eyes, and ready smiles.

I saw Jeremiah shake his head at them and look up at the ceiling as if asking the Lord for patience with those two silly oafs.

I urged Wills to eat then sat back and observed the rest of the adults at the table. Rose was talking to Father, who was shoveling his food in, as she coyly perused the Engel men. _Contemplating a future husband perhaps_, I thought as I observed her for a moment. Sadie, sitting beside Rose, was silent, her posture rigid and was clearly uncomfortable, Jonah a shadow beside her. Mrs. Engel, for her part, looked embarrassed at the antics of her youngest boys in front of the newest arrivals, and was telling Moses and Aaron to hush up and eat their food.

Alice…Alice wasn't eating. She was just sitting back in her chair, her arms crossed over her stomach, a look of displeasure upon her face. I had hoped that Edward's sister and I could become close, or at least friends, but at this juncture, that just didn't appear likely. Jasper was beside her, frowning. Jasper was one to figure out. A wild card amongst the family. He clearly was devoted to his wife, but one could also sense his strong disapproval of her behavior.

Father Cullen was methodically eating and pretty much ignoring everything but his plate in front of him. And then there was my husband. He was seated beside me, silent and still, a look of bemusement upon his face.

"You should eat, husband," I prodded him gently.

He turned to me and curtly nodded, and then plowed into his food, quickly scarfing it down surely not tasting any of it.

After we cleared away the food, Mrs. Engel and I cut up slices of the apple pies and placed them on plates. I carried two out, one for Edward and one for his father. I placed a slice in front of Father Cullen, and he looked up at me with a grin.

"Apple pie. My favorite. How did you know?"

I didn't even miss a beat. I was already understanding how his mind worked. "Oh, a little birdie told me," I replied with a wink.

I served Edward his pie and turned to go get more plates, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to his side.

He bestowed upon me such a look of warmth and affection I nearly swayed. I blinked the tears out of my eyes and briefly touched his face. He raised my arm and placed a sweet kiss on my hand before releasing me.

I was nearly humming as I reentered the kitchen. Whatever else would befall us, whatever else we had to deal with, I knew for certain that Edward loved me, and we would face all of life's hardships together as one.

Later that evening, I walked into our bedroom to find a cozy fire crackling in the fireplace, large, pretty gas lamps illuminating the room. My eyes fell upon the intricately carved walnut bed to my husband casually resting there his hands tucked behind his head wearing a smile and short drawers and nothing else. I paused to admire that sight for a moment before I firmly closed the door behind me and started pulling the pins out of my hair.

Edward slowly arose until he was sitting up. "Finally get Wills to sleep?"

"Yes. I had to rock him a bit and sing him several lullabys, but he's resting peacefully now." I glanced around this fine bedroom done in rich sapphire blue. "This is a very nice room."

"It is now that you're in it," Edward replied and I nearly rolled my eyes. Always the charmer, my husband was.

I tugged my hair down and reached back running my fingers through it, sighing in pleasure. Edward observed me with that intense look of his. I knew he loved my hair, so I pulled it forward and draped it over my shoulders so that it hung down to my stomach.

I heard his little indrawn breath and my lips curled into a knowing grin. My husband was too easy to please.

I went to unhook my dress and realized how shabby it looked in comparison to this grand room. The grin fell from my mouth. I'd never been one to set much notion by looks or appearances, but me in this beautiful home in my old, homemade clothes…it just wouldn't do.

Edward slid out of bed and padded over to me. "What's wrong, Freckles?"

"I'm out of place here. It's like you pulled an old hen out of the chicken coop and placed her in a palace with peacocks."

"You're not out of place here. This is my home so it is yours as well."

"But _look_ at me."

Edward skimmed his eyes over me and then met my eyes. "I am looking at you. All I _ever_ do is look at you. You look lovely, as always."

"Oh." A little disarmed by his words, I basked in them for just a moment then sighed. "But, Edward, this dress is one I made myself and it's six years old. These boots are almost as old. I do not look lovely."

Edward reached up and threaded his fingers through my hair, holding my neck. "Isabella Cullen. Clothes do not a person make. I told you when I met you that fine dresses do not make a lady, good manners and breeding do. That most definitely makes you a grand lady."

"Still…"

"But nevertheless, because I wish to spoil you and your clothing upsets you, I will take you into town and shower you with all the dresses, bonnets, shoes, and fine soft linen undergarments that any woman could ever want. And I do believe I owe you a wedding band Mrs. Cullen."

"I only need a couple of dresses or material to make them. I just don't want to shame you," I quietly replied.

"Shame me? You could never, ever shame me. I love you and no man is prouder of his wife than me."

"But do I belong here? Whatever will I do here all day?"

"I never thought I'd see the day that the confidence of Isabella Cullen was shaken. Where's my fiery Freckles? Where's that woman that wrestled with God for my life? Where's that woman that could whip the entire Army of the Potomac into shape? Why are you being so timid and uncertain? This isn't you, not my formidable wife. You, my dearest, could move mountains if you so chose, so please stop. Your place is here, beside me, and your day is to do with as you please."

A soft sigh escaped me as I snuggled myself against his chest. "Forgive me. I do believe I'm exhausted and out of my element and it's making me say things I should not. I did not mean to trouble you with my insecurities. Not when you're adjusting to your homecoming."

"No."

"No?" I tilted my head back to see his face.

"No. My priorities are you first. You speak foolishness in saying you're 'troubling me.' I want every thought in your head and contemplation of your heart. I want it all, Freckles. Your greedy husband wants it all."

"Including my body?" I asked, mischief in my voice.

He softly chuckled. "Well, that was a given. Allow me to unfasten your dress, lovely wife, and I'll show you how much I want your body."

As Edward was unhooking my dress, his father came to my mind again. Such a bittersweet homecoming it was for Edward.

"We should discuss your father," I said.

Edward stepped in front of me and eyed me in just my chemise, his gaze lingering on my breasts. "_Now_?"

"Yes. Whatever do you think is wrong with him?" I asked as I sat down on the bed.

Edward sat down on the other side of the bed and shook his head.

"I wish to God I knew. It's like, he's there and then he's not. And that living in past moments…thinking Mother is still alive and then not recognizing us…it's all so sad. So…awful. My father was always a larger than life personality. A great man."

"He's still a great man. And he's kind and gentle. He's dear to my heart already."

"He seems to already set great store by you. Your kindness and good soul…he sees that and admires you for it."

"You over compliment me and we're discussing your father, not myself, Edward Cullen."

"But I do so love discussing you, my dearest. And I do believe I've told you before that it's impossible to over-compliment you."

"Hrmp. Back to your father. Do you think he needs a nurse? Someone to watch over him and make sure he's taken care of and kept safe? That not knowing where his room was or who we are…that frightened me. What if he forgets who _he_ is? It makes me fear he may wander off one day."

"I hadn't even considered that possibility. You're right. He needs a nurse, someone to keep constant watch of him."

"And I think that we could use another hand or two around the house. There's so much cooking, cleaning, and laundry to be done now that we've all moved in. If we can afford it, that is."

"Money is not the problem. At least I don't think so. Jeremiah has been acting as an estate manager with father…incapacitated. I'm to meet with him in the morning and see how Dungannon is faring. We'll head into town in the afternoon. I need to visit the bank and you, my dear, need some beautiful dresses."

"I just need a couple of dresses. Even just some material to make my own. Actually, the lot of us could use some new clothes. Bolts and bolts of yard goods are needed. Thread, needles…shoes! Oh, definitely shoes, for the boys especially. Best check the pantry and see if we need any food supplies whilst in town…"

Edward chuckled and pulled me to him for a kiss. "There's my Freckles. My little general planning her next battle."

"I hardly think a trip into town and plans for sewing clothes a battle, husband. But Edward…" I drifted off, unable to finish my sentence.

"You're afraid that my sister is looking for such a battle."

"In her letter she sounded so different. I thought she wanted us here, and now that we're here…"

Edward sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand. "Truthfully, I have no idea what's going on with my sister. She's so altered from the girl I knew five years ago. I promise that I'll have a good long talk with her and try to smooth things out."

I nodded and scooted over until I was flush against him, snuggling my head under his chin.

"This room really does meet with your approval?" he asked me as he lazily stroked his fingertips down my back tracing my spine.

"It's a beautiful room. It's a beautiful home. You're fortunate to have been raised here."

"I've always loved this house. My mother made it a happy home." I heard the pain in his voice and clutched his chest.

"I wish I could have met her," I replied softly.

"Me too, Freckles."

Feeling the need to do something to ease his sadness, I tilted my face back and met his eyes. "Love me."

"I do love you. Very much so," he replied, amusement winning out over sadness in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I meant, Edward Cullen," I replied, pretending I was cross with him.

He chuckled and rolled us so that I was lying most over his body. He gripped my bottom and scooted me up until I was placed over his growing firmness. "Oh, you meant _make love_ to you. That I can readily, happily do."

"Well. Get on with it."

He laughed. "Ah. There's my fiery Freckles, bossing me around." He shot me a bone melting smile.

"Are you ever going to stop blathering and actually _kiss me_?"

He chuckled as he rolled us again so that I was under him. "Like this?" he asked.

He then kissed me deeply, his mouth loving mine, his tongue tangling with my own for so long, I felt as if I had melted into a puddle underneath him. He pulled his head up and waited for my reply. I couldn't even remember my name, little lone reply to his question at the moment.

"Well?" he asked with a cocky grin.

Fierce desire shot through me for my husband, a feeling coming over me of possession and want so powerful that I simply could not contain it. "Just like that, Edward Cullen. _Just_ like that," I replied huskily as I gripped his neck and yanked his face back down to mine.

I was greedy for him and was tugging at his body, but he resisted and whispered to me to slow down and allow him to dwell on my person properly. As he began to make love to me slowly, with great precision, I conceded his point and relaxed, allowing myself to be attended to. This seemed to greatly please my husband as he was humming in delight as his fingers lightly traced over my skin. His mouth followed with gentle kisses, and light flicks of his tongue. I closed my eyes and let myself drift in his love-making. He brought me to that release that is so welcome, but always so unexpected. He placed loving kisses on my face as he held me through that blessed journey.

"Look at me, dearest."

My eyelids fluttered open to find his green eyes gazing down at me in love. "To have you here, in my home, in my bed…I can't tell you what this means to me. Never again doubt where your place is. It's right here, with me, just as my place is with you. I am yours, Isabella Cullen. _Yours_."

I took his hand and placed it on my chest over my heart. "And, for what it's worth, I am yours, Edward Cullen."

"It's worth everything, Freckles. Everything. Never doubt that. Your devotion to me…" He gripped my hand and placed it over his thumping heart. "Words fail me, my dearest. Allow me to show you," he whispered as he entered my body. "Bella, my Bella," he breathed out, my name sounding like a prayer on his lips.

I stroked my fingers through his hair, tucking it behind his ear as I memorized his beloved face.

"Freckles?"

"Edward Cullen," I replied, winning a grin from my husband. "Aren't you supposed to be showing me something?" I asked, my lips quirking in amusement.

Edward chuckled and slid a hand under my bottom, lifting me, tilting my pelvis so he could penetrate me deeper.

"Ah," I sighed in pleasure.

"Better?" was his amused reply.

"You could say that. Now kiss me, husband, and show me the _one_ thing I'm quite sure you're very skilled at."

"Christ Almighty," Edward said and laughed. "You'll always keep me humble, Freckles."

Then he kissed and kissed me, and made love to me again and again that night, proving to me that were _several_ things Edward Cullen was skilled at indeed.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I promise that the next chapter is an Edward POV, and I know I'm behind on replying to my awesome reviews, but I will catch them up this week.  
**

**Much love,**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	26. The best day

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 25: The best day**

* * *

"Mr. Cullen. I'm glad you're home," Jeremiah Engel said as he slid into the chair next to Charles across the desk across from me.

I briefly glanced up at them and then swept my eyes around the estate office before returning my attention to the ledger in front of me.

"It's good to be home," I replied off-handedly. "It's Edward, by the way. My father is Mr. Cullen."

"If you'd prefer. Jeremiah for me then."

I glanced up and curtly nodded.

"Straight to business, if you don't mind. Mr. Swan will-"

"Charles," he interjected.

I acknowledged that and continued on. "Charles will be shadowing you, as will I. I need a complete inventory of the horses and livestock, and an account of the amount of hay and feed put up for the winter for them." I skimmed a finger down the page of the ledger. "What was planted and in which fields, plus all equipment and the shape it's in." I looked up and glanced around the room again. "I also think that before winter it's best to check the soundess of both houses and all buildings and barns, especially the roofs."

"Sure," Jeremiah replied. "May I ask…am I being replaced? Will you still have a place for my family?" He briefly glanced at Charles.

"You and your family seem to have run Dungannon most favorably in my absence. I see no reason to dismiss you."

Jeremiah visibly relaxed. "And you and…Charles will be taking over the running of the estate?"

I nodded curtly. "I'll do the books and money, be the general overseer, and help when I'm able in the fields or barns, especially the horses. Charles will be in charge of all the livestock, and you, Jeremiah, will be in charge of all the planting and harvesting. Is that acceptable? Unless you two would rather switch those duties."

Charles and Jeremiah looked at each other and then both curtly nodded.

"Works for me. Always did enjoy animals," Charles replied with a slight shrug.

"That's acceptable. My hands in the earth is when I'm happiest," Jeremiah added.

"Good. That's settled. How is the house your family is living in?" I asked Jeremiah. I would have offered the overseers house to Charles if the Engel's weren't already occupying it.

"We have no complaints. Mother loves that house and her little garden she grows out back."

"Good, good. I'm quite grateful for your family keeping things going here while I was away."

"We've endeavored to run things as your father would have. We like it here, your family, our house, and having a steady income. Above all, I wish for our mother to be content and taken care of."

"As any good son would," I replied. "Now, with winter soon upon us, I wish to focus on the livestock. We'll form a plan this winter of the fields to plant, and the crops to plant in them. After that we can calculate how much seed we need to order and how many extra farm hands we'll need for the spring." I sat back in my chair. "And once I get a clear understanding of how things are faring, and make projections for the future, we'll discuss equitable profit sharing."

"Profit sharing?" Jeremiah asked in surprise.

"Yes. I've already discussed this with Charles. But first, I need to immerse myself in the ledgers and the inner workings of Dungannon."

"It's good to have you back, Mr. Cul-Edward," Jeremiah said. "I'm a simple man who's used to hard labor. That bookkeeping wasn't for me."

I nodded and then looked down at last year's ledger. "Now, Jeremiah, if you could explain to me why we didn't plant any barley last season…"

We three spent another hour discussing the crop rotations of the past few years. Feeling that I had a firm grasp on that subject, I ended the meeting. We were set to meet tomorrow morning for a walk-though inspection of the farm. Charles was off with Jeremiah to the barns, eager to see the horses and cattle.

Satisfied that I at least had some grasp on how Dungannon was faring, I tucked the account ledger under my arm and headed out to find my wife. I had become used to her constant presence and the need was upon me to see her face.

I dropped off the ledger in our bedroom hoping she might be there resting, but no such luck. She must be in the nursery.

_I should go find my sister and speak with her…no, that can wait until tonight or tomorrow. I needed to see my wife right now._

As expected, I found Bella in the nursery with Rosalie, Sadie, and the boys. She had already made a list of all the clothing that needed to be made or purchased for us all, and now was making a list of items such as needles, pins, thread, and yard goods from town.

I grinned and leaned down and gave her a little kiss that turned into a deep, greedy kiss, surprising both of us. Pulling back, I noticed the heat appear in her cheeks at my perhaps too amorous attention to her. I gave her a little grin and kissed her nose, particular to land on a charming freckle upon its point.

"Missed you, Freckles," I murmured quietly.

"Oh," she replied and ducked her head, clearly still embarrassed.

I sat down beside her, teetering on one of the small children's chairs from my childhood. "Now. We have some things to discuss, ladies."

"Such as?" Rosalie asked.

"I want to make sure the children have everything they want and need. If such items can't be purchased in town, then we'll order them from Pittsburgh. Same with dresses and bonnets, books, whatever you all would desire is at your disposal."

"You going to order me a husband from Pittsburgh as well?" Rose asked in amusement.

"If you so desire," I replied with a laugh. "But seriously, anything you and Ezra want or need. It's yours. That goes for you as well, Sadie."

Sadie just stared at me for a moment. "I got all I need, Mr. Edward." She hesitated, then squared her shoulders and spoke. "Will I be gettin' a salary?"

"You will. Is this what you wish to do, take care of the children?"

She firmly nodded.

"Well, then, that's settled. Is five dollars a month acceptable?"

Sadie blinked at me. "Five_ dollars_?"

I nodded.

"That's more than I'm worth, Mr. Edward," Sadie said, sounding shocked.

"Nonsense. Your bedroom meets with your approval?"

Sadie quickly replied. "Mine and Jonah's bedroom suits us just fine. Mr. Wills and Mr. Ezra share the other."

"I remember," I replied with a small smile. "And yours, Rosalie? You got the rose red room. Appropriate, yes?"

Rose laughed. "Perfect. I've never lived in such comfort. But are you sure I should be on the floor with the family?"

"Yes," I said firmly, shutting that down. "When I go to town today, I'm setting up a small fund for you and Ezra. It'll be yours to do with as you please."

"No, please don't-"

"It's already done. Please accept it graciously."

Rose looked away for a moment and then met my eyes. "Thank you," she quietly replied. "Come, Sadie. Let's go help Mrs. Engel with the mid-day meal."

"Book, dada!" Wills said as he plopped the thick bound book on my lap. I slightly jumped at the pain of him hitting my left thigh, but bit my lip to keep the grimace off my face.

Gathering myself, I reached down and pulled him up onto my right thigh. "This was my favorite book when I was a little boy like yourself," I replied as I turned over a much worn, much loved book on the adventures of King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable.

"Horse!" Wills said with a point to a picture plate.

"Yes. Very good, Wills," I replied in pride of him being so smart for not even a two year old.

I flipped open the book and began to read him the story of Arthur pulling the sword from the stone. I soon found I had a rapt audience in Ezra and Jonah. I got so wrapped up in the story and reading it to the boys that I totally lost track of time.

I felt a light touch on my arm. "Husband. I hate to interrupt, but we need to eat our mid-day meal, and then prepare to leave. That is if we're going to town today."

I looked up in surprise. "I completely lost track of time." I squeezed Wills in a one-armed hug and sent Ezra and Jonah a regretful look. "I'll come back before bedtime and complete the story boys."

"Promise, Uncle Edward?" Ezra asked.

I laid my hand over my heart. "I promise to do so. Now, it's time to eat, so go wash up, boys." Ezra leapt up and ran over to the water basin in the corner. Wills slid off my lap and quickly followed. Jonah…he slowly stood up and first looked at me and then the book I held in my hands.

I motioned him forward. "Did you like the story?"

He gave me a solemn nod. He reached out a hand and then pulled it back as if afraid I might punish him.

"It's all right. You may touch it."

Jonah looked at me for one long moment then tentatively placed his fingertips, not the picture in the book on the right-hand page, but the words on the left.

"These be words, Mr. Edward? You read the words?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"I'd like to read," he replied softly as he stepped back from the book.

"Then you shall," I replied.

Jonah just stared at me with wide eyes.

Bella brushed a tender hand over his hair. "Go wash up with the other boys, Jonah. I'm sure you're as hungry as they are," she said with a soft smile.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and turned to do as Bella told him.

Bella sat down beside me. I placed the book on the table behind me, then turned and took her in. I noted the look on her face that was full of admiration and approval for myself. I held her eyes for a moment then looked away. I'm not sure I deserved such a look.

Sudden dismay at all I'd put her through the past couple of years engulfed me. I closed my eyes and cursed my selfish person.

I felt Bella rub my arm. "Edward?"

I sighed. "Freckles."

"Are you feeling all right?" she asked me softly.

Hearing a giggle at my knee, I looked down to see my adorable son, his eyes sparkling, and a smile like sunshine upon his face. His shirt was soaked, and his hands dripping wet, but I did not care. I scooped him up in my arms, holding his wiggling and laughing body against mine as I also pulled my wife into my embrace.

"I am now, Freckles," I whispered out in joy against her hair, smelling of apples and all things good. "I am now."

After lunch, Charles, Bella, and I headed into town. Charles driving the wagon, and Bella and me in the phaeton. I was being selfish. I'd wanted just some time for me and her, so I'd requested Bella leave Wills at home. She'd never really been separated from him and fretted some, but managed to wrench herself away. Wills, for his part, was content to be where Ezra was and didn't seem to mind as much our leaving him for a few hours.

The day was sunny and surprisingly warm for autumn, and I found myself smiling in contentment as I flung my arm around my wife, pulling her close. After a short, companionable journey, we reached the small town of Summerdale. I noted that not much had changed around here.

"It seems a pleasant place," Bella said.

"The folks around here are fairly friendly. Summerdale is the name." I pulled back on the reins, and Wynter, the white gelding pulling the phaeton, responded with an annoyed whinny. He'd been enjoying the exercise apparently. "We're here. The bank first then the local mercantile."

Once the bank business was taken care of, we headed to the mercantile. We received a warm welcome from John Barrow, the owner.

As I discussed my homecoming with Barrow, I furtively observed my wife. She was standing in front of the dress rack, her fingers almost reverently touching a burgundy dress with black piping. I saw her lift the tag and her eyes widen at the price, before she stepped back and strode over to the piles of yard goods.

"We'll take that dress," I told Mr. Barrow as I walked over to the rack and held out the burgundy.

He rapidly nodded. "Sure thing, Mr. Cullen. Might I recommend this fine bonnet to match?" He held up a black bonnet with runched lace around the rim, and shining, iridescent feathers.

"We'll take that as well." I flipped through the dresses and pulled out a deep blue one that reminded me of my uniform. "We'll take this one as well." I pulled out a soft pink wool one, another wool one in a muted, buttery yellow with ivory lace, and an elegant striped silk in ivory and deep green. My wife would need at least one truly fine dress. "And these three as well. We'll need matching bonnets, gloves, and uhm, any other necessities my wife needs," I said, not willing to mention the unmentionables.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked me, sounding cross.

"Buying my wife dresses. You didn't pick any out, so I did." I pointed to the five I had just chosen. "These would look most fine on you."

"I don't need-"

"Yes. You do. Pick out at least two more and your, uh, garments to go underneath them. Slippers, boots, bonnets, shawls…you need a need cloak as well." I grabbed a ruby red wool cloak with brass buttons and held it up against her. I nearly gaped at how good she looked against the red. "This one. Definitely."

"Sure, sure, Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Barrow said in excitement of a large sale. He called for his daughter Jane and shoed her over to Bella to aid her with her shoes and undergarments.

"Really, husband, I do not need so much," Bella said with a deep frown.

"Please? For me? Don't spoil my fun, wife," I replied with a pleading look. It wasn't working, so I turned up the charm a bit. "Please?" I gave her what I thought was my best smile.

She rolled her eyes, and turned her head, trying her best to hide a grin.

"Oh, fine," she sighed in resignation, and allowed herself to be led by Jane to the back of the store to conduct ladies' business.

I was smirking at her back over my little victory. "Now, Mr. Barrow, I do believe I need to see your jewelry."

The man clapped his hands together and actually rubbed them in glee. "Yes, yes, indeed! Such a fine lady needs to be adorned with gold and jewels."

"Indeed," I replied with a wry grin.

I skimmed over the rings he had on display wondering which would appeal to my wife. Not being able to choose just one, I picked up a gold bracelet set with emeralds. I thought of the ivory and green dress and how well this would match it. "I'll definetly take this."

"Excellent choice, Mr. Cullen."

"Bella?"

She raised her head, then seeing me at the counter, jewelry in front of me, she frowned. She handed Jane the items in her hand with a quick word to her. Then she marched over to me, clearly ready for battle, but she wouldn't win this one. I would be buying her a ring today. I wanted proof on her hand that she was mine.

"Whatever are you up to now?" she asked in dismay.

"Picking out my wife jewelry. Please choose a wedding ring, and anything else you may desire."

She held my eyes for one long moment then turned to the rings that Barrow eagerly was holding out the case to display. With her lips pursed, she carefully inspected the rings, halting at first, on a large, fiery opal and diamond ring, all the colors of the sunset in its flash. Then she slightly shook her head and continued on to a small band with an emerald set in it.

"That one. If it isn't too much," she said quietly.

"It's not too much. But there are larger rings. Are you sure that's the one you prefer?"

She nodded. With her head down, she replied, "It reminds me of your eyes."

Oh, my Freckles. I nearly kissed her here in the middle of the store.

I pulled it out of the tray, and took her hand, sliding it on her left ring finger. She kept her head down, staring at her hand as I reached for the opal ring as well. I took her right hand and slid it on her right ring finger, pleased that they both fit.

Bella raised her head and gaped at me. "I said the green."

"And I say both."

"What? No."

Ignoring her protests, I turned to Barrow and handed him list of things for the boys. "And there's the other list of sewing items we need that my wife already gave you. Do you know of a seamstress needing work that may be able to come out to Dungannon for a month or so?"

"I do. Widow Hawthorne."

"Yes, I remember her. She had a dress and hat shop when I was a child."

Barrow nodded. "She closed that years ago, but she still takes in sewing."

"We'll speak with her."

"You're in need of other help?" Barrow asked.

"We are. We need some women to help around the house and garden in the spring, and field hands for next spring."

"Should I tell folks you're looking to hire and send them out to Dungannon?"

"That would be most helpful. Tell them to come to the estate office on the left side of the house. It has its own door. They can find me there in the mornings."

"Will do. Now, do you want these things delivered or will you be taking them with you?"

"We have a wagon. We'll take all we can and you can bring the rest."

"Sure, sure, Mr. Cullen."

The bell rang over the door and Charles walked in. "Well, got that all taken care of. Feels kinda funny to put my money in a bank, but I figure it's safer that way. Gonna look 'round and buy me some clothes and tobacco."

He noticed the rings on Bella's fingers and shot his eyes to mine. He nodded in approval before sauntering over to the men's shirts and trousers for sale.

Barrow and his daughter began to gather our large order and helped us load the wagon. He tallied the bill and was nearly dancing in delight at the total. I paid him, gratified I was able to do so after my trip to the bank this afternoon and seeing mine and Dungannon's account balances.

I glanced over at my wife sitting ramrod straight on the phaeton seat beside me. She was staring straight ahead and silent.

"You're just going to have to get used to it, you know."

"But I will not have to like it."

"How are you so different from other women? Most women would be over the moon to be showered with dresses and jewelry."

"I am not most women, Edward Cullen."

"This I know all too well and thank God for it."

"The dresses, the shoes, the shawls, this coat, the jewelry, the books…it's all too much."

I transferred the reins to my left hand and put my arm around her shoulders. "No, it's not. It's not even a partial amount of what I wish to bestow upon you."

"The only thing I wish for you to bestow upon me, Edward Cullen, is your love."

I held her eyes for one long moment, lost in their depths. "And you wonder why I would wish to shower you with gifts."

Her cheeks colored a bit and she averted her eyes.

"Forgive me. I did not mean to sound ungrateful." She looked down, almost shyly, and played with her new bracelet.

"You didn't sound ungrateful; you sounded overwhelmed, which I can completely understand. This is all new to you. Not just the having money or the new clothes, but moving to a new place and living in a new home with people that are strangers to you. So many changes in such a short period of time. On top of that, you're carrying our baby. I'm throwing too much on you at once that it's me that should ask forgiveness of you."

She sighed and then slipped off her bonnet and leaned her head over, resting it on my shoulder. We rode that way in companionable silence until I pulled the phaeton to the side of the road and stopped. I motioned her father on and told him we'd meet him at home.

I continued on after him, but made a turn off a road to the left instead of following on to Dungannon.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked quietly.

"I wanted to show you something."

I drove for about a mile before coming upon a burned out farmhouse. I pulled Wynter to a stop, and pulled the brake. Bella sat up and looked at the house in curiosity. I leapt down and offered her my hand. She looked confused, but took my hand and stepped down beside me.

I guided her toward the house where I paused at the remnants of the porch, and just stared at the ruin.

"This was your home, wasn't it?"

I nodded. "This is where my birth parents, Edward and Elizabeth Masen, died. This is the first place my life completely changed paths."

"How did you survive and they did not?"

"Elizabeth carried me out and laid me on the ground a safe distance from the house, but Edward had fallen asleep on the divan. It was his lit pipe that had set the fire. Mother went back in for him…and never came back out. I was found under those bushes over there," I pointed to thick, wildly overgrown bushes some forty yards away. "Mother told me I cried for two weeks for my birth mother Elizabeth."

Bella leaned against my side rubbing my lower back as she gazed upon the charred pile of wood that had once been a sturdy, two story farm house.

"My heart hurts for the scared and hurting little boy you were. Do you remember that life at all? Do you remember them?"

"No. I was too young, about Wills' age, when it happened. I wish I did. I wish I had a memory of their faces and their voices."

"Those would indeed be precious things," she quietly replied as she gazed up at me with those big brown eyes of hers. "The Cullen's gave you a good life, though, and loved you as a son."

"Yes. They couldn't have loved me more than had I been their natural son. I was fortunate in that."

"Do you wish you had kept the Masen name?"

I pondered that. "No. That life, that boy, he died here," I said with a point to the burnt rubble. "I'm a Cullen now. Carlisle and Esme are the only parent's I've ever known."

I sighed. One last look at the past, and then I turned and gazed upon my future. "Shall we head home? I'm sure you're tired, and hungry, and missing Wills."

"Yes to all of those."

As we headed back to Dungannon, Bella was quiet and thoughtful. Finally she spoke, "You said that was the first place your life completely changed paths. What were the others?"

"I would have thought those would be obvious."

"The day I found you?"

I nodded. "And the day I made it back to you. The day I saw your face again and beheld our son. The day I knew that I got to keep you both forever. That was the best day of my life."

"That was indeed the best day," she replied. "I thought you a dream," she murmured, her face soft, her eyes unfocused. "When you said my name…I didn't think it real. I was terrified to turn around and you not be there. I wouldn't have been able to bear it," she finished barely as a whisper.

I reached over and gripped her hand. She glanced at our hands and then bestowed upon me that grave look of hers.

"They'll be other best days, God willing."

"Yes, but none will quite ever match that day, Freckles."

She nodded, and then placed her hand on her stomach. "I hope this baby is a girl. I'd like a daughter, wouldn't you?"

"I would. One that looks like her mother," I replied with smile.

"Better her father," Bella scoffed. "You get to name this child. I named Wills. It's only fair."

I pondered that for a moment. "Lydia Elizabeth if it's a girl?"

"That's beautiful, yes. But what if he's another son?"

I thought to my aide, Thomas Marshall who'd so needlessly lost his life due to my cockiness. I'd loved that kid and grieved mightily over his death. It still haunted my dreams…my nightmares…

"Would you mind Thomas if it's a boy?"

"Thomas Anthony, I think," she replied.

"Yes. I like that," I softly replied.

We were silent again until the house came into view.

"It's for him, isn't it?" Bella asked.

"Him who?"

"The one you have nightmares about. Private Marshall."

I pulled Wynter to a stop in front of the house, and carefully applied the brake before I turned to face her.

"Yes."

She gently touched my face. "So many burdens you bear. So much heartache."

I gripped her hand and pressed my cheek into it. "But I have you to chase away the darkness, to bring me light and joy. I do believe it's the only thing that keeps me sane. Left to my own devices, I'd soon spiral down into fathomless dark depths of melancholy and self-hatred."

"I would never allow that, Edward Cullen," she replied with that grave look of hers.

I leaned in and gave her a kiss. "I know, my dearest. I'm one of the lucky soldiers that got to come home to a loving woman. I pity the poor men who have no such kind and comforting influence in their lives."

I stepped down from the phaeton, and then helped Bella down handing her the bonnet she left lying on the seat. I lightly gripped her elbow and guided her to the house. She turned to me at the front door with an appraising look.

"What is it, Freckles?" I asked with a grin.

"Two things I noticed, husband."

"And those might be?"

"Well, one, you're walking better. The longer you're back with me, the better that leg is getting."

"True. I don't use a cane much anymore, do I? Perhaps it was spending hours in the saddle that aggravated my leg. Perhaps it's just being with you so that I don't focus on myself anymore."

"I doubt that my presence is enough to distract you from discomfort," she scoffed in disbelief.

"And there you would be incorrect, Freckles. And the other one?"

"And, well, the other one is," she stroked a fingertip down the lapel of my jacket, "you look most fine in this suit. I've never seen you dressed in your own clothes before other than your bloody and filthy uniform. You look like a gentleman farmer."

"Ah, most fine? I like that, Freckles," I said low and seductive as I crowded closer to her person.

She backed up a bit. I pursued her with intent.

"And I suppose had I said you look handsome and desirable, you would've liked that even better?"

"Handsome _and _desirable? Now we're talking," I replied huskily as I pulled her into my arms.

"Edward Cullen. This is most improper. We're on the front stoop for goodness sake!"

"Whoever said I was proper? Proper is highly over-rated in my opinion."

She turned her head and tried to hide her grin. Composing herself she turned to me with a stern look.

"Unhand me, husband."

"Or you'll…?"

"You know, you're not near as clever as you think you are."

Her eyes got wide as she looked at something behind me. I turned to see who was there and she slipped out of my embrace.

I laughed and lunged after her. "You little cheat!"

"Are you ever not going to fall for that?" she asked with a laugh, as I swept her up in my embrace again.

She was wiggling around in my arms, avoiding every attempt of mine to place my lips to hers.

"Aggravating woman! Be still and allow this desperate husband of yours to kiss you properly."

"But it's ever so much more fun to tease you, Edward Cullen."

I chuckled, and then dropped to ground, pulling her into my lap, where I held her firmly.

"That was unfair!" she said with a huff.

"Nope. All's fair in love and war, they say. Except I would add, love, war, and stealing kisses from my wife."

Before she could respond, I captured her lips in a joyous, hard kiss.

"I do so love you."

Her gaze softened. I skimmed my fingers over her features, tracing her face, in thrall of my lovely wife.

"We should get up," she said softly.

I sighed and nodded. I helped her up and then she offered me a hand.

I gave her a stern look. "Go inside and rest some before dinner. No cooking for you this evening." I kissed her forehead and prodded her toward the door.

"But…"

I shook my head. "I said no cooking. Just rest. I'll be back after I put up the phaeton and stable Wynter. I best not find you at work."

She crossed her arms and I could see her rebellious nature rearing its head. "Not going to win this one, Freckles. Besides," I pulled out my trump card, "you know you want to spend some quiet time with Wills."

That did it. I saw the look on her face, the little grin to herself at the thought of soon holding our son. "Of course, you're right."

"Of course I am," I replied cockily, and she rolled her eyes.

"That's all I need, you with a bigger ego," she muttered.

"What was that, Freckles?"

"I _said_ you know nothing, Edward Cullen," she sassily replied as she reached for the door handle.

I gripped her around her stomach, pulling her back against my chest. I placed my lips against her ear and whispered huskily, "I thought we established that I knew quite a few things, Isabella Cullen. It seems I have some demonstrating to do tonight to refresh your memory."

Feeling me getting hard against her backside, she wiggled a bit, causing me to bite back a moan.

"It seems you do, Edward Cullen," she pertly replied and then slipped in the door, closing it firmly behind her.

I shook my head, but was grinning as I leapt back into the phaeton. _Now, if only the conversation I have to have with my sister and her husband could go so well as the day I'd just had with my wife,_ I thought with an annoyed exhale.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	27. A most interesting experience

**Some notes that may clear up some confusion; Edward is adopted, as is Alice. I mentioned that in chapter seven: **_**A Price above Rubies**_**, the day Edward and Bella visited her woods. That was quite a few chapters ago so that's my fault for not referencing back to that chapter before the last. **

**Edward does have his own money, quite a bit of it actually, so he may purchase whatever he chooses. The Alice situation and her attitude will be worked out in this chapter.**

**This story is nearing the end, but it is building to…something. Good or bad, I'll not spoil it, but thanks for sticking with me, dear readers. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 26: A most interesting experience **

I leaned back against the front door, grinning to myself. My happiness in my loving marriage blossomed like a flower within my chest.

My eyes swept the hallway, noting the decorative woodwork, the silk wall coverings, and the framed oil paintings. The staircase was especially lovely with its carved banister. How truly beautiful this home was. Edward's mother Esme's touch, no doubt. Sadness overtook me that I would never get to meet the woman that had captured Father Cullen's heart. Also that I will never know Edward's father as he was before. I felt almost cheated in that I would never get to know the surely amazing couple that they had been.

I shook myself out of my musings and then realized I'd lost my bonnet somewhere in all that playfulness with my husband. Opening the front door, I quickly located my bonnet on the front stoop.

As I went toward the staircase, I had to pass the double doors to the parlor on the left. I saw Alice standing at the second window, her arms crossed over her chest, and a hard look upon her face. She slightly turned and met my eyes and I nearly recoiled. I hesitated, and went to pass on and ignore her, but civility was integral to my personality, and I could not.

Finding my composure, I stood up straight and inclined my head. "Good evening, sister."

"I'm _not _your sister. I guess you think that was cute, that little display on the front lawn? I should have known that such a common person as yourself, barely understandable with that accent, would be so crass as to make a display of yourself in plain sight."

My mouth fell open. Words were stuck in my throat. Never in my life had I been so rudely insulted.

"New cloak, I see. Rings as well. I'm sure my brother bought you an outrageous amount of things at the mercantile. I'm sure John Barrow was in heaven. That old stock had been sitting there forever, since before the war. Those dresses for sale there made by the Widow Hawthorne are severely out-dated. I only order my dresses from New York City, but I guess Summerdale's cast-offs are good enough for your sort."

I finally found my voice. I gathered my dignity around me, squared my shoulders, and set my face in impassiveness.

"Edward was most generous in his gifts to me, that much is true. As to what he purchased, or how old the style of the dresses may be, I don't believe that's any of your concern. I found them to be most fine and perfectly acceptable."

"Of course you did," Alice replied.

"Have I offended you in some way? I do not understand your anger towards me."

Alice flung her arms down and gripped her hands into fists. "Your _presence _offends me. Your being southern offends me. Your attitude offends me. Your face offends me. There's _nothing_ about you that doesn't offend me."

There was a deafening silence after Alice's proclamation. She waited for my reply with a look of defiance.

I held my head high, refusing to be intimidated by this woman. "So, this is about prejudice, not myself."

"Oh, you think you're so clever. You think that because you clearly have Edward wrapped around your little finger that you have any right to judge me."

I lifted my brows. "As you're doing to me?"

"This is my home."

"As it is mine as well."

Alice raised her chin and appraised me. "I see you're no mouse. I'd been expecting some quiet, docile country bumpkin."

"As to being from the country, that is accurate, but no one has ever accused me of being quiet or docile."

"You, your kind, you caused all of this. I hate that you're in my home. I hate that you're part of my family. I hate it all."

"My kind?"

"You. Southerners. You caused this war with your vile slavery and your ignorance. Due to that, thousands upon thousands are dead. Even the soldiers that made it home aren't whole, their bodies and minds broken."

"It had nothing to do with me. Nothing whatsoever. I abhor slavery, as did my parents. Me, my family, we never owned slaves. You cannot sweep a blanket over the south and assume we're all alike. Same as if I was to judge all northerners by you. It would be an unfair, and unflattering, comparison."

Alice turned from me, folding her arms across her chest.

"You don't know what it's like. I had Jasper for one month, _one month_, before he went off to that horrible war. I was left here with father and his deteriorating mind. Then the sickness I nursed them through, and mother's passing. I had Dungannon to run and no skills to do so. Thank God for the Engels. I'd have been lost without them. Then Jasper comes home, his mind in torment, his arm gone…I thought he'd be my salvation, but I had to become his. Then father took a turn for the worse, I became with child…"

She flung her arms down again and turned to me.

"I wanted, _needed_ my brother home to take care of us all, take care of Dungannon. Can you imagine my shock and dismay when I got a letter from him, from _Virginia_ of all places? Telling me he's begun a new life with a wife and child? Can you even imagine my anger at him? He should have been here, taking care of things, but instead he was with you. Still, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and asked him to come home, willing to accept you and your child to get my brother back."

I just stood there, silent and still and allowed her to speak her mind. Clearly she'd been storing up anger and resentment for years and I was whom she had chosen to unleash it upon. Sudden compassion filled me for all she'd been through. I understood her anger now. It had nothing to do with me. She had been just looking for someone to blame in all this, and I was the easiest target.

I sat down my bonnet on a table and slowly unbuttoned my cloak. I pulled it off and sank down onto a chair.

Alice waited until I was seated to begin speaking again.

"My shock at Edward showing up here with not just you and your child, but five other people, two of them Negroes was a bit much. It was like a slap in the face. As if Jasper hadn't been hurt enough, he had to have reminders of the war thrown in his face. No wonder he's been practically holed up in our bedroom suite. Can you blame him?"

I looked down and gathered my thoughts. I saw Alice sink down into a velvet cushioned seat across from me.

"You love Jasper very much, don't you?"

"He's everything to me," she whispered as she looked down and laid a loving hand on her rounded belly.

"That's how I love your brother. There is nothing I wouldn't do to secure his happiness. He is my heart."

Alice remained silent, lost in thought, gently stroking her belly. I decided that perhaps she needed to hear how it was for me and maybe it would cool some of her anger and resentment.

I looked out the window, watching the wind blow the branches of an oak tree, making the bare branches gently bounce as if dancing to some silent tune only it could hear.

"It was under an oak tree very much like that one outside the window where I found Edward."

I glanced at Alice, but she was still looking down, acting like she was ignoring me.

"My father, he'd kept me home, terrified of raids on the farm and me coming to harm. I'd chafed under that seclusion though. So one day, when he went out to plow the south field, I slipped on my cloak and headed out to my beloved woods that backed up to the rear of the farm. I had walked some ways when I stopped in shock at seeing a Yankee covered in blood lying under a tree."

I glanced at Alice to find her listening to me in interest. _Good_, I thought. She needed to understand how close her brother had come to death and how much he and I loved each other. I continued my story.

"I shook him, and when he opened his eyes, those green eyes of his, I felt something inside of me recognize the soul inside of him. I had felt God had sent him for me. I had thought him mine, that beautiful, wounded Yankee." I paused and glanced down at my new wedding band. "He _is_ mine. I'm a possessive sort," I said with almost a grin. I saw Alice's lips twitch, but she held in her smile.

"I got him back to the house, argued mightily with Father, but in the end, we got him in bed and Father sent for the doctor. The doctor would not treat him, so I decided I'd save his life myself. I'd refused to let him perish. God had sent me Edward Cullen, I was not about to allow Him to take Edward back."

Alice did slightly smile then, but it was short lived.

"The first bullet had gone through his shoulder, and that was bad, but it was the bullet that had lodged in this left thigh that worried me. I had to dig it out…cauterize the wound-"

"My God," Alice murmured and placed a hand over her mouth.

"…and pray he would live. I nursed him back to health telling God he could not have him, not yet. Not while I still had breath in my body."

I had to pause as I dwelled in those memories of nursing Edward, sitting beside his fevered body, terrified he'd die. I thought to the words we'd whispered in the darkness, of the first time I lovingly touched his body, the first time I showed him my depth of feeling for him by taking his hand…

I began to whisper. "Somewhere in there, I fell in love with Edward Cullen. Perhaps I loved him from the moment I first saw his face. By the end of his convalescence, he'd fallen in love with me as well. It wasn't planned, it just happened. But I'd counted myself the fool. He would leave me, go back to that damned war, because he was a noble man, and was guided by duty."

"Yes, that is Edward," Alice quietly replied.

"When he left me…I cannot tell you the depth of my despair. My world as I'd come to know it had ended. I'd had three months with him, _three months_, but that hadn't been enough. No amount of time with him would ever been enough."

"Yes," Alice whispered.

"I lived hell on earth after he left. Only the joy of carrying his child roused me from my grief. Over two years later…the day he made it back to me…"

I had to pause again, and gather myself.

"There are moments in your life, so powerful, so full of joy, you cannot properly describe them. That was one such moment. To hear his voice again, to see his beloved face, to touch him, hold him, wipe his tears…I'd gotten my heart back. From that moment on, I swore we'd never be parted. Where he goes, I go. I love him, but that's not even the right word. It's past love, a thing bigger than both of us that has no name."

I looked at Alice to see tears in her eyes. "Oh, Bella."

"I hope you understand that nothing was done with malice toward you or your family here. Edward had to come back to me for we are one. It does not mean that he does not love you or your father, or his home, it was simply that he had no choice, any more than I did." I reached out for her and took her hand. She looked as me uncertainly, but allowed me to grip her fingers.

"This is Edward's home. You all are his family. My place is by his side. Please, Alice, let us have peace between us. It's all I ask, for Edward's sake."

Alice stared at me for one long moment and then began to cry. "What have I done? I'm a fool. I've said terrible, terrible things to you. Judged you without knowing you. Hated you for things that had nothing to do with you. What kind of person am I?"

I gave her a soft smile. "A hurting person. A person who's been overwhelmed by life. A person carrying a child, like me. It makes you kind of insane once in a while."

Alice let out a surprised laugh. "It does indeed. You too? A baby?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Yes. About two months along now."

"How…wonderful. I'm so sorry. I ask your forgiveness, which I do not deserve in the slightest."

"It's done. Let us not speak of it again," I said.

Alice curtly nodded. She then averted her eyes. "Bella, I'm scared."

"Why?"

"This baby. I'm terrified I might not live through the delivery. I cannot leave Jasper alone. I cannot leave him. He'd never survive my death."

I felt the tears spring to my eyes. "Rose, Sadie, and me have all had children, and Rose and Sadie have experience in delivering babies. We will not allow you to perish."

Alice broke down in tears. I got up and pulled my chair beside hers, and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against me and sobbed until all the pent up fear and grief in her soul was released. Perhaps I wept with her. We women had endured much during that horrible war. So much pain, worry, heartache…only another woman could truly understand such feelings.

After a time, she sat up and pulled a handkerchief out of the pocket of her dress. She wiped her face, blew her nose, and took a deep breath.

We shared a look of understanding, before she gripped my hand and gave it a squeeze.

I felt Edward's presence and looked up at him standing beside my chair, an odd look on his face as he eyes went from Alice's tear-stained face, to our joined hands, to my face.

"Freckles? Are you all right?" Edward asked in worry.

"I'm fine. I think Alice is better now as well."

Alice nodded, and then stood up and clasped her brother to her in a smothering hug. "I missed you! I'm so sorry about how I've acted since you arrived. Believe me; never has any sister been so glad to see her big brother."

"Alice," Edward said, his voice full of emotion. "It's so good to be home. Are we at peace now?"

She stepped back and gave him a smile. "Yes. I have no excuse for my behavior, but know that for now on, I'll be the Alice you always knew and hopefully loved."

"You're my sister. Of course I love you," Edward replied.

Alice grinned, and it completely changed her face to looking young and pretty. "And Bella is now my sister. You best treat her right. It was a very fortunate day that she found you under an oak tree. You've married yourself a good woman, brother."

"This I know. Bella is quite simply without compare. She's…she's…" His reached for my hand and lifted me up to stand in front of him. Those green eyes of his were full of love and admiration as he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "She's mine."

I was unwrapping my new pink wool dress when Edward came into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"I thought you'd look pretty in the pink," he said as he gripped my arms from behind and tugged me back against him. He slipped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. I leaned into him and covered his hands on my stomach with my own.

"It's a beautiful dress. I only hope I can do it justice."

"You will, but it's the dress that needs to do justice to you."

I sighed. "Always the flowery words."

"Yes. Always for you, Freckles."

I shook my head. "Did you have a talk with Jasper?"

Edward exhaled and then let go of me to sit down on the bed, careful not to crush my new dresses.

"I did. He's in bad shape. The war messed with his head even more than mine."

"And he lost his arm. It cannot be easy for a man to live without a limb."

Edward nodded. "He feels useless to Alice."

I shoved over my dresses and sat down beside him. "Alice said as much. She's so worried for his welfare."

"She should be. He's been back from the war for a long time now, but he hasn't moved past the horrors he witnessed."

"Can we help him?"

"I don't know," Edward said almost as a whisper. "They're here because Alice refused to leave Father after Mother's death and his descent into senility. Someone had to take care of Father and Dungannon. She was the only choice." He turned to me. "I think perhaps, Bella, I not only failed you and Wills, I failed my family here as well. Alice was in no way capable of running the estate. She was bred to keep house, cook, entertain, wed, and have children."

"She hired the Engel's. She did that right."

He nodded. "Yes. That was the wisest choice she made. That saved Dungannon from ruin. My family owes much to the Engel's."

"They seem like good people. Especially Mrs. Engel and Jeremiah."

"Yes."

"Are Alice and Jasper going to stay? Does he have family to go to?" I asked.

"No. His only living relative, his father, passed away recently. He died in debt and the family farm was sold to pay his debts. You wish them to leave?"

I shook my head rapidly. "No. Of course not."

"I'm glad you feel that way because they're practically destitute. Without my father, and now my, generosity, they'd be hard pressed to survive."

"And Alice with child. No wonder she was so upset when we arrived. Perhaps she thought that you were going to toss them out on their ears with nowhere to go. She was prepared to fight to have a home for her family."

"She's got one," Edward said firmly. "Bella, why does Sadie eat in the kitchen?"

"That's her choice, plus it made Alice and Jasper uncomfortable."

"I promised that she'd always have a place at my table."

"Again, it's her choice for her and Jonah to eat separate. She's says it's not right or normal for them to be eating with white folks."

"Could I convince her otherwise?" Edward asked me, but I was already shaking my head.

"No. She's a person that once she's made her mind up, there's no changing it. Best just leave it be, husband."

Edward sighed in resignation. "I'll defer to your judgment in this."

"That's always your best bet," I pertly replied.

Edward laughed and kissed my cheek. "Now, perhaps my lovely wife would model some of her new clothes for me?"

"Starting with my new, soft linen chemise's?"

Edward gave me a crooked, wicked grin. "Certainly, but I can't promise you'll model them for long."

"Why, whatever can you mean, sir?" I asked in my best southern accent, causing my husband to break out in laughter.

"My little southern belle, I do adore you."

"My accent isn't common?" I asked, truly wanting an honest answer. I'd never really thought about having an accent until Alice had brought it up twice.

"Common? What do you mean, Freckles?"

"The way I speak, the way my family speaks? Are we…do we sound like backwards country bumpkins?"

"No. Whatever gave you that idea? I've always found your accent charming. Truthfully, I never much gave it much thought; It was simply part of who you were. Your slightly accented voice is all soft and pretty like your face."

I rolled my eyes. "Why don't you bring me flowers instead of sprouting them from your mouth, Edward Cullen?"

He laughed, seemingly charmed by my response. He reached for me and pulled me into his lap.

"Flowers? This time of year? I don't think I can manage that. It'll have to wait until spring. Perhaps kisses will suffice?"

"Kisses will always suffice, Edward Cullen."

"You know, when you make that face at me, I want to…"

"What?"

"Better I show you, Freckles," he replied. Before I knew what he was about, he'd shoved over my dresses and had me on my back on the counterpane.

He slid over me, his hair falling down alongside his face, his green eyes dancing with mischief, and I wanted to shout with joy. I reached for him, desperate for his body against mine.

"Then show me, Edward Cullen," I demanded as I gripped his neck and my lips met his.

The next day I was in the kitchen with Rosalie helping prepare the mid-day meal. Mrs. Engel was feeling a bit under the weather today and stayed home, so Rose and I were taking up her duties. Sadie was taking the boys for a walk leaving me and Rose to enjoy some quiet time.

I looked up in surprise from my bread slicing to find Alice standing in the kitchen doorway. "I…I came to help."

"It's most welcome, but perhaps you should sit down and rest, and just keep us company. You look a bit peaked."

Alice was due to deliver in the next six weeks or so and, even though I hadn't voiced my concern to anyone, I _was _concerned. Alice was so tiny. So thin hipped. I just didn't know if her delivery would go easy.

"Yes. Sit," Rose ordered. "Have a cup of tea." She poured her a tea in a fine china cup adding two teaspoons of sugar. "Drink."

Alice blinked at Rose's bossiness, but picked up the cup and sipped as ordered.

She was silent as she listened to me and Rose chatting about raising children. The food was almost ready, so Alice volunteered to ring the big dinner bell located on a pole near the back porch.

Jeremiah was the first in; apparently he had been close by. He took off his hat, placing it on a hook, and then washed his hands in the basin by the door. He sat down at the kitchen table, silent, but observant. Rose quickly served him a bowl of chicken soup and a large sandwich. He murmured thanks before tucking into his food. The Engel twins were next, soon clomping up the back stairs, and then their heavy boots thumping across the kitchen floor.

"For you, Mrs. McCarty," Aaron said. At least I think it was Aaron. He held out his hand full of…something with a wide grin.

Rose eyed his offering. "What is it?"

"It's a little rose shaped rock. It reminded me of you."

"Oh." She darted her amused eyes to mine, before making her face serious. "Thank you…"

"Aaron," he said quickly.

"Aaron," Rose repeated. "It's nice."

Moses shoved Aaron out of the way. "And I found this for you, Mrs. McCarty." He handed her a large, beautiful, shiny black feather.

"That's pretty. Thank you, Moses."

I looked to Aaron to see him frowning at his twin. This could be trouble.

"There's chicken soup and sandwiches if you're hungry," I said to try to divert their attention.

It worked, for they washed their hands, and then sat, and we served them. However, I noticed they exchanged frowns at each other as they ate.

Jasper appeared, leading Father Cullen, then my husband and Father, and Sadie and the boys. We all ate, and then Jasper led Father Cullen to the parlor. Sadie took the boys upstairs for some play time. The Engel twins along with Father and Edward went back outside, but Jeremiah lingered. He sat in his seat at near the end of table and fiddled with his coffee cup.

"I'm going to lie down on the divan. Let me know if you need me," Alice said and slipped out of the kitchen.

I began clearing the table, and Rose leapt to aide me, but I shooed her back sitting. I felt something was about to happen here. I slid a cup of tea in front of Rose and refilled Jeremiah's coffee cup. I then made busy at the sink with my back to them both.

"Mrs. McCarty," Jeremiah said, "I feel I need to apologize for my brothers."

"It's Rosalie, and no need. I found their gifts sweet."

Jeremiah scoffed. "Rocks and feathers are no gifts to woo a woman with. Might as well bring her a handful of weeds."

"Well, Mr. Engel, I found them to be given in the spirit of kindness-"

"More like the spirit of competition. My brothers have no idea how to properly court a woman. That's my fault, I guess. Please call me Jeremiah, if you will."

I slightly turned to try to coyly observe them.

"So, tell me…Jeremiah, how _does_ a man properly court a woman?" Rose asked him, her voice low and inviting.

I was immobile from the suddenly charged atmosphere in the kitchen.

He held Rose's gaze for a moment, then a slow, lazy grin spread across Jeremiah's face making him almost handsome.

"I do believe, Rosalie McCarty, you're about to find out."

He stood up and nodded to first Rose, then me. "Good day, ladies. Thank you for the meal…and the company," he said with a wink to Rose before grabbing his hat and sauntering out the door.

I turned around and nearly laughed at the look on Rose's face.

"Oh, my."

"Oh, my, indeed. It seems like you have a serious suitor on your hands, Rose."

"It seems I do. When he just smiled at me…mercy." Rose fanned her face.

I laughed. "I do believe he'll turn out to be a charmer like Edward. You don't stand a chance, Rose."

"You know, Bella, so far I'm finding that Pennsylvania is turning out to be a most interesting experience."

"For me as well, Rose. This was a big change, but a good one. So, I guess I'll have to tell Edward that he can cancel that order from Pittsburgh for your husband."

Rose laughed and threw a cloth napkin at me. "Right. Look at the postage he'll save!"

Edward came back in the door. "What's going on here?" he asked with a grin.

"Oh, it seems that Rose just acquired herself a suitor," I replied.

"Truly? That was fast. Hmm. Jeremiah Engel?" he asked with a smirk.

"Perhaps," Rose coyly replied.

"Well, then. I can cancel that husband order from Pittsburgh I guess," Edward said.

Rose laughed. "That's exactly what your wife said! I swear sometimes you two are the same person. I'm gonna go check on Alice. Be right back to help with the dishes, Bella."

Rose left the kitchen and Edward slipped his arm around me, pulling me against his chest. "I forgot to kiss my wife before I left. I came back to remedy that."

I shook my head. "You did not. You remembered just fine. You just came back to steal more kisses."

"Oh. Well, maybe I did. I know how you love my kisses, Freckles."

He gave me that smile of his that made me a bit crazed.

I reached up and gripped the lapels of his coat. "Well. It seems you do know something, Edward Cullen."

"I know lots of things, not the least of which is I love you and you make me glad to be alive."

"Yes. Me as well."

"Are you content here, Freckles?"

"I am. Things are working themselves out. Life is different here, but good."

"I couldn't bear for you to be unhappy, my dearest. Not after all I've put you through."

I shook my head. "How could I ever be unhappy when I'm with you?"

"You near shatter me with words. I'm defenseless against such honesty from the woman I love."

"You mean, the woman that loves you."

"That too."

"You know, Edward Cullen, I'm glad I didn't leave you to die."

He chuckled. "You'd have never have left me to die, Freckles."

"Hrmp. Don't be so sure. Do you know how hard it is to get an unconscious man thrown across a saddle?"

"That's it. Keep reminding me the debt I owe you. It's one that I will never, ever be able to fully repay."

"You owe me no debt, husband."

"No, I do. You saved my life. You saved me."

"Perhaps you saved me as well," I whispered. "Things were lost, innocence for one, but look at what was found."

"Love," he replied.

"Joy," I added.

"It all still seems so unreal. Tell me it's not a dream, Freckles," he said, fear in his voice.

I hugged him to me, snuggling my face under his chin.

"No, Edward Cullen. Not a dream. No dream could ever match the reality of this, of us."

"Of you," he whispered, against my hair.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**Much love,**

**Sunny**


	28. For the love of Edward

**I want to give huge thanks for all the love and support for this story. I can't express my love enough to you, my dear readers. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 27: For the love of Edward**

I stood in front of the full-length mirror as I finished pinning up a long braid. I'd been given a pretty vanity table with an oval mirror, but I'd spent my life fixing my hair up while I stood and it felt strange to sit and do this.

I looked different, not better, but different. Softer perhaps. My standard severe hairstyle I'd worn most of my life didn't seem to suit this beautiful house and my lovely new clothing. I'd parted the front of my hair and allowed it to loosely flow back to the complicated coronet at my neck. This style took some time, but I had decided I would allow myself this vanity.

I smoothed my palms above my ears to pat down any stray hairs, but halted in realization that I was falling back into old habits. Making a sudden, rash decision, I pulled down a couple lockets of hair to frame my face.

There. Better. For me, that was almost shocking.

I pulled the locket out from under my dress now that I'd finished my hair and settled it on my chest. I watched myself in the mirror as I skimmed my fingers over it, my most cherished possession. Not only had it been a gift from Edward, it was something to connect me to his mother. Something that I could pass on to our daughter, if God would be so kind to bless us with one.

I stepped back a bit and surveyed myself in my new burgundy dress. It was a little large, needing to be taken in, and a bit short, but there hadn't been time to do the alterations to it, and I wanted to wear one of my new dresses today. I studied the woman staring back at me in a finer dress than I'd ever owned, in a hairstyle the likes of which I'd never worn, gold rings upon my fingers…and wondered that she could even be the same drab Bella I'd always been.

I had changed. Perhaps it was marriage, or motherhood, or maturity settling upon me. Perhaps it was the contentment of my being, a rightness of my spirit, that was the true alteration of my person.

I heard the click of the latch for our bedroom door and turned to find my husband just standing there gazing at me, wonder upon his face.

"My wife. You take my breath away."

I looked down, shy of his compliment. "The dress is a bit on the short side. I haven't had time to let out the hem." I fiddled with the cuff of my sleeve. "I suppose also that I'm taller than the average woman."

"You look beautiful," Edward said as he gripped my hands.

I shook my head.

"Please allow me to compliment you a bit, Freckles. Though the words from my mouth can never express what I truly wish to say, nor truly do your person justice."

"You never seem at a loss of words to me, Edward Cullen."

He chuckled. "Nor you, my dearest."

"Do not compare my speech to your blathering."

"I would not dare," he replied with a wicked grin.

That grin. Oh, how I loved that grin. It struck me near dumb at times.

"Finally at a loss for words, my wife?"

I rolled my eyes. "That'll be the day. I think I'm going to kiss you now to quiet that foolish mouth of yours."

Edward chuckled and gathered me into his arms. "Excellent. I win again."

"Insufferable man."

"Oh, I don't think you find me too taxing. There are times between me and you that I think you find most…agreeable," he replied, sounding very sure of himself.

"And those might be…?"

"I'm beginning to think you tease me on purpose just to rile me up. Rattle my masculine pride a bit."

"As if anything could rattle that. A more cocksure man, I've never known."

"Well, if I'm sure about one thing…"

I gave in to mirth at my husband's naughty teasing. Edward joined me in laughter, his smile wide, and his eyes dancing.

I was grinning as I placed a swift kiss on my husband's lips. "Good morning, Edward Cullen."

"Good morning to you, Isabella Cullen." He looked down and placed a palm on my stomach. "And good morning to you, Baby Cullen."

I sighed in happiness. "Lydia or Thomas."

"Yes," Edward said softly."Your hair."

Self-consciously, I reached back and skimmed my fingers over my intricate bun. "I was trying something new since I have new clothing. It suits me?" I asked, feeling uncertain about my attempt at a new hair style.

He stepped back and lightly gripped my shoulder to turn me away from him, then gently turned me back facing him again.

"So pretty. It most definitely suits you."

I shrugged my shoulder. "You suit me, Edward Cullen."

He didn't reply, he just simply pulled me to him in an enveloping hug.

"Find some time for just us today," he whispered against my hair. "I need it. I can't even bear the thought of having to wait until this evening to have you back to myself."

"And I thought I was the greedy, possessive one."

I felt his chest rumble with soft laughter. "You are, but then, I am as well. Do not doubt it, Freckles. Do not doubt me."

I sighed and stepped back out of his arms. "Never."

We shared a long, loving look.

"It grows late. You need to go get your father and make sure he's dressed for breakfast, and I need to go get Wills."

Edward nodded. "When I'm with you, it's easy to forget that there's a world outside this cozy bedroom."

"We always have our nights together."

Edward gave me a knowing look. "And we always make the most of those, don't we, Freckles?"

"Do we?" I asked with a smirk as I strode to the door.

Edward was laughing as he caught up to me and pressed me back against the door, his body holding mine hostage there.

He let out a sad exasperated sigh. "Forever am I having to remind you of certain things, wife."

"Those being…?"

He took my lips in a hard, branding kiss. He kissed me so long, so thoroughly, that I became weak and surely would have fallen had he not been holding me.

"I'm reminding you of how much I want you, how much I need you, how much I love you."

"Oh, I think I was in possession of that knowledge already, Edward Cullen."

"I think it best I remind you on a daily basis, Freckles."

"I couldn't agree more," I replied with a grin as I pushed him back from me and darted out the door.

Edward was right behind me, his laughter echoing down the hallway. "Always running from me, wife."

"It's amusing to my person to make you chase me a bit," I saucily replied.

He caught me and pulled me into his arms again. "I truly don't mind. I'm eternally up for the challenge."

A clearing of the throat had us turning our heads to the left.

"You two are almost ridiculous," Father said with snort. "But I'm not complaining. Anyone that can get Bells to laugh and smile like that has my complete approval."

Edward nodded at Father. "I love her."

"Noticed," Father said with a laugh as he passed us to head down the stairs.

We'd been home over a week now, and all were settling in. Edward, Father, and Jeremiah had been working from dawn to dusk trying to get the estate prepared for winter.

Edward was thriving since he'd returned home, happy amongst his kinfolk, and in his element. His leg was doing better, his spirit much improved, and his nightmares were less frequent. Contentment and love are the greatest of healers apparently.

But the foolish man seemed to have no concern for his safety. Like the other day when I'd come outside. I'd near had a heart seizure to find Edward on the roof of the big barn. I had marched over to the barn and stood rooted to the spot, gazing up at him in fear as I hugged myself.

Edward had called down to me in amusement, told me to wipe that grave look off my face and to stop fretting, that he was being safe. Still, I'd stood there immobile my heart in my throat until he'd come back down the ladder. I'd given him a piece of my mind and most vigorously reminded him of his bad leg.

He had simply grinned and kissed my forehead before promising to stay off the roofs in the future.

Jeremiah Engel had not begun his courtship of Rose, not that I'd seen. He'd just been so busy, but he had found time, along with the assistance of his brothers, to hang a swing for the boys from an obliging maple tree out back.

Alice and I were slowly becoming acquainted. I found her full of humor and lightness of being when she wasn't fretting over her upcoming confinement or her husband Jasper. Japer…I'd yet still to have a complete conversation with him. He was so fragile in spirit, the poor man. No matter of Alice's devotion to him, it wasn't enough to return him to his former personality she had confided in me. Perhaps his child would be able to accomplish what his wife could not.

One thing very strange I did notice yesterday that I'd been pondering, was my father and Sadie. Just for one moment I saw him look at her, and I could have sworn there was affection upon his face. It was a fleeting, gone almost as soon as it appeared, but it had caused me to wonder if my father was in possession of a tender for Sadie, and if she felt anything at all for him.

I shook my head. Such foolishness. I was seeing couples everywhere apparently. My imagination running wild.

I looked down at my muted yellow wool dress. I could finally wear it thanks to the alterations of the seamstress Mrs. Hawthorne. She along with her granddaughter Susannah, had arrived three days ago, and we'd placed them in the last free bedroom temporarily until their work was completed. Susannah was a tiny, solemn girl just seventeen and out of school. I'd noticed her grandmother Mrs. Hawthorne had turned her still sharp eyes upon the Engel twins on more than one occasion. Looking to do some matchmaking, I presumed. As much as I had come to like Aaron and Moses, I wasn't sure if they were the stuff of husband material, though. At least not to a quiet girl like Susannah.

Another young woman, Gracie Sparks, had been hired to do laundry and cleaning, freeing Mrs. Engel up to be in charge of the kitchen. We'd placed another bed in the room with the Hawthorne's, so for the time being, our home was truly full up to the roof. I thought of the differences between Susannah and Gracie. One small and shy, and the other plain and plump, but vivacious and full of smiles. Gracie was the type of girl I could easily see marrying one of the twins.

What am I doing? Matching people up in my mind again? I nearly laughed out loud. In matters of the heart, it's best to just let folks work things out for themselves.

I set my mind back on the household. We still could use another girl to help with the house and garden, and we had all agreed that Father Cullen needed a nurse. We'd as yet to find someone we trusted enough to care for him, so for the time being, we all took turns caring for Father Cullen. Even my Father pitched in. Actually, my Father and Edward's father got along quite well. They played endless games of checkers, had long talks on the porch, and Father was even re-teaching him how to play chess.

Bringing my mind back to the present, I glanced over at Father Cullen in the rocker beside me. It was a pleasant autumn day, sharp and clear. The wind was mild, and the sun was blessing our countenances with its warm rays. We were sitting on the large back porch that ran almost the length of the house, and I had Wills in my lap fighting his nap. Father Cullen was in his rocker sporadically pushing it back and forth.

It was one of his off days where he was living in the past so we all were keeping a close eye on him. I had volunteered today, desiring his company. I often did this, for I had grown quite fond of Father Cullen. I didn't mind his rambling or his forgetfulness. To the contrary, I found him to be sweet and charming, and I was fiercely protective of him.

Father Cullen looked at Wills dozing on my lap. "Edward's getting big."

Never wanting to confuse or dismay him, I always just went along with his thinking.

"He is. Almost two years old now."

"But that can't be right. The fire. He was near two then."

I realized he was talking about the fire that took Edward's birth parents.

"The fire must've just happened," he murmured, and then his face was set in great distress.

We'd been outdoors for some time, and worried that he was about to have one of his little episodes, I thought it best I get him indoors.

"Would you like a lie down?"

He nodded. "That does sound pleasant. I'm just so weary."

"I'm heading upstairs. Allow me to accompany you," I offered.

He nodded in acquiescence. I stood and adjusted Wills on my hip then offered Father Cullen my arm. He stood and I led him back into the house. I handed Wills off to Rose as I passed by her in the kitchen. I then led Father Cullen up to his room.

I had him sit on the side of the bed as I untied his shoes and slipped them off.

"Lay back, Father Cullen, and rest a while before dinner."

He looked at me in confusion, and then a smile lit his face. "Esme."

I shook my head. I let most things pass, but I never wanted him to confuse me with his lost wife. "No, I'm-"

"Esme," he gripped my hand hard, his voice urgent, "Edward must never know."

I went very still. The wisest thing I could have done would have been to walk out that door, and pretend this never happened, but horrible, sinful curiosity compelled me to answer him.

"What mustn't Edward know?" I asked softly.

"About the fire. He mustn't know."

"He'll know his parents died and that you adopted him."

"No, no. I'm not talking about that. He mustn't know his father killed his mother and then himself. For the love of Edward, we mustn't ever tell him."

I couldn't speak. I battled with myself for a moment, and then threw what was right and wrong out the window. _Forgive me Lord, I'm about to do something reprehensible, for I must know of what he was speaking._

"Remind me again what happened."

"Edward Masen…he had asked me to stop by. We were to discuss the sale of his farm after supper one night. His wife Elizabeth hated the country and wanted to move to the city, but he was reluctant to leave. They argued much, I believe. Everyone knew of his wife's unhappiness. I was willing to make Edward a generous offer for the farm. Elizabeth was a close confidant of yours, and her being happy would have only increased your own happiness."

"Yes. You're kind like that," I said.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Esme."

I felt the tears spring to my eyes. I understood now where my own husband had gotten his devoted nature. I sat down beside Father Cullen on the bed and placed my left hand over our joined hands.

"You're a good man."

"Only because you make me so."

"The…story?" I managed to strangle out, my heart aching so bad it was filling up my chest and choking the very breath from my body.

"I knocked, but got no answer. The door was partially open and I heard the babe crying, so I pushed the door the rest of the way open, and a scene met my eyes that I'll remember until my dying day. Them both dead, blood everywhere…" his voice trailed off.

_Dear Lord, please forgive me. I've much to atone for. I should not have asked._

"You rest now. We'll talk again some other time," I said in distress of asking him about such horrible memories.

"No. I need to say this properly just once. You should know, Esme. Know it all. They were long dead, but the babe lived. I stood there and held that little boy as I looked from his dead parents to his face. That sweet face, those big green eyes full of tears…really, what choice had I? I went and placed little Edward in the carriage…argued most strenuously with myself, and finally did what I thought was the right thing to do. But Edward, he must never know."

I closed my eyes. "No," I agreed. "But…the fire?"

_God help me, I must know. _

"That was me to cover up what Edward Masen had done. I didn't want that little boy to live with the stigma and scandal of his father being a murderer. I told everyone that the house was on fire when I arrived and that Edward had been over in the bushes, saved by his loving mother who'd apparently gone back in to rescue his father. Only I knew, so I felt it harmed no one. It was a gift I could give that little boy who became my beloved son. Did I make a mistake?" he asked me.

I thought about all he'd just said, and realized I'd done much the same in his place. I'd do that and more to protect Edward.

"No. You made a choice. His parents were already gone. We must aide the living, and let the dead sort themselves out."

"It's my burden to bear. No one knows, but myself, and now you."

"I promise I will not tell."

He searched my face. "No. You'd never betray me."

He closed his eyes and his head fell back on the pillow, his grip on my hand growing lax in sleep. I slid my hands from his and arose from the bed.

I stood there for a moment watching my father-in-law in his slumber and then slipped quietly out of his room. I leaned back against his closed door and let the burden he'd just given me settle inside myself, and then I pushed it to the back of my mind. I'd have to account to God later for my actions just now. I wasn't proud of myself, and because of it, I was now in possession of information I shouldn't be.

There are some things that are just best forgotten, some things that a body is forever better off not knowing. There'd be no benefit in Edward knowing such a thing. Best he's left with the false truth that he knew. He'd endured so much in that cursed war; I'd not burden him with an unpleasant family history. Like Father Cullen, I'd readily shoulder that burden and keep that secret as long as I lived.

I loved Edward no less than his father, indeed more, and there was nothing I wouldn't do to secure his happiness. I briefly pondered if there was anything I wouldn't do for the love of Edward.

I heard footsteps and then my husband emerged from the stairs onto the second floor landing. Spying me at his father's door, he paused and then approached me.

"Freckles. Is something the matter?" he asked as he tenderly stroked a fingertip over my cheek.

I shook my head, and then flung myself against him, holding him fiercely in my arms. He softly cried out and then gripped me back just as tightly.

"Bella?"

"I love you, Edward Cullen. I love you."

He gripped my neck as his eyes searched my face and tears welled in his eyes. "No matter how many times and ways you say that to me, I'll never get used to it."

"A body should never get used to love nor take it for granted. We never know when these fragile lives of ours will end, our bodies perish."

"You're scaring me, Freckles."

I reached up and gently cradled his face in my palm. "That was not my intent, heart of my heart. A talk with your father just reminded me how fortunate we are to have each other for he's lost his love," I said, my voice breaking.

"He'll be with mother again. Don't fret, dearest. We live on. I've seen too much death not to believe that our bodies are not who we are. What rests inside us, our spirit, our soul, that's who we truly are. Death doesn't end love. That's not even possible. Besides, I will not allow God to keep me from you even in death."

I nodded as I blinked away my tears. "Nor I. And you're right, of course."

He gave me a crooked grin. "Of course I am."

Despite my tears, a little laugh escaped me.

"That's better. Enough of being maudlin. This is a depressing subject indeed. I need my smiling wife back."

I patted his chest them gave him a little kiss. "She's right here in front of you."

"Thank the Lord," Edward said with much emotion.

I heard Wills crying for me from downstairs. I took Edward's hand, tugging him toward the staircase.

"Come, Edward Cullen. Our son needs us."

Late morning the next day, I was in the front parlor with Alice and Rose when we heard a carriage coming up the drive. Alice, with help from Rose, arose from the divan and went to the window.

"The Reverend Noble and his sister. I must get upstairs. I'm almost to my confinement and not fit to be seen."

She left, and Rose and I looked at each other.

"Am I acceptable?" I asked as I stood, smoothed down my pink wool dress, and felt my hair to see if it was still neat.

"You look fine. Me?"

"You as well. I'll get the door if you'll go ask Mrs. Engel to make tea, and send Gracie to fetch Edward, please."

Rose quickly darted out of the parlor, heading back to the kitchen, as I furtively tried to glance out the window without being caught.

I was a little nervous to greet them on my own. _Gracie please hurry and find my husband_, I silently pleaded.

A hard rap on the door almost made me jump. I shook my head at my foolishness and went to greet our visitors.

I opened the door, and attempted a small smile, but I'm afraid in my nervousness that the reverend and his sister were greeted instead with my "grave look" as Edward called it.

The man gripped the edge of his hat and slightly bowed. "Reverend Tobias Noble and my sister Miss Tabitha Noble."

"Isabella Cullen, Edward's wife. Won't you please come in, Reverend Noble and Miss Noble?"

"Thank you. I hope we're not inconveniencing you," Reverend Noble said.

"Not at all. I just called for tea. Perhaps you'd care to join us?"

"That'd be most welcome. It's a chilly day for making calls," Reverend Noble said with a smile.

I took their cloaks and the minster's hat, surprised to realize how young he was. I realized as well that he was most comely and in possession of a simply beautiful head of light brown curly hair.

I led them into the parlor and as we sat and exchanged pleasantries, Rose came back into the parlor. Reverend Noble quickly stood and then his mouth fell slightly open as if he was a fish out of water.

I often forgot how truly beautiful Rose was until a man looked at her like that.

I stood to make introductions. "Rosalie, this is Reverend Noble and his sister Miss Noble."

"Reverend Noble. Miss Noble. My cousin's widow, Mrs. McCarty."

"Mrs. McCarty, it's truly a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Tobias Noble said, nearly tripping over his feet to take her hand.

"Yours as well," Rose said with a slight grin and a look to me.

We were seated again, and I tried to be social and ask him questions about the church and congregation. He replied to me with expansive answers, but his eyes often strayed to Rose. Miss Noble added nothing to the conversation, but there was no need, for her brother kept up a steady stream of dialogue. Edward soon joined us, setting me almost immediately at ease, followed by Mrs. Engel serving tea and cookies.

We had tea and chatted about light matters, such as current events in Summerdale. Finally, Tobias Noble got to the point of his visit.

"I'm sure you're busy, and you've already been most generous with your time. I simply stopped by to invite you to church on Sunday."

I looked to Edward, who gave me an almost imperceptible nod.

"We had planned to do so. It's just been so hectic with settling in and getting the estate prepared for winter."

"Of course, of course." Reverend Noble stood, followed by his shadow of a sister. "So we'll see you on Sunday. It's been a pleasure."

They departed, and Edward closed the front door, leaning back against it, a slightly exasperated look upon his face.

"An hour or two on Sunday will not be too painful, husband. Besides, if there ever was a man in need of some churchin', it's you."

He laughed and pulled me to him. "Was I that obvious?"

"Only to me, that knows you so well."

"With such an intelligent, observant wife, I'll never get away with anything."

"And don't even try," I said with one of my looks.

"My fierce Freckles. She's my favorite Freckles. Well, her and my smiling Freckles." He pulled me against him and whispered in my ear. "I stand corrected. My favorite Freckles is the one with her hair unbound, her soft skin upon display only for me as she looks up at me with love and want in those blazing eyes."

We were alone in the foyer, and Edward had been whispering, but still I felt the heat in my cheeks.

I stepped back. "Edward Cullen. Again, you just proved why you need to be seated in a pew on Sunday morning."

"Never said I was well behaved," he replied with a winning grin. "But I promise I will be seated beside you whenever you wish to attend church."

"You just wish to be where I am," I replied, knowing my husband for not being an overly religious man.

"Always. A truer statement has never been uttered."

I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. "My Edward."

"Yes," he simply replied.

I lightly knocked on Father Cullen's door. Getting no response, I carefully turned the handle and peeked in.

"Father Cullen?"

"He's with your father," I heard Alice reply. "I'm in here."

I followed Alice's voice into the small adjoining sitting room off her father's bedroom. She was sitting in front of a low table, an overflowing trunk and several things spread out in front of her.

"I've put off going through mother's things, but I figured it was time. Come, have a seat."

I pulled a chair over beside her, eying what she had laid out in curiosity.

"She loved this silk shawl," Alice said as she skimmed her fingers over a gold shawl with floral embroidery.

I watched her root through the trunk and then she pulled out a small case.

"Mother's jewelry box."

I watched her look through the jewelry. She selected a ring and a brooch then closed the case and handed it to me. I hesitated to take it.

"Go on. It's yours now. By right, Jasper and I shouldn't even be here. I should be in his family home and inheriting his mother's jewelry, but everything of his family's is gone. Edward is the heir and you his wife. These things are yours. I hope you don't mind that I keep these two items."

I rapidly shook my head. "No. These were your mother's. You should keep them all."

I tried to hand it back to her, but she stopped me with a firm hand. "No. They are yours by right. Edward will want, even insist, that these belong to you, and he'd be correct."

"But-"

Alice shoved the case back toward me. "They're yours," she said firmly. "Wear them, or simply hold onto them for Wills. One day all this will be his and those jewels will belong to his wife."

It was strange to think of my little son as a grown man with a wife. But it was also a pleasant thought that families continue on, lines unbroken, memories and mementos kept for future generations.

"I will treasure them and keep them safe."

Alice nodded. "Why don't you look inside? There may be some things you'd enjoy wearing."

I unhooked the box and tilted the lid back. Inside, in separate compartments, were three rings, so pretty and delicate, the stones I unsure of, not being a person to have ever owned jewelry until now. There was a pearl necklace, its shimmering orbs almost warm to my touch. A gold necklace with a ruby pendant, a bracelet and ear bobs to match. A couple of brooches, one especially lovely that was shaped like a peacock, and the other a gold bow with a watch hanging down from it. I picked it up and admired its beautiful simplicity.

"You should wear it," Alice said.

She picked up the brooch and held it against me. It looked especially fine against my dark blue dress.

"If you don't mind. I do like it."

"No. Mother would enjoy you wearing it. She wore it every day. She liked knowing the time."

Alice wound it and then set it to the time on the mantle clock. She then leaned over and pinned it on my chest.

"Perfect. I like you wearing that necklace and brooch." She pinned on her dress the small bird brooch she had picked out, and then slipped on a ring with dark stone on her middle finger. "There. Now mother walks amongst us."

We shared a smile.

"I like that."

"I as well. Let's finish going through mother's clothing and see if perhaps there's things we'd wish to wear."

At first I felt strange going through her mother's clothes, but Alice was so matter-of-fact about it all. She stated that it was better things get worn than thrown out, so I soon lost my trepidation and picked out a lovely white shawl and a pair of soft grey leather gloves. The rest I left to Alice to do with as she pleased.

I went over to mine and Edward's bedroom and carefully placed the jewelry case on my vanity table. I laid my hand atop of it for a moment, and smiled to myself thinking about Esme Cullen and how much Carlisle had loved her.

Before dinner, I went to our bedroom to freshen up and retouch my stubborn hair. When Edward came in to wash up and change his shirt, he paused at seeing the watch brooch on my dress.

"Mothers. She wore it every day."

"I hope you don't mind if I wear it. I love it. Alice gave me your mother's jewelry today."

Edward shook his head. "Mind? All that is yours by right to wear as you please."

"Alice said the same, but still, I wanted to be sure."

"There you go being timid again. This is your home. Yours. You are the lady of the house to do as you please."

"Still, one cannot just go barging through here like a bull knocking people willy-nilly to get their way. Some diplomacy is required at times. We all do have to live together under one roof."

"Agreed, but do not forget that as far as how this house is run, what we eat, how the servants are ordered about, how the garden is planted and with what, how even the furniture is arranged in the rooms or how the house is decorated; that's all up to you and you alone."

"I see."

"And if anyone ever has a problem with that, send them to me."

"I can take care of myself, Edward Cullen."

"I'm sure you can, but I will not have my wife disrespected. Ever."

"You know, you're oddly attractive when you're all bossy."

He blinked and then a wicked grin split his face. He tugged his shirt and undershirt over his head and stood in front of me bare-chested.

"And how about now?"

"A definite improvement," I murmured as I skimmed my eyes down his lightly muscled torso.

"How long until the meal is ready?"

I lifted my eyes to his. "What?"

He chuckled. "I asked how long until the food is ready."

"Oh. Another half-hour I'd think."

"Excellent," he said and was over to me in a heartbeat, spinning me around and unhooking my dress.

"Whatever are you up to, Edward Cullen? I wasn't changing my dress for dinner."

"I didn't want to mess it up when I made love to you."

"You're not making love to me right now."

"Huh. We'll see about that, Freckles. Step out of the dress so that I may lay it out on the chair."

I stood there just staring at him, until I gave in and slipped my arms out of the sleeves and stepped out of the skirt. Edward carefully draped my dress over a chair. He quickly relieved me of my chemise and unbuttoned his pants. Next thing I knew he'd picked me up.

"Whatever are you doing?"

"Put your legs around me, wife."

I hooked my ankles around his bottom, and then he spun us so that I was up against the wall.

"Edward?"

"Bella?" he replied with a grin.

Before I could reply he took my mouth in a deep, greedy kiss. I clung to him, whimpering with sudden desire. I felt his firmness pressing against me and wiggled a bit trying to find relief for the throbbing between my legs.

"Hold on, dearest," he said roughly and then… and then he adjusted us and plunged me down onto him. I threw my head back at the shock of what we were doing and the sudden delightful fullness of him inside of me.

Then he began to move me up and down onto him as he madly kissed me all over my neck and chest. I was shocked and delighted at such a joining.

"Damn this leg," he cursed, then stepped back from the wall and laid me down on the floor.

He was soon over me, sliding back inside of me, his movements almost fevered. He soon found his release, and I held him all through it, until he stilled his slow gentle thrusts and little tremors that wracked his body.

He lifted his head and grinned down at me. "That's just a poor example of what's to come later."

"I see. I did not know that could be done standing up."

"It can be done lots of ways, I presume. Even from the back."

"What? What do you mean? Show me."

"Truly?" Edward asked in surprise.

"Yes."

He slid off me and I sat up.

"How?"

"On your hands and knees I would think," he faintly replied, as if in disbelief of this conversation.

I saw him start to become firm again from just our words, and smiled to myself.

I got up on my hands and knees and looked back at him. "Like this?"

His mouth was hanging open, his eyes wide as he took in my position in front of him.

"_Christ Almighty, Freckles_," he ground out as he scrambled to his knees and gripped my hips. "I hope you're not too hungry, for we're gonna be damned late for dinner."

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**Thanks for reading! Hopefully my next update won't take so long. **

**Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there! **

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


	29. Something of my own

**Hello! Okay, the first part of this chapter is a Rosalie POV which I realize is different, but I promise it's not jarring, and I think you'll enjoy seeing Edward and Bella, and the choice that she makes though her own eyes. The second part of the chapter is Edward.**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters, but I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 28: Something of my own**

I lowered myself into the pew and smoothed down my new deep blue cloak. I loved it. I loved my new mossy green floral print dress I was wearing underneath it, my fancy new bonnet upon my head. Ezra had all new clothes as well, along with a warm new coat, and shoes. Never would I cease being grateful to Edward for his generosity toward me and my son.

"Mama. Want Wills!"

"Hush. You're not sitting next to Wills for we'd never be able to hear Reverend Noble over you two," I whispered. I tugged his body against mine. "Behave, or no dessert for you later."

"But-"

"It's Auntie Bella's apple fritters," I reminded him.

"I'll be good," he promised with wide eyes. Ezra's favorite food in the whole world was Bella's apple fritters. He wouldn't take the chance of missing out on them.

He sat back in the pew, and then pulled a carved bird out of his pocket, its wings spread in flight. He made motions like he was making it fly, and I softly smiled. Ezra loved the animals Edward had carved for him and Wills and Jonah. Edward was a good man. I could only hope to do as well as Bella in my next marriage.

I glanced to Bella to the right of me, Wills on her lap, and Edward beside her. Edward was fidgeting and already seemed bored. I heard Bella softly scold him, and his exasperated sigh. I nearly giggled right here in church. Edward was a man of action. Sitting in a church pew for an hour was not his idea of a productive use of his time. But he'd walk to hell and back for Bella, and she wanted this.

Thinking about it, he had been to hell and back, and walked to get to her wounded leg and all. The more I observed their devotion to each other, the more in awe of it I became. I'd thought mine and Emmett's love had been something big, but it paled in comparison to Bella and Edward's.

Perhaps big love like that was like walking down a dirt road and finding a large diamond lying there reflecting the sun. So rare, so out of place, one couldn't even imagine the possibilities of finding it or what you're even supposed to do with such a priceless gift you then held.

Perhaps it took certain personality types, the deep, intense types like Edward and Bella, for that kind of love to even begin to grow. I'd watched Bella near waste away in longing, her heart gone, her spirit nearly broken, waiting for a man that may never return to her.

That wasn't how I was and that kind of intensity wasn't for me. I had loved Emmett, and greatly missed him, but it didn't feel as if my heart had died when I found out he had passed. I was ready to wed again, and at this point in my life, I'd be happy to just be content. Gentle love is more for me. I wasn't looking for grand passion or fierce devotion.

In front of us sat Mrs. Engel and her sons. I drifted my eyes over them, briefly settling them on Jeremiah.

The minister, Tobias Noble, stood and held up his hymnal, instructing us to our first hymn. As we sang, I studied him. He was a handsome man; there wasn't any debate about that. He was in possession of an open, genial personality, and a dry sense of humor. He did get a bit long-winded once in a while, but he was a preacher after all and used to talking and holding people's attention.

Tobias' eyes met mine and his mouth curled into an almost imperceptible grin. I darted my eyes back to my hymnal. As I softly sang the chorus, I heard Jeremiah in front of me, his deep baritone surprisingly pleasant to my ears.

These past few weeks had certainly been interesting ones for me. Tobias Noble had come up with several excuses to stop by Dungannon, often lingering for tea or even our mid-day meal. He'd been there so frequently that even Alice had relaxed and made appearances when he was there. Jasper seemed to enjoy his company for he often sat in the parlor, silent and observant during Tobias' visits.

My eyes rested on Tobias again, thinking about how much I enjoyed his company. He liked to engage me in conversation, often provoking responses out of me on subjects I hadn't realized that I held an opinion on. He made me think, and I liked that.

The hymn ended and we all sat down. Jeremiah slightly turned as he sat and I studied his profile. He was enormous, surely six-and-a-half feet tall, and was not a handsome man. Plain would be the kindest description I could think of. I looked from his profile to Tobias' at the pulpit and knew there was no comparison as far as looks went. But then, only a fool judged others on their looks alone.

I spent the rest of the service deep in thought, not really hearing one word Tobias Noble had said. I rode back to Dungannon with Charles. Ezra had wanted to ride with Bella, Wills, and Edward in his phaeton.

"Are you happy here?" I asked, breaking the silence between me and Charles.

"Yeah. Guess so. Got my family around me, a job, plenty of food, and a soft bed to sleep in."

"But…companionship. Don't you miss it?"

He twisted his lips. "There's lots of folks 'round Dungannon. I'm not alone."

"But, do you think you'll ever wed again?"

I saw something pass over his face, but he shrugged and feigned disinterest. "Hadn't thought on it."

"I have."

He didn't seem surprised. "Seems you got a couple prospects, if you was thinkin' to remarry."

I nodded. "And what would be your opinion of those said prospects?"

"Between a reverend and a farmer, it seems your choice would be clear."

"Would it?" I murmured.

He shrugged again, but didn't reply. We spent the rest of the journey in silence, me again deep in thought.

The next day, Tobias was knocking on Dungannon's front door, and I admit to my pleasure in receiving him.

"Why, you look as pretty as a painting today, Rosalie," he said in greeting as he tugged off his hat.

We'd decided on informality between us when he visited here. Any other times, we addressed each other properly.

"Why thank you, Tobias. Lose the fight with your comb this morning?" I asked with a grin as I took his cloak.

He laughed. "This hair of mine certainly has a mind of its own. Rain is coming later." He pointed to the curly, frizzy mess on top of his head. "My hair never lies."

I reached up and wrapped a ringlet around my finger. "It's pretty."

His face suddenly became serious. He looked as if he would reply, but we both heard footsteps and I quickly jumped back from him.

"Reverend Noble! Welcome. You're just in time for our mid-day meal," Bella said with a welcoming smile.

Bella looked every inch the lady of the manor today in her best burgundy and her almost regal new hairstyle. I don't know if Bella even realized how much she had changed, but this serene, self-assured woman in front of us was a softer Bella. She was happy, content with her lot, and she wore it like a mantle about her shoulders, quietly sharing her joy with all those around her.

"Mrs. Cullen," Tobias said with a grin, "The food at Dungannon is sublime. It's my pleasure and honor to break bread with you."

Bella looked amused. "That would explain why your visits seem to have such fortuitous timing."

Tobias chuckled. "Am I that obvious? But perhaps I have other reasons to visit your fine home," he said as his gaze darted to me.

"Perhaps," Bella replied with a knowing little grin.

As we settled around the dining room table, Jeremiah came in the doorway. His eyes sought me out, but then he noticed Tobias taking his place at my left, and his face became hard. He turned and walked back out the doorway and did not join us the rest of the meal.

After we ate, me, Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Tobias retired to the parlor. Jasper sat beside Alice quiet and uncommunicative. I was on a settee with Tobias beside me, Bella in a silk striped chair across from us, a look of mild amusement on her face at Tobias' story.

"I fear I've over-stayed my welcome again. I find I enjoy the company so well here that I forget my manners." Tobias arose and nodded to each of us. "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen, for the fine meal."

"You're welcome here anytime," Bella replied.

"That's most kind," he replied.

I walked with him to the foyer, and held his hat for him as he slid on his coat. He reached out for his hat, hesitated, and then took it from me.

"Rosalie, my sister sent you a jar of her famous strawberry preserves, but I fear I've left it in the carriage. I'll just go fetch it."

"No need. I'll walk with you," I said as I grabbed one of Bella's shawls off a hook and draped it around my shoulders.

His horse whinnied to see us, apparently not appreciating being left to his own devices for so long. I ran a hand down his snout as Tobias fetched the preserves. He turned to me, holding out the jar. I took it from him, our fingers briefly brushing, and I realized I felt nothing.

He tugged his hat off, seem to begin to speak, closed his mouth again, and then took a deep breath.

"Rosalie. What is your opinion of me?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together. "I think you're a fine preacher, an amusing conversationalist, and have become a dear friend."

He nodded and looked down to his feet. "Friend."

"Yes."

"But what if we could be more than friends?" He raised his head. In his eyes I could see trepidation and his vulnerability in his request.

I laid my hand on his arm and gently shook my head. "I'm sorry."

"There's no hope?" he asked in a whisper.

"I fear my heart is already engaged."

"I was afraid so. Engel?"

I slightly shrugged.

"Forgive me. I completely misread the situation. The fault is mine entirely. I'll pray for you to have great happiness in life, even if it's not to be with me."

"And I'll pray for you to find a woman who will appreciate how special you are," I replied, feeling sad in this moment that I wasn't to be that woman.

He held my eyes for a moment longer, and then gave me a sad smile. "I'll see you Sunday. Until then, God bless you."

I hugged the jar to myself. "Please express my gratitude to your sister for the preserves."

He nodded and then hopped into his carriage, grasping the reins. One last look at me and then he was gone.

I watched him go, hoping I didn't just make a huge mistake. I felt eyes on me and turned to find Jeremiah over by the smokehouse watching me. As soon as I met his eyes, he turned and walked away.

Jeremiah made an appearance at dinner, but was sullen and silent, leaving as soon as he was finished eating. I followed his back with my eyes as he departed.

I sat back in my chair and hugged myself. It seemed I had some things to straighten out with him. As Bella had said to me many times, _a body needs to decide what it wants and then take it, consequences be damned. _

"Rose, you look a bit peaked. I think a little fresh air would do you some good," Bella said, knocking me out of my thoughts.

I nodded. "That does sound pleasant."

I went and got my shawl I'd left in the parlor, and then slipped out the back door. I stood on the porch gripping the ends of my shawl for a moment then I found my feet leading me to the maple tree. I stood staring at the swing hanging from a sturdy branch. I briefly considered it, and then thought, _why not_. I sat down and surveyed the estate in the falling darkness.

So lost had I been in my thoughts, I hadn't heard Jeremiah approach me.

"Would you like a push?"

His deep voice settled over me like a blanket, so comforting that I nearly sighed. I found myself nodding.

"Please."

I tied the ends of my shawl together, and then wrapped my hands around the ropes. He gripped the ropes right above my hands pulling the swing back, then let me go. He stepped aside and watched me swing in silence.

"Thank you for hanging this. The boys love it."

He curtly nodded. "Got them a wagon in the making in the barn."

"That's kind of you. They'll enjoy that."

He shrugged. "I like little ones, and I enjoy making things with my hands."

"And farming."

He nodded. "And farming. I like my hands in the earth. I like growing things. Someday I'll have my own farm."

"What would you raise?"

He pondered that. "Corn. Potatoes. Wheat. Maybe all those." He slightly shrugged as he shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked to the ground.

"Children?"

"What?"

"Would you raise children as well?"

I briefly saw longing on his face before he looked away. "Yes. I'd like a family of my own. Little sons and daughters."

"And a wife?"

He looked back to me in amusement. "Well, that would be helpful with the sons and daughters part."

"You seemed upset today."

He frowned, but didn't answer my query.

"Was it because the Reverend Noble was here?"

He scowled.

"He's just a friend."

"He wishes to be more than your friend," he replied, his voice laced with jealousy.

"No matter what he wishes, he'll never be more than my friend."

He went still at that, his eyes searching my face.

"Push me again?"I quietly asked.

He was quickly behind me, but this time, he placed his hands over mine on the ropes. I could feel his rough fingers sliding over mine, then curling over my own. He leaned against me, big and solid. I felt his body heat warming my back, and I nearly shivered.

"You're not pushing me," I chided him in a whisper.

He leaned his head down, placing his mouth next to my ear. "But then I wouldn't be close to you," he said in a tone of voice that made my breath catch.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed his large, rough hands covering mine, his big, warm body, slightly pressed against my own. Too long it had been since I'd willingly lain with a man, touching his solid body, clasping him to me as he made me his own.

"_Rosalie_," he whispered.

I did shiver then. I realized I wanted him, my soft-spoken gentle giant. I wanted to undress him and touch every bit of his big, hard body. I closed my eyes as the want near made me sway off the swing.

It's time to see where he and I stood. I knew what I wanted; I just prayed he wanted the same. I slid my hands out from under his and arose. I kept my back to him for a moment to gather my courage, and then I spun around and walked around the swing.

He was just standing there near eating me up with his eyes. I took two more steps and now I was near chest to chest with him.

"You know, you never did show me how to woo a woman."

"I believe I just did," he said gruffly, and then I was gently tugged against him, his lips on mine.

It was good. It was right, and I surrendered to its rightness by sliding my arms around his neck and returning his kiss whole-heartedly.

He ended the kiss with a muffled groan, sounding as if in pain.

"Marry me woman, before I die of the want of you."

I chuckled with quiet joy. "I don't think a man would expire of want."

"Perhaps not, but I may go insane with the want of you."

"That wasn't a very romantic marriage proposal."

He pulled me against his chest, just holding me in his strong arms, his head against mine.

"I'm not a very romantic man, nor a man of many words, but I swear I'll be true to you all of my days."

I tilted my head back so I could see his face. Mistaking my silence for lack of interest, he continued on.

"I realize I come with a family, but _Mutter_ is kind, and my brothers fools, but harmless. I told you I have ambition. I plan to own my own farm like this one someday, and I'll raise your son as if he was my own-"

I placed my fingertip over his lips.

"Do you love me?" I slid my hand down and gripped his shirt. "Do you?"

"Yes. I'd rather die tomorrow than live the rest of my days on this earth without you."

I smiled to myself. God had decided to give me another chance at love to a soft-spoken, gentle man.

I stepped out of his arms. "It's a chilly night."

"Yes. Do you wish to return to the house?"

"No. Not yet." I turned around and gripped my shawl about my shoulders. "Jeremiah, there's something you should know."

I felt him come up behind me and place his coat over my shoulders. His warmth and scent enveloped me, and for just a moment I allowed myself to dwell in him.

I heard Bella in my head saying "_Just get on with it, Rosalie McCarty_." Somewhere over the past couple of years, Bella had become the voice in my head, and I couldn't drown her out. Good, strong, wise Bella. If she was speaking to me, I'd best heed her.

"Rosalie?" Jeremiah asked, sounding concerned.

I hated what I was about to say and the very real possibility that he'd not want me afterwards.

"After my husband Emmett died, I lived with his mother until we got a letter from Emmett's uncle Charles saying vaguely that a woman was needed at his farm. I volunteered to go. I wasn't too keen to live with Mother McCarty any longer. She wasn't a very pleasant woman and I wanted to get out of her house, and from under her thumb. So I took my son Ezra and made a harrowing journey during the war from Tennessee to Virginia to get to Charles and Bella. The things I saw…I was never so glad to arrive at a destination. My parents lived nearby, my father being the town doctor, so I stopped by there first before Father brought me on to the Swan's."

He pulled me back against his chest, and I gladly rested there in his comforting solidness.

"Imagine my shock to have found Bella with child, Edward's of course. Bella and I soon became quite close. She taught me how to cook, and I taught her what she needed to know about being a mother. I was glad I was there to aide Father with her delivery. That was a hard one. Hard on her. I thought we were going to lose her and the baby," I murmured. "Just two days later…they came."

"Who…came?" Jeremiah asked in trepidation.

"The Confederate soldiers, led by a demon of a man. They took all our food, and then he wanted…he wanted…"

Jeremiah spun me around. "What did he want?" he asked, his voice laced with apprehension.

"He wanted a woman," I whispered. "He threatened Ezra and baby Wills…he said he'd kill us all…even the babies. What choice did I have? I had to save them. I had to protect my son," I whispered.

He gripped my face with trembling hands, tilting it up to his. "That man…he took you against your will?"

"Yes."

He let out a string of German that sounded like curses, then I was in his embrace, him cradling my head against his chest.

I searched for my voice, amidst my pain. I'd kept this locked up inside of me for so long, not even sharing with Bella how that experience had altered me. When I finally did speak, my voice was muffled and full of sorrow.

"And now you know I'm tainted," I whispered against his shirt. "I understand if you no longer want me. You should know everything. I became with child, but thank God I miscarried for I don't think I could have borne to look at the face of the man that raped me on my child's face for the rest of my life. God forgive me, but I'm glad I lost that baby."

I heard him make a sound as if he was in agony. He leaned me back on his arm, his gaze pinning me there, rendering me motionless.

"Ask me again if I love you."

"Do you…?" I took a deep breath. "Do you love me?"

"I do. I'm a peaceful man, not prone to strong emotion or violence, but I swear this to you now, no man will ever again touch you against your will. No man will ever hurt you again or I will kill him with my bare hands."

I was beyond speech. He still wanted me. He loved me. All I could do was gaze up at him with tears in my eyes.

"Marry me. I'll be a good husband to you, I swear."

I nodded and then blinked the tears out of my eyes. He pulled me up, crushing me against his big, hard chest, and then I let the tears have me. It was going to be all right. Jeremiah would keep me safe, and once again in my life, I would have something of my own.

"Walk with me," I implored Bella the next day. "Sadie's got the boys. I need your company for a moment."

"Certainly," she replied.

We donned our cloaks and bonnets and headed outdoors. I slipped my arm through Bella's and led her around the house.

"Look at all this," I said with a point to the house and then the land surrounding it.

Bella gave me an odd look. "Yes. It's Dungannon."

"Yes, and Edward would have forsaken every last bit of it for you."

Bella paused. "I would never have asked that of him."

"No, but he would have offered. Tell me, Bella, how common is that kind of devotion?"

"I have no experience in this other than my marriage to Edward, but I would think it uncommon."

"You'd be correct. Love like that isn't something most folks have in their marriage. But if one is lucky, they find a gentle love, a quiet devotion, and kindness."

Bella stopped walking and turned to me. "I feel this is leading to something."

"What do you think of my taking another husband?"

"I would hate to lose your companionship, but you're a woman that needs a man. You miss being wed."

"You're correct. I like marriage. I like the marriage _bed_," I said, prompting a shocked little laugh out of Bella.

"Well, I admit that is indeed a most gratifying side of marriage."

"Yes, well, I think we all know Edward can barely keep his hands off of you," I replied in amusement.

"Nor mine off of him."

We shared a laugh.

"This is a most improper conversation, indeed. Edward would approve," Bella said with a grin.

"Lord. I don't doubt that," I replied with a shake of my head.

"Rose, did you bring me out here in the cold just to talk about the marriage bed?"

I laughed. "Heavens, no. Come." I tugged on her arm and we began to walk again. After a time, I spoke again.

"I'm going to wed Jeremiah Engel."

Bella stopped walking and gaped at me. "Jeremiah? I thought you had your cap set for Reverend Noble!"

"Tobias? No. I admit I like the man. I enjoy his company, and the conversation is always stimulating, but no."

"But, I thought-"

"Jeremiah is the man for me."

"You love him?"

"I do. I'm following your advice, and taking what I want."

She gave me a look of approval. "As did I, and look how happy I am."

"I hope to be as happy as well." I gripped Bella's hand. "He's a good man who cares deeply for me. I'm making the right choice."

Bella nodded as tears sprung to her eyes. "After everything you've lived through…you deserve happiness, Rose."

I pulled her into a hug, holding her tight, this sister of mine.

"I love you, Bella."

"And I you, Rose," she softly replied.

x

I stared at Rosalie sitting across the desk from me in the estate office.

"What?"

"I said I'm going to wed Jeremiah Engel."

"But, it's so soon-"

"He offered, and I accepted."

"And you're sure about this? There's no need to rush off and marry. I've set you up a fund, and you have a home here-"

"Edward. I know what I'm doing and what I want."

I frowned. "Jeremiah should have come to me first and spoke to me of this."

She laughed. "I'm hardly some virginal girl needing her father's permission."

I slightly grinned. "No, but you are under my protection, and I would've liked to have been consulted."

"Next time I choose to wed, I'll be sure to check with you first," Rosalie replied in amusement.

"Be sure that you do. All right. Well, it seems I'm over-ruled. But I will speak with Jeremiah before you two go making plans."

"Yes, sir," Rosalie replied with a mocking salute.

"Sorry. Habit. What I meant to say was, please allow me to make sure he has your best interests at heart before you take the giant leap of marrying him."

"As a brother figure in my life, I'll allow that."

"Thank you," I said in relief.

"But it won't change my decision."

She had sounded just like Bella there. I shook my head with a chuckle. "I do believe you've spent too much time with my wife."

"I have, much to my benefit."

"I cannot disagree with that. Bella is all of our guiding influence."

"Fortunate us."

"Yes," I replied with a smile to myself, thinking about my wonderful wife.

"I'll let you get back to work," she said, and stood to leave. When she reached the door to the estate office, I called out to her.

"Rosalie?"

She turned back to face me.

"He will make you happy?"

Her face softened and she nodded her head with a little smile. "Yes. My gentle giant will watch over me and keep me safe."

I sighed and curtly nodded. It was done then.

She left and I went in search of Jeremiah. I may not be Rosalie's real brother, but I felt like I was, and had stood in that role. Despite what I'd just said to Rosalie, no man would be wedding her without my permission.

I found him with Moses, Aaron and Charles, all of them in the process of rebuilding the chicken coop.

"Jeremiah? A word, if you please."

He nodded and dropped his hammer. I noticed Aaron and Moses exchange glances before going back to hammering. He wiped his hands on his thighs, and walked over to me.

I indicated with my head that he follow me. I made sure we were well away from the others before I stopped at the wooden fence that surround the cow pasture. I rested my arms on the top rail as I gazed out over the herd that was looking for any remaining grass they could find.

Jeremiah leaned against the fence and waited on me to speak.

"Rosalie says you wish to wed."

"Yes."

I turned and held his gaze. "I would have liked to have been consulted."

"Forgive me, but Rosalie is a woman wed and widowed. I did not think I needed permission from you."

I stood up straight, surprised and quietly pleased by the unexpected back-bone he was showing.

"She's under my protection until she weds. I think of her as a sister. Her happiness is of the upmost importance to me."

"As it is to me as well."

"Why do you wish to marry her?"

Jeremiah looked off to the pasture. "Because I can't bear the thought of living another day without her being mine," he nearly whispered.

"You care for her? Truly?"

"Yes. I love her."

"You will be good to her, kind to her, or you'll answer to me. She's borne much in this life. Too much, perhaps."

His eyes met mine, and I saw that he knew. She had told him. If she had shared that secret with him, then there must be some sort of deep bond between those two already.

"I swear to be a good husband to her."

I curtly nodded.

"Yes, you will," I replied. "Well, since you're wedding my 'sister,' it seems I owe her a dowry."

"No need for that. Rosalie and Ezra are enough."

I slightly grinned at him. "Oh, I think I can add to that impressive gift with the addition of the Masen farm."

"The Masen farm?"

"Yes. It was my birth father's farm. The house burned, and the fields have lain fallow many a year. It's two-hundred and fifty acres, and will be much work. You'll have to build a house, clear the fields…I can't imagine the work that'll go into establishing it as a working farm, but such as it is, it's my gift to Rosalie and you."

Jeremiah looked stunned. "A farm? Two-hundred and fifty acres of our own?"

"Yes. I have Dungannon. Wills will inherit Dungannon. It makes me happy to know that my birth father's farm will stay in the family."

"I don't know what to say. Thank you!" He sprouted off some rapid German, and then gripped my hand in a firm handshake. "I can't wait to tell Rosalie!" His toothy smile made me laugh.

"I'm happy to do this for Rosalie and you. I owe her a debt that I can never repay for all she's done for Bella."

"But…Dungannon?"

"It'll be fine. I have Charles to help me. Perhaps one or both of your brothers will stay and work my estate. They and your mother are welcome to stay in the overseer's house and continue to live and work here. Besides, I think you and Rosalie would enjoy having a home of your own."

"Yes. That sounds like a dream come true. It will give me great pleasure to build a fine home for my wife. I'll speak to my family about them staying on here."

I realized that Rosalie had never had her own home. She'd, from the time she'd wed Emmett, been under another woman's roof. How frustrating that must have been for her.

Suddenly, gladness filled my heart for Rosalie's future. Rosalie was gaining a good man for a husband and father to Ezra. Jeremiah would build her a home, and Bella and I would make sure it was comfortably furnished. It was the least we could for her. It was the least I could do for Bella.

I clasped Jeremiah's shoulder and grinned.

"Come. Let's go find your intended and tell her that she's about to become the mistress of her own house."

We found Rosalie in the parlor with Bella and Alice.

"It seems we have a betrothal. I think this deserves a celebratory meal, don't you, dearest?" I asked Bella.

"It does!" Bella exclaimed with a wide smile, as she stood. I nearly forgot what I'd come in the house for under the light of that smile.

I reached out for her, and she slipped her hand into mine. I squeezed it and then turned my attention back to the room.

Jeremiah had come to stand beside Rosalie who was now standing as well.

"Congratulations," I said. "I was going to tell you of my wedding gift to you both, but I think you'll enjoy it better from your betrothed," I said to Rosalie.

I felt Bella squeeze my hand again and I tugged her to my side, placing a kiss on her temple. "Watch this, Freckles," I whispered with a grin.

Rosalie looked at Jeremiah. "Wedding gift?"

"Edward is giving us his birth father's farm, the Masen farm. Two-hundred and fifty acres! I'm going to build you a fine house, Rosalie. A home for us and Ezra and any future children."

Rosalie's eyes flitted to me then back to Jeremiah. "A _home_? I'm going to have my own home to run?"

"Yes. Thanks to Edward."

"Oh!" She hugged Jeremiah. "Oh! Our home!"

He laughed and kissed her forehead. "Our home."

Then she was running to me, gripping me tightly in her arms.

"Thank you! I can't even tell you what this means to me, to us!" She kissed my cheek, and then hugged a smiling Bella and Alice. Alice, Rosalie, and Jeremiah began a discussion of the type of house to build as I watched them with a contented smile.

I felt Bella slide her arm around my back. "Come with me."

She led me into the empty dining room. I turned to find her gazing at me in admiration.

"I love you, Edward Cullen."

"Freckles," I whispered. "My dearest Freckles. Surely you know it was for you. It's all for you."

"Yes. I know," she replied with that grave look of hers. She reached up and touched my face. "Of course I know."

"Just making sure you understand my motivations."

"I know you better than you know yourself, husband."

"You do. Tell me, wise wife of mine, what am I thinking right this moment?"

She narrowed her eyes. "You're thinking what an advantageous marriage you made?"

I laughed. "Well, I was thinking more along the lines of how I'd like to kiss that grave look off your face, but that works as well, for it is truth. I love you," I said, suddenly serious.

She held my eyes for a moment then gripped the lapels of my coat in her fists, lightly pounding them against my chest.

"_Mine_."

My wonderful, fierce, possessive, Freckles. I reached up and cradled her face in my palms, gently stroking her cheekbones with my thumbs. I nearly got lost in those beautiful eyes of hers.

"Mine as well," I whispered, right before I tenderly kissed her lips.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**_Mutter_ is Mother in German.**

**Much love, **

**Sunny**


	30. Life and death

**Keeping this note short, but I'm giving you a little warning that this is a rough chapter, to put it mildly.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, but I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 29: Life and death**

I stepped out into the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind me. It was early, not even seven a.m., I noted by the brooch on my dress. Still, the house was stirring with its awakening residents. I heard slight thumping from upstairs telling me at least one of the boys had awoken. Also some faint sounds were making their way up from the kitchen where Mrs. Engel was starting on our breakfast.

Edward, though, was apparently still tired this morning. He'd not even stirred when I had slipped out of his arms, then dressed, and put up my hair. He had worked very hard the previous day, all the men except Jasper and Father Cullen had, in beginning the framework for Jeremiah and Rose's house.

I went to take a step and a chill went over me. I wrapped my arms around myself. Something felt off, not quite right, ominous even. I did not care for this feeling at all and tried my best to shove it aside.

I shook my head as I smoothed down my new plaid dress, done in pinks and violets. I admit to it being my favorite of the new clothing I'd acquired. I did so love plaid and Edward had always complimented me on my old blue one. Hopefully he liked this one as well. But then, Edward was forever reminding me that it was the woman inside the clothing, not the clothing itself that drew his eye. Nonetheless, I wanted my appearance as his wife to shine favorably upon him.

Mrs. Hawthorne the seamstress, and her granddaughter, Susannah, had been here so long, that they had nearly become part of the household. The work really was endless, though. From baby clothes to clothing she was still sewing for Sadie and Jonah, to the plans for Rosalie's wedding dress and trousseau…to even new bedding and towels. I had become concerned with the cost of it all, but Edward had just laughed and kissed me on my forehead, so I assumed that meant I was being foolish over money again.

So lost was I in my thoughts as I headed to the staircase to the third floor that I ran smack into Jasper.

I reached out and gripped his arm to steady him. Mortified that I'd almost knocked him flat, I blushed a bit and stammered.

"F-forgive me. How foolish of me to not pay attention. Are you all right?"

Jasper shook his head and the fleeting ghost of a smile crossed his lips.

"I'm fine. Not every day a man nearly gets plowed over by his lovely sister-in-law."

"Oh." I was embarrassed by his compliment. "I really am sorry. You're being quite gracious about my folly."

He just shook his head.

This was nearly the most I'd ever spoken to Jasper and didn't want to pass up the opportunity to expand our acquaintance.

"May I ask you something, Mr. Whitlock?"

He shook his head again. "We're family. Call me Jasper, if you will, and yes, you may."

I took a deep breath. "Jasper…what is it you do all day?"

He blinked and seemed at a loss for words, then he stepped back and began to turn away from me. He took two steps then spun around and faced me.

He began to speak, then shook his head. Seeming to make a decision, he nodded his head at me.

"Come with me, and I'll show you."

Wild horses couldn't have held me back from the power of that tantalizing statement.

I silently nodded and followed him back down to his bedroom. He knocked on the door.

"Alice, we have company," he softly called.

He opened the door, me trying to peek around his back, for I was brimming with curiosity at this point.

I followed Jasper into their bedroom that I'd never seen, done in shades of soft green and creamy white. The soft, muted colors, cherry wood furniture, frilly bedding, and velvet curtains, all came together to make this a comforting, pleasant room.

My eyes rested on Alice lounging on the bed still in her nightdress and robe. She was lying on her side, one hand cupping her enormous belly, looking a bit out of sorts.

I quickly strode over to her and took her hand.

"Are you feeling ill, sister?" I asked in concern.

"Just miserable. I'm ready for this baby to be born," she sighed.

I squeezed her hand. "Soon now. Within days, by my reckoning. Why don't you stay abed today? I'll bring you a tray up for your meals."

"Don't be ridiculous. I can't have you serving me," Alice said.

I shrugged. "You need to stay in bed. If it would make you more comfortable, I'll have Gracie bring your meals to you."

She nodded. "I'll accept that for it's not right for you to act as my maid."

I sat down on the edge of the bed by her legs. "How about as your friend?"

She looked a bit over come and tears sprung to her eyes. "Bella," she said softly. "What a treasure you are. I would very much like that."

"Me too."

Jasper stepped up beside the bed and stroked his fingers over Alice's forehead, gently brushing back a lock of hair. "I thought I'd show Bella what I was working on."

Surprise lit Alice's face. "Truly?"

He nodded.

"Maybe now you'll believe me," she said to him as she gave him an affectionate look. She then glanced at my face. "You better get on with it. Bella's about to burst with curiosity."

Her soft laugh elicited the same response from her husband.

"Follow me," Jasper said with a look to me.

I eagerly leapt up and trailed after him.

He opened the door to the small sitting room off their room, just like in Father's Cullen's suite. Briefly, the thought came to me unbidden, that I'd have liked a sitting room like this for mine and Edward's room, but then I scoffed to myself. Our bedroom was both beautiful and cozy, with twin padded chairs arranged in front of the fireplace. No other comforts, besides our big bed, were needed.

I glanced around and my mouth fell open. Charcoal sketches were everywhere, pinned to the walls, coating every surface, so much so that it was hard to discern the furnishings.

Jasper faintly grinned from the astonishment on my face.

"Go ahead. Take a look."

I turned to my left and began a methodical journey, carefully inspecting each one, in awe of such talent.

There were drawings of houses, grand buildings, even barns. Then there were the drawings of wildlife, trees, and flowers. Then those of people. Father Cullen, the Engels, my family. I grinned at his depiction of Edward. He had caught both Edward's leadership nature and his charm in that drawing. It was so real, that I reached out a fingertip to touch my husband's face, but paused, not wanting to ruin such a perfect piece of work. Wills' sunny nature he'd captured perfectly, but my eyes grew wide at the one of me.

I looked at the woman on the paper, so calm, so assured…so attractive. Surely that wasn't me.

"You flatter me," I said as I moved on to look at a picture of Rosalie and Ezra.

Jasper walked over beside me and gazed at the drawing he'd done of me. "I do not embellish. I draw everything as they are."

"I do not see myself that way," I quietly replied.

"Then you do not see yourself clearly. I believe Edward would agree with me that I have captured you accurately."

I shook my head, mildly embarrassed, and then continued my perusal of his drawings.

I halted at a drawing of Alice, her face turned up, laughter in her eyes. It had clearly been drawn by a man that loved her, his devotion evident in every black stroke on the paper. It was so personal that I felt as if I had intruded upon his privacy.

Touched that Jasper had allowed me to view a part of himself, I turned around to him with tears in my eyes.

"I must thank you. I feel blessed that you shared this with me. Such a gift God has bestowed upon you."

He shrugged. "It's how I deal with the demons inside of me. I figure that if I recognize and put such beauty to paper, it may perhaps assuage some of the guilt and darkness inside of me."

Edward had said much the same to me, only that it was me that kept his demons at bay for him. These poor men, such wounded creatures they were from experiencing the worst of humankind. Thank God Jasper and Edward had women to love them, but my heart ached for all those men out there who were not blessed with such a gift.

"And there's Alice," I softly reminded him.

"Without Alice, I couldn't see the beauty."

I nodded, then wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.

"Of course," I whispered, thinking of how it was the same for me with Edward.

"I did a drawing of you, Edward, and Wills. Perhaps you'd like it?"

I rapidly nodded my head. "Yes, I would, very much so. And I would like to frame some of these and hang them around the house. Such beautiful drawings must be enjoyed by us all."

His look was doubtful as he answered me. "If you think they're good enough."

"They're most definitely good enough," I assured him as he handed me a drawing of my small family. I carefully lifted it from his hand and held it gingerly in my fingers as I gazed upon the happy scene of me, my husband, and our son.

"Thank you. This is one of the finest gifts I've ever been given. I'll cherish it always."

He nodded and looked away.

"Are you happy to become a father?"

I saw his shoulders stiffen, his face set in hard lines.

"She suffers because of me. That angers me, I mean, it makes me hate myself. As to the child…" he fell silent.

"You did not wish for it?" I asked.

"It's a consequence of marriage." He shrugged. "I've seen so much of the dark side of this world; I would not wish that on a child. Especially not a child of mine."

"I see. And Alice? Is she glad to become a mother?"

"You'd have to ask her."

"Jasper…" I went to remind him how precious life was and how babies were to be cherished as gifts from God that they were, then I realized; that is not my place. This was not my business.

Jasper wasn't looking at me; his eyes were upon paper and charcoal lying out on a desk. Feeling mildly disturbed from our conversation, I made my excuses and left.

"Well?" Alice asked me in curiosity as I re-entered her bedroom.

"What a gift your husband has," I said to her as I held out the drawing for her to see.

"I think so. He's a bit embarrassed, thinking he has no skill. I'm always assuring him that he has, but I'm his wife and a bit biased. It's good for him to have another's opinion, and I trust yours."

"I see." I glanced down at the time on my watch brooch. "Goodness. I need to run. You rest and I'll come visit you later, if you wish."

"I wish," she replied with a grin.

"Well, until then," I answered as I departed.

I went to mine and Edward's bedroom to carefully place the drawing on the mantle, gazing up at as I pondered Jasper. In his element, with his beloved Alice safe in their cocoon, Jasper had been almost a different person. As if he could only truly live and thrive within those two rooms they occupied. He rarely left the house, rarely went outdoors, I realized. What a tiny little world he'd made for himself. I felt great compassion for him and his obvious fears and troubled mind. I wondered what or if anything could help him to open up and rejoin the rest of world.

But the other things he had said; what was I to do with that? I had assumed he would have been happy to be starting a family with his wife, but just the opposite was true. I glanced at his drawing again, now slightly tainted by his pessimism.

I heard footsteps coming down the staircase from the third floor and the chatter of Ezra and Wills, snapping me out of my musings. Time to be a mother. Jasper I would dwell on later.

Very early the next morning, I was awoken by a hard rapping on our bedroom door, and sat up with a start.

"I've got it," Edward said from beside me.

I heard a match strike and then Edward lit the oil lamp beside our bed. He was yanking on his pants, hastily buttoning them, grabbing his robe along the way, shoving his arms into it as he walked. I hastily slid from the bed and grabbed my night rail, pulling it over my head, and doing as Edward had done, shoving my arms into my robe as I padded behind him to the door.

"Rose? What's the matter?" Edward asked her as I practically shoved past my husband fearing that something had happened to Wills.

"It's Alice," Rose said, as she grabbed my elbow and started tugging me down the hallway.

"Should I get the doctor?" Edward called.

"Yes!" Rose called back to him as she shoved me into the doorway of Alice and Jasper's room.

Rose and I stripped the bed of all but the sheets and Alice's pillow, and then tried to make her comfortable.

"I'm off to get the doctor," Edward said from the doorway, now fully dressed in warm clothing.

I strode over to him and gave him a swift kiss. "Be careful."

"Freckles, I've been riding a horse since I was a toddler learning how to walk. A trip in to town to fetch the doctor is nothing."

"Still…"

"I'll be careful and quick. I love you," he said with a kiss to my forehead.

"And I you," I replied.

"You're in good hands sister," Edward called to Alice as he departed, giving my hand a squeeze as he did so.

Rose and I took turns sitting with Alice and holding her hand as we went to get dressed before the doctor arrived. I went to the kitchen to alert Gracie and Mrs. Engel that that the baby was coming and to have them put water to boil, and get the clean linens ready we had prepared.

I sent Jasper over to the sitting room, for his pacing in front of the fireplace was not helping Alice relax in the least. When Edward returned I was going to have him drag Jasper off and fill him with something bracing like that decanter of brandy downstairs in the parlor.

Edward returned sooner that I'd expected with the town doctor, Ezekiel Harmon. He was a gruff, almost painfully thin man, with long, spindly limbs and a shock of white hair. Truthfully, I did not care for his speech or demeanor. He examined Alice and declared almost flippantly that it would be some time before the baby arrived.

Seeing that he had been useless, giving us knowledge Rose and I were already in possession of, I sent him downstairs with Rose to partake in breakfast. I also told Jasper, in no uncertain terms, to go with them.

Alice's labor dragged on through the day and into the night. The doctor became bored, so he ate and napped. Jasper, I feared, was slowly coming apart. I pulled Rose aside and whispered for her to go get Edward.

They soon returned, Edward standing in the doorway, unsure or unwilling almost to cross the threshold into the birthing room. I arose and strode over to him, gripping his arm, and pulling him back out into the hallway.

"Take that man downstairs to your office, find the good brandy, and get him good and inebriated."

"What if he does not wish it, Freckles?"

"I do not care. You outrank him. Pull military rank on him, pull master of the house, head of the family, whatever it takes, but we need him out of that room. His pacing and worry are almost making Alice frantic, and birthing is hard enough work as it is without that added stress on her."

"I'll do my best," he replied. "Was it…was it like that for you?" he asked softly.

I was silent for a moment, indecision warring inside of me of whether to be honest about this or spare him the truth.

"Perhaps we should discuss that at another time."

"No, I need to know. You've never once told me about the battle you fought to bring Wills into this world."

I turned from him, wrapping my arms around myself. I slightly shrugged my shoulder as I finally answered him. "It was what it was. Anything I may have suffered was worth it for him."

"You're not answering me. What did you endure?" Edward spun me around, his eyes holding mine as he awaited my answer, but I kept my silence.

"If you do not tell me, I'll simply ask Rose for the truth."

I knew he was serious in this, so I gave in, but I couldn't look at him as I spoke.

"It was bad," I whispered. "Wills was breech. Dr. Hale had to turn him…it was…bad." That's all the words I had for him.

Edward cursed, and then he crushed me in his embrace. "Forgive me, dearest. You had to fight your battle alone. I swear to you, that when this baby comes, I'll be right beside you, holding your hand. Nothing will keep me from you."

"If you behave as Jasper is, I'll send you from me," I said as I tilted my head back and sent him a fierce frown.

His lips quirked in amusement. "I'd like to see you try, Freckles." His lips brushed across my forehead and then he let out a mighty sigh as he let me go. "I'd best go try to drag that brother-in-law of mine out of there."

"Do not try, succeed."

"Yes, ma'am."

Edward was successful, well with some help from the rest of us, in getting Jasper out of the bedroom and down to his office. It was the farthest room from this bedroom and the one Jasper would least likely hear Alice's cries.

Sadie had come to spell Rose, who went to get the boys their baths and in bed with Gracie's help. The doctor declared he was in need of another bite to eat, so I asked Sadie if she would take Dr. Harmon down to the kitchen and find him food.

While they were gone, I sat beside Alice's bed and held her hand through her contractions. After one especially painful one, her fearful eyes met mine as she clasped my hand painfully hard.

"I need a promise from you."

"Anything, sister."

"If I should perish-"

"Don't!" I gasped in horror. To speak of it was ill luck indeed.

She gripped my hand with more strength than I thought possible, and beheld me with almost fevered eyes.

"If I should perish, _promise me_ that you'll be a mother to my baby. Jasper will be inconsolable, and this child will need mothering. Promise me, Bella."

"Alice, you'll live. Please don't dwell on such things. You just need to rest the best you can between contractions. Try to doze a bit, if you're able."

A contraction hit her, and she cried out softly. After it passed, she met my eyes again. "This is my soul speaking to yours. I beseech you, sister. I need those words from you, for I know you will be true to your word all your life."

"Alice…"

I turned my head as tears sprung to my eyes. I now knew what had felt off yesterday. That same premonition I'd gotten the day mother passed…the day I knew that Emmett had perished… it was death hovering over the house, patiently waiting to snatch its next chosen one. I felt the coldness of it wrap around me, settling into my being. My pain was near unbearable.

I took a deep breath, then met her eyes. "This I swear to you, my sister, to be a mother to your child, if need be. May God curse me if I should fail to do so."

"Thank you, Bella. Now I'm comforted. Whatever happens to my body, I know that my child will be loved."

I could not speak, so great was my anguish.

"Bella?"

My tear-filled eyes met hers.

"No. Do not fret. All is well with my soul. I have another request of you; when Sadie and Rose come back, please go rest. You must be exhausted."

"I do not wish to leave your side."

"And I do not wish for you to make yourself ill caring for me. Please, go rest a while. For me?"

I nodded, and then went to put another log on the fire. I stood there for a moment staring at the flames as a chill went through my body. Sadie came back into the room, minus Dr. Harmon, and stood beside me.

"It ain't goin' well," she whispered.

"No," I agreed.

"Does she know?"

I continued to gaze at the flames. "Yes."

I turned and strode back over to the bed to retake Alice's hand, prayers upon my lips for her and the baby. But I was afraid that prayers were not going to be enough.

Five hours later, near four a.m. in the morning, I stood holding a little bundle of crying baby in my arms, gazing down into her tiny face.

My eyes strayed to her mother on the bed, still and silent. Alice's battle to live had been lost. This little baby's battle to survive had only just begun.

"I'll go," Rose said, her voice breaking.

"No." I handed her my niece. "I'll do it."

Rose clutched the baby to her chest as the tears fell down her cheeks. "Perhaps that's best. I'll discuss with Sadie what to feed her. We will not lose her as well."

I curtly nodded, and then was out the door, heading down the stairs. I had to pause and grasp the railing as grief hit me hard. I slumped down and sat on the stair, my forehead pressed against the banister. My heart was near to breaking with having to tell Jasper his wife was lost.

Realizing that the time for grief was later, and Jasper had a right to know, I gained control of myself again. I continued my descent to the foyer and then made my way around to the estate office. I paused with my hand on the door handle to garner my strength, and then rapped lightly before entering the office.

Edward looked up his desk and met my eyes.

"No," he silently mouthed.

I shook my head, the tears springing to my eyes.

Jasper had been sitting with his back to me. He slowly arose, then turned to face me.

"Alice?" Never had I seen such fear on another bodies' face.

"The baby…your daughter…she's healthy, beautiful."

Jasper angrily shook his head. "_My wife_?"

"She's…she's…"

Edward slowly arose from his chair. "She's gone?"

I bowed my head and solemnly nodded as the tears gushed from my eyes.

Jasper let out a howl of rage, so full of pain; I nearly felt the very air rent with the force of it. He fell to his knees, his cries of anguish engulfing him. I fell to my knees beside him, trying to comfort him, but he shoved me away with his arm.

"Do not touch me! Leave me alone!" he hissed at me.

He awkwardly grabbed the chair in front of him and stumbled upright, then he was out the door that led outside. Edward came and tugged me standing, clasping me to him.

We let the tears have us, comforting each other, until my distress over Jasper, made me pull away.

"Should we go after him?"

"He just wants to be alone and deal with his grief. He'll be back. His daughter needs him."

"I should tell you that I made Alice a promise."

"What kind of promise, Freckles?"

"That I'd take care of her child. That little girl is going to need a mother."

Edward stroked the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. "Of course you promised her that. I would expect no less from my dearest wife."

Jasper was gone for a long time and we began to worry. Edward and the Engel men all went out looking for him as us women dealt with taking care of his nameless baby girl, and preparing Alice's body for the laying out.

Death was a part of life, and all of us had at one time or another had dealt with such a thing. Sadie and Rose had put me in charge of feeding the baby watered goat's milk, as they bathed Alice's body and dressed her, and fixed her hair. When they were done, Alice lay there, peaceful and serene, almost as if she was only sleeping and having pleasant dreams.

"She looks beautiful. You and Sadie did well by her."

Rose curtly nodded, then walked away.

I carried the baby over to her mother, gazing down upon Alice's still countenance. "I keep my promises, sister. I will love her as my own. Rest easily in the angel's arms this morn. I'll miss you."

I felt Sadie pat my arm. "Go rest, Miss Bella. I'll keep watch over Miss Alice."

"Thank you," I whispered as I near stumbled from the room.

Feeling overwhelmed with sadness, I took the baby down to mine and Edward's bedroom and lay down with her little body next to mine. I stroked my fingers over her dark hair, the color of her mother's, just watching her as she slept. I must have slept as well, for next thing I knew, Edward was lightly shaking my shoulder.

"Freckles."

I opened my eyes, blinking several times to clear them. "You found Jasper?"

He looked away, but not before I saw the pain on his face.

"No," I mouthed silently in grief.

"He was in the creek, face down...he must have fallen and hit his head on a rock, drowning in the water. It looked like an accident. At least I hope it was. I should have gone after him sooner."

Tears sprung to my eyes as I placed a shaking hand over my mouth. "Alice and Jasper in one day. This is too much."

Edward reached over and gripped my hand, tears upon his cheeks, before reaching down and stroking a fingertip across the baby's little cheek. "She's an orphan now, this sweet little sleeping niece of ours, but we'll raise her, care for her, love her as if she was our own."

"Yes, we will."

"So much sadness, Freckles. I can hardly bear it."

"For me as well. My heart pains me." I looked down at the baby. "This little one, she needs a name," I whispered.

"Whatever you think is best, Freckles. I admit that I cannot even think straight this morning."

"Amelia. Amelia Alice."

"Amelia it is." Edward sighed as he stood up, swaying a bit as he did. "I'm so weary and heart-sick from this day, and there's still much to be done. There's a funeral to be planned, father to be told. We should bury them quickly, Jasper's body is…" his voice trailed off.

I carefully slipped out of bed as not to wake Amelia, and then pulled my husband into my arms.

"Us women will prepare his body and lay him out with his wife. This afternoon, we'll contact Reverend Noble and plan the service."

Edward gripped my waist as he cupped my held, holding me fast to his chest.

"I need a promise from you," I whispered, thinking of my own upcoming birth ordeal in about five months.

He gripped my face and tilted it back. "No. You _will not_ leave me, so I'll be making no promises to you in that regard. God has no idea what he's dealing with in me when it comes to you. _Never_ speak of that again."

I slowly nodded my head. "I will not leave you, Edward Cullen. Not if I can help it."

"No, you won't."

Amelia stirred and began to cry. I pulled out of Edward's arms, and picked her up, holding her cheek against mine.

"Shh, don't cry, little one. Mama is here, Dada as well. Don't fret, sweet Amelia," I cooed to her in a soothing voice. She settled down, snuggling her face into my chest.

I met Edward's eyes, his face full of warmth and sadness. He placed a kiss on my forehead and then on Amelia's.

"One day can bring such alterations into one's life. Life and death, hand-in-hand."

"Yet, we, the living, go on," Edward replied.

"We live, we dream, we hope, and we hold onto the memories of the ones we've lost. It's all a body can do."

Edward pulled me into his arms. "I love you. I cherish every moment God gives me with you."

"And I love you, Edward Cullen. Each moment, each second, I have with you is a gift."

Amelia stirred again, and began to root at my chest.

"And so the living is reminding us that they require sustenance and tending to. You rest for a little while before you fall over from exhaustion."

He nodded, already lying down on the bed, his eyes closing of their own violation. I brushed my lips across Edward's, then headed to the door. I had to pause in the hallway, gazing down at this baby that had just become my own. _Alice, she's beautiful, this daughter of yours_...of mine.

_My daughter now, precious little Amelia_, I thought as I headed down to the kitchen.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, my dears. So sorry that this update took a while to get to you, and that I'm so far behind on replying to reviews. It's just been…one of those months.**

**Much love,**

**Sunny**


	31. Joy after the sorrow

**Fun fact: This is the 150****th**** anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg, which was fought July 1-3, 1863. Well, maybe not so fun, but interesting, perhaps.**

**Stephenie Meyers own all things Twilight, but I own the contents of this story.**

**Edward, dear Edward…**

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**The Distance in Between**

**Chapter 30: Joy after the sorrow**

I threw the English saddle over the back of the horse named Dickens, and cinched it tight. My father's obvious love of reading was reflected in the name of this horse and several others we owned. I patted the neck of the large dapple gray, winning a soft nicker and a lean into my hand in response. I absolutely loved horses, had since I was a babe.

Hopefully I could pass on my love of them to my son. My mind briefly touched on that I needed to buy ponies for the boys and begin to teach them how to ride this spring. Well, at the very least, I should start bringing Wills out with me to ride around in front of me on my horse to get him used to the saddle.

I paused as I tugged on my gloves. Spring. The promise of that was powerful. A new year. A new season. A new beginning. Who knew what that would bring? The winter had not been kind to me and my family so far.

My mind became a whirlwind of fragmented images coming at me so quickly; it nearly took the breath from my body. There wasn't much more I could handle this year. 1865 had brought me to the depths of despair, and yet also to the apex of joy as I was reunited with Bella. Still, the death of my sister and her husband had somehow become my breaking point.

I had to get out of here. I leapt into the saddle, tossing my hat into the straw. It would soon be gone in the flurry of hard riding I planned to be doing anyway.

"Hiya!"

I flicked the reins, digging my heels into his sides, and Dickens took off out of the barn like the wind. I saw Charles and Aaron's startled faces like a blur as I flew by, but I didn't so much as acknowledge them.

I veered Dickens to the right and took off around the western fields, riding hell for leather. I loosened my hold on the reins and allowed Dickens the freedom to lead me at will, though I had a certain destination in mind. One that had been my favorite spot in my younger years.

The wind as I rode was sharp and biting upon my cheeks tugging my too long hair back from my face, whipping it about my head. I closed my eyes for a moment and relished it, the freedom of it, the joy of almost flying upon the wind. There was nothing on earth like the exhilaration I got from this.

Dickens seemed to know my desired destination, for when I opened my eyes, we were almost upon it. I tugged him to a halt with a gentle "Whoa!" and then slid off his back. I looped the reins over a tree branch and found what I always called, "My thinking rock."

I sat down on a large rock, and wrapped my long coat around me, tucking my gloved hands under my arms, as I surveyed the farm from in between the trees atop this slight hill. I'd always loved this place as a kid. There was something about sitting up here unseen by those below and taking in Dungannon. As always, the love I held for the land and the people on it made my heart swell with pride. Home. This was home. And if there was a better word than that, except for maybe "Bella," I didn't know what it would be.

I thought back to my childhood, to my loving hard-working parents, to my slightly spoiled, but dear sister Alice. All I had left to me of them was my senile and frail father, and my baby niece fighting to live. I could never have imagined then what life would be like now, and that some of the people I loved best in this world wouldn't be in it.

Just four years ago –_my God, only four years, it felt like a lifetime ago_- I'd sat in this very spot, my departure eminent. I'd been eager, nearly chomping at the bit, to be off to sign up with the Army. Eager to take on the rebels in the south. Eager to prove myself, and perhaps there had been the excitement of something new, an adventure. What a naïve, foolish boy I'd been.

I rubbed the heel of my palm down my left thigh, that even through my pants, the scars were noticeable. It was the scars inside of me though, the ones that watched fellow soldiers die, the ones from having to order men, some barely past puberty, to their deaths, that marked me. The ones from a man who witnessed a beloved aide and Rosalie's husband shot in cold blood in front of him. The ones from having to slit my beloved horse Nightshade's throat so she wouldn't suffer any longer. The ones from a man who'd stood atop a hill at Gettysburg and surveyed the gruesome wasteland of needless death lain out below him so vast it was beyond comprehension or even description.

No one tells soldiers of the cost upon the soul. No one tells you how to live with the things you witnessed, the things you've done. No one in the military helps you deal with such things. When your service is up, you turn in your uniform, collect your pay, and be on your way without a backwards glance from them. Thrown back out into the world of civilians where you try to cope with not only the adjustment back to civilian life, but also how to compartmentalize the horrors so that you don't feel the need to end your life on a daily basis.

I can't believe I lived through all that, that wretched, soul-crushing war. I can't believe I survived when a thousand score did not. I thought to all the faces I had come to know, of all the ones no longer living. I allowed the ones I'd killed, and that had been many, to swim in front of my eyes, tormenting me forever more.

Anguish and regret struck me hard. I gasped in pain, closing my eyes and hugging my sides as I allowed myself to truly dwell on and grieve for, not just the lives I'd taken, but for the loss of that bright-eyed, innocent, stupid boy that I'd been. I sat for a time and prayed for their forgiveness, praying that God had been merciful to their souls. That had been war, and I knew killing had been justified, not that it made their deaths by my hand any easier to live with.

After a time, other faces came before me. My ailing father, my dear, departed mother, Alice, Jasper…my family. I felt that I let them all down in my chase of honor and duty. Perhaps things would have been different if I'd been here, at least for a time, until I'd still been drafted anyway. Still, I could have resigned. Many men did, even high ranking ones, to go home to take care of family matters.

I was beginning to wonder what exactly it was I had done right these past few years. _Bella_, my heart answered me. _Bella_. My salvation.

Even the thought of her wasn't enough to mask the pain of my recent loss. The death of Alice and Jasper was still a raw, gaping wound inside of me. What if I could have gotten a better doctor for Alice? What if I had tried harder with Jasper to reconnect him to the people around him?

_What if, what if, what if?_

I allowed myself to cry then, for my own loss, and for Amelia's sake. That sweet little girl. She didn't deserve to lose both of her parents.

Sudden loneliness and the overwhelming burden of all the lives that depended upon me hit me hard. I needed Bella. I needed the person I loved most on this earth to tell me everything was going to be all right. I shoved aside everything else in my mind and dwelled upon my wife. In the end, what really mattered to me was that I had found her, my beloved Bella, the match to my soul.

In her embrace, I was whole. In her love, I was redeemed. In her goodness, I found hope.

I heard Dickens softly nicker in greeting, and turned to find Bella standing there. I couldn't even speak. It was if my mind had just suddenly conjured her up. Was I going insane?

"Edward?" she called softly, her voice full of concern.

I merely blinked at her, and then a sob tore out of me. I blindly held out my hand, beckoning her to my side.

She ran to me, flinging herself against me, wrapping me tight in her arms.

"How…?" I mumbled against her neck, as I buried my face there.

"You needed me."

"Did someone-"

"No one told me anything. I knew you needed me and I came."

_I knew you needed me and I came_, echoed through my brain. I didn't even question our connection, that thread that bound us. I was just grateful that right at this moment, when I had desperately needed her, that she was here holding me.

"Freckles," I rasped out, before sobs wracked my body.

I allowed myself to fall apart, to grieve in her arms, for I knew she would help put me back together. I was safe here.

"Let it all out. Give it to me, heart of my heart. I can take it."

I clung to her, gripping her perhaps too tightly, but she didn't seem to mind, this blessed, perfect woman. She was my solid rock that this drowning man held onto for dear life.

I felt her stroke her hand over my scalp, and down my hair, over and over in a soothing pattern as she softly sang "Nearer My God to Thee." I closed my eyes and rested in my wife, in her comfort, in her strength, in her love, thanking God for giving me to her.

"Living isn't for the timid, is it?"

I raised my head and wiped my cheeks. "Indeed it isn't."

Bella pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and gently wiped my face. She paused and held my eyes with that grave look of hers.

"What more are we to lose?" she whispered. "What trials does God still have in store for us?"

"I wish I had those answers so that we may prepare."

She nodded. "Your father? Mine? Sadie and Jonah ere long in a year or two, I would guess-"

"Father is frail, and most likely not long for this world. Your father is hale and will be with us for some time, Freckles, but what is that about Sadie and Jonah?"

"She spoke to me. Told me that once she'd saved enough money, her plan was to take her and Jonah to a big city where there'd be lots of Negroes. She could perhaps find another husband and Jonah could maybe find a school, and someday a wife. It's what she wants."

"I see. Well, I can understand her reasoning. We'll miss them, but she has to do what she feels best for them." My mind briefly settled on Charles and what could never be.

"I think Father cares for her," Bella said.

I gave her startled look, then shook my head. "How do you do that? And yes, I agree, he does."

"What sadness. What an unkind, unforgiving world we inhabit."

I exhaled as I took her hand. "Yes. One day, perhaps, this world will be different."

"One day," Bella repeated, fragile hope in her voice.

She sighed as she skimmed her eyes around my little sanctuary. "Is this a favorite place of yours? A place of contemplation?"

"Yes. Like your woods were for you. I hope that you can find somewhere on Dungannon, this place or another, to roam and dream and sing. Perhaps, even with your husband at times."

Her face was all soft as she gazed upon mine. "Unfortunate you had to suffer my singing once this day. Do not curse yourself with future torture."

I chuckled and kissed her cheek. "I would listen to you sunup to sundown and never tire. It wouldn't be torture; it would be a blessed gift from my dearest wife."

"You sure have a strange idea of presents, Edward Cullen," she pertly replied.

A deep laugh rumbled up my chest as I clasped her to me. Joy in the moment, joy in her.

"Oh, I do love you, Bella. I do."

She sighed. "I know."

I laughed again, then gave her a quick kiss.

"You, making everything better. Thank God. Tell me, Freckles, what would you like for a Christmas gift?"

"Christmas? We're to celebrate the Lord's birth?" she asked in surprise.

I firmly nodded. "We have four children in that house, and we all need this. We'll find a tree, some decorations, have a grand meal, and exchange gifts. We'll invite the Engels to join us since they'll soon be family as well."

"Are you sure? I mean, we just buried Alice and Jasper."

"I'm sure. Life must go on. As you always say, _life is for the living_. Well, you and I, dearest, are going to _live_."

She thought about it and then nodded in agreement.

"Agreed. This will be our first Christmas spent together, the first as a family as well. We must make it special."

"And we will, Freckles. We will. You still haven't told me what you would wish for a gift."

"I need no gifts. I have everything I could want or need."

"But you also happen to have a husband who longs to spoil and indulge you, so I'll just think up something on my own. Actually, I just got an idea."

"I said I don't need-"

I placed a fingertip over her lips. "Calm yourself, Freckles. Trust me. You'll enjoy what I have in mind."

She sighed as I released her lips. "I do not know what to gift you with, husband, so perhaps you might just end up with me unclothed in our bed. I'm sure there's one or two ways of making love we haven't yet explored."

I just gaped at her for a moment and then cleared my throat.

"Uh, well, that would be all the gifts I ever want. You know, my wife is quite forward in matters of marriage bed."

"Hrmp. You enjoy my forwardness."

"Do I ever," I said as I pulled her to me with intent.

"It's cold out here and I'm freezing my bottom off, Edward Cullen. We have a perfectly warm, cozy bed down there."

"Which I'll soon have you in."

"It's the middle of the day! That's most improper."

I looked at her sitting there acting all prim and disapproving. Such a show she was putting on.

"You know more than anyone how improper I can be." I smirked and wiggled my eyebrows. She gave up all pretenses and laughed.

I was grinning as I stood and offered her my hand. "Would my lady enjoy a ride back to Dungannon? For it's not right for a lovely bottom such as hers to be frozen."

"Foolish man," she said with a long-suffering look, but she took my hand nonetheless.

I tugged her standing, encircling her with my arms. "But then, that means I get to warm said bottom up quite nicely when we get home."

"You're incorrigible. Beyond redemption."

"Yep." I gave her a kiss, and lightly smacked her bottom.

She looked shocked for a moment, then got a glint in her eyes that I surely recognized. She sent me a coy look as she turned and sauntered over to Dickens.

I was a man who hastily followed. I assisted her into the saddle, making quite sure to run my hand up the inside of her leg as I did. She shot me a look, but kept her silence.

I untied the reins and leapt up behind her. I pulled her back against me, my lips pressed against her ear.

"Well, hello there, Freckles." My hands cupped her breasts through her cloak for a moment before I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close.

She tilted her head back and wiggled her bottom a bit against me. I bit back a moan.

"Edward," she said in a tone of voice she usually reserved for the bedroom.

My eyes locked on hers. "If it weren't December and we both weren't freezing…"

"Hmm. But I know of a cozy bed back in Dungannon…"

"As do I. Let's go, Dickens! I have a wife to warm up," I said as I flicked the reins.

Bella's beautiful, heart-warming laugh filled my ears as the horse took off in a fast trot. I was grinning as I settled her back against me, placing my lips to her cold, but soft and willing ones.

"Ahem!"

I raised my head, a difficult task, for my lips had been firmly attached to my wife's.

I was stunned to realize that we were back at the barn and Jeremiah was looking at us in amusement.

"Dickens there, he knows his way home. Good thing, I'm thinking, being you both were…occupied." Jeremiah was trying to keep his expression impassive, but a grin was sneaking its way across his face.

I laughed and slid out of the saddle, then helped my wife down. "Indeed. It seems I get carried away kissing the prettiest wife in the world."

Bella was blushing and finding Hugo, a large workhorse in his stall, to suddenly be the most fascinating thing ever. I found that adorable.

"I'll stable Dickens for you so that you may continue," Jeremiah said with a wink and a knowing grin.

"Good man," I replied and gripped Bella's hand, leading her out of the barn.

"How _mortifying_," she whispered.

"Why? People kiss. We're wed. I see no reason to be embarrassed by the show of love and affection between us."

"But, what will others think?"

"Who cares what others think. It only matters what we think."

I tugged her up the back steps and through the kitchen waving or saying to hello to anyone we passed, but not stopping.

"There they go again," I heard Rose faintly say as I practically carried my wife up the stairs, me laughing and her blushing.

I did not care. Let the others think what they would. Life was for the living, and life for me with Bella was very, very good.

Just a fortnight later, the Christmas holiday was upon us. There had been much preparation. Once everyone understood we were to celebrate the holiday to the fullest, they all jumped in whole-heartedly. The women had been doing much baking and the men had been in charge of finding a Yule log, greenery for decorations, and an evergreen tree for the front parlor.

We younger men and the boys had quite a fun adventure finding what Aaron declared the perfect tree. Perhaps a snowball fight had ensued as well. By the time we'd made it back to the house, we were all red faced and freezing, but laughing merrily as we sang a Christmas carol. Rose and Bella unbundled the boys, grinning at their excited recounting of our morning adventure.

A large pan of hot cocoa was on the stove, accompanied by an enormous plate of some traditional German cookies Mrs. Engel had made. We men dove into those with gusto. I looked around the kitchen table to everyone chattering excitedly as they sipped their cocoa and ate their cookies, and smiled to myself. This was what I had wanted, to find again the joy after the sorrow.

Winter had made itself known with steady light snowfalls, adding to the festive spirit. Though every so often, one of us would pause, melancholy settling upon our features. It wouldn't last long, for another was always there to cheer a body up. It was as if in silent agreement, we had all decided to try our best to be merry.

Come Christmas morning, we were a jolly gathering. Having young children with bright eyes full excitement for their gifts surely helped.

Laughter and smiles followed the boy's ecstatic exclamations of their new wagons Jeremiah had made them. He'd painted them as well. Ezra's was red, Wills' green, and Jonah's yellow. Ezra and Wills were already playing with theirs, loading toys in back and tugging them around the parlor, but Jonah just stood there staring at his.

"Do you not like it, child?" Jeremiah asked as he crouched his enormous body down next to Jonah.

"For me, sir?"

Jeremiah nodded. "Yes."

Jonah reached out a hand and tentatively touched the wood with his fingertips. He then turned to Jeremiah with tears in his eyes. "_Thank you_, sir."

Jeremiah, noticeably overcome, cleared his throat as he patted Jonah's back. "You're welcome, little man." He stood and went to sit back down beside Rosalie, who clasped his hand as she gave him a look full of fondness and pride.

"I'm passing out more gifts," I said with a smile.

Paper was torn, boxes opened, exclamations made, as I sat beside Bella and observed everyone, contentment within me. Amelia stirred a bit in Bella's arms, but then went back to sleep. I briefly touched that sweet little face, before meeting Bella's eyes.

"I do believe it's time for your gift."

"I hope you didn't spend too much on it."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be foolish, Freckles. As if I could ever spend too much on you." I sat two boxes down in front of her, then took Amelia from her arms.

"Open the large one first," I instructed her.

She looked at me for a moment, then picked up the large box and untied the blue ribbon holding it closed. She sat the lid down and then folded back the delicate paper covering. She just gazed down at the fancy dress made of Prussian blue silk.

"It's so…pretty. So grand. Thank you."

"A pretty dress for a beautiful woman. You're welcome, my dearest. Now the other."

She carefully sat down the dress box and picked up what was clearly a hat box. She untied the ribbon and opened it, pulling out a matching bonnet to the dress. It was a delicate creation tastefully done and simply adorned with cloth bluebells and buttercups.

Bella looked from the hat to the dress and then turned to me. "The blue dress. My favorite flowers. _You remembered_," she whispered, tears in her voice.

"I remembered."

I adjusted Amelia on my left arm and reached over with my other hand, holding her face. "And I managed to find you flowers, after all. I hope those will do."

"I've never owned anything so fine, or so beautiful. These will do, Edward Cullen. My gift to you isn't quite so grand." She reached behind her and pulled out a tied up package. She took Amelia from my arms so that I may open it.

Inside my package was a fine new pair of soft leather riding gloves, a book of poetry, and a deep red, warm winter scarf.

"Wonderful gifts. Gifts I'll use and enjoy. Thank you, Freckles. Did you make this?" I asked as I wrapped the scarf around my neck.

She nodded. "I did. It was hard to do without you seeing it. I did much furtive knitting while you were out about the farm during the day."

I chuckled and gave her a kiss. "I love it and it will keep me warm. You really do like the dress and hat?"

"I do, but I like you better."

I shook my head. "I love you. I love you so much, my dearest wife." I gave her a look full of fondness. "Happy Christmas."

A blessed day was spent playing parlor games, singing carols as I accompanied on the piano, eating a grand feast that the women had all prepared, and stuffing ourselves full of sweets like cakes, pies, and cookies.

We were a merry group that included our household and the Engels. Even Gracie had opted to spend Christmas with us since it was such a long travel back to her folks. I made sure everyone received gifts, but I had a special one for Sadie. I pulled her aside in the evening and handed her an envelope. She took it with a confused look.

"What's this for, Mr. Edward?"

"It's for you and Jonah. Bella said you wished to pursue a life in the city. In your hands is the means to do so. That will house and feed you for some time. If you feel you must do this, then I ask you accept this gift from me."

She didn't even open it, she just handed it back to me. "I can't, Mr. Edward. I'll work and save, and only then I'll go."

I was shaking my head as I stepped back from her, unwilling to take the envelope back from her hands.

"No. That's for you, whatever you choose to do with it, it's now yours."

She just stared at me for a moment. "You sure are a strange white man, but I think, also a good one. Thank you, Mr. Edward."

"Happy Christmas, Sadie."

"And to you, Mr. Edward."

I nodded and went to check on the fire. I got a snifter of brandy and took a sip, as I leaned back against the wall and surveyed the room.

Charles and Father were engaged in a mean game of checkers as they too sipped on their snifters of brandy. I briefly wondered as to the advisability of giving my father alcohol, but then shrugged. It's Christmas. One night of imbibing won't hurt him, I don't think.

I watched Rosalie talking with Mrs. Engel about German dishes she wished to learn how to cook for Jeremiah once they were wed. Rose was struggling with the German words, making Mrs. Engel grin and pat her hand, promising that all of them would help her learn German if she wished.

Aaron and Moses, with Gracie and Jeremiah watching on, were engaged in some sort of arm wrestling match over a small marble table. I didn't see the point of it actually for it was a constant draw being they were twins and well matched in strength. I made note that Gracie had been rooting for Moses. Perhaps she'd had other reasons for wanting to stay and celebrate Christmas at Dungannon. I'd have to speak with Jeremiah about us both keeping an eye on Moses to make sure he does right by her, I noted.

The match ended in another draw. Jeremiah had decided that it was his turn and took Moses' place. That ended quickly, for it was no contest between his enormous strength and smaller brother. Aaron gave up and went in search of more food while Jeremiah rejoined his mother and Rosalie, and Moses and Gracie engaged in some light flirtation. I met Jeremiah's eyes, then flicked toward the flirting pair, and back to him. He curtly nodded in agreement.

My eyes drifted to Sadie who had sat down in a chair near the corner, holding the envelope in her lap, a look of bemusement upon her face. The boys were all in the floor playing with their new toys. Well, Ezra and Wills were. Jonah was just sitting quietly, his new possessions cradled almost reverently in his lap, his wagon by his side.

The Yule log in the fireplace popped merrily, as if to join in on the celebration. All was well here.

My eyes finally rested on my beloved. I was unsurprised to find that her eyes had been on my person, regarding me closely.

I made my way over to her, sitting down beside her and taking her hand.

"Freckles."

"Husband."

"Has this been a happy Christmas for you?"

She nodded. "Yes, but-"

"I know," I said quickly, glancing down at Amelia sleeping peacefully in a cradle at her feet.

"Rosalie and Jeremiah are to wed next month." I had needed to change the subject to something not so disheartening.

"Yes, but the house isn't ready yet."

"As to that, I had an idea."

She shook her head. "Well?"

"I thought perhaps they could stay here in Rose's bedroom until their house is complete. That would give the newlyweds some privacy that they likely wouldn't get in that small house with his mother and brothers and Ezra all packed in together.

She nodded in approval. "I like that idea. Let's put it to them tonight, but just the two of them. I wouldn't want to bring up their honeymoon in front of his mother or those silly creatures he calls brothers."

I chuckled. "Indeed not."

Later that night, her and I lay snuggled in our bed, recounting the day.

"Freckles, there's something I need to discuss with you."

She sat up and tucked the sheets under her arms, the light from the fireplace softly illuminating her face.

"Is something the matter?"

I sat up and took her hand, playing with her fingers, trying to best decide how to say this. I finally decided that to the point was best with my straight speaking wife.

"No. It's just that I don't want you to be constantly with child. It's unfair to you, and I don't know what it's going to be like, but I'm quite certain that I'm not going to enjoy seeing you in pain."

"Is there a point to this?"

"Yes. After the baby is born and we resume our…relations, I promise to use restraint."

"Restraint? Whatever does that mean? Are we not to make love?"

"No, no. Believe me, we'll make love, it's just, I'll be more careful about you know, uh, not making you…of me not…"

"Not releasing inside of me," she finished for me.

I curtly nodded. "Yes."

"Oh. But I can have at least one more baby?"

"If that is what you wish. I mean, that won't be foolproof, and you could still get with child, but it's better than nothing."

"I see. And will you still…enjoy yourself?"

I chuckled. "Did you just ask me if I'd enjoy making love to you?"

"I believe I did."

I gently pushed her back down on the bed and covered her body.

"Just being near you is enjoyable. Just seeing you naked is enjoyable. Just touching you is enjoyable. Trust me; there is no part of any of this that is not enjoyable to me."

"A lot of words, Edward Cullen. But what is to be enjoyable for me?" she asked, sounding pathetically sad.

I laughed. "You little minx. I'll show you enjoyable."

I was tickling her side as I dotted kissed down her neck. She was squirming and batting at my arm in response, and then, and then…she giggled, actually _giggled_.

I whipped my head up and gaped down at her in shock. "Freckles! You giggled!"

"I did not."

"You did. I just heard you."

"Hrmp. I never giggle. You must be addled in the brain."

"Oh, you giggled and I heard you. I do believe I just got my real Christmas present."

She rolled her eyes. "You really are a strange little man."

"Hmm. Who you calling little? I'm a big, strong, specimen of a man!" I made a great show of flexing my bicep to prove my point.

She laughed as she patted my chest. "Sure, sure, husband. I notice you didn't debate the strange part."

"No respect," I said sadly. "Just no respect."

"Heaven preserve me from foolish men," she sighed and then shoved me back and leapt on top me, straddling my hips. "Now, this wife of yours, that never, _ever _giggles, is going to give you a Christmas present to remember."

I gave her a wicked, eager grin. "Now we're talking."

"No more talking. This is serious business at hand."

"Oh, no doubt. So kiss me, beautiful, and shut this mouth of mine."

"Gladly, if only to stop you from saying such ridiculous things. I love you, by the way."

I just held her eyes, lost in those eyes of hers that read my very soul.

"It just doesn't even come close, my dearest. Love…it's not even the right word, but I have no other word to give you. I love you, will have to do."

She held my face as her thumb stroked across my cheekbone.

"It'll do, heart of my heart. It'll do."

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**Thanks for reading! Rosalie wants the next chapter. I hope you don't mind. **

_**By the way, the blue dress and flowers was way back in chapter 5.**_

**Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans!**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


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